1,000 Ways to Die - Death Over Easy   View more episodes

Aired at 06:30 PM on Tuesday, Sep 28, 2010 (9/28/2010)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:00M a a hñ the ararooooitits s a aacac noasas a game.
00:00:05>> A-a-ahñ >>ndndncncthth'r'rononopopffhñ you ththllllououpapa a aunhñ yo t ty'y' j jt t ararbibingng and arareaeangnghñhñhñ anththwowot t rtrtbobo I iisis normlylyheheststt t titihñ berereououe e adadhñ >>etet r rapaphahaweweeehñ leard d omomanan's'sruruomom hñ hñ hñ [bearoros]s] And isis is a be r rpipi o o yo t toaoaafafr r u u y y hñ ha s s w wh h w wleleououerer hñ ?
00:00:36hñhñhñ >> [kiki a amamanonoesesHÑHÑHÑ >> Cininupupchche e rnrntoto croawhwh a aararomomririck goes hñ >> st t o o, , n!n!
00:00:57>> A h h t tnsnsololwhwh a ahñ .hñ !hñhñhñ the h1n1 flu virus is here.
00:03:38.. don't waver.
00:03:40Get moving. don't wait.
00:03:44Or procrastinate.
00:03:45" ..
00:03:51Someone you know.
00:03:51The time is now. don't hesitate.
00:03:53Don't blow it off. just vaccinate.
00:03:57Log on and visit flu.gov.
00:03:59Get you h1n1 flu vaccine today.
00:04:01Together, we can all fight the flu.
00:04:24Hñhñhñhñhñhñ hñ >> call 9-1-1!
00:04:38hñ >> [shoutingHÑ >> A lot of guys have diedhñn barroom floors, but sonny hugheshñ hñ hñhñhñ it was a typical night out forhñ this bunch of bikers and their hñ sonnhñhad a reputation for being hñ so when his homies startedhñ ..hñ "hey, sonny!
00:05:06hñ do the trick, brother!
00:05:07"hñ >> [cheers] >> Even though it was dangerous,hñ hñ hñhñ >> certain peoplhñare more apt to be risk takers, to behñ aggressive, to be less hemmed inhñ by possible negativehñ consequences.
00:05:22hñ yeah!
00:05:24>> Sonny's trick was a rhñl crowd-pleaser.
00:05:26He'd take a poolhñall, jam it inhñ his big mouth, and swallow ithñ halfway down his throat.
00:05:32Usinhñhis throat muscles, he'd roll talhñup and down his hñ >> oh!hñhñ >> man!
00:05:41>> Then he'd squeeze the pool ballhñack up and out his mouth.
00:05:44hñhñ >> [laughter]HÑ >> You can swallow things either all the way down in thehñ stomach or just hold them in the hñ >> o >> it's a pretty cool thhñg but it's really, rhñlly dangerous.
00:05:58>> But he decided to go forhñ hñ and this time he picked up thehñ cue ball.
00:06:04hñ hñ he got the ball down his throat,hñ hñ >> but when he tried to squeezehñ it back up, that'shñhen thingshñhñ turned ugly.
00:06:15hñ hñ >> spit it out!
00:06:20>> No matter how hard he tried,hñ sonny was unable to force thehñ cue ball back up.
00:06:24hñ >> sonny didn't realize on ahñ barroom pool table, the hñ is a little larger than thehñ )hers.
00:06:34This allows it to be fed down ahñ return shoot after a scratch tohñ continue play.
00:06:38Whenhñonny fed the larger cuehñ ball down his shoot, it stayedhñ hñ he had performed this trick 100hñ hñ >> spit it out!
00:06:50>> He died withouthñver finding out why this time it didn'thñ hñ >> sonny, get up!
00:06:56hñhñhñhñhñhñhñ [wolf howls]HÑ >> There's nothing like a full hñhñhñhñ hñ when arnold freahñ, he peeps hñ hñ >> something about looking in onhñ a girl while you're masturbatinghñ that is better than a sexualhñ hñ I don't know whñ.
00:07:34It seehñ like the climax will be faster.
00:07:36>> Arnold couldn't believe his hñ he had never seen anyone makehñ hñ hñ >> best way to enjoy that, you'dhñ have to be able to be masturbahñng for me.
00:07:50hñ >> you'd want to behñ masturbating, but you don't wanthñ to be caught.
00:07:56You don't want some neighbor yelling "hey, what are you hñ hñ you know you want to get a good shot of that and try not to makehñhñ any noise so she doesn't hear hñhñhñhñhñ >> during the dahñ arnold was anhñ hñ he would never have the guts tohñ go up to hñ hñ >> but tonight, hewasthehñ popsicle.
00:08:26>> [sensual moaning]HÑHÑHÑHÑ hñ >> arnold was so aroused, hehñ broke the number one rule for ahñ stay outside thehñ hñ hñhñ hñ hñ hñ hñ >> and it alcame crashing ..hñ right on arnold's pencil-thinhñ hñ in the heat of the moment, his elbow jerked back, knocking outhñ a stake hñ the window came down and severedhñ his spinal cord between discshñ hñ [crunch]HÑHÑ This ihñwhere nerves go out tohñ control basic body functionshñ such as breathing and blood hñhñ when this connection was broken, hñhñhñ arnold finally learned his hñ hñ hñ ..hñ hñ >> your neck.
00:09:39[cruHÑh]HÑHÑHÑHÑ Up next, a pilot's life comeshñ crashing down when his chopperhñhñ >> oh, my god, my god!
00:09:54hñ >> oh, my god!
00:09:56hñhñ is just ten bucks every day.
00:10:53No more confusing deals or math problems.
00:10:55Peopop l le pipia.a. th d't le th.
00:12:01[ Annncnc ] W WT T YOYOCOCOD T T TH sood® Kftae e fofr?
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00:12:17Tralthrefofrfree bu1010iececeeaeaororararr th ses anttttmilklkisisits,s,anget t pipies f f f fe.
00:12:25♪♪♪S sosos-s-g-g-ublele-d-dood d ♪♪
00:12:48hñhñhñhñhñhñ >> ahñelicopter is basically a hñ if any one of the componentshñ fail, it plunges to the ground,hñ hñhñ that's what happened to helicopter pilot ben moore whilehñhñhñhñ lifting a 7,000-pound airhñ hñ ben, in front of his friends ahñ coworkers, then plungedhñ hñ hñ oh, my god!
00:13:26Oh, my god!
00:13:28hñ >> I had a feeling--hñ a feeling-- hñ hñ >> [sobbing]HÑHÑ >> But fate had a different planhñ for ben moore.
00:13:44Against all odds, he lived to tell the taihñof the crash that hñ >> well our mission that day washñ that I was going to change ohñ a hñ and just as I began to get abouthñ even with the building, uh,hñ hñ [clank] hñhñ >> the drive shaft to the tail rotor snaps, and bhñ'shñ helicopter begins to spin out of hñ he immediatelyhñettisons thehñhñhñ heavy load.
00:14:15>> I tried to maneuver over tohñ our prearranged emergencyhñ hñ >> the only way to land a helicopter with a hñoken tail rotor is to shut down the enginehñ to stop it from spinning out ofhñ control.
00:14:28It's chñled a hovering hñ >> basically, take the engineshñ out, and then use whateverhñ inertia is left in those bladeshñ hñ >> the pilot only gets onehñ chance.
00:14:41Just before impact, he must yankhñ his controls to produce hñximum hñ >> I probably hñarted the hñ so at about 40 feet, I ran ohñhñ of rpm and all those optionshñ that I wanted to do.
00:14:58And at that point I said tohñ "hñ hñ hñ oh, my god!
00:15:06Ohhñmy god!
00:15:07>> When I hit, the helmet I'mhñ wearing, goggles and everything,hñhñ hñhñ had a rehñly nasty cut on my hñ I actually flayed it open.
00:15:18>> Ben's helichñter plunged facehñirst.
00:15:21Nobody who witnessed thehñ incident believed that anyonehñ would survive this kind of hñ >> for whatever reason, the lordhñ hñ it certainly wasn't up to me at hñ >> ben moore is living proofhñ ..hñ hñ hñhñhñ [aggressive rock music] ♪ ♪Hñhñhñhñ Captioning byCaptionMax www.captionmaxHÑomHÑHÑHÑHÑHÑHÑHÑHÑHÑHÑHÑHÑHÑ hñhñ >> are you horny for this right here?
00:16:23hñ that's why you're watching the next epihñde of1,000 ways to hñ ..
00:16:30>> Wathñ this.
00:16:31..Who winds up taking the hñhñ the texan whose hot wife giveshñ him the hives.
00:16:37hñ >> the sword swallower who bites hñ hñ some crazy co-edhñwho think hñ >> [high-pitched helium voice] hñhñ >> and a wood chipper with ahñ manly appetite.
00:16:56>> [screams]HÑ [bleep]!
00:16:57>> Life's good on1,000 ways tohñ hñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñ hñ most of us try to avoihñit, hñhñ every day, we fight a new war against germs, toxinhñ injury,hñhñ hñ there's a lot of ways to wind hñ hñ the fact that we survive at all is a mirhñle.
00:17:44..hñ hñhñhñhñhñhñhñ hñ >> ian campbell was veryhñ impressed with his law firm's hñ but the thing ian was most hñ >> did you knohñi have ahñ hñ >> one of his favorite pastimes wahñhitting on the firm's new hñ ..good places to eat.hñ >> you would think a smart hñ but ian was a sexual harassmenthñ hñhñ >> partners at law firms have ahñ lot of power and influence overhñ the careers of brand newhñ hñ you really need this job, and you're really at thñs guy's hñ hñ >> ian had a prank he liked tohñ hñ IN A CONFERENCE ROOM ON THE 40thHÑ Floor, he'd get a running starthñ and throw himself totohe hñ thteteerer g gssssouou a aayayhñ boceceimimacachñ >> tpeped d asasisisusus unededtatae.e.
00:19:00It was delelededs s sasatyty techququsosohahapepelelehñ .hñ but s sdedeimimctctititananhñ justxpxpdedehñ >>hihibubudidi's'smamangng wah h isishñhñhñhñhñhñ >> maybe this sleazebag lawyer ..
00:19:18Or maybe it was thhñway his ..hñ because n took a runninghñ hñ anneveveststped.d.
00:19:28>> Oh, my gohñhñ >> once you discover that their imminent death is there, they,hñ uh, most likely would've pissedhñ hñ he probably died instantaneously from the skullhñ shattering on the ground and hishñ brain herniating out into the street.
00:19:46His spine probably shatteredhñ along with the skull, andhñ severed his spinal cord, killing hñhñhñhñhñhñhñ >> clearing brush in 110-degree hñ hñ >> it's a dirty job, but someone'hñgot to do it.
00:20:12Tiny ahñ dale just wish ithñhñhñ hñhñhñhñhñ the lehñ than dynamic duo get the last of the branches thñthe hñ hñ chipping.
00:20:32[starts engine]HÑHÑHÑHÑHÑ As mhñhines go, a wood chipperhñ hñ branches get fed in, spinninghñ blades grind them up, andhñ hñhñ but it's never easy with thesehñ two.
00:20:58hñhñ there's a case of cold ones andhñ a cage fight waiting for them hñ hñ dale tries forcing the branchhñ hñ >> [screams] [bleep]!HÑ !hñhñ !
00:21:16>> [screaming]HÑ hñ a machine made to destroy treehñ limbs can also destroy humanhñ hñ >> [screaming]HÑ >> Help me!
00:21:28hñhñ >> unfortunately, he probably did feel everything that washñ going through him.
00:21:34Starting with the tohñ and the foot, just chewing through thehñ tissue, ripping muscle fromhñ bone, tearing apart the bonehñ hñ >> dale gets turned into ground hñ hñ is there a lesson to be learnedhñ hñ if you're this stupid, maybe youhñ hñhñhñhñhñhñ >> eat paint, buggo!
00:22:07>> Yeah!
00:22:08>> Horny hubby goes one on onehñ hñ and two college kids find outhñ hñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñ hñ >> jason and sarah are like anyhñ other college sophomores.
00:25:18>> [giggling] hñhñ by the looks of it, jason's barking up the right trehñ hñ >> check--check this out.
00:25:32hñ hñ >> oh.
00:25:35>> Across the campus green, something draws them like moths to a flamehñ hñ a leftover from yesterday's pephñ hñ >> we have to get inside of thishñ thing.
00:25:47>> The perfect place for a oncehñ hñ >> find me a hole, find me a hñ >> sarah finds the way in and pulls the zipper down fasterhñ hñhñ a peek inside leads to ahñ surprising discovery.
00:26:02>> [high-pitched hHÑium voice] hñ >> their party balloon is filledhñ hñ >> go in.
00:26:09>> Oh, yeah.
00:26:10[gHÑgling]HÑ OH, MY GOD.HÑHÑched laughing]HÑ >> Once inside their laughinghñ gas chamber, sarah and jason arehñ feeling no pain.
00:26:22hñ [laughing]HÑ hñhñ >> the thing we get when we go hñ so they're actually going under anesthesia, slhñly getting anesthetized, shutting downhñ hñ at the same time, they're asphyxiating, and it's gonnahñ slowly produce a disorderedhñ neurotransmission in the brain,hñ and shut higher order centers inhñ hñ >> at first it'shñll fun and hñ but after a while, their lightheaded heliumhñuzz becomes something elsehñ >> [coughing]HÑ hñhñ hñ hñ I think, uh-- [coughs]HÑ We should probably get some air hñ >> these two college kidshñ should'vhñhit the books a lihñlehñ hñ a helium-only environment mighthñ hñ hñ >> both: [mumbled yelling]HÑHÑ >> Jason and sarah spend theirhñ last moments disoriented, unablehñ hñ >> keep lookhñg!
00:27:33[coughs]HÑ >> Finally succumbing to the hñhñ once they locked themselves inside their funhouse, it wahñ only a matter of time befohñ hñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñhñ like most guys from texahñ j.t.
00:28:08Wohñd rather be out drinking with his buddies than doing yardhñ work.
00:28:12But he was nhñmatch for hishñ hñ >> oh, I gotta go.
00:28:17Oh, trixie, ma'am--hñ just taking a little water break hñhñhñhñ >> do you like what you had lasthñ night?
00:28:30hñ >> are you horny for this, righthñ here?
00:28:33>> Yeah, baby, I'm horny for some o' thathñ >> all right, well, put your stinger away and get rid of thathñ hñ do it.
00:28:40hñ >> threa to turn off the hñ hñ hñ hñ time to do my business.
00:28:50hñ come on!
00:28:52>> Thehñ are a few hundred hñ you have to understand that insects hñ an important job in nahñre, whether they're harmful to us because we make thehñ mistake of disturbing their nesthñ or being in a place that theyhñ