America's Funniest Home Videos   View more episodes

Aired at 06:00 PM on Friday, May 21, 2010 (5/21/2010)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:00(man) Indigo.
00:00:00(howling) Indigo, are you there?
00:00:04You behaving yourself?
00:00:05(continues howling) You better.
00:00:09I'll give you a whupping if you don't.
00:00:11(continues howling) I'll be back over in a few days. Bye.
00:00:15(continues howling) (answering machine clicks) (beep) (howls) (beep) Indigo?
00:00:29(howling) Indigo, are you there?
00:00:32You behaving yourself?
00:00:34(continues howling) You better. I'll give you a whupping if you don't.
00:00:39(continues howling) I'll be back over in a few days.
00:00:46(answering machine clicks) (beeps twice) (beep) Indigo?
00:01:01(howling) Hey, Indigo, what are you doing?
00:01:04(cheers and applause) With global warming, we might not be seeing as much snow in the future.
00:01:11Imagine this--we'll be lying on the beach in january, in kansas.
00:01:19See, kansas doesn't have a coastline yet.
00:01:24A lot of geography majors in the audience.
00:01:26Just so you won't forget, this is what snow looks like.
00:01:31There's no coastline, see?
00:01:32(Feeder) ♪♪ Reaching out for someone ♪♪
00:01:37♪♪ burning out for so long ♪♪
00:01:39♪♪ got to pull myself back in ♪♪
00:01:43♪♪ there's no new religion ♪♪
00:01:46♪♪ and there's no real solution ♪♪
00:01:49♪♪ got to pull myself .. ♪♪
00:01:54(cheering) (screaming) ♪♪ We've suffered the breaks ♪♪
00:02:01♪♪ you know I still remember it ♪♪
00:02:04♪♪ it keeps burning away ♪♪
00:02:08♪♪ I know that you may take a while ♪♪
00:02:11♪♪ to come back around ♪♪
00:02:14♪♪ come back around ♪♪
00:02:17♪♪ come back around ♪♪
00:02:22♪♪ feel you're going under ♪♪
00:02:25♪♪ so keep on treading water ♪♪
00:02:28♪♪ got to pull myself back in ♪♪
00:02:32♪♪ feel no obligation ♪♪
00:02:35♪♪ no more indecision ♪♪
00:02:38♪♪ got to pull myself back in ♪♪
00:02:45♪♪ we've suffered the breaks ♪♪
00:02:47♪♪ you know I still remember it ♪♪
00:02:50♪♪ it keeps burnin' away ♪♪
00:02:53♪♪ I know that it may take a while ♪♪
00:02:57♪♪ I know that you make take a while ♪♪
00:02:59♪♪ to come back around ♪♪
00:03:02(cheers and applause) ♪♪♪♪
00:03:10like cakesters.
00:03:11That's for oreo cookies only.
00:03:12Dad, there are no rules when it comes to dunking.
00:03:14I shoot from the hip.
00:03:15I'm hip.
00:03:16[ cellphone rings ] What up, dawg!
00:03:19It's your mother.
00:03:20[ Male Announcer ]DUNK OR DON'T DUNK.
00:03:22Choose your side.
00:03:40rainy what do you guys want to do?
00:03:47How many cups is it? six.
00:03:49Oh, that's not six yet.
00:03:51Whoa. where's the pan?
00:03:53Both: Over there.
00:03:56( laughter ) Push it down. push it down.
00:04:01Thank you for helping.
00:04:02It's amazing what you canmake out of a rainy day.
00:04:07Childhood is calling.
00:04:14more that's why there's lysol dual action disinfecting wipes.
00:04:21Because they have two differentsides.
00:04:23A scrubbing side withpowerful built-in fibers that easily lifts tough messes.
00:04:289% of germs lysol-- disinfect to protect try lysol all purpose cleaner toremove tough grease 9% of germs we asked real people to film themselves taking the activ 14-day challenge.
00:04:45Hi. I'm emily ilic.
00:04:46I'm going to start the activia 14-daychallenge today.
00:04:50Problemsthat I have are, ..
00:04:52I do have some doubtsif it works.
00:04:57I like the flavors.
00:04:57I think from being askeptic in the beginning I do think that activiaactually works.
00:05:03Help regulate your digestive system.
00:05:06Take the activia challenge.
00:05:07It works or it's free.
00:05:08♪♪ Activia ♪♪
00:05:19every parent has their individual way of disciplining their kids.
00:05:23Some try to reason with the child.
00:05:25Some try bribery.
00:05:26Some throw a bigger tantrum than the kid, hoping just to confuse 'em.
00:05:31Check out these kids who are sorely in need of some discipline.
00:05:34(speaks in foreign language) That's a teaspoon.
00:05:38One lump or two?
00:05:44(all speaking indistinctly) Now we know how mickey got the high voice.
00:05:55(imitates Mickey Mouse's laugh) (man) Look what you guys did.
00:06:07What you guys did?
00:06:10Look at you guys.
00:06:11Oh, your mother's gonna kill me.
00:06:14Hey, dad, less filming, more mopping.
00:06:18Look at our brand-new floor.
00:06:21Oh, my god.
00:06:23No, get down.
00:06:26IS IT ronald McDonald?
00:06:30ronald McDonald.
00:06:31Watch as timmy puts the action " AAH! (laughing) (man) YOU GUYS HIDING?
00:06:44I see you.
00:06:45All right, well, you guys are being awful silly.
00:06:49Yeah, well, they may be acting silly, but at least they're acting dry.
00:06:54(boy) WHOA!
00:06:57Daddy! daddy!
00:07:00Here you go.
00:07:05One for you.
00:07:09One for you.
00:07:10(man) UH, I WOULD RATHER HAVE The one that hasn't been eaten.
00:07:19That's for you.
00:07:21I'd rather have that one.
00:07:24I have this.
00:07:25No, I'd rather have the one that hasn't been eaten.
00:07:32Here you go.
00:07:34(laughing) Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to fly, to soar in the clouds, to-- (ding) That's my computer.
00:07:52(ding) Oh, looks like I've got mail.
00:07:56 they want me to look very carefully at this picture, figure out what's wrong with the room.
00:08:02 it's just a table, couple of windows.
00:08:07Oh, that must be what these people saw.
00:08:11(man) YOU GOTTA LOOK CLOSE.
00:08:22(loud whirring sound) (man) TEN SECONDS.
00:08:29Look close.
00:08:34(loud whirring sound) (laughing) Hey, man-- aah!
00:08:48(cheering) Moms are always telling their kids to get off the couch, go outside and play.
00:08:54As if playing outside is the magic cure-all for every problem imaginable.
00:08:59Don't they realize the dangers out there?
00:09:02The playground is no playground, my friends.
00:09:08.. ohh!
00:09:09Remember when driving ranges had dress codes?
00:09:15(man laughing) We--we got it on film.
00:09:22Uh, something tells me he's not quite ready for traffic yet.
00:09:29(laughter) Come on!
00:09:34(laughter) Aah! I'm going in the water!
00:09:50You gotta like a kid who's not afraid to fail.
00:09:53(man) DID YOU PUT Hot water in that?
00:09:56(woman) WARM WATER.
00:10:03I think he probably slipped-- slipped on that.
00:10:05Someone really knew their child when they chose that hat.
00:10:13(man) GOOD THING YOU HAD A crash helmet on.
00:10:18(children shouting indistinctly) Dude, I got this book by isaac newton.
00:10:23U gotta read it.
00:10:28(laughing) Ha you ever heard the term "numbskull"?
00:10:35This is what it looks like.
00:10:38(boy yelling) I think we all agree that one of the greatest institutions in this country is the u.s. postal service.
00:10:52Day after day, they toil to deliver to us our most precious cargo-- your videotapes.
00:10:56If you mail your funny or amazing clips to us, you could win a trip to hollywood and $10,000 or even $100,000 in our contest.
00:11:07And for full contest rules, JUST LOG ON TO, afv, or write this address.
00:11:13Send it in, 'cause you never know.
00:11:14Your clip could be your ticket to the big time.
00:11:34You can watch "afv".
00:11:36And now you can watch it five times a week.
00:11:39Join tom bergeron for all the fun and surprises.
00:11:43On "america's funniest home videos".
00:11:45[Neighs] desperate for nighttimeheartburn relief?
00:12:30For many, nexium helpsrelieve heartburn symptoms caused by acidreflux disease.
00:12:34And for the majorityof patients with prescriptioncoverage for nexium, it can cost $30or less per month.
00:12:39Headache, diarrhea, and abdominal pain are possible side effects of nexium.
00:12:42Other serious stomach conditions may still exist.
00:12:45Ask your doctor if nexium can help relieve your heartburn symptoms.
00:12:47If you can't afford your medication, astrazeneca may be able to help.
00:13:22time walmart, and we've got some huge rollbacks.
00:13:24Come on. let me show you.
00:13:26This is just a dollar now.
00:13:27Who wants a rollback? don't you want a rollback?
00:13:29Three bucks less. can you believe that?
00:13:31That's a dollar savings right there.
00:13:33How's your breath? rollback!
00:13:35I HOPE IT'S ON ROLLBACK. [ laughs ] [ beat-boxing ] Sweet rollback.
00:13:40Soft rollback.
00:13:42[ zing! ] I got a cart full of big rollbacks in here.
00:13:45Mr. rollback just saved you over 25 bucks.
00:13:48My name is darrell, and I save people moneyso they can live better.
00:13:52] frustrating.
00:13:55The middle of this special moment and I need to run off to the bathroom.
00:14:02I'm fed up with always having to put my bladder's needs ahead of my daughter.
00:14:09So today I'm finally talking to my doctor about overactive bladder.
00:14:14[ Female Announcer ] IF YOU'RE SUFFERING, Today is the day to talkto your doctor and ask aboutprescription toviaz.
00:14:20One toviaz pill a day significantly reduces sudden urges and accidents all day and all night.
00:14:25Plus, toviaz comes with a simple plan with tips on food and drink choices.
00:14:29If you have certain stomach problems or glaucoma or cannot empty your bladder, you should not take toviaz.
00:14:33Toviaz can cause blurred vision and drowsiness, so use caution when driving or doing unsafe tasks.
00:14:38The most common side effects are dry mouth and constipation.
00:14:44And today I'm looking forward to my daughter's wedding.
00:14:47[ Female Announcer ]WHY WAIT?
00:14:49Ask about toviaz today.
00:15:00you know, some videos are like a fine wine.
00:15:03You don't gulp them down.
00:15:05You have to slow down to fully savor them, hence our slo-mo gizmo.
00:15:08Take that, vanna white.
00:15:11Now here's a clip we're gonna show you at full speed, but fear not, we'll slow it down, too. here's the clip.
00:15:18I don't know. you can.
00:15:19This is a happy little family gathering getting slightly out of control here.
00:15:23Uh-oh! uh-oh! uh-oh! uh-oh!
00:15:24Bingo! yeah.
00:15:27All right, now, stop it there, david, if you would.
00:15:30David's on the controls in the control room.
00:15:33We're gonna slow it down at crucial points in the story line.
00:15:37All right, let's take it ahead to the throwing of the drink, if we could.
00:15:42There's the mullet man coming out from behind the-- there! right there! stop.
00:15:45Here, this man here has had some sort of substance thrown at him.
00:15:51However, let's not lose sight of the lovely family tableau over here, because this woman is actually--no lie-- having balloon animals applied to her head.
00:16:08It's a wonder why these people don't get together more often.
00:16:11Let's continue the tape at somewhat normal speed here.
00:16:16All right, he's outraged.
00:16:17He's going around the back of balloon lady.
00:16:20He's coming up the last length.
00:16:22He's coming around right there.
00:16:24Balloon lady, by the way, did very well.
00:16:27Nothing popped.
00:16:28No poppage.
00:16:29However, look at this guy.
00:16:31Now this is an interesting thing.
00:16:33You get to appreciate it more up close.
00:16:36It's more than just a mullet.
00:16:38It's part mohawk.
00:16:40It's part mullet.
00:16:44The mull-hawk.
00:16:46Let's take it all the way through, david, if we could.
00:16:48And whoopsie!
00:16:49Yeah! right down to the finale.
00:16:54Happy family gathering.
00:16:55We'll move straight ahead into our next video.
00:16:58Bunch of kids just fooling around in a barn.
00:17:00Take us through that one, david, if you would.
00:17:04Typical horseplay, as they say in barnyard language.
00:17:07Yeah, here we go.
00:17:09.. ooh!
00:17:15Well, all right, stop it right there.
00:17:17Now you can see, this is vienna boys choir camp, is what we're seeing here.
00:17:22Now let's look at the positioning of our stars in this video as we move forward.
00:17:28David, could you take it a bit slow here?
00:17:30And right there.
00:17:31Stop right there.
00:17:32Here we have this sort of huck finn character over here.
00:17:36Here we have this ski-masked-- I don't know-- spider-man mexican wrestler dude up here, and here-- and this is the interesting thing.
00:17:46If you were just coming on this shot, kid, i-pretend-i-have-abs, is an innocent bystander, not involved in the action at all.
00:17:56But let's see how involved he really is.
00:17:59Let's roll it forward, david.
00:18:00Boom! right there! stop.
00:18:02Keep it going just a little bit more, a little bit more, david.
00:18:05Yeah. right there.
00:18:08 innocent responsible for this painful triangle.
00:18:18This kid or this kid are gonna help himget his splinters out?
00:18:22I don't think so.
00:18:24For our final clip, let's go to an amusement park.
00:18:29Let's take that tape at its normal speed. all right?
00:18:33This guy triest.
00:18:34Oh, no, he's absolutely humiliated, but this guys goes and--ow!
00:18:40Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
00:18:41All right, now let's take it from that point.
00:18:44We've seen this guy, who looks like he thinks he kind of the alpha male of the group.
00:18:50Run really hard, think he got it, .. humiliated.
00:18:55Brought back.
00:18:56So thiere-- he's seen what's happened.
00:18:58His kids are probably watching him off camera.
00:19:01He wants to be the hero.
00:19:03He knows all he has to do is run faster, run harder.
00:19:06Let's take a look, david.
00:19:08Take us through here.
00:19:09All right, look at this, look at this.
00:19:11Oh, look at that form.
00:19:11Look at that determination.
00:19:14Look at that cord. stop!
00:19:15Look at that.
00:19:20He is a happy, confident man.
00:19:24Take it along further.
00:19:28He's happier.
00:19:28He's even more confident.
00:19:31Take it along.
00:19:33Boom! keep going, david.
00:19:34Keep going.
00:19:36Yeah, stop it!
00:19:42He's thinking, "i guess the guy in the middle wasn't the jerk " but just to finish off our slo-mo gizmo in fine fashion, how about a little bungee cord whuppin'?
00:19:55Give it to me, david.
00:19:57Back and forth ..
00:20:00You've been a bad, bad boy.
00:20:05All right! no more slo-mo.
00:20:07Let's get back to normal-mo.
00:20:11The reason he never gets a quarter under his pillow?
00:20:15He's been mooning the tooth fairy.
00:20:23Oh, we're rolling.
00:20:24Yes, you're supposed to hang on to the banister, but not with your cheeks.
00:20:30(boy) WELL, That's quite amazing there.
00:20:33(laughing) Unfortunately, their game of fetch turned into a game of hot potato.
00:20:53If only they made doggie oven mitts.
00:21:15(laughter) Boy, how rich do you have to be to buy your cat its own cow?
00:21:22(laughter) Here's a fall we were lucky enough to capture on two cameras-- ..
00:21:42And camera two, courtesy of our idiot-- I mean, helmet cam.
00:21:53Helmet cam goes down!
00:21:56(woman) HOW OLD ARE YOU?
00:21:59Show me on your hand.
00:22:04This many.
00:22:05That many? those two?
00:22:07I am 2.
00:22:08What are you going to be on your next birthday?
00:22:12A duck.
00:22:13A DUCK? (laughing) You're gonna be a duck?
00:22:20(applause) We asked real people to film themselves taking the activia 14-day challenge.
00:22:30I'm mary ellen smith.
00:22:31Day one of the activia14-day challenge.
00:22:34My digestive problemsare irregularity.
00:22:38So I'm really excited to see ifthis really works.
00:22:41My husbandtried this last night.
00:22:42 he saidit's the best yogurt ..mmm.
00:22:46Have juststarted to notice a slight differencein my digestion.
00:22:50Help regulate your digestive system.
00:22:52Take the activia challenge.
00:22:53It works or it's free.
00:22:57Welcome to progressive.
00:22:58Nice calculator.
00:22:59I'm just trying to save money on my car insurance.
00:23:01You get the option to name your price.
00:23:05Is that even possible?
00:23:06Uh, absolutely.
00:23:12More like super great.
00:23:13Oh, you have a message.
00:23:15" calculator humor.
00:23:17I'll be here all week.
00:23:19I will -- that was my schedule.
00:23:21The freedom to name your price.
00:23:24Call or click today.
00:23:29had and baby, he was messy.
00:23:33N. you said you bought a digiorno.
00:23:35But the pizza came with cheesy breadsticks.
00:23:39I guess there was a pizza guy.
00:23:41YES THERE WAS... ME. ( laughs ) New digiornopizza & breadsticks.
00:23:45Unbelievablefresh-baked taste, now with a full order of soft,cheesy breadsticks.
00:23:49Taste.'s not delivery.
00:23:52& Breadsticks.
00:23:53She found the box.
00:23:54Maybe because you left it right on the counter.
00:23:58feelas day as they do at the beginning ?
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00:24:58videos moment.
00:26:02engine far.
00:26:03One way I can take care of my engine?
00:26:05One a day men's -- a complete multivitamin for my overall health.
00:26:08Plus now it supports my heart health and helps maintain healthy blood pressure.
00:26:13[ engine revs ]WHOA.
00:27:00As an ice creamsandwich.
00:27:03..on a stick please!
00:27:07( crunch ) With the endless possibilitiesof kellogg's®® pop-tarts®®, it's sureo bea picture perfect summer.
00:27:13Pop-tarts®®.made for fun.
00:28:26these next clips, they all center around pillows, yet none of them involve sleep.
00:28:31They do, however, involve martial arts, destruction of private property, improvisational dentistry and a complete disregard for gravity.
00:28:40You might call it our pillow potpourri.
00:28:44Time's up, ladies.
00:28:46Lights out.
00:28:48(glass shatters) (screams) (laughter) You just smashed the light right out.
00:28:53(laughter continues) Yah!
00:29:04It's ninja versus knickknacks.
00:29:09UGH! (grunts) (crash) (laughter) You know you need a new dental plan when you resort tothis to pull a tooth.
00:29:24(boy) Tom, your tooth came out!
00:29:26(woman) Your tooth came out.
00:29:28(man) DID IT?
00:29:30(man) ALL RIGHT, MAN!
00:29:32Don't drip on the carpet.
00:29:33His teeth fell out.
00:29:35WOW, IT DID! (laughs) Bonk.
00:29:39(laughs) Bonk!
00:29:42(laughs) (girl laughs) Bonk!
00:29:45The baby's right.
00:29:45It's funny every time.
00:29:49(laughs) Oh, no!
00:29:52The couches are trying to escape!
00:29:55(man) Come on, boys, jump.
00:29:58(laughs) Aah! oh!
00:30:04(laughter) That's gonna leave a mark.
00:30:13After all these years and all these videos, it's pretty tough to surprise us.
00:30:18We have seen chain-smoking monkeys, dogs that swim after whales and women who lose their teeth while skydiving.
00:30:26Jaded? not us.
00:30:27It's an adventure every time " (woman) Go in the bathroom.
00:30:37What did you do?
00:30:38Well, that explains why the cabinet was so moody.
00:30:41What are those on the cabinet door?
00:30:45(girl) YOURS.
00:30:47They're what?
00:30:48They're yours.
00:30:49They aremine.
00:30:52I thought you asked for one band-aid?
00:30:57Remember, piñatas don't hurt people.
00:31:01Peoplehurt people.
00:31:05(crowd) OH!
00:31:07(laughter) (woman) THIS TOOTH HAS Been bothering him for, what, about a month, freddie?
00:31:16So we're going to be a little, uh, creative in how to remove his tooth.
00:31:21Here, you want this scooby snack? here.
00:31:24Scooby snack!
00:31:24Scooby snack, girl!
00:31:25Come on, girl!
00:31:26Oh, mike, no! jeez!
00:31:29Okay, throw it.
00:31:29Good girl! good girl!
00:31:32(woman) DID IT FALL OUT?
00:31:33(screams) (man) FREDDIE, LET'S SEE.
00:31:35Let's see your mouth.
00:31:37Let's see.
00:31:41(woman) That's a funny little face.
00:31:47Don't be too impressed.
00:31:48I've seen what else he licks.
00:31:53(woman) SANTA CAME.
00:31:55(man) CHRISTMASTIME, Santa came.
00:32:02(yawning) YEAH?
00:32:04Christmastime today.
00:32:06Santa came.
00:32:08(woman laughs) Okay.
00:32:19Now this next music montage features clips set to the most elegant of dances, the waltz.
00:32:25And here to show us what a waltz should be is my friend from "dancing with the stars," ASHLY delGrosso.
00:32:31Please welcome ashly.
00:32:31(cheers and applause) Good to see you, my dear.
00:32:36Good to see you, too.
00:32:36Thank you.
00:32:38Well, do you remember what I taught you?
00:32:43All right.
00:32:43All right.
00:32:44(waltz music playing) .. yeah.
00:32:57(cheers and applause) Great job.
00:33:03That's what the waltz looks like, right?
00:33:06.. kinda.
00:33:08(laughter) Well, these people aren't exactly light on their feet either.
00:33:15(Johan Strauss' "Die Fledermaus" playing) Aah!
00:33:31(man) WATCH OUT. (laughs) Oh!
00:33:40Oh! oh!
00:33:51(woman) OOH, MOM!
00:33:58(woman gasps) OH! (groans) (laughter) (screaming) ♪♪♪♪
00:34:27I consider myself an animal lover.
00:34:29I have a cat.
00:34:30However, I do have my limits.
00:34:32No matter how hard I try, I cannot bring myself to love thesenext animals.
00:34:37A jerk's a jerk, no matter what species you are.
00:34:42(woman) IS THIS--IS THIS-- Would you say that this is more difficult ..
00:34:46Would you say that this is more difficult than you thought it would be?
00:34:50Yeah, it's a lot-- (whinnies loudly) (man laughing) (woman) HERE WE GO...
00:34:56Just because he's a monkey doesn't mean he's immune to harmful u.v. rays.
00:35:01(man) He wants your glasses.
00:35:03(woman laughs) (man) HE WANTS To try 'em on.
00:35:06(man) WHAT ABOUT MINE?
00:35:09He wants to see what you're looking at.
00:35:12(laughs) (woman) THAT'S A RIOT.
00:35:15(computerized man's voice) Buster developed a chew toy addiction.
00:35:38He'll do anything to support it.
00:35:49Monkeys on mirror may appear larger than they actually are.
00:35:56(woman laughs) (man) OH!
00:36:07Sure, robert blake goes free, but fred, his cockatoo, is still doing time.
00:36:16(dog yelps) (no audible dialogue) ..
00:36:29(drumroll) (man) FRANKLIN, You had to pee, huh?
00:36:40Boy, you really had to pee, huh?
00:36:41(screams) He's still going.
00:36:48Holy mackerel!
00:36:51(girl) Is he still going?
00:36:54He's still going.
00:36:56Still going.
00:36:58Good boy. still going.
00:37:06(applause) Go, franklin!
00:37:10Now a lot of parents ..
00:37:12Your child's getting older, time for them to give up their binky.
00:37:16But you don't know how to do it.
00:37:17You can hide the binky, try to talk them out of it, or do what these folks did-- wait for a good stiff wind to come and blow those binkies away.
00:37:31And that.
00:37:32Let me see.
00:37:34Remember, the binky fairy called and she needs 'em.
00:37:38(man) IS THERE BABIES OUT THERE Crying that need binkies?
00:37:40Yes, there's babies in the sky that are crying.
00:37:43And the binky fairy ..
00:37:46In just a little bit, after you send them in the sky, that she'll send down your--your surprises.
00:37:52(woman) LET GO, COOPER, And send them in the sky.
00:37:56Whoa! there they go.
00:38:01Bye, binkies.
00:38:04Bye, binkies.
00:38:06Maybe the babies in the sky didn't need the binkies as much as the babies in the tree.
00:38:13(woman) OH, NO...
00:38:14(man laughs) Oh, no!
00:38:17(laughter) This is a whole lot of taxpayer money just to make sure cooper doesn't have an overbite.
00:38:47Okay, " bye, binkies!
00:38:51(woman) SAY-- Hello, binky fairy.
00:38:53Hello, binky fairy.
00:38:55Okay, here you go.
00:39:02Hey, everybody.
00:39:02It's been said that money talks.
00:39:04Well, if you listen closely, what money is saying is send in your tapes and you could be taking home $10,000 or even $100,000 in our new contest, and that kind of money is worth listening to.
00:39:13So if you've got a funny or amazing video of your pets, your kids, your birthday party, whatever, get off your duffs and send it to us ..
00:39:25And for full contest rules, com, keywyword "afv", or write this address.
00:39:30So listen to your money.
00:39:31It makes sense.
00:39:32You get it? "cents"?
00:39:34Huh. I'm funny.
00:39:40Hmmm, I'm losing energy this morning.
00:39:43Did you have a good breakfast?
00:39:46Here, try this, it's under three hundred calories and pretty satisfying.
00:39:52Mmmm! Tasty!
00:39:59Looks like everything is back to normal.
00:40:02Fight the morning fade in under three hundred calories.
00:40:05Jimmy Dean D-Lights. Shine on.
00:40:103Q busters.
00:40:11This stain is ruining the look of my room, it has to go!
00:40:14She needs resolve triple oxi advanced.
00:40:21Resolvetriple oxi advanced.
00:40:25...These stains...
00:40:26...Better than the others!
00:40:27Everything looks great!
00:40:29Resolve triple oxi advanced.
00:40:32Trust resolve.
00:40:33Forget stains.
00:40:34For tough petstains and odors, try resolve pet staincarpet cleaner.
00:40:39We asked real people to film themselves taking the activia 14-day challenge.
00:40:42Hi. I'm emily ilic.
00:40:44I'm going to start the activia 14-daychallenge today.
00:40:48Problemsthat I have are, ..
00:40:50I do have some doubtsif it works.
00:40:54I like the flavors.
00:40:55I think from being askeptic in the beginning I do think that activiaactually works.
00:41:01Help regulate your digestive system.
00:41:04Take the activia challenge.
00:41:05It works or it's free.
00:41:06♪♪ Activia ♪♪
00:41:40had cleaned.
00:41:40you said you bought a digiorno.
00:41:43But the pizza came with cheesy breadsticks.
00:41:45New digiornopizza & breadsticks.
00:41:47Taste.'s not delivery.
00:41:49It's digiorno.
00:41:50She found the box.
00:41:51Maybe because you left it right on the counter.
00:41:55Set your pace to island time.
00:41:57Rich chocolate over creamy coconut.
00:42:03Almond joy and mounds.
00:42:07Enjoy more.
00:42:44Regular viewers of "dancing with the stars" how to dance.
00:42:49And I thought, it's only fair if I teach you how to host, right?
00:42:54Yeah, good.
00:42:54So all you gotta do, ash, IS JUST READ THE TelePrompTer Right at the camera there.
00:42:58Go ahead.
00:42:59You're hosting. take one.
00:43:01Check out these clips.
00:43:03You see?
00:43:04N you imagine, they pay me to do that?
00:43:07(laughs) THAT'S SO COOL.
00:43:09(man) IT'S SO MUCH MORE FUN.
00:43:11That's a quality fake snake, but it pays to get the best.
00:43:17(woman) Is he coming up yet?
00:43:19(laughter) (boy) HERE WE GO.
00:43:26(yells indistinctly) Oh! oh!
00:43:39(laughter) Up until this day, that was gary's lucky hat.
00:43:59(man) WHOO-HOO!
00:44:04Watch as he goes from dune buggy to lagoon buggy.
00:44:09(man) OH!
00:44:14(man) WAIT A MINUTE.
00:44:16Hold on, hold on.
00:44:17I got it on video.
00:44:31I don't know why they call it a litter when they keep things so neat and tidy.
00:44:40(man speaking indistinctly) Well, the dealer did say it was a family car.
00:44:50(woman) OH, LISTEN-- Listen to 'em.
00:44:52Is everybody ready to ride?
00:44:53And here's a flag football game in desperate need of directional flags.
00:45:00(woman) WRONG WAY!
00:45:00(man) WRONG WAY.
00:45:02That way!
00:45:02(woman) GO THAT WAY!
00:45:04Way! go that way!
00:45:06Go, go, go, go!
00:45:08Go, go! go! go!
00:45:11(cheering) (crowd speaking indistinctly) (woman) JEFF?
00:45:20(whistling) (man) HE JUST WANTED To get the full touchdown.
00:45:23(all talking at once) (woman) Don't look at it.
00:45:26Don't look at 'em.
00:45:28Don't look at it yet.
00:45:28Don't look at it, david.
00:45:31(boy) MINE DOESN'T Have anything on it.
00:45:33Mommy, mine doesn't have anything on it.
00:45:35Don't look at 'em yet.
00:45:36Hold them down, hold them down.
00:45:38Hold 'em down.
00:45:38Don't say anything.
00:45:41Just hold 'em down.
00:45:44(whistling) (woman) WAIT.
00:45:46(boy) IT DOESN'T Have anything on it.
00:45:48(child) It's just three letters.
00:45:49Okay, now, everybody hold their signs up!
00:45:51(woman) HOLD IT UP, ..
00:45:54(woman) WAIT A MINUTE, Something's wrong.
00:45:56 look at your signs and figure that out.
00:45:59(laughs) Look it.
00:46:01(man) WHAT'S GOING ON?
00:46:01(woman) TURN IT AROUND, YOU HAVE To make a sentence out of it.
00:46:04"We are going " (man) OH!
00:46:07(woman) We're all going together.
00:46:10Oh, my god!
00:46:11(woman) AT CHRISTMASTIME.
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00:48:56feellike pounded.
00:48:58It just doesn't go away.
00:48:59It's so baffling.
00:49:00[ Female Announcer ] THIS IS FIBROMYALGIA.
00:49:02Chronic widespread pain that affects millions.
00:49:04If this pain sounds familiar, talk to your doctor and visit
00:49:11for videos ..
00:49:35all right, let's get serious and give away some money.
00:49:39Our first nominee ..
00:49:42"Leave your message at the bark," sent in by dan and shirley reece from canton, north carolina.
00:49:49(woman) Please leave your name and number at the sound of the beep, and we'll call you back. Bye.
00:49:52(beep) (man) Indigo...
00:49:56(howling) Indigo, what are you doing?
00:50:00You behaving yourself?
00:50:01(cheers and applause) Let's meet the second player in tonight's contest-- "the cupcake kid," sent in by the hagemann family from santa rosa, california.
00:50:12.. this.
00:50:15(man) UH, NO, I'D RATHER HAVE The one that hasn't been eaten.
00:50:22Here you go.
00:50:22UH... (laughs) And the third contender for the big prize-- "touchdown toddler," sent in by deb potts from new haven, indiana.
00:50:34(cheering and shouting) (woman) WRONG WAY!
00:50:37(man) WRONG WAY.
00:50:39That way!
00:50:40(woman) GO THAT WAY!
00:50:42That way! go that way!
00:50:43Go, go, go, go!
00:50:45Go, go!
00:50:46Okay, our audience has seen the three nominees.
00:50:49It is time for them to vote now.
00:50:53And while they vote, sit back and enjoy these honorable mentions.
00:51:02aah! aah!
00:51:30(cheers and applause) Okay, I've got the results of our voting right here.
00:51:34Our second place, ..
00:51:38"Leave your message at the bark," sent in by dan and shirley reece from canton, north carolina.
00:51:47(drumroll) And the winner of the $10,000 and tonight's ..
00:51:55"The cupcake kid," sent in by the hagemann family from santa rosa, california.
00:52:01(cheering) Here we have our proud winners.
00:52:04Hello, there.
00:52:05This is grandpa dennis, who is on camera.
00:52:08We have little andy.
00:52:08Hi, andy. how are you?
00:52:09Thank you so much. and dad kyle.
00:52:10Hey, guys. how are you?
00:52:13Well, first of all, congratulations.
00:52:14Thank you very much.
00:52:17Secondly, I find this intriguing.
00:52:19You, grandpa dennis, feeding the cupcakes to your grandson unbeknownst to you,dad, right?
00:52:27You don't feed--you don't feed your son sweets?
00:52:29My wife's gonna probably kill us.
00:52:31Probably him mostly, though.
00:52:31Your wife ..
00:52:34That this video exists?
00:52:35No, he told us he sent in a different cly.
00:52:38What--what, a clip of you feeding him a salad?
00:52:43Um, but I sent two clips, and the second one ..
00:52:48And I didn't tell him until last night.
00:52:52Oh, till last night!
00:52:53And I didn't even tell him what it was.
00:52:55I just said it was a different clip.
00:52:57 well, here's a lesson for all you kids at home-- when you get older and you're a grandpa, truth goes out the window, but $10,000 comes back inthe window.
00:53:10Thank you very much.
00:53:12(Tom) BYE, GUYS.
00:53:14Thanks a lot.
00:53:15Go have a carrot or something.
00:53:17(cheering) (laughs) Okay, well, we're out of time, but we promise to reload the video cannon ow you away again soon.
00:53:28But remember, if you get it on tape, even if you don't tell your family, you couldget it in cash.
00:53:33Good night, everybody.
00:54:34captioning made possible byparamount domestic television hey, did you hear?
00:54:41No, I never hear. what?
00:54:42Don't even think about it.
00:54:44You know she will.
00:54:45 will somebody please tell me what's going on?
00:54:49You don't know?
00:54:51Tell me!
00:54:53Jimmy moon broke up with ashley.
00:55:02[Singing love song in french] call me when you've come to your senses.
00:55:39 in the meantime, I'll find someone who likes me as a blonde.
00:55:43Good luck.
00:55:48Hola, camdens.
00:55:52¿¿Como estas?
00:55:53Sorry to interrupt, but I'm here to stake out my territory before it's too late.
00:55:58What do you say, corazon?
00:55:59Are we seeing each other or what?
00:56:08I'll have to think about it.
00:56:26♪♪ 7th HEAVEN ♪♪
00:56:27♪♪ When I see their happy facessmilin' back at me ♪♪
00:56:34♪♪ 7th HEAVEN ♪♪
00:56:36♪♪ I know there'sno greater feelin' ♪♪
00:56:39♪♪ than the loveof a family ♪♪
00:56:42♪♪ where can you go ♪♪
00:56:46 ♪♪
00:56:50♪♪ the answer is home ♪♪
00:56:55♪♪ that's the one placethat you'll find ♪♪
00:56:59♪♪ 7th ♪♪ MMM, 7th HEAVEN ♪♪
00:57:07♪♪ 7th HEAVEN ♪♪
00:00:00He's about to let the cat out of the bag.
00:00:18In every episode of "afv," we have so many examples of bad decision makers, they could form a line around the block.
00:00:25So to make things easier, we've led all of them to one area.
00:00:40Hey, there's a flyer on your windshield.
00:00:45I hope it's for a body shop.
00:01:11When I said I wanted salsa, I didn't mean this.
00:01:16(salsa music playing) (woman) OH, SURE.
00:01:31First, you get rid of the raccoon in your ..
00:01:37(woman screams) Then you get rid of your boat.
00:01:41I think you killed it.
00:01:50(girl) BIG.
00:01:52(child) I'M SCARED, DADDY.
00:01:56(man) DON'T BE. JUST SIT HERE.
00:01:59How romantic-- a nice roman candlelit dinner.
00:02:04(loud pop) (woman screaming) (man) FIVE... SIX... SEVEN...
00:02:15Go, go, go!
00:02:16When dizzy bats meet dizzy bikes.
00:02:20Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
00:02:26 go, go, go (cheering) If you recall, we recently gave you an assignment to get footage of someone saying the following ..
00:02:45(clears throat) " sounds easy, right?
00:02:50Then again, I'm not an 80-year-old grandmother without teleprompter.
00:02:54The stump sat on the stump. oh.
00:02:57(man) NO, A STUMP CAN'T SIT ON A STUMP.
00:02:58A skump?
00:03:00(laughs) OH... (laughs) A stunk? no.
00:03:04(laughs) A skunk? sat on a stump.
00:03:07T on a spump. stump.
00:03:09Okay. stump.
00:03:10Stump the--a skump-- a stunk-- A SKUNK. (laughs) ..
00:03:19(laughs) A SKUNK SAT ON A... (laughs) AND THANKED THE STUMP... (laughs) But the spunk stump, stump thunk the spunk.
00:03:32STUNK--SKUNK! (laughs) (laughing) (laughs) AH, SHE GAVE IT A GOOD SHOT.
00:03:41As the host of "dancing with the stars," I have seen some of the most graceful dancers in the world.
00:03:47What you're about to see is what is known as counterprogramming.
00:03:51(Nikka Costa's "Till I Get To You" playing) ♪♪ My lover "a" was absolutely all right ♪♪
00:04:08♪♪ but my lover "b" would bump my tunes in his ride ♪♪
00:04:13♪♪ then my lover "c" caught me in the cookie jar ♪♪
00:04:18♪♪ 'cause my lover "d" was too delicious to deny ♪♪
00:04:23♪♪ my lover "e" was extraordinary and my one regret ♪♪
00:04:28♪♪ 'cause my lover "f" was just too freaky to forge ♪♪ my lover "g" was touch and go for a good while ♪♪
00:04:38♪♪ but my lover "h" was proof that I haven't found you yet ♪♪
00:04:43♪♪ it's just a matter of time till I get to you ♪♪
00:04:48♪♪ no matter how many I gotta get through ♪♪
00:04:53♪♪ whoa, yeah ♪♪
00:04:53♪♪ just a matter of time till I get to you ♪♪
00:04:59♪♪ just a matter of time till I get to you ♪♪
00:05:04♪♪ and I gotta say ♪♪
00:05:06♪♪ I was jonesin' for my lover "j" ♪♪
00:05:09♪♪ but my jelly was too sweet for him ♪♪
00:05:12♪♪ and jealousy got in the way ♪♪
00:05:14♪♪ let's just say ♪♪
00:05:15♪♪ my lover "k" was kicked to the curb ♪♪
00:05:19♪♪ and my lovers "l," "m," "n," "o," "p" ♪♪
00:05:22♪♪ have all become a blur ♪♪
00:05:24♪♪ it's just a matter of time till I get to you ♪♪
00:05:29♪♪ don't matter how many I gotta get through ♪♪
00:05:33♪♪ whoa, yeah ♪♪
00:05:34♪♪ it's just a matter of time till I get to you ♪♪
00:05:39♪♪ it's just a matter of time till I get to you ♪♪
00:05:44♪♪ it's just a matter of time till I get to you ♪♪
00:05:49♪♪ don't matter how many I gotta get through ♪♪
00:05:53♪♪ whoa, yeah ♪♪
00:05:55♪♪ it's just a matter of time ♪♪
00:05:57♪♪ till I get to you ♪♪
00:06:08engine far.
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00:06:27As a chef, I enjoy cooking for the people I love.
00:06:33And in the summer, that means getting out and grilling.
00:06:37Target has brilliant frugal finds for the kitchen or a cookout.
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00:08:35[ Female Announcer ]SC JOHNSON. A FAMILY Company.
00:08:43welcome back.
00:08:44Here's a little bit of trivia for you.
00:08:47Did you know that the hill sisters, patty and mildred, wrote the song "happy birthday" in 1893?
00:08:52That's right.
00:08:53It actually took two people to write "happy " I think patty wrote mo of it, and mildred came up with the space you leave for the person'sto the hill sisters.
00:09:06♪♪A ♪♪
00:09:10.. ♪♪
00:09:11they aren't trick candles, but they are to her.
00:09:19(laughter) (man) YAY!
00:09:25(woman) YAY!
00:09:28(growls) (woman) JASPER, THAT'S NOT YOUR CAKE.
00:09:33(growls) That's mommy's cake.
00:09:38(growls) That's my birthday cake.
00:09:41(growls) DADDY MADE IT FOR MOMMY.
00:09:44(growls) (growls) THAT'S NOT YOURS.
00:09:49(growls) THAT'S NOT YOURS.
00:09:51I'd give him some cake.
00:09:53That's not his stomach growling.
00:09:57(growls) (man) YEAH. (woman) IT'S ALMOST LIKE A CEREAL.
00:10:02You're gonna see a sugar crash a lot sooner than you thought.
00:10:08(man) OOH! (laughs) (children) ♪♪ TO YOU ♪♪
00:10:13(boy) ELMO!
00:10:20(screaming) (man) DO THAT AGAIN.
00:10:26Control, alt, no eat.
00:10:28(woman) NOT GOOD. NOT FUNNY, NOT FUNNY.
00:10:31(man) OH, YEAH, IT'S FUNNY TO US.
00:10:33(woman) NO. NO.
00:10:35YOU THINK? (man) YEAH.
00:10:36Do I get to blow it out, or will it just disappea.
00:10:39 that's not the only thing.
00:10:43I'll blow easy.
00:10:46(man laughs) (screams) OH! (laughing) You better get that on tape.
00:10:59(laughter) (cheers and applause) Some families call it the "family room," others call it the "den," " now "rumpus" means a noisy clamor.
00:11:17So here are some families in their dens with some clips that will leave you "rumpusing" for more.
00:11:26(squawks) There you go. there you go. there's the action.
00:11:29Too bad there's no money in herding cockatoo.
00:11:34(dog barks) (woman) GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE...
00:11:41(growls) It's good of him to babysit the kids, especially on his poker night.
00:11:46(man) GOOD GOING, GUYS, GOOD GOING. (gasps) Oh! oh, god. oh, jeez.
00:11:52GOOD GOING, GUYS, GOOD GOING. (gasps) OH!
00:11:55Oh, god. oh, jeez. are you okay?
00:11:58(woman speaking in foreign language) ..
00:12:10(yells) (woman) FOLLOW HIM. FOLLOW HIM, PAT.
00:12:13This is why it's a good idea to keep the kids' toys away from the dog's toys.
00:12:19(child laughing) (laughs) GET IT! GO!
00:12:34(woman) WHAT'S THAT? BUMBLEBEES.
00:12:38For her next book, she'll get the dictionary " oh!
00:12:50What is that?
00:12:52(cries) It's okay, honey. it won't hurt you.
00:12:58As a parent, you hate to see your kids spending all day indoors playing video games on their d and that's why I encourage my kids to get out of the house, get some fresh air, play video games on their cell phones.
00:13:12Sometimes I like the house to myself, but tonight, let's salute the true great outdoorsmen.
00:13:19(man) OH, I HOPE YOU GET CRUSHED.
00:13:24He's a lumberjack, and he's not okay.
00:13:34(man l It's ahigh-wire- you-doing-this act.
00:13:42Aw, dang!
00:13:45(man) OH!
00:13:47(both laugh) (girl screams) Ready?
00:13:56.. site unseen.
00:13:59Whitney, got you!
00:14:01(man) OH!
00:14:02Whitney! whitney!
00:14:05Careful, todd.
00:14:07(wind blowing loudly) You know, you seldom hear the term "kite " I think that barge is a little large.
00:14:34(man) HAVE A LITTLE FUN.
00:14:36(woman) WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP AND STEER?
00:14:39(loud crash) (boy) GET OUT OF HERE, MOM.
00:14:47(woman) WELL, WE'RE STILL-- STILL--STILL Trying to get back.
00:14:56(laughs) We just--we just crashed, and our roof broke.
00:15:04If you'd like schooled McDONALD'S never look directly at the angus bacon & cheese.
00:15:43 your eyes can't handle that much flavor!
00:15:47Gazing at its crisp red onions, crinkle-cut dill pickles and hickory-smoked ..
00:15:51Atop a third-pound of 100% angus beef, has made grown men cry!
00:15:55Look away!
00:15:58When it's securelyin your hands.
00:16:00Consider yourself schooled.
00:16:01 three ways toelevate your angus game -- McDONALD'S STYLE!
00:16:06Ba da ba ba ba!
00:16:08Cone on, kiddo, let's go.
00:16:12Come on up here, where your brothers sit.
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00:16:35Only at that?
00:16:40[ inhales deeply ] That's last night's dinner.
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00:17:35Deaf, hard-of-hearing and peoplewith speech disabilities, access
00:17:42all right, welcome back.
00:17:43I'm very excited because this is the first time this season we get to play "head, gut or groin," and here with me are a couple of cousins-- yacenia and mabel.
00:17:55Welcome. good to have you, uh, with us.
00:17:57Do you guys get along well?
00:17:59We usually do. yeah?
00:18:01Most of the time. yeah.
00:18:02Well, let's see if we can put an end to that, okay?
00:18:05Uh, here's the way this works.
00:18:07I'll start a clip. we're gonna stop it.
00:18:08(Mabel) OKAY.
00:18:09And you have to tell me, based on what you can see, where you think somebody is going to get hit-- in the head, gut or groin, and who that person is, all right? okay.
00:18:19And whoever gets the most answers right wins valuable prizes and the other person doesn't.
00:18:25All right? okay.
00:18:26First clip--we're gonna get started at a piñata party, a staple of "afv" over our 17-plus seasons.
00:18:30 this woman is dressed like the piñata.
00:18:34That's-- that's really coordinating your outfit, isn't ..
00:18:37 I'll go with " you think you know already, don't you, in the audience?
00:18:47Yacenia. yacenia?
00:18:48Gut. gut-- this guy here, right?
00:18:51Yes. all right, and, mabel?
00:18:53Groin. groin--also this guy here?
00:18:58Okay. one gut, one groin.
00:18:59Let's get going and see the rest of the clip.
00:19:02(man) UP! DOWN!
00:19:04Can't get over how much they look like they're ..
00:19:08(Mabel laughs) All right, he's coming in any second now .. oh!
00:19:12(laughs) The gut! yacenia, you got one win here.
00:19:17Mabel, sorry.
00:19:18Okay, see if you can, uh, pick up a point here. okay.
00:19:21Next we're going to karate class.
00:19:24Let's take a look at our second clip.
00:19:27OH-HO. (chuckles) Yeah, the foot-to-body ratio here is amazing.
00:19:35.. okay.
00:19:37.. imagine your own trajectory.
00:19:39Uh, yacenia, what do you think?
00:19:41I'm thinking the guy on the left in the groin.
00:19:44In the groin, this guy here. mabel?
00:19:47I'm thinking the guy on the right, and I'm thinking gut.
00:19:51You're thinking gut? yeah.
00:19:53So one groin, one gut. one gut.
00:19:54 let's roll THE TAPE. (giggles) Ooh!
00:20:02Oh! all right, here's the thing.
00:20:05 so even though you picked the guy on the right, this is not a contest called " oh, cool.
00:20:13" so we are now officially tied.
00:20:17All right, yacenia and mabel are tied.
00:20:19Let's see if we can get a definitive champion.
00:20:22Our last clip is some kids with a model airplane.
00:20:27Let's see that one.
00:20:27On a beautifully constructed staircase in the backyard.
00:20:32(boy screams) Whoa! and we stop.
00:20:37All right, styrofoam airplane coming back.
00:20:40Someone's going to get hit in the head, gut or groin.
00:20:43Yacenia? head.
00:20:44Head, all right. and, mabel.
00:20:47But I think it's in the head, too.
00:20:55Why did she have to go first?
00:20:57I know!
00:20:58 I'm so gonna lose.
00:21:01 no, you're TIED. (Yacenia) WE'RE TIED.
00:21:05.. yeah, but I wanna-- I think head.
00:21:07But you'll either be both right and both win or both wrong and still both win. okay, head.
00:21:12 all right, let's roll the rest of the tape.
00:21:16This is too hard.
00:21:17(man) ALL RIGHT, DAVE, LET'S SEE IT FLY.
00:21:21(boy screams) Here comes a little surprise because it's her head.
00:21:28Her head, so you're both right.
00:21:32That means you both win!
00:21:34Yacenia, mabel-- our cousins.
00:21:37Toss it in, robert. and one more.
00:21:38And you both get "afv" on dvd to call your very own. all right!
00:21:44That's enough of "afv" on dvd.
00:21:47Now more "afv" on your tv.
00:21:49How about a hand for our contestants? whoo!
00:21:54(boy) YOU READY?
00:21:55Yeah. are you ready? are you ready?
00:22:00(laughs) Yeah, good thing you were ready.
00:22:04(laughter) (woman) POOR TONY. (woman) HE'S DOING ALL The work.
00:22:18Poor thing.
00:22:22Ooh! right in the crank.
00:22:25(laughter) HOW YOU LIKE IT? (laughs) (man) THIS IS MY WIFE.
00:22:33Does this cabinet make my butt look big?
00:22:36And she thought she could fit in this little hall closet right here.
00:22:42I can. my butt just can't.
00:22:45And she's stuck.
00:22:56Do I stand?
00:22:59We're jerking you out.
00:23:01(laughs) OW!
00:23:04(girl) FINALLY!
00:23:05Oh, gosh, that hurt.
00:23:07(woman laughing) There's a reason you've never heard of the connecticut globetrotters.
00:23:25But he stops like a beginner.
00:23:30(man) OH!
00:23:37He loves to come here for the view.
00:23:52(chuckles) Fixing your roof right before it starts raining, getting your mother-in-law to the airport ..
00:24:01I'm talking about close calls-- something the people in these next clips a little something about.
00:24:07(girl) I DON'T WANT TO GET THINNER.
00:24:09(indistinct shouting) (woman) TAYLOR!
00:24:13(woman) OH, MY GOD!
00:24:16It looks like she just won the gold in good luck.
00:24:26Now this is quite a rescue-- a lifeguard who saves himself.
00:24:36(man) OH!
00:24:39(woman) OH, MY GOD!
00:24:42This isn't a real fire.
00:24:45It's a firemen training video.
00:24:47Well, except for the mouse.
00:24:50For him, it's a real fire.
00:24:53(woman laughs) (man) KEEP HIS MOMENTUM GOING RIGHT OFF THE Side.
00:25:04WHOO! (shouts indistinctly) Whoo!
00:25:13(hard rock music playing) Want a real close call?
00:25:18He came close to reading one of those books.
00:27:48Martina SunnyD love to see kids' spirits shine.
00:27:55Sunny Taste.
00:27:57Sunny Spirit.
00:27:58Sunny D.
00:28:03(sneezing) an that won't make me drowsy.
00:28:08I relieveallergy symptoms ..
00:28:11And grapetastes awesome!
00:28:12It's the #1 pediatricianrecommended non-drowsy brand.
00:28:15Let your kids live claritin clear.
00:28:21(cheering) Ve and hate are probably the two strongest emotions, but there's too much hate in the world.
00:28:30We don't need to show it here. and love?
00:28:32That's good, I suppose, but it's not as funny as the one we chose-- good, old-fashioned fear.
00:28:40It might be dark, but not too dark to see how scared he is.
00:28:51(laughs) God!
00:29:03God, why did you do that to me?
00:29:09(growls) Aah!
00:29:15" I think the title gives away the end.
00:29:20(loud popping) Aah!
00:29:25Who needs "the wiggles" when you've got "jaws"?
00:29:30(ominous music playing on TV) Aah!
00:29:39(child babbles) Oh!
00:29:47(woman laughs) Scared.
00:29:52(man) I'M GONNA SET THIS UP SO WE CAN GET ..
00:29:58Right in front of his toolbox.
00:30:15Oh, dear god.
00:30:16(woman) LOOK AT YOUR-- LOOK AT YOUR SPOT On your mouth.
00:30:21Aah! I hate blood! I hate blood!
00:30:22Oh, yeah, he hates blood, but he wants that 50 cents from the tooth fairy.
00:30:28I HATE BLOOD. (sobbing) I hate blood.
00:30:32Well, dab it with your kleenex. ethan. ethan.
00:30:34(woman) LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND DAB IT.
00:30:37(screams) (cheers and applause) We are about to take a peek into a random street somewhere in the country, maybe even yours.
00:30:50If you don't recognize your neighborhood, don't be surpris.
00:30:54The camera adds ten houses.
00:30:56(electronic buzzing) THANKS TO SATELLITE Technology, we can zoom into any street in the country.
00:31:06(beeps) anderson is trying a new stunt on hismotorbike.
00:31:11BETTER KEEP WORKING ON IT. (man chuckles) (beeps) ..
00:31:20And that's part of the problem.
00:31:23Oh, my.
00:31:25(beeps) Hey, the johnsons got a dog.
00:31:28Heard they named him sandy.
00:31:36(beeps) ..
00:31:40As soon as they take out the old one.
00:31:53(applause) A recent study found that men talk just as much as women.
00:31:58Well, personally, I think it's ridiculous to think that men are as chatty as women.
00:32:02 I'm just not a talker, never have been.
00:32:05If I have something to say, I'll get right to the point and say it, but I'm not just gonna talk for talking's sake.
00:32:11Men are people of action, not words.
00:32:13I'm a good example of that.
00:32:14I could just talk and talk and talk, and ..
00:32:22(boy) WHOA!
00:32:23OH, SWEET! OH! (laughs) (man) YOU BETTER MOVE YOUR BAG AWAY.
00:32:30From the guy who gave his kid a bag of fireworks.
00:32:36(laughing) You know, you might wanna start feeding him those low-carb strained peas.
00:33:12(man) ALL RIGHT, GUYS, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY To start cheering.
00:33:16Aah! whee!
00:33:17Big wheel, check.
00:33:19Helmet, check.
00:33:27(children laugh) (boy) ARE YOU OKAY, BUDDY?
00:33:34(man laughs) That was great!
00:33:39(marching band playing) The football team is leaving it all on the ..
00:33:46And so is the drill team.
00:33:57(dog barks) Ee! ee!
00:34:02(man speaks indistinctly) (laughs) Oh, sure, he's got the wheels on his shoes.
00:34:08What he needs is a cup in his shorts.
00:34:15(girl) OH, MY GOD!
00:34:17(laughing) Tell me you got that on film.
00:34:23(laughter) The shortest distance between two points--a straight line, but the funniest distance between two points is usually a slide.
00:35:08(woman screams) (woman) OH! AAH!
00:35:26(girl laughs) (man speaks indistinctly) (woman) WHOO!
00:35:33Aah! oh, my god!
00:35:39AAH! (man laughs) Whoo! ah!
00:35:58(cheering) ú ♪♪
00:37:54♪♪ ♪♪
00:37:57[ Female Announcer ] CLEAN MORE THAN YOU ..
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00:38:06It's time to come in.
00:38:07Two more minutes? two.
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00:38:12THIS WEEK AT Kmart,A Palermo DINING SET Is just $399.99.
00:38:16[ Mr. Bluelight ] THERE'S SMART,AND THERE'S Kmart SMART.
00:38:21] thins.
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00:38:25This can only end one way.
00:38:28[ crunch ] Wheat thins.toasted. whole grain.
00:38:33The crunch is calling.
00:39:11welcome back.
00:39:11In a recent "assignment america," we challenged you to destroy a snowman-- a challenge you accepted with open arms, a corncob pipe and two eyes made out of coal.
00:39:22For safety reasons--see, that's how you make a snowman.
00:39:27(laughing) For safety reasons, we have to remind you, do it in your yard instead.
00:39:35(woman) SMILE FOR THE CAMERA.
00:39:38Look out! aah!
00:39:40(laughs) OH, MY GOD.
00:39:47(woman laughs) (boy growls) (laughter) (woman laughs) (gunshot) (cheering) ♪♪♪♪♪♪
00:40:32people love our show ..
00:40:36Most of the time.
00:40:39Right now we're gonna get gross.
00:40:41So if you're the type who gets squeamish, I suggest you turn away, and then in about 20 seconds, turn back.
00:40:56Go on. take that one.
00:41:03Where'd it go?
00:41:08" (man) HUNTER, MAKE SURE YOU SIT.
00:41:14Hey, aren't you supposed to wait an hour to go swimming afterlaunch?
00:41:22(laughing) Swim, hunter, swim! thattaboy!
00:41:28Clean up on aisle nine.
00:41:40 you can't see because of the screen.
00:41:45(laughing) I'll bet he tells his friends he hurt himself boxing.
00:41:53His feet. he can't get up.
00:41:55(laughing) (crying) You gotta turn it.
00:42:10Oh, let me turn it.
00:42:16(woman) YOU'RE GETTING GOOD. CANDICE, MOVE Out of the way!
00:42:18It's good that dad wants to slow him down, just not that he uses the other kids to do it.
00:42:28(goose honking) ..
00:42:33And there's the down.
00:42:36(laughter) (man) WHOA!
00:42:40(laughing) (man) DONNA, TAKE THIS RING, And you'll place it on dave's right forefinger, .. ani ledodi...
00:42:57This falls under the category '" my beloved is mine.
00:43:04Oh, my god!
00:43:05(man speaks indistinctly) (woman) IT'S COOL.
00:43:06It's cool.
00:43:10(man) LOOK OUT!
00:43:12(woman) AAH!
00:43:15(man) OKAY.
00:43:17(woman) MAYBE IT'S GOOD LUCK.
00:43:23Oh! oh!
00:43:26They've got water balloons, .. where he needs it.
00:43:42geico you 15% or more on car insurance?
00:43:46Host: does charlie daniels play a mean fiddle?
00:43:48♪♪ Fiddle music ♪♪
00:44:01charlie:hat's how you do it son.
00:44:06 15 minutes could saveyou 15% or more on car insurance.
00:44:12It's summer.
00:44:13It's time to get outside.
00:44:15I'm giada de laurentiis.
00:44:16As a chef, I enjoy cooking for the people I love.
00:44:22And in the summer, that means getting out and grilling.
00:44:25Target has brilliant frugal finds for the kitchen or a cookout.
00:44:32That makes enjoying the season so easy and so affordable.
00:44:36Get inspired and love your home.
00:45:57seasonhere walmart.
00:45:58That means we've gotjuicy rollbacks, plump rollbacks, and delicious rollbacks.
00:46:01Walmart's getting it here faster, so it's fresher.
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00:46:05You can almost smell that rollback pie.
00:46:07My name is darrell, and I save people moneyso they can live better.
00:46:14all right, it is time to give away serious money to some funny videos.
00:46:22"Stroller roller," sent in by beth anth and family from st. peter's, missouri.
00:46:30The new windy cindy doll.
00:46:32(woman) IT'S COLD. (gasps) The next video in tonight's rush for the money is "car wash calamity," sent in by terry and robert burford from hollandale, mississippi.
00:46:51Hey, there's a flyer on your windshield.
00:46:56I hope it's for a body shop.
00:47:04(chuckles) ..
00:47:08"Off her rocker" sent in by thomas and donnarae sterrett from findlay, ohio.
00:47:14There they are!
00:47:20(woman screams) OH! (laughing) ..
00:47:29Okay, our audience has seen the three nominees.
00:47:33It's time for you to vote now.
00:47:37Let's take a moment to pay our respects to tonight's honorable mentions.
00:47:43(missile fires) Aah!
00:47:47(splash) (bouncing sounds) (crash) (liquid squirts) (creaking) Aah!
00:47:59(metal clanking) (crash) (whip cracks) Ohh!
00:48:08(engine whirring down) (brakes screech) (crash) (cheers and applause) And now the results of our voting-- ..
00:48:24"Stroller roller," sent in by beth anth and family from st. peter's, missouri.
00:48:31(drumroll) And the winner of the $10,000 ..
00:48:39"Car wash calamity" sent in by terry and robert burford from hollandale, mississippi.
00:48:47We have robert and his wife terry.
00:48:50Robert, the star.
00:48:51Terry, the innocent passenger.
00:48:54Robert, I'm reminded of the question that jay leno famously asked hugh grant-- " (laughs) I LIKE A CLEAN WINDSHIELD.
00:49:06 what had happened on the windshield?
00:49:11The first time it passed over, so I thought I would jump out and fix it a little bit while it was gone.
00:49:15 so-- and it didn't stay back there long enough.
00:49:17(whistles) What were you thinking as he-- as he opened the door?
00:49:24I hollered at him because he was fixing to get run over himself.
00:49:30And that's when he grabbed the door, but the door was gone.
00:49:33 so the door was busted after-- the door was gone.
00:49:35You--you held onto it on the ride home, right?
00:49:39YEAH. (laughs) you sort of air-dried as you were going.
00:49:42 how much did the-- did the new door cost?
00:49:45$3,500. (audience groans) Well, yeah, that's--so you've made a profit of $6,500.
00:49:52All righty.
00:49:52You're our $10,000 winners. congratulations.
00:49:57(cheering) We're all out of time, but we never run out of videos.
00:50:05So come back soon, and remember, if you get it on video, you could wreck a car and then pay for it, too.
00:50:12Good night, everybody.
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00:50:51For all the things you can't wash, freshen it with febreze.
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00:52:24[ Beto ] Shrek? HAHAHA!
00:52:26Lily, look!
00:52:28[ gasps ] Donkey?
00:52:29I've never seen you beforein my life!
00:52:30[ Male Announcer ] McDonald's ALL THE EXCITEMENT OF THE NEWShrek Forever After MOVIE WITH the McNuggets of fun pack, filled with all the tender and crispy chicken that you love, plus all the fun of your favorite ogre!
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00:52:44♪♪ ♪♪
00:53:18[email protected]@ [ Baby crying ] [ crying continues ] this is mr. mathison.
00:55:37He's a doctor.
00:55:39Are you okay?
00:55:41An ambulance is on the way.
00:55:44Thank you.
00:55:45[ Crying continues ] is there a name yet?
00:56:00Is he supposed to be crying like this?
00:56:04May i?
00:56:10Shh, shh, shh.
00:56:11Shh-shh, shh-shh-shh.
00:56:13Shh-shh shh.
00:56:16[ Crying continues ] can I have him back?
00:56:26What happened during the delivery?
00:56:30It was very quick.
00:56:32The baby just wanted to come right out, and there were no problems.
00:56:39Did you drop him?
00:56:40Woman: What?
00:56:43Did you drop this baby?
00:56:45Good lord, no.
00:56:51Inform the ambulance that we have a situation.
00:56:55All right.
00:56:56Ma'am, ..this.
00:57:02It appears that your baby has sustained some fractures while inside your uterus.
00:57:12His arms and his legs are broken.
00:57:15[ Sobbing ] Man: This is eastrail 177.
00:57:56Next stop, philadelphia.
00:58:32Woman: Are you alone?
00:58:36Yeah. wanna sit?
00:00:05We look familiar, don't we?
00:00:07You saw us ten years ago.
00:00:09Audrey and me, we sang the blues, and we all went to california -- won the grand prize.
00:00:15We called home, and we told everybody that we came in second place.
00:00:19" my mom, she didn't believe it.
00:00:23She knew I wasn't telling the truth.
00:00:25We had a big party.
00:00:26Everybody came over.
00:00:28When we won on the show and they saw it, pandemonium.
00:00:33It is just a great highlight.
00:00:36♪ Whoa, baby ♪
00:00:39♪ oh, baby ♪
00:00:40♪ I said, "whoa, whoa, baby" ♪
00:00:45♪ oh, baby ♪
00:00:46♪ I said, "whoa, whoa, baby" ♪
00:00:50♪ oh, baby ♪
00:00:52♪ I never heard you play no blues ♪
00:00:56♪ the blue -- blues ♪
00:01:05)You - I do, take two bites.
00:01:08It's got high-fructosecorn syrup in it.
00:01:10- well, you know what they say about it.
00:01:19It-- um.
00:01:20That it's made from corn, has the same caloriesas sugar or honey, and it's finein moderation.
00:01:27You only brought one?
00:01:28( laughing ) Get the're in for a sweet surprise.
00:01:34are Wonder!
00:01:35KELLY: Did you say One Day Wonder?
00:01:38ODW BOY: Flip-Flops, $1.
00:01:41Saturday Only.
00:01:42JOSH: Wanna see my flip-flops?
00:01:44ANNCR: Irresistible!
00:01:44Old Navy's One Day Wonder: Flip-flops $1.
00:01:47Saturday only.
00:01:51For my mom.
00:01:51For every pink bucket ofgrilled or original recipe, ..
00:01:56To susan g. komenfor the cure.
00:02:01To help end breast cancerforever.
00:02:34] ♪♪ ♪♪
00:02:36[ Female Announcer ] SUMMER'S CALLING!
00:02:39Get a 12' enclosed trampolinefor only $219.99.
00:02:45[ Mr. Bluelight ]THERE'S SMART -- AND THERE'S Kmart SMART.
00:02:54.. ♪♪
00:02:55♪♪ I'll pass it on, ♪♪
00:02:58.. ♪♪
00:03:03.. ♪♪
00:03:05.. ♪♪
00:03:07.. and on... and on ♪♪
00:03:10edible arrangements.
00:03:11Happiness is always in season.
00:03:13Shop in-store 7 days a week, call or go
00:05:21[ Cheers and applause ] it is said that one is the loneliest number.
00:05:28It is also said that three's a crowd.
00:05:31Now that would imply that two is the only acceptable number, but maybe you should look into four, because as you'll see here, two is too many.
00:05:42[ Indistinct conversation ] the great thing about public transportation -- all that headroom.
00:05:49Woman: I can't get you both in at the same time.
00:05:54[ Laughter ] Bergeron: All right, enough fooling around.
00:06:02It's time for your xylophone lesson.
00:06:05[ Woman gasps ] [ crying ] [ woman laughs ] [ indistinct conversation ] there's no animal sweeter than the lemur until you turn your back on them.
00:06:23[ Woman gasps ] oh, dear!
00:06:25It's okay!
00:06:30[ Laughter ] yeah, yeah.
00:06:39You've both got a nice tail.
00:06:46You're good at it, aren't you?
00:06:49These new treadmills have a lot of settings.
00:06:53Jeremy's is set to eject.
00:07:02It's nice that the bickersons took their camera with them to couples therapy.
00:07:08Woman: The green light was down there.
00:07:10Man: Hold the camera up.
00:07:10You're filming the -- am I done filming?
00:07:14You're filming the dashboard of the car, debbie.
00:07:17Okay, dwayne.
00:07:18I've never done this before.
00:07:20Well, that's why I wanted to show you at home how to use it.
00:07:24Well, you didn't!
00:07:26You didn't listen!
00:07:27I told you when we backed out of the driveway.
00:07:29You said, "all I got to do " you didn't tell me I was here to hold it up above the dashboard.
00:07:34Well, why would you want to film the dashboard, deb?
00:07:38Dwayne, I didn't realize I had to set it up higher.
00:07:41You got to aim it out the window.
00:07:43You got to look through the hole.
00:07:46What you see is what you're filming.
00:07:48How is that so hard to understand?
00:07:50Film going up this hill here.
00:07:55Turn on that air.
00:07:55I'm burning up.
00:08:00A few weeks ago, our neominee won $10,000 based on the contents of his pants.
00:08:07Tonight we're going to see if what he has in his pants is worth $100,000.
00:08:12" [ humming ] you're about to see why he doesn't juggle knives anymore.
00:08:24♪ Do da do ♪
00:08:27thank you.
00:08:30[ Cheers and applause ] these, uh -- these next clips are -- how to describe it -- they're -- they're kind -- well, they're -- they're -- i-i-i'm stuck.
00:08:46I-- in fact, everyone in these clips is stuck.
00:08:55One of the dangers of doing gymnastics in the backyard -- gopher holes.
00:09:01Nice try!
00:09:02[ Laughter ] in this town, if two men love the same woman, there's only one way ettle it.
00:09:19Please send your money now so we can cure snow goiters in their lifetime.
00:09:33Go on. come on.
00:09:33Are you gonna go in?
00:09:37I knew that cats did their own hunting.
00:09:40I didn't know they did their ownshopping.
00:09:51You'd think an old fence couldn't keep the kids out, but it's got some surprises.
00:10:01[ Laughter ] Woman: Oh, what's that?
00:10:08Well, look, you're never gonna get to swim in it if you let the pool decide where it wants to go.
00:10:15[ Laughter ] on the other hand, I guess it's good to move it around.
00:10:21It doesn't kill the grass.
00:11:37Lideslide, slippity slide ♪
00:11:39♪ I do what I do just to survive ♪
00:11:41♪ just roll along ♪
00:11:42♪ that's what you do ♪
00:11:44♪ just roll along ♪
00:11:44♪ that's right ♪
00:11:46♪ just roll along ♪
00:11:47♪ that's what you do ♪
00:11:49♪ just roll along ♪
00:11:49♪ that's right ♪
00:11:51♪ come along and ride on a fantast ♪ slide, slide, slippity slide ♪
00:11:59♪ with switches on the block in a '65 ♪
00:12:01♪ come along and ride on a fantastic voyage ♪
00:12:09♪ ain't no valley low enough for a mountain high ♪
00:12:12♪ come along and ride on a fantastic voyage ♪
00:12:24hi, we're the donohues from davidsonville.
00:12:26We won the $100,000 "america's funniest home videos" with our video, " you just took his line, didn't you?
00:12:35With the video called " we had a great time in ou-- [ laughter ] and with the money we won, we pu-- [ laughter ] Woman: Mommy and daddy went to the doctor yesterday about mommy's baby, and we got some pictures of it.
00:12:53We wanted to tell you that -- look, look, look.
00:12:56Look at daddy.
00:12:58The baby's gonna be a girl.
00:13:02Yes, you're gonna have a baby sister.
00:13:05Man: It's gonna a girl.
00:13:06The doctor said it was gonna -- don't cry, david.
00:13:12[ Crying ] are you happy, jeffrey?
00:13:15Jeffrey, you're not happy either?
00:13:18You don't want a little sister?
00:13:22Hi, we're the donohues from davidsonville.
00:13:25We won $100,000 "america's " with the video called " we had a great time out in california.
00:13:33Everything was wonderful.
00:13:34The money we won went towards our college education.
00:13:37Don't forget to watch "america's " bye!
00:13:46There are so many things a designer has to take into consideration when he builds something -- aesthetics, structural integrity, and don't forget margin for error.
00:13:57The atv is built for off-roading.
00:14:00Unfortunately, big al is built more for a love seat.
00:14:11Come on.
00:14:12Come on.
00:14:13He's teaching him to beg and to stay off the furniture all at once.
00:14:18Come on.
00:14:18Hey, come on.
00:14:22[ Laughter ] this camper has all the comforts of home, including waste disposal.
00:14:34[ Laughter ] Man: Did you see that?
00:14:42[ Laughs ] this is the opening ceremony of the first building ever constructed without using nails.
00:14:53[ Applause ] [ cheers and a applause ] give a man a fish, he can eat for a day.
00:15:09Teach a man to fish, he can eat for a lifetime.
00:15:12Teach a man to videotape a man fishing, and he may be buying lobster dinners for everyone.
00:15:19Man: That's a big fella's catch.
00:15:21They caught this fish so mom won't have to cook dinner, and she won't have to.
00:15:27They're going to order out.
00:15:30Aah! aah!
00:15:30Aah! aah!
00:15:32[ Man laughing ] oh, you can invest in all the high-tech equipment you want, but sometimes it's best to go mano a fish-o.
00:15:48Then again, even if he does catch the fish, he'll never get back his dignity.
00:15:59Man: He got him.
00:16:13Hot dogs or fish -- the choice is yours.
00:16:29This is the discover channel, where you discover what it's like to be bitten by an eel.
00:16:46Oh, come on!
00:16:46I think she's a little overdressed and underequipped ..
00:16:56...Or not.
00:17:06All the contestants tonight, they're really nice people.
00:17:09In spite of the intense competition, the money at stake, they've been pleasant, respectful, a joy to be around.
00:17:16That's all well and good, but nice does not bring in ratings.
00:17:20I feel the need for some ugly competition, right?
00:17:25We're a mob!
00:17:27Two equally matched competitors with nothing to lose.
00:17:37Kangaroos are up and kicking down under.
00:17:50Skippy's got a pouch full of chutzpah.
00:17:55But the barbecue fires are red hot.
00:18:05Watch this guy get kangarooed.
00:18:10The barbecues have one last chance to smoke out a victory.
00:18:15Oh, that's all right.
00:18:28Join us next week ..
00:18:37...On "versus." [ cheers and applause ] , these next clips -- they're not nominated for the big money, but they don't know it yet, So act naturally, all right?
00:18:57That tree is nearly 40 years old, an age sam will never reach.
00:19:10[ Laughing ] hey, did you hear the one about the kid hitting the magazine?
00:19:22[ Laughing ] it turns out there's been some opposition to andy's mouse memorial.
00:19:43Now this is a good trick -- teach the dog to take himself to the park.
00:19:49Guess he's a hop-scottish terrier.
00:19:55Oh, it ends sad.
00:19:56He got mugged.
00:20:05[ Applause ] after the award is given, you head backstage to talk to the press.
00:20:16Man: Our next -- okay, so it's not the most beautiful course, but, then again, it's not the most beautiful swing.
00:20:42[ Cheers and applaususe ] some actors won't get out of bed for less than $10,000.
00:20:49Then they sleepwalk through their performance.
00:20:51Now here's a boy who got out of bed, won $10,000, and didn't wake up for any of it.
00:20:59He's our next nominee.
00:21:00In the interest of easy cleanup, they got the nonstick sheets.
00:21:11[ Laughter ] I'm mary.
00:21:27This is my husband, doug, my son, andrew, and my daughter, mandy.
00:21:32This is the star of the show, jesse.
00:21:35With our money that we won, I got a brand-new convertible.
00:21:41We bought a big-screen tv to watch " we bought jesse a few treats, and the kids both went to college.
00:21:53It's been a great experience, and if you guys have a tape that's funny, I suggest you send it in, 'cause you never know.
00:22:01We just sent one tape in, and look at us.
00:22:05[ Indistinct shouting ] ]Ladies gentlemen, the 57th presidentof the united stes.
00:23:00♪♪ ♪♪
00:23:09♪♪ ♪♪
00:23:13[ bell ngs ] ♪♪
00:23:17[ Male nocer ] AT&T.
00:23:18Stest3g network.
00:23:20G your grade exclusive samsung sive for jus$19.99.
00:23:25Oy from at&t.
00:23:58spennti curio bimselves.
00:24:05Oprhi the scenes n rl al ifference.
00:24:16Celebrate wod s alpwildlifen.
00:24:23DISCOVER MOREAT coolestrollback pie.
00:24:31What's better than a desserton rollback?
00:24:34Mrrollback likes ice cam.
00:24:38So they can live better.
00:24:39Mr. rollback'nna have some ice cre.
00:25:57absolutely Texas.
00:25:59We grow the best potatoes right here in California.
00:26:01The best potatoeItalifora.
00:26:08California? Give me a break.
00:26:10The perfect chip every time.
00:26:12No, not Michigan.
00:26:14Have you seen those guys?
00:26:14-Michigan. -Michigan.
00:26:16It's Florida.
00:26:16No sir. They come from Texas.
00:26:32.. ♪♪
00:26:34♪♪ I'll pass it on, ♪♪
00:26:36.. ♪♪
00:26:41.. ♪♪
00:26:43.. ♪♪
00:26:45.. and on... and on ♪♪
00:26:48edible arrangements.
00:26:49Happiness is always in season.
00:26:51Shop in-store 7 days a week, call or go
00:27:32[ Cheers and applause ] as you know, this weekend is mother's day.
00:27:43Now those of you who didn't know that are probably running around the room in a panic not listening to me, so I will talk to the rest of you.
00:27:50Here are some videos of what it takes to become a mother, and I mean that literally.
00:27:57Man: Okay, chris just got ..
00:28:03As you can tell.
00:28:05Her contractions are getting bad.
00:28:08[ Laughing ] THEY'RE DEFINITELY Not as bad as the first time.
00:28:15[ Laughs ] this is worse than the first time?
00:28:19[ Laughing ] why does it make you laugh though?
00:28:26I don't -- what's -- I don't know.
00:28:30[ Laughing ] NOW.
00:28:43[ Speaking indistinctly ] you are.
00:28:45You're doing a good job.
00:28:52Man: You're doing great.
00:28:53One more.
00:28:55Ohh! ohh!
00:28:58[ Speaking indistinctly ] good job.
00:29:02Good job.
00:29:06Harder this time!
00:29:07Come on, harder, harder, harder, harder!
00:29:10That's it.
00:29:12Come on, that's it.
00:29:13Here it comes. here it comes.
00:29:13Here it comes. here it comes.
00:29:16Okay, good.
00:29:18One more time.
00:29:18Come on, two more you need one more push.
00:29:25That's it.
00:29:26Hold that baby -- we have another baby coming, so you all get ready.
00:29:39We have a little boy -- [ laughter ] I was going to use this his time to send a special personal mother's day message to my mom, but I did it last year, and they accused me of being cheap, which isn't fair.
00:29:58It cost the network thousands of dollars a minute for me to stand here, talking about my mom, and that's probably why there's that guy over there going like this.
00:30:10I have a gesture for you, too!
00:30:14Happy mother's day, mother.
00:30:17It's always hard for mom when a little one leaves the nest.
00:30:22It's even harder on the little one.
00:30:35Woman: Get a hit, dexter, now!
00:30:39Make sure you get him -- mom comes to every game to root her son on to victory, or at least to first base.
00:30:53[ Crying ] don't worry, mom.
00:31:00The dog won't be jealous of the baby.
00:31:03They'll be inseparable.
00:31:10But, mom, they won't always be babies who need to be spoon-fed.
00:31:15One day they'll grow up to be adults who need to be spoon-fed.
00:31:20[ Laughter ] my mom's 50th birthday present 00 in the morning.
00:31:30I didn't realize what I did till after I did it, and I was wearing this costume I'm about to show you, a grim reaper costume.
00:31:39This is what she is seeing.
00:31:53[ Laughing ] Happy birthday, mom.
00:31:59Everyone's mom is different, but not that different.
00:32:02They all have some stuff in common.
00:32:04In fact, just about every mom fits into one of the following categories.
00:32:08So sit back and see which of these describes your mom, get your feet off the couch.
00:32:16She's the one who believes that a happy baby is a well-fed baby.
00:32:30Whenever help is needed, this is the mother you want nearby.
00:32:37Woman: Pick it up right now!
00:32:40[ Laughs ] you okay?
00:32:49She doesn't want her kids spending weekends glued to the tube she puts some adventure in their lives.
00:32:58Man: Did you lose your -- [ laughter ] she fell in.
00:33:15These children are lucky their mother knows the value of a good sight gag.
00:33:25[ Laughter ] close your eyes.
00:33:29Close them.
00:33:31And here's a mother who loves a good practical joke.
00:33:40Oh, jesus.
00:33:43Oh, my god!
00:33:48[ Crying ] Man: What's wrong?
00:33:54What's wrong?
00:33:58You still got it.
00:34:01[ Laughter ] [ cheers and applalause ] anyone who's ever watched this show with any regularity has to know that when you buy a piñata, you are taking your life into your hands.
00:34:15And yet the spinnings and beatings continues, our next nominee.
00:34:28The second most common piñata mistake -- swinging for the voice.
00:34:34Swing as hard as you can.
00:34:40The number one most common piñata mistake -- buying a piñata.
00:34:46Mom, move!
00:34:47[ Laughter ] coming up -- a look at tom's very own home videos.
00:34:59When "afv" returns.
00:35:08think ?
00:35:14Look !
00:35:15Mickey Mouse !
00:35:19Make all their Disney dreamscome true.
00:35:22I knew I'd find you.
00:35:24With Mobile Magic, the only app that locatesyour favorite characters, checks FASTPASS and wait timesfor the park you're in, and helps you planevery step of your day.
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00:35:51always cowboy?
00:35:52..remember thatre of you and mom ..
00:35:55..and you d the matching ha are you done? and you had that horse.
00:35:58No, you're not done. what was his name again?
00:36:00 wow cowboy burger.
00:36:05Livin' the dream.
00:36:05[ Male Announcer ]APPLEBEE'S NEW REALBURGERS From across america.
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00:36:17Only at applebee's.
00:36:18Now open until dnightor later.
00:37:21are Wonder!
00:37:22KELLY: Did you say One Day Wonder?
00:37:25ODW BOY: Flip-Flops, $1.
00:37:27Saturday Only.
00:37:29JOSH: Wanna see my flip-flops?
00:37:30ANNCR: Irresistible!
00:37:31Old Navy's One Day Wonder: Flip-flops $1.
00:37:34Saturday only.
00:37:38Hmmm, I'm losing energy this morning.
00:37:41Did you have a good breakfast?
00:37:43Here, try this, it's under three hundred calories and pretty satisfying.
00:37:49Mmmm! Tasty!
00:37:56Looks like everything is back to normal.
00:37:59Fight the morning fade in under three hundred calories.
00:38:03Jimmy Dean D-Lights. Shine on.
00:38:06] ♪♪ ♪♪
00:38:08[ Female Announcer ] SUMMER'S CALLING!
00:38:11Get a 12' enclosed trampolinefor only $219.99.
00:38:17[ Mr. Bluelight ]THERE'S SMART -- AND THERE'S Kmart SMART.
00:38:25♪♪ ♪♪
00:38:27[ Female Announcer ] THE ONLY RAZOR AND BIKINI Trimmer in one.
00:38:31The award winning schick quattro r womentrimstyle.
00:38:33Free your skin.
00:40:08[ Cheers and applause ] ntest tonight, but I still thought it'd be a good time to bring out some of my own home videos here's one of me just killing a little time at the train station.
00:40:40Nothing big.
00:40:42Now we had a little "afv" company picnic, and I entered the sack race, and I think I did pretty well.
00:40:58You know, up until then.
00:41:00When I was a kid, I used to love playing outside after a spring rain.
00:41:19What's your name?
00:41:22Will you feel my biceps?
00:41:23Just -- yeah, I've been hitting the weights lately.
00:41:27Here's some shots of me working out.
00:41:37[ Groaning ] ah!
00:41:51It's bobblehead me.
00:41:52That's all I'm willing to expose of myself for one week.
00:41:55Let's let some other people suffer for a little bit.
00:42:00When some boys reach manhood, they're treated to a ride on the bar mitzvah copter.
00:42:20Come on, honey.
00:42:22It's only another 160 pounds.
00:42:24Your dainty little hands can handle it.
00:42:27Come on.
00:42:27Hold me tight.
00:42:38Hey, who's the new girl?
00:42:43Oh, the old girl.
00:42:50Something tells me the guy in the background doubts this fella's sincerity.
00:42:54I'll always love you if you'll marry me.
00:43:02[ Applause ] Woman: I know.
00:43:09There's a certain way to present yourself to dolphins so they know you're friendly.
00:43:16Oh, my god!
00:43:19Oh, yeah!
00:43:21[ Laughter ] Woman #2: She thinks she's on a swing set.
00:43:30Oh, it may take time, but tractor bowling will have its day.
00:43:43[ Cheers and applause ] now before I introduce this next nominee, I should remind you that every one of them has already won $10,000.
00:43:51So when we announce the ultimate winner, don't go getting sad for the poor losers.
00:43:56In my book, they're allrichlosers.
00:43:58With that in mind, here's our next nominee.
00:44:05They fit!
00:44:06Is this a present or a trap?
00:44:09Look at that.
00:44:09I'll wear these to work.
00:44:12[ Dogs barking ] [ cheers and applause ] for an invention that is hundreds of thousands of years old, the wheel continues to be a fresh source of amusement day after day -- way funnier than fire, and a whole lot easier to carry.
00:44:43We love you, wheel.
00:44:45We hope you'll stay around.
00:44:48[ Laughs ] I love that.
00:44:50Watch cindy go from bike injury to the hydrotherapy pool in one easy step.
00:44:57[ Laughter ] now here's a car that didn't make it to the production line, the death wedge.
00:45:17Ed has his own version of the triathlon -- biking, tumbling, and swimming.
00:45:29Jane was so unpopular, even her car dumped her.
00:45:34[ Talking indistinctly ] Girl: Aah!
00:45:40Not only does she get good mileage, here's why you should always wash your hands after touching the railing.
00:46:04Plain something to me?
00:46:06People spend thousands of dollars to vacation at the beach because they love water.
00:46:10Others put a pool in the backyard because they love water.
00:46:14That makes me wonder why are these next people so crabby just 'cause they got a little wet?
00:46:19The important thing when doing long-distance running is to keep yourself hydrated.
00:46:32[ Man singing in foreign language ] Bergeron: Oh, you can go through an elaborate ceremony, but the mass baptism works just as well.
00:46:59Bergeron: Camels can go weeks without water, but they can't go that long without getting some.
00:47:18If throwing a coin in the fountain will get you your wish, what'll throwing a kid in do?
00:47:26All right!
00:47:31Yes, tens of people tuned in to watch edith knievel jump the river.
00:47:37[ Laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]] as I've already said a few times tonight, someone is going to be $100,000 happier very soon, but money does not come without a few problems.
00:47:54The most pressing being, " okay, college for the kids, retirement fund -- [ Imitating Katharine Hepburn ] Bore, bore, bore!
00:48:03Norman, you old poop!
00:48:05[ Normal voice ] Sorry.
00:48:06I was having a "golden pond" flashback.
00:48:08[ Imitating Katharine Hepburn ] But we've got some ideas on how you could spend the money.
00:48:15[ Coins jingling ] you could take dance lessons, or maybe remodel.
00:48:28[ Laughter ] you could buy yourself a house and tear it right down.
00:48:42You could buy yourself a trained turtle.
00:48:49Or even have your roof rubberized.
00:48:53It's your money.
00:48:54It's all up to you.
00:48:58[ Cheers and applause ] how many -- how many of you here are married?
00:49:05[ Scattered applause ] oh, only one guy clapped.
00:49:10[ Laughter ] there are a lot of details to planning a wedding.
00:49:13You worry about the food, the band, that you might be able to do a little better than the person you're marrying.
00:49:20Well, relax.
00:49:21I'm sure everything's gonna turn out beautifully.
00:49:23Of course, I said that about these weddings, too.
00:49:26[ Speaking indisy ] hey, his job is to take the ring, not your crap.
00:49:42Oh, now.
00:49:43Did you get it?
00:49:47[ Indistinct conversations ] bachelors of the world, beware of the bait and switch.
00:50:00[ Cheers and applause ] Man: I would have loved to have been able to come.
00:50:09If everyone would be quiet, there is a short announcement.
00:50:16♪ Hmm, hmm, hmm ♪
00:50:18♪ hmm-hmm hmm hmm ♪
00:50:20♪ I need to poo ♪
00:50:23[ laughter ] you can tell -- she's really taking his breath away.
00:50:34[ Blowing ] [ blowing ] Man:..
00:50:51...Take thee, louise...
00:50:53[ Crying ] kind of hard to say who's going to carry whom over the threshold.
00:51:07...Take thee, louise...
00:51:09...To be my wedded wife...
00:51:11...To be my wedded wife...
00:51:13...To have and to hold...
00:51:15...To have and to hold...
00:51:17...From this day forward...
00:51:19...From this day forward...
00:51:21...For better or for worse.
00:51:23...For better or for worse.
00:51:26[ Chee applause ] [ chuckling ] ah.
00:51:35Remember -- remember when you were a kid.
00:51:37And you'd get up early saturday morning, you'd have a bowl of really sugary cereal, you'd watch cartoons.
00:51:44Seems like there was always a mouse with a big, wooden mallet flattening a cat like a pancake.
00:51:50Well, we like to think we're every bit as ridiculous as those cartoons.
00:51:53And we got the proof to back it up.
00:51:56[ Up-tempo music plays ] oh!
00:52:14Woman: Look, there it is.
00:52:16[ Music continues ] [ barking ] aah!
00:52:46[ Music continues ] whoa!
00:53:08Man: Watch out.
00:53:10You'll fall down.
00:53:15[ Snarls ] Man: Ohh!
00:53:23Hi, we're the andelson family.
00:53:26We are from kellogg, iowa.
00:53:28And the clip that won was of a little baby who was screaming very hard.
00:53:34And then, when I put some music on in the background, she immediately switched into a good mood and started bouncing and dancing.
00:53:42And that little baby was, at the time, almost a year old.
00:53:46And that little baby is now sitting here in the middle.
00:53:50[ Screaming ] [ crying ] [ up-tempo music plays ] ♪♪ ♪♪
00:54:58[ ding ] But fly is forever.
00:55:05[ ding ] You do know the one thing better than fly?
00:55:08[ ding ] [ Both ] FLY-ERRRR!
00:55:13♪♪ ♪♪
00:55:14MalAounceTHE MOTOROLA BACKFLIP -- Facebook, twitte tand more.
00:55:19Streaming on aingle screen.
00:55:21Only from at&t.
00:55:26[ Male Announcer ] WELCOME TO E PSI ESPROJEAR,'RE Giving over $20 million to fund yourdeas to make the world a better ace.
00:55:34Here's how it works.
00:55:36You submit ideas.
00:55:37You vote for ideas, that you like the best.
00:55:41And each month, the ideas with the most votes get a pepsi refresh gr the pepsi refresh prt.
00:55:50It's happeng nowat refrehecom time walmart.
00:55:56And we've got some deep rollbacks!
00:55:58Like cheerios. now just $2.50.
00:56:01Th's a bucss.
00:56:03Wow! good morning, savings!
00:56:05E is dre, and I save people moneyso they can live better.
00:56:26speak urious disver somethbiheelves.
00:56:33Every dae k behind the scenes rl rson: e.
00:56:45Celebre e d we sha all of which goes to hel DISCOVER MOREAT ♪♪♪♪
00:57:00.. ♪♪
00:57:02♪♪ I'll pass it on, ♪♪
00:57:05.. ♪♪
00:57:09.. ♪♪
00:57:12.. ♪♪
00:57:14.. and on... and on ♪♪
00:57:16edible arrangements.
00:57:18Happiness is always in season.
00:57:20Shop in-store 7 days a week, call or go toediblearrangements.
00:57:26absolutely Texas.
00:57:28We grow the best potatoes right here in California.
00:57:30The best potatoes come from New England.
00:57:32Definitely Michigan.
00:57:33Nope. They come from Florida.
00:57:36It's California.
00:57:37California? Give me a break.
00:57:39The perfect chip every time.
00:57:41No, not Michigan.
00:57:42Have you seen those guys?
00:57:43-Michigan. -Michigan.
00:57:44It's Florida.
00:57:45No sir. They come from Texas.
00:57:56] test, washer, women preferredthe softness and scent of concentratedsnuggle blue sparkle to theeading brand.
00:58:04And snuggle costs less, too.
00:58:06So go on, buy snuggle today.
00:59:01[ Cheers and applause ] if it were up to me, every clip we have would win money.
00:59:06Fortunately, it's not up to me, 'cause we'd be out of money, and we'd have to do this show out of my apartment, which is not to say you wouldn't all be invited, by the way.
00:59:18Here are some clips worth every penny we're not going to have to pay them.
00:59:26I don't know how big their property is, but harry sure has a couple of acres.
00:59:33[ Groaning ] [ sneezes ] that was marty's favorite meal -- macaroni and dust.
00:59:47[ Laughing ] the johnsons love their kitty, or, as they call it, the static-electricity generator.
01:00:02[ Man laughing ] [ barking ] how to make balloon animals -- step one, get a balloon.
01:00:19Woman: Oh!
01:00:19[ Laughing ] who's the lucky man who had this woman drop into his life?
01:00:28It makes me very homesick to be making such beautiful food.
01:00:32Man: Very delicious, and who is this lovely lady over here?
01:00:35So, you're going out with her?
01:00:39Yeah, liar, liar, pants on fire.
01:00:50[ Laughing ] oh, no!
01:00:56[ Cheers and applause ] this next $100,000 nominee has accomplished something impressive -- finding an approach to a new year's eve celebration that even dick clark never considered, at least not like this.
01:01:11Woman: Whoo!
01:01:14Man: You're fired up.
01:01:16You gonna say, "happy new year," or what?
01:01:21Happy new year!
01:01:24Here, he's celebrating the new year and showing the old year what he thought of it.
01:01:31[ Laughing ] honey, put your -- he's just like his mama.
01:01:38[ Cheers and applause ] you know, on public television they have programs on philosophy, history, and science that you can actually get school credit for watching?
01:01:51Well, this ain't pbs, so don't think that watching these animal clips will get you any closer to that veterinary degree, but at least we won't interrupt it with a pledge drive.
01:02:02Every child remembers their first visit to the tripping zoo.
01:02:08Man: Watch where you're going.
01:02:08Megan, watch where -- [ laughing ] are you all right?
01:02:15Watch where you're going.
01:02:20[ Laughing ] watch where you're going.
01:02:23Carol's getting her horse ready for the derby -- the demolition derby.
01:02:35It's the nba on the wb.
01:02:38[ Croaking ] there's a lot of junk on the fridge, but the real story is the mouse behind it.
01:02:51Woman: Aah! aah!
01:02:55Ralph, put it down.
01:02:55Put it down.
01:02:59Get the -- get the container.
01:03:00Ralph has it.
01:03:11Where are you?
01:03:13[ Laughing ] Man: Now, just gently go forward, now, ..
01:03:21Perhaps peanut costume wasn't the most appropriate safari wear.
01:03:27Oh, god, go, just go.
01:03:29Man: There's another one there.
01:03:34Oh, he's coming!
01:03:34He's coming!
01:03:37Keep going!
01:03:38Go on, keep going!
01:03:40Keep going?
01:03:42Keep going!
01:03:46Come on, then, come on.
01:03:50Bring your mates!
01:03:52[ Laughing ] [ cheers and applause ] people think that since I've been doing this show, I must have seen everything.
01:04:01Well, I have seen a parrot dressed like a cowboy riding a wiener dog.
01:04:05I've seen flying lawn mowers, and I've seen more piñatas than you can shake a stick at, but until I'd seen these next clips, I hadn't seen anything at all.
01:04:17Woman: Aah!
01:04:18Man: Whoo!
01:04:20May the force be with you, matt! gravity.
01:04:26Go, storm trooper!
01:04:32Man: Okay, get over there.
01:04:32Stand on your feet.
01:04:35Now hit your feet with your bat.
01:04:37Hit your feet with your bat.
01:04:39 looks like he's got everything you need to be in the major leagues -- well, almost everything.
01:04:48[ Laughing ] whoo-hoo!
01:04:52A dune buggy is made to go off-road, not off-land.
01:05:01[ Engine grinding ] wait a minute!
01:05:10The one thing elephants ..
01:05:16Woman: Here he comes.
01:05:16Don't drop them.
01:05:19Hold your hand out flat.
01:05:20Oh, yuck! yuck!
01:05:22I hate elephants!
01:05:25[ Man laughing ] look out, jane.
01:05:31You're gonna fall on your asphalt.
01:05:44And it wasn't till we actually received the check that you kind of held it and went, "wow!
01:05:51"Look what this says.
01:05:53" now tell me what you have.
01:05:58A froggy.
01:05:59How many froggies? uh-oh.
01:06:01Two frogs? ooh.
01:06:02That's a biggie.
01:06:05Wait a minute.
01:06:06Where are you keeping those frogs?
01:06:09Under my pants.
01:06:10Oh. three?
01:06:11How many more?
01:06:56dude,that high-fructose so?
01:07:00- What they say about it.- what?
01:07:02That it's nutritionallythe same as sugar?
01:07:04And it's finein moderation?
01:07:06Whatever, dude.
01:07:07Get the're in for a sweet surprise.
01:07:26are Wonder!
01:07:27KELLY: Did you say One Day Wonder?
01:07:30ODW BOY: Flip-Flops, $1.
01:07:32Saturday Only.
01:07:34JOSH: Wanna see my flip-flops?
01:07:35ANNCR: Irresistible!
01:07:36Old Navy's One Day Wonder: Flip-flops $1.
01:07:39Saturday only.
01:07:41Oatmeal cookies!
01:07:41Bar bell!
01:07:42.. what's the problem?
01:07:43We're shipping a package to andy but we can't send everything.
01:07:45It'd be too heavy.
01:07:46Bar bell!
01:07:47Never fear civilians!
01:07:48!ou guys need a priority mail flat rate box.
01:07:51. it's all over the tv.
01:07:54With priority mail flt rate boxes from the postal svice, if it fits, itships anywhre in the country for a lowlat rate.
01:08:00Thanks, mr. posl carrier!
01:08:02Hey, fellas!
01:08:02Shouldn't that dog be on a leash?
01:08:04Disney pixar's toy story 3 only in theaters.
01:08:06Priority mail flat rate boxesonly from the posta service.
01:08:09A simpleray to ship.
01:08:58For my mom.
01:08:58For every pink bucket ofgrilled or original recipe, ..
01:09:03To susan g. komenfor the cure.
01:09:08To help end breast cancerforever.
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01:11:14[ Cheers and applause ] as a skier, you're always looking to cut that perfect line down the mountain, achieving grace and agility all at once.
01:11:25As someone watching that skier, you're kind of hoping a woodchuck will jump in front of them, so you can see some action.
01:11:31Well, this next package is more for the viewers than the doers.
01:11:36You're jus you're just in time for this year's "agony of defeat" auditions.
01:11:42Whoo! aah!
01:11:46Binding should be tight enough for this, but loose enough for this.
01:11:54[ Laughing ] aah!
01:12:05Minisledder ..
01:12:08Equals miniavalanche.
01:12:11Ughing ] this looks like an expert run.
01:12:20Too bad there's no experts around.
01:12:39Hey, guys, what kind of wax do you use for these kinds of conditions?
01:12:45Go! yes!
01:12:53IN THE '70s, PRIMAL SCREAM Therapy was all the rage.
01:12:57The theory was, you scream, you feel better.
01:13:01Now, I never felt comfortable doing it then, but, ironically, all I have to do now is look at a picture of myself FROM THE '70s, Then the screaming comes pretty easy.
01:13:11Here's a little scream therapy for you.
01:13:13Feel free to bellow along.
01:13:22[ Screaming ] [ cheers and applause ] periodically, you hear talk about a gas shortage.
01:14:05Well, the truth is, there is no gas shortage.
01:14:09It's all in this next nominee.
01:14:13[ Cooi [ belching ] [ woman laughing ] [ farts ] [ cheers and applause ] any good photographer will tell you, to get the shot, you've got to be the camera, unless we're talking about a colonoscopy.
01:14:42Then you want to be somewhere else.
01:14:43Well, here's what it feels like to be the camera.
01:14:50If you've never been skydiving, those last 200 feet go a lot quicker than you'd think.
01:15:00Man: Look out!
01:15:01Woman: Aah!
01:15:10Way to go!
01:15:11A little warning for you -- raw pizza dough can cause blindness.
01:15:17Woman: Whoa!
01:15:19[ Laughing ] Woman: What have you got?
01:15:24What do you have?
01:15:25Have you ever seen a childproof child?
01:15:31[ Wheezing ] [ laughing ] I love you.
01:15:39I -- yeah, ready? sing.
01:15:44I hear you can get a dreamlike quality in your video by using a frosted lens.
01:15:51♪ Happy birthday ♪
01:15:53[ laughing ] don't forget to blow your candles out.
01:16:03[ Indistinct conversations ] they call her a belly dancer, but I don't think that tells the whole story.
01:16:16[ Man laughing ] [ cheers and applause ] [ clears throat ] as you know, videos competing tonight have all won a weekly contest earlier in the season.
01:16:30They beat a lot of excellent clips to get here -- ..
01:16:35How excellent were they?
01:16:35How excellent were they?
01:16:38We didn't rehearse.
01:16:39...So excellent, we thought they deserved one last look.
01:16:43These might not have won first place, but when you see them, you'll realize they're winners just the same.
01:16:54It's okay.
01:16:56Excuse me.
01:16:56I had to fart.
01:16:59[ Woman laughing ] " " ballerinas can fart, too, you know?
01:17:09[ Dramatic music plays ] [ no audio ] [ laughter ] aah!
01:17:59[ Music continues ] [ laughter ] [ no audio ] ew! he ate it!
01:18:35What is it?
01:18:36He just ate a lightning bug.
01:18:38[ Laughing ] look over here.
01:18:43Watch me fart.
01:18:45[ Farting noises ] [ crashing ] aah!
01:19:19[ Barking ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] how to describe this next nominee to you.
01:19:28Let's just say it's a bath that'll make you want to take a shower.
01:19:36I'm gonna go under, and then you better get that towel ready, okay?
01:19:40Man: Okay.
01:19:40I don't think you can fit under.
01:19:44Oh! I peepeed.
01:19:46[ Woman laughing ] that wasn't right.
01:20:00She got scared when you went under.
01:20:06Here, wash your eyes.
01:20:09[ Cheers and applause ] know...
01:20:14When a show has as much momentum as this one, you never want to slow it down unless you have sophisticated space-age technology or at least our rented slow-mo gizmo.
01:20:27Liza, are you in the booth?
01:20:28You ready?
01:20:29Woman: Yes, I am.
01:20:31Liza is at the controls.
01:20:32She is like the oz behind the curtain of this segment -- isn't that right, liza?
01:20:37Okay, let's -- we'll take a look at some clips, and then we'll slow them down for you, take an even closer look.
01:20:44I love this -- the fake raccoon in the box gag.
01:20:47Oh, you ain't gonna [bleep] with me on that damn thing.
01:20:51I know what it is.
01:20:52I [bleep] all over myself with one of them things when sam's had them.
01:20:56I know damn well what it is.
01:20:58It's that tail and that lid, you gonna say -- aah!
01:21:02[ Laughter ] all right, now hold it.
01:21:08Hold it right there, liza.
01:21:10Now, what do we know about this guy already?
01:21:12Well, we know that he swears like an osbourne and that he has a penchant for wearing sunglasses inside like jack nicholson, [ Imitating Elmer Fudd ] AND He's also very, very gullible.
01:21:23All right, so let's roll it ahead in slow-mo.
01:21:25We're about to see the really lifelike raccoon emerge from the little raccoon coffin while he does this odd sort of mating dance.
01:21:34..he's -- all right, hold on, hold on!
01:21:37Stop it!
01:21:38Give me a little racket back and forth with the controls.
01:21:41♪La cucaracha♪
01:21:43♪la cucaracha♪
01:21:45♪ la la la la la la la la ♪
01:21:46bring him down, bring him down, bring him down all the way.
01:21:49The shock waves from his hitting the floor will have reverberations.
01:21:53Watch this over this clipboard.
01:21:55..boom, finally!
01:21:58And then watch this -- fresh from tv land, it's bob denver as gilligan, ladies and gentlemen.
01:22:06Hey, little buddy.
01:22:07All right, all right, hold on.
01:22:08Stop it there.
01:22:09Remember the boy who cried, "wolf"?
01:22:12Well, he's grown up now, and he's an electrician.
01:22:17Let's -- let's watch that.
01:22:19What are you doing?
01:22:20I'm just trying to turn this -- aah!
01:22:24Aah! aah!
01:22:26[ Laughing ] [bleep] oh, all right.
01:22:32All right, hold it, hold it.
01:22:34All right, now, okay.
01:22:35Now, there's -- there's so much to make fun of in this one, and I'm sure you'll do your own jokes at home.
01:22:44We can -- we can sort of ignore this guy because we know he's only kidding, so we know he does -- so, let's put all of our attention on this fancy dancer over here.
01:22:54All right, let's -- let's roll it.
01:22:57And, of course, we're gonna see an academy award-winning performance starting now.
01:23:00All right, now -- now, stop it, if you would, liza.
01:23:04All right.
01:23:05Now, now, there's a lot -- there's a lot going on with our friend here.
01:23:09There is concern for the welfare of his friend.
01:23:13There's the amazing ability to hold on to both the flashlight and the banana, and there's clear evidence that he has not yet chewed the banana that he put into his mouth, but let it roll a bit longer, holding the banana, holding it.
01:23:30See, now it turns into a laugh.
01:23:33All right, now, if you could stop it now, liza, right -- "oh, I'm so clever!
01:23:37" and now he realizes he has been fooled, so his friend's head becomes a target.
01:23:48Now, let it roll through.
01:23:49And he's thinking, "what do I throw -- the flashlight or the banana?
01:23:53I'm keeping the flashlight.
01:23:55"I'm gonna hit him with potassium, yes!
01:24:00"In there! yes!
01:24:02"And you can take a peel, too!
01:24:04 why, I ought to -- why, I ought to --" all right.
01:24:11We've been slow long enough.
01:24:13Let's speed things up and do this show the way god intended, yes!
01:24:19I'm sorry, ron.
01:24:19There's nothing I can do.
01:24:22The board says you're fired.
01:24:33This explains why they named " the breed -- a radial retriever.
01:24:51Man: Morning.
01:24:52[ Snorting ] he's a quiet sleeper, but when he's awake, he snores like a banshee.
01:24:59Woman: Sleepy, baby?
01:25:01[ Snorting ] [ laughing ] [ ice clinking ] now, this is impressive.
01:25:18Even their fridge has a doggy door.
01:25:29After santa totaled the reindeer, this is the loaner he got.
01:25:34[ Laughing ] oh! oh!
01:25:40[ Chuckling ] santa, it's a new millennium.
01:25:44You can overnight these.
01:25:47Whoa! whoa!
01:25:48[ Shouting indistinctly ] ♪♪♪♪
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01:28:20thisglass hey, I heard that pledge leaves a waxy buildup.
01:28:27And where, pray tell,did you hear that?
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01:28:31Lori, read the can.
01:28:32Pledge has no wax,so there's no wax buildup.
01:28:35Just a clean shineevery time you dust.
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01:28:40Hey kids, mommy's on tv!
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01:30:38you know, in science fiction, be it film, in novels, whatever, they have machines to free us from the drudgery of everyday life.
01:30:45There are cars that drive themselves or robots that wash your underwear, but that's not the way real life is.
01:30:51Man is still in charge.
01:30:53And, thankfully, on "afv," he's got a less than perfect track record.
01:30:57Have you seen that trick where they pull the tablecloth out from under the dishes?
01:31:02[ Engine revving ] [ mid-tempo music plays ] ..
01:31:15Fossil fuel.
01:31:26Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your eyes to the end zone for our half-time show, " " plays ] [ laughter ] please welcome japan's answer to carrot top.
01:31:54[ Speaking japanese ] I don't think this is how laser tag works, but he's definitely out.
01:32:12[ Laughing ] [ up-tempo music plays ] so, that's what he meant when he said his career was in limbo.
01:32:21[ Whistle blowing ] [ cheers and applause ] here's an interesting fact -- since the start of tonight's show, nearly 1,000 babies were born in this country.
01:32:43We want to congratulate all the new families.
01:32:46And, mom, now that your stomach's gone down, watch these clips with an unobstructed view and see what you have to look forward to.
01:32:54Hey, where's that kid who makes a better door than a window?
01:32:59[ Indistinct conversations ] there he is.
01:33:11It's okay to have some baby fat.
01:33:15You're a baby.
01:33:20[ Woman laughing ] it's funny -- even though jerry lives in hollywood, this is the only time he gets to see stars.
01:33:28Hey, I got -- aah!
01:33:34..six eyes...
01:33:38The cute trifecta.
01:33:52Dad was glad he picked today to dress to the left.
01:34:01It's christmas.
01:34:02Sneezing's greetings.
01:34:06[ Sneezes ] Man: Bless -- oh, my goodness, look at that.
01:34:09Man #2: Did you get that on film?
01:34:13[ Cheers and applause ] being a mother is an awesome responsibility.
01:34:16There is so much resting on your shoulders -- you're a chef, you're a chauffeur, you're a nurse.
01:34:22But maybe the hardest thing about being a mom is putting up with dad.
01:34:28Some dads are a big help in the kitchen, some are a big help with the kids.
01:34:33Bob's a little ..neither.
01:34:42[ Blowing raspberries ] when you teach your kids how to whistle, you have to start with the basics.
01:34:48[ Blowing raspberries ] [ blowing raspberries ] [ laughing ] Woman: Make it go really fast, gordon.
01:34:59But you got to hold on tight.
01:35:01Gordon is the only dad in the playground to be thrown from a snail.
01:35:05All right, that's enough.
01:35:09[ Laughing ] [ clanking ] kenny's father will buy him anything he wants, except a toy chest.
01:35:18Put some more in there, daddy.
01:35:20Let me empty you out.
01:35:21Let me empty you out.
01:35:34[ Laughing ] okay, you ready?
01:35:38A good dad stays home even on league night.
01:35:49He had a third child just to pick up the spare.
01:35:55Pick up the spare.
01:35:57And what dad doesn't love a good practical joke?
01:36:01Woman: This is us getting dad back for him teasing us so many times.
01:36:18[ Laughter and applause ] there are only two words that can accurately describe this next clip and our next nominee -- " [ "linus and lucy" plays ] Woman: Here's charlie brown and his best friend, snoopy.
01:36:42Not only is he cute, he works for peanuts.
01:36:46[ Squeaks ] yay!
01:37:01I'm a good host.
01:37:01I'm a good host.
01:37:04I'm sorry.
01:37:04That's embarrassing.
01:37:06I was practicing verbal reassurance.
01:37:09If you say something enough, it becomes true.
01:37:12It worked for our next nominee, and, as you'll see, he's okay, he's okay, he's okay, he's okay.
01:37:24[ Groaning ] you're okay, drew.
01:37:31I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.
01:37:34I'm okay, I'm okay.
01:37:36I'm okay, I'm okay.
01:37:38[ Laughing ] I'm okay, I'm okay.
01:37:39I'm okay, I'm okay.
01:37:41I'm okay!
01:37:43[ Cheers and applause ] in the early days of television, many of the shows were westerns, and one of the most popular was "bonanza," the story of a father and his three sons, SORT OF LIKE THE fred MacMurray of the old west, who tried to tame the wild west with nothing but their horses, their fists, and their hair-and-makeup people.
01:38:04"Bonanza" was on for 14 years.
01:38:05Now, we're about to surpass that as our 13th season ends, stealing both their thunder and their theme song.
01:38:14" ha!
01:38:18[ "Bonanza" plays ] [ moos ] [ moos ] aah!
01:39:17The moment of I was always told growing up that practice makes perfect, and it turns out, that's only partially true.
01:39:27The truth is, if you really stink at something, practice just makes you worse.
01:39:35This is such a moving piece.
01:39:38It always makes me cry.
01:39:40[ Slow melody plays ] oh!
01:39:44If she can't get them with talent, she's going for the sympathy vote.
01:39:51[ Applause ] now the audience will vote out their least favorite character.
01:40:09[ Laughter and applause ] whoo-hoo-hoo!
01:40:25The key to getting good sound out of your drums is to have really tight skin over a hollow shell.
01:40:33[ Thwacks ] ow!
01:40:36[ Laughing ] [ cheers and applause ] [ chuckling ] all right!
01:40:43You've seen all of our nominated clips.
01:40:46Soon, it's gonna be time for the audience to vote.
01:40:49But first, one last look at the players -- "theme park panic" sent in by the weathers family.
01:40:56[ Cheers and applause ] [ laughing ] I'm okay, I'm okay.
01:40:59I'm okay, I'm okay.
01:41:02I'm okay!
01:41:03"Boogie woogie booger boy" sent in by the parker family.
01:41:09[ Sneezes ] ♪ a donkey, a donkey ♪
01:41:15"good grief," sent in by the sitzer family.
01:41:21[ "Linus and lucy" plays ] yay!
01:41:27"Gassy gal" sent in by the shea family.
01:41:33[ Belches ] [ woman laughing ] [ farts ] "slip sleepin' away" sent in by the McDonald family.
01:41:51"Double indumbnity," sent in by cathy davis.
01:41:57You hit it right!
01:42:02Man: Oh!
01:42:03"Bathwater blues," sent in by the woods family.
01:42:09Oh! I peepeed.
01:42:12[ Woman laughing ] "juggler smuggler," sent in by the hubbell family.
01:42:21♪ Doo doo a-doo ♪
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01:42:25thank you.
01:42:27"Slipper slobberer," sent in by the pepso family.
01:42:33Aah! aah!
01:42:37[ Barking ] "happy new rear," sent in by the metzger family.
01:42:50[ Man laughing ] all right, all right.
01:42:54Those are all 10 great nominees.
01:42:56It is time now for the audience to vote for their favorite and award one of them 100,000 wonderful dollars.
01:43:06Vote now.
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01:47:51All right. is the moment we've been waiting for.
01:47:56The results of our voting -- ..
01:47:58Of the $100,000 ..
01:48:07"Boogie woogie booger boy," sent in by the parker family!
01:48:13Come on over here!
01:48:15Holy mackerel!
01:48:16[ Cheers and applause ] [ laughing ] all right.
01:48:31Who knew?
01:48:36Now, now the good news -- the good news is, you've won $100,000.
01:48:44The bad news is, you'll be spending a lot of it on therapy for your youngest, who now has confetti trauma.
01:48:52So, I'm sorry.
01:48:52How about another hand?
01:48:56[ Cheers and applause ] a runny nose is a good thing!
01:48:59[ Laughing ] that is it for tonight.
01:49:02What a ride it's been.
01:49:05We'll be back with new shows and a new contest soon.
01:49:08Until then, log on to, KEYWORD "AFV." And remember, if you get it on tape, you could make some money.
01:49:17Good night, everybody!
01:49:18Take care!
01:49:20[ Cheers and applause ] 8( x xp " it sounds like something out of a science fiction movie.
01:51:11Scientists creating a new cell a living cell with computer asembled ding na.
01:51:20Could lead to break throughs in medicine or deadly bioweapons much jennifer htz has the story.
01:51:31the thing once only imagined in the moves.
01:51:35Now a team of scientists produced a living cell powered by man-made dna.
01:51:41The >> we made by starting with the genetic code in the computer.
01:51:474 Bottles of chemicals and a million base pairs in the right order and having a large molecule.
01:51:56Put it in a recipient cell.
01:52:00>> Bacterium transformed to a new species and reproduced billions of times it is the first step toward designing organisms that work differently from the way nature intended used to attorney allege to fuel hands bioterrorists it could allow them to create a deadly new you virus.
01:52:29What about greater ethical questions?
01:52:31The movies portray men trying to play god as lunatics.
01:52:40>> We don't know what will happen with the novel organizisms or species in the future once released into nature.
01:52:48Know the effects on the over all ecology or the health of of man as we move toward in the developments.
01:52:56>> How sophisticated is the cell?
01:52:57The dna sequence is a million base pair long by comparison the human is 3 billion base pairs long.
01:53:07Scientists have a lot to learn before the discovery creates anything useful it has already changed the world of science forever.
01:53:16>> Cbn news.
01:53:20>> When you get past the headliness there are unique things going.
01:53:27It is like a carpenter building a table and not crediting the tree for the wood.
01:53:33Here that's what is going on they are assembling things based on existing dna fragaments that have existed for millions of years.
01:53:43To say this is man-made synthetic dna, misses the point.
01:53:48It is unique in that a computer put the strand together from the source and then they inserted this into a cell which had no dna and it activated and became alive.
01:54:02That is brand-new and that is a franken stein type moment.
01:54:08To show you how complicate today is the first time they did it didn't work.
01:54:12You got a million base pairs.
01:54:15They sent a computer to find what was wrong and found one base pair out off alignment that was not right in a million and that's what caused the first trial to fail.
01:54:26They fixed that.
01:54:28And now it is alive.
01:54:30So, it is an on top of of being alive, it is self replicating.
01:54:35The that is something brand-new on some levels, it is scary.
01:54:40On other levels it means we can engineer life.
01:54:46Orge thom has the top stories.
01:54:49>> thank you, gordon the house and senate have passed major financial reform measures that include new regulations for the housing market and wall street.
01:54:59The bills create new standards for mortgages but fix fannie mai mae and freddie mac.
01:55:12Some critics think the bills go too far.
01:55:15>> This will get into everybody's pockets.
01:55:18I'm not talking about businesses.
01:55:20I'm talking about individuals the house and senate bills must be merged by a joint commit eye.
01:55:29Some parts are likely to be changed or dropped.
01:55:32Global financial cries will be one of the topics on the agenda as christians around the globe will gather in churches and homees to seek god for their nations this sunday.
01:55:43The annual global day of prayer is held on pentecost sunday.
01:55:46This year marks the 10th anniversary of of the event.
01:55:51Thousands will gather at the new landy rugby stadium in cape town, s includes the hiv/aids epidemic.
01:56:05Corruption and the world economy.
01:56:07Mortgage rates are down again falling to the lowest of the year.
01:56:12The average for a 30 year fixed mortgage is 4.84 percent.
01:56:18Interest rates have fallen after the cries in europe.
01:56:21Lower rates may come too late for many as a record number of homeowner are falling behind on mortgage payments.
01:56:29Over 10 percent missed at least one payment between january and march.
01:56:34Gordon it is awful how so many are in the middle of losing their home in this age.
01:56:39>> True, george.
01:56:41Of we had a record number last month.
01:56:45Record number of home in america going to foreclosure.
01:56:49I hope that the new interest rates the lower interest rates will enable more to be able to keep their homes.
01:56:56Be able to refinance and stimulate and stimulate a market for buyers again.
01:57:04We need to have some real changes here.
01:57:07Millions of american have lost home in this recession.
01:57:12And the will posto became one.
01:57:14He and his wife were about to lose everything until their daughter got a multimillion dollar idea will and lippeda poston were looking forward to a comfortable retirement.
01:57:26Will sold his heating business and linda retired as an interyob decorator.
01:57:32>> I sold my business to go sailing and ride horses, which i love and have a lot of down time.
01:57:39those dreams all change when will learned the people who bought his business were suing over 23 alleged violations of the sales contract am suddenly, the poston's faced the possibility of losing everything they owned.
01:57:51>> We would have to sell our home and use that as our retirement.
01:57:56>> For the next 3 years will fought to defepd himself in court his fees were 350 thousand dollar.
01:58:04His daughter could tell he was struggling with the financial setback.
01:58:07>> I remember calling them, what is going on?
01:58:11I'm trying to figure out how topate mortgage this month it is due tomorrow and I don't have the money.
01:58:17in the middle of the situation the poston's faced a difficult choice.
01:58:22Prierp to their financial cries they were faithful givers to their church and cbn.
01:58:28>> When the finances gets tight the enemy come at and you say you can't afford to give.
01:58:34That was what we just --ed in our minds that we were going to no matter what.
01:58:40ultimately they won every count of the lawsuit.
01:58:44There retirement was gone.
01:58:45>> I told him, daddy, my prayer is that by the time you are 65 you will be be restored and you will have everything that you would have had.
01:58:55her prayer for her father was answerod a family vacation.
01:59:00Andrea's son got sick at the resort ruining the mattress.
01:59:06>> These people neat mattress covers and I will sell it to them.
01:59:10>> I'm out there and they say, dad will work on us starting a mattress protector company.
01:59:18I thought about and said it probably will not last but 2-3 months sure.
01:59:22I will help you with it.
01:59:24>> Those few months turned 5 years.
01:59:27And what started as a plan to sell mattress covers to one resort turned an international business.
01:59:36Mattress sales exceed 3 million