America's Funniest Home Videos   View more episodes

Aired at 06:00 PM on Sunday, May 30, 2010 (5/30/2010)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:01Than the post office-- tom bergeron!
00:00:07Oh, stop. really.
00:00:11Thank you.
00:00:15Thank you very much.
00:00:15" you know, standing up here surrounded by all these people, all these great people, i-i think it feels like one of those, uh, well, you probably saw them this summer-- those town hall meetings that you see on the news where the audience is, like, crazy and out of control.
00:00:31Not this crowd.
00:00:31These people are great.
00:00:34The crazy people, they're in the videos.
00:00:35(laughter) (woman) HERE HE COMES.
00:00:41Now this is how you start a show.
00:00:46(laughter) Oh, man!
00:00:50Where's the bike?
00:00:52(pop music playing) She's gonna have a bruise as nasty as that carpet.
00:00:59(audience) OH!
00:00:59(boy) THAT WAS FUNNY!
00:01:02They're old enough to buy high heels.
00:01:05They're just not old enough to walk in them.
00:01:08(woman) ♪ WHERE WERE YOU?
00:01:11(laughter) (Tom) BIG WHEEL, BIGGER PUDDLE.
00:01:20(laughter) (boy) I GOT IT!
00:01:26It's pure magic!
00:01:27(woman) WATCH HER.
00:01:32Leg went down.
00:01:32But his leg says yes.
00:01:35Some kind of laser beam above her.
00:01:38(laughs) The automatic dog.
00:01:42(laughter) Oh, sure, it's fun, as long as you don't live downstream.
00:01:48(screaming) (laughter) (groans) HEY, KITTY.
00:01:58His name's not "claude," but his leg sure is.
00:02:02(woman) OOH! OOH!
00:02:05Ow. I hate you.
00:02:05(laughter) Yay, me! I'm doin' it!
00:02:15You can't spell "pogo" " (screams) (laughter) Guys, get me out of here.
00:02:26I'm peeing.
00:02:26(laughter) (cheering) You know, it is amazing how fast a relatively stable person can turn into a shaking, sniveling ninny with just a few simple words, like "boo" or "gotcha" " (laughter) We all have our panic buttons.
00:02:56You just have to press the right one.
00:02:59(woman) HEY, GET OFF OF ME.
00:03:01Get off of me.
00:03:02(laughs) Oh, my god.
00:03:03He's crawling up my leg!
00:03:06(laughter) Aah! aah! oh, no! oh!
00:03:11Where did it go?
00:03:12(indistinct conversation) Aah!
00:03:17(laughter) Careful, bambi, squirrels aren't just bushy, they're pushy.
00:03:26(chittering) (audience) OH!
00:03:30(woman) I GOT IT.
00:03:37She gets scared right down to her ots.
00:03:41AAH! (bleep) What's stranger, the dude in the mask, or that she took her cat into the bathroom?
00:03:53(laughter) YOU'RE A (bleep).
00:03:59Hey, pete.
00:04:02They say lizards make bad pets, and by "they," I mean this kid.
00:04:08(yelling) I GOT--OW!
00:04:09(man laughs) (crying) (laughs) Oh, that's neat.
00:04:15(laughter) (screaming) (cheering) People often ask me, "tom, what is the best way " and I tell them, "it's easy.
00:04:34"Just host two hit shows on the same network.
00:04:37" but some people, they still insist on doing it the hard way.
00:04:41Let's hear lady gaga's take on fame.
00:04:45(Lady Gaga) ♪ I can't help myself ♪
00:04:49♪ I'm addicted to a life of material ♪
00:04:53♪ it's some kind of joke ♪
00:04:56♪ I'm obsessively opposed to the typical ♪
00:05:00♪ all we care about ♪
00:05:03♪ is runway models, cadillacs and liquor bottles ♪
00:05:07♪ give me something I want to be ♪
00:05:11♪ retro glamour ♪
00:05:12♪ hollywood is livin' for the fame ♪
00:05:13(chorus) ♪ FAME ♪
00:05:16♪ Doin' it for the fame ♪
00:05:16♪ fame ♪
00:05:17♪ 'cause we want to live a life of the rich and famous ♪
00:05:23♪ fame ♪
00:05:23♪ fame ♪
00:05:24♪ doin' it for the fame ♪
00:05:24♪ fame ♪
00:05:26♪ 'cause we got a taste for champagne and endless fortune ♪
00:05:30♪ I can see ♪
00:05:32♪ myself in the movies ♪
00:05:34♪ with my picture in the city lights ♪
00:05:38♪ photograph my mind ♪
00:05:41♪ and whatever else you'd like to shoot, you decide ♪
00:05:45♪ all we care about ♪
00:05:48.. girls on film and body plastic ♪
00:05:52♪ give me something I want to see ♪
00:05:56♪ television and hot blondes in odd positions ♪
00:06:00♪ fame ♪
00:06:00♪ fame ♪
00:06:01♪ doin' it for the fame ♪
00:06:02♪ fame ♪
00:06:03♪ 'cause we want to live the life ♪
00:06:05♪ of the rich and famous ♪
00:06:07♪ fame ♪
00:06:07♪ fame ♪
00:06:09♪ doin' it for the fame ♪
00:06:09♪ fame ♪
00:06:10♪ 'cause we got a taste for champagne and endless fortune ♪
00:06:14♪ fame ♪
00:06:14♪ fame ♪
00:06:15♪ doin' it for the fame ♪
00:06:16♪ fame ♪
00:06:17♪ 'cause we want to live the life ♪
00:06:19♪ of the rich and famous ♪
00:06:20(cheering) .. ♪
00:06:22♪ fame ♪
00:06:23send us your funny video by uploading to the "afv" home page AT
00:06:28♪ Champagne and endless fortune ♪
00:06:28♪ fame ♪
00:06:33something funny happens when you cross over from land to sea.
00:06:37You become a different person.
00:06:41you taste foods you've never tried.
00:06:43♪ I want to bang on the drum all day ♪
00:06:45you swim with animals you've only seen in aquariums.
00:06:49And somewhere out on the high seas, you get your first water wedgie.
00:06:55♪ I don't want to play ♪
00:06:57♪ I just want to bang on the drum all day ♪
00:07:00[ ship horn blows ] breakfast subway!
00:07:0450, get a westernegg white muffin melt, ..
00:07:09Of freshly brewedseattle's best coffee.
00:07:11Try the new $2.50 breakfast combo at subway.
00:07:17n Lech)EAKENTI Acid erosion isa growing problem.
00:07:21Acidic foodsor beverages can cause a softeningof the enamel.
00:07:24It's things like soda pop,fruit juices, fruit.
00:07:27Once you lose enamel,it's gone for good.
00:07:31Wnal to re-harden thatsoftened enamel.
00:07:34Now, for those people whowant white teeth I would recommend pronamelgentle whitening, to help protect against acid erosion but also to help bring back your teeth to their natural whiteness.
00:07:48] food, would we eat better?
00:07:50At best foods,we make our mayonnaise with eggs, vinegarand oil rich in omega 3.
00:07:56For the qualitythat could only be best foods.
00:07:59Best'stime for real.
00:08:11(cheering) A dad is so many things.
00:08:18A dad is a role model.
00:08:20He's an embarrassment when he parades in front of your friends in black socks and sandals.
00:08:25These videos are for every kid who had to utter the words, " ..
00:08:33No pillows will be harmed in the filming of this video.
00:08:36(speaking gibberish) (blows raspberry) Ohh. whoo!
00:08:43(grunts) (audience) OH!
00:08:44Oh, nice one, dad.
00:08:45(laughter) (speaking indistinctly) You just pushed him towards the trash.
00:08:53Nice one, dad.
00:08:55(woman) Good job, buddy.
00:08:57OOH! (laughing) (woman) KEEP GOING, Nice and straight.
00:09:07Sit up.
00:09:09(screams) (laughter) What do you think?
00:09:19(woman) ONE, TWO...
00:09:22Do you think he's too little?
00:09:24She did fine, and her brother would have, too, if it wasn't for that meddling dad.
00:09:32Oh. oh!
00:09:32(laughter) (yelling) (foreign accent) WE DON'T Need no stinkin' playground.
00:09:38We got your merry-go-round right here.
00:09:40(yelling and laughing) (laughs) (audience) OH!
00:09:45(cheering) If your dog had its way, it would never leave your side.
00:09:53Every restaurant would serve kibble, movie theater seats would be made out of chew toys, and your bathroom floor would be covered with grass so he could go when you go.
00:10:01(laughter) Some dogs just can't bear being away from their master.
00:10:07(barking) (man) THIS IS MANDY TRYING To leave in the morning.
00:10:10Not everyone's happy mom went back to work.
00:10:18Bye, babies.
00:10:21(laughter) Bye, babe.
00:10:26Bye, babe.
00:10:28Love you.
00:10:28(laughter) (speaking indistinctly) Manny!
00:10:44(boy) YOU GOT TO GET Julie out of there.
00:10:46She's interfering.
00:10:46(woman) EMILY.
00:10:50(girl) GOT IT...
00:10:52(woman) YOU SHOULD SEND THAT " (laughs) OH!
00:10:54(boy laughs) WHOA!
00:10:56I don't know the rules of badminton, but I'm pretty sure this is illegal.
00:11:02(laughter) I'm gonna go out there ..
00:11:05(indistinct conversations) (woman) Hey, come on.
00:11:09(laughter) (laughing) (boy) That one's returned.
00:11:16(laughter) (woman) I'VE NEVER SEEN A dog do that before.
00:11:19All right.
00:11:23I haven't, either.
00:11:27The only thing they love more than skateboarding is each other.
00:11:33(laughter) That lapdog is jealous of that laptop.
00:11:50(whining) (woman) Yeah, she got up.
00:12:01(cheers and applause) Okay, now in this next clip, a girl is doing a fake news report about australia, the land down under, which is fitting because down under is where the real star of this video comes from.
00:12:18 I'm olivia fr--in down under.
00:12:22"I'm here to tell you some facts about the great barrier reef.
00:12:26"The great barrier reef is in australia.
00:12:29"The great barrier reef "is over 100,000 miles long.
00:12:33"The great barrier reef is near queensland, australia.
00:12:36Some of the fish ..
00:12:37(laughter) "Are starfish, manta rays, "gray nurse sharks, great white sharks, angelfish, " (laughter) "Some of the coral in the great barrier reef "are brain coral, elkhorn coral, "orange sun coral, red cauliflower coral " one of the cool things about "afv" is that fans of our show get to be on our show.
00:13:07Now other programs don't offer that.
00:13:09Fans of, well, "lost," don't get to personally experience time paradoxes on a tropical island with evangeline lilly.
00:13:17Wouldn't you rather get videotaped falling off a trampoline?
00:13:21Yeah, me, neither.
00:13:21(laughter) (woman) ..
00:13:23(man) HOW COME YOU Tdon't want to go to bed?
00:13:31You want to watch "funniest home videos"?
00:13:34Let's watch " blake, get out of there.
00:13:37All right.
00:13:39Let's go to bed.
00:13:45(laughter) "Funniest home videos"?
00:13:46(woman) WE'LL WATCH IT, " oh, okay, we'll watch it after you eat. okay?
00:13:52All right. blake.
00:13:53(laughter) (woman) C.J.?
00:13:56What's your favorite tv show?
00:13:57" oh, really?
00:14:01Can you tell me that you love "afv" in swedish?
00:14:04(funny accent) " (laughter) ..
00:14:08(woman) WHO?
00:14:12(woman) WHY?
00:14:15(woman YOU DON'T WANT To watch bergeron?
00:14:20(woman) WHAT DO YOU WANT-- You don't want to watch "survivor"?
00:14:28(man speaking indistinctly) What's that to?
00:14:36"Dancing with the stars"!
00:14:38We're gonna go to "dancing with the stars"!
00:14:41"Dancing with the stars" tickets.
00:14:42That's my other show, lady, but thanks anyway.
00:14:43Whoo-hoo-hoo, give it to him.
00:14:47(cheering) Summer's coming soon, and you know what that means-- it's time for the "afv" summer sweepstakes.
00:14:54This is a great opportunity for you to send us your funny or amazing home video and win some extra money, because in addition to our regular $100,000 contest, we'll be giving away $5,000 every 2 weeks UNTIL SEPTEMBER 7th.
00:15:07Here's how it works-- every 2 weeks, we'll randomly select a $5,000 winner from among the qualifying videos we receive during each entry period.
00:15:13The deadline for the first SUMMER SWEEPSTAKES IS JUNE 1st.
00:15:16So getget out that video camera and send that gem to us ..
00:15:23Or you can upload your video to the "afv" home page AT
00:15:27For full contest and sweepstakes rules, LOG ON TO Or write this address.
00:15:31Sweepstakes entry periods and deadlines are subject to change without notice.
00:15:35So come on.
00:15:35Send us your video and make this your most winning summer yet!
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00:16:27THE MIKE:(TO KID) !Looking sharp buddy...
00:16:29How bout a free tee for that pretty sister of yours?
00:16:32BOY:(CONFUSED) I have a sister?
00:16:34(chuckles) All Graphic Tees, buy one getne free...For Everyone!
00:16:38...This weekend at OlllldAAAVY!
00:19:14rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ♪
00:19:20well, well, well, ..
00:19:28And we have, uh, nate and steve, uh, also known as "trouble" here.
00:19:32Now you guys just met, uh, here at the show, and y-you're like best buddies already.
00:19:35Like that.
00:19:36Man, we're like the best of friends. we tight. we tight.
00:19:37You are?
00:19:39Okay, can we just have you work against each other, though, for this?
00:19:41Can we-- I think we can make that happen.
00:19:42We can make that happen.
00:19:44Can we do that?
00:19:44Just this one time.
00:19:44Threaten this--all right.
00:19:46All right.
00:19:46We're gonna threaten this 10-minute-old friendship.
00:19:48Here's the deal-- I'm gonna show you a video.
00:19:50There'll be a little blue blob in it, and you have to tell me what's hiding behind the blob-- either a kid, a cat or a canine.
00:19:54All right? it's that easy.
00:19:56First up, something is spinning on a chair.
00:20:02(chuckling) Oh, that's so easy.
00:20:03Steve said "that's so easy"?
00:20:06No, I didn't-- is that what you said already, yeah?
00:20:08All right, nate, what do you think?
00:20:09Kid, cat or canine behind the blob?
00:20:10It's got to be a cat.
00:20:13It--it--i mean, I see, like, some-- like, a tail and, like, something behind-- it got to be-- ..
00:20:19(laughing) It's got-- it's got to be a cat.
00:20:22It's like a science experiment gone bad. all right.
00:20:23(laughter) Steve, what about you?
00:20:26I got to agree with nate, not just 'cause he's my friend, but I would think either-- yeah, the deformed kid-- but I think a cat ..
00:20:33To stay on, you know?
00:20:33A DOG, YOU KNOW... (meows) Yeah.
00:20:35You didn't see any telltale hints, though, like, uh, nate believed he did.
00:20:38No, no.
00:20:38All right, you're just makin' stuff up, aren't you?
00:20:40I can see it. trust me, tom.
00:20:40Trust me, tom.
00:20:41Okay, all right.
00:20:42Let--let's see, nate, and, uh, so you both think it's a cat.
00:20:43I'm goin' with cat.
00:20:44I'm goin' with cat.
00:20:45Let's go with, uh, cat and see if you're right.
00:20:47You're-- you're right, yeah.
00:20:50Oh! oh!
00:20:52Oh, baby!
00:20:54Let's go!
00:20:57Listen, a note--a note ..
00:20:58This is funny stuff.
00:21:00Can you check to make sure there's no telltale fur or tails next time.
00:21:03(laughter) All right, here's, uh, a little baby laughing at something behind a blue blob.
00:21:09Let's take a look.
00:21:11(woman) OH! (laughs) Okay, ..
00:21:21I think we get the idea.
00:21:23I think the baby's either laughing or trying to eat ..
00:21:25(laughter) What do you thinit is, nate?
00:21:29Um, if I know babies like I do, 'cause I got three kids, let me say it's a canine.
00:21:33You got three kids?
00:21:34I'm just playin'.
00:21:34I ain't got no three kids.
00:21:37OKAY. (laughs) (laughter) Steve looked crestfallen there all of a sudden.
00:21:42So, steve-- I felt bad.
00:21:44Steve, what do you think?
00:21:44Uh, again, i-i feel like a "yes" man, but I'm gonna go with canine.
00:21:47You're gonna go with-- I'm not fond of cats.
00:21:48I feel like they wouldn't make me laugh if I was a child.
00:21:50Oh, okay, right.
00:21:52They're like--you know.
00:21:52It's the face-- I'm gonna go with canine.
00:21:54Okay, you're gonna go with canine.
00:21:55It's gotta be a dog.
00:21:55All right, let's see if they go 2-for-2 here.
00:21:59Oh, that's a-- that's a dog.
00:22:01It's a dog.
00:22:01 that's a toy dog. yeah, that works.
00:22:04(woman laughing) (woman) YAY!
00:22:07(laughter) That's awesome.
00:22:10Doesn't the baby ..
00:22:13That--that-- that baby's face-- imagine if freddy krueger ..
00:22:16(laughter) You know, that kind of thing.
00:22:21All right, let's see if you can go 3-for-3.
00:22:23All right, we have a pull-out bed in this next one.
00:22:25(woman) That's pretty funny.
00:22:25(man) THAT'S HILARIOUS.
00:22:26Are you kidding me?
00:22:29And out comes a part of a blue blob.
00:22:34(chuckles) ..
00:22:36Isn't this what they find " when they shine the special light?
00:22:39(laughter) Can I go first ..
00:22:42Yeah, go ahead, steve.
00:22:42You go--you go first.
00:22:45Go ahead and guess.
00:22:45What do you think?
00:22:47I say a kid.
00:22:47You think it's a kid?
00:22:48I think--the fantastic parents ..
00:22:51You know, that's--that's-- you do that to your three kids.
00:22:53 I think ..
00:22:55In time-out like that one time.
00:22:56It's the way to do it.
00:22:57That's how you do it.
00:22:58That's the way I was raised.
00:22:59It shuts them up-- good night.
00:23:00Of course. yeah.
00:23:01You guys need such help, both of you.
00:23:02(laughter) Let's, uh, let's see if you're right, though.
00:23:05If you are, you go 3-for-3-- perfect score, if it's, in fact, a kid.
00:23:08It's gotta be a kid.
00:23:09(woman) That's pretty funny.
00:23:09(man) THAT'S HILARIOUS.
00:23:10Are you kidding me?
00:23:14And there she is.
00:23:16Can they play, or can they play?
00:23:16Let's go! let's go!
00:23:193-For-3-- throw 'em here, keith.
00:23:21Now we got--yeah, throw that one in here, too.
00:23:24That's good. okay.
00:23:24(cheering) We got some-- need those?
00:23:27We got some parting gifts, a little "afv" on dvd.
00:23:28This is awesome.
00:23:28Thank you.
00:23:30How about a hand for nate and steve? old buddies.
00:23:31(cheering) Now check out some clips without the blue blob.
00:23:37Nicely done.
00:23:37Nicely done.
00:23:37Thank you.
00:23:38(pop music playing) Don't you wish this happened to everyone who wears sunglasses inside?
00:23:46(laughter) Aw, I love you, baby.
00:23:49I wonder, do gymnasts have flexible faces?
00:23:58(girl) OH, MY GOD!
00:24:00Aw, mitzi's got the same eyes as her fish.
00:24:02(woman) GRAB IT.
00:24:04(barking and growling) (laughter) (woman) Now I can't see her face.
00:24:10(growling) (laughter) (barking) Can I see your face?
00:24:20(growling, barks) (boy) THAT IS THE BEST PICTURE In the world.
00:24:24Wow, that kid has quite a package.
00:24:27(laughter) (girl) OH, MY GOD.
00:24:29(boy) HEY, WE NEED TO TAKE A picture of that.
00:24:31Erin, no!
00:24:32Oh, my god.
00:24:34(laughter) (woman) GO DOWNSTAIRS And get the paper.
00:24:39(barks) Go on.
00:24:44(barks) Good boy!
00:24:51Bring it up here.
00:24:53You know what that paper is-- " (laughter) Good boy!
00:25:00You have the paper?
00:25:03Good job!
00:25:05Thank you.
00:25:05Thanks, baby.
00:25:07It was a lousy picnic table, and it's a lousier ramp.
00:25:15(woman laughing) Next time you go to the zoo, donate a few extra bucks to the koala exhibit.
00:25:22(woman) OOH.
00:25:23(woman) THAT'S...
00:25:25(laughter) (laughs) I have it on video.
00:25:27Oh, my god.
00:25:30(man) SEE?
00:25:31Go at it.
00:25:34(speaking indistinctly) (humming) (woman) Here's the gipper.
00:25:38Yeah, I guess this is how you lose one for the gipper.
00:25:42OH! (laughs) (laughter) If you see a truck stuck in the mud and a guy trying to push, you might want to give them a little extra room.
00:25:51(woman) Is this fun? oh!
00:25:51(screaming) (laughter) ..
00:25:55(woman) You got margie.
00:25:56Did you do that on purpose?
00:25:59Look at margie.
00:25:59(laughter) (bleep) THAT WAS... (bleep) (woman) OH, MY GOD, And I got it all on camera.
00:26:08(laughter) (cheering) Okay, got a terrific prank.
00:26:17All you need is a willing victim, a hidden accomplice and a measuring spoon.
00:26:21It doesn't really actually have to be a measuring spoon.
00:26:24Any spoon will do.
00:26:25And it still measures how gullible your friends can be--watch.
00:26:29(man) THEO, HIT HARDER.
00:26:30(man) HIT HARDER.
00:26:32(man on TV) COME ON...
00:26:33But you go first.
00:26:35Oh, yeah, I think they're already cheating.
00:26:37They're cheating.
00:26:37(man) LET HIM GO FIRST.
00:26:38Let him go first.
00:26:40Let him hit you.
00:26:41Go ahead, but hard!
00:26:42YEAH. (laughs) (man on TV) THAT'S RIGHT.
00:26:46(groans) (laughing) (indistinct conversations) (laughter) (man) AGAIN?
00:27:01 you got to do it harder, dude.
00:27:04(grunts) (laughter) (cheering) ♪
00:27:27in post: The search is on for cute boots.
00:27:32[ Male Announcer ] INTRODUCINGTHE MOTOROLA Backflip from at&t, breaking the news that's important to you.
00:27:39♪ ♪
00:27:41this just inon twitter and facebook: A local bachelor, age 41, has just enrolled in karate.
00:27:48[ Male Announcer ]FIND OUT WHAT'S POSSIBLE When you get facebook, twitter,text, and more streaming on a single screen.
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00:29:32They got three kinds of flakes.
00:29:33This is delicious.
00:29:34It's the perfect combination of sweet and crispy.
00:29:36I love it. this is so good.
00:29:39This is great.
00:29:40The magic's in the mix.
00:29:43liketo pizza at pizza hut is just $10,you don't have to.
00:29:46Any pizza, any size, any crust and any toppings is just $10.
00:29:50All your favorite pizzas any way you want them, just $10.
00:29:54Only at your pizza hut.
00:30:32(cheering) Okay, time once again for our state spotlight.
00:30:39Tonight, we shine a light on georgia, and if georgia hasn't been on your mind, it will be now.
00:30:47We've got 50 great states, and tonight, we're proud to turn the spotlight on georgia.
00:30:58Do you really want a drink when it's filtered through your diaper?
00:31:02(laughter) (man) HE REACHED THE...
00:31:08(chuckles) They're making fun of him.
00:31:14Get it, boy, get that water. wet 'em.
00:31:14(laughter) (screaming) Dallas, georgia?
00:31:21I think I like the other dallas cowgirls better.
00:31:25(laughter) (woman) HE LIKES YOU!
00:31:27He likes you!
00:31:29You really like me, baby.
00:31:31Yes, I love you, too.
00:31:31(laughter) (laughing) (laughter) Ow!
00:31:45(laughter) He just bruised those georgia peaches.
00:31:50(laughter) (woman) This is what happens when a donkey talks back to himself.
00:31:56Here we go.
00:31:56(donkey braying) (braying) Yep, I felt the same way the first time I heard myself on tape.
00:32:14(braying loudly) She's raking leaves and leaving weaves in lithia springs.
00:32:26(laughter) This is rome, and this is the decline and fall of the roman cheerleader.
00:32:38(laughter) (audience) OH!
00:32:50(laughs) (man) ONE, TWO, THREE...
00:32:51(woman) READY? AND GO!
00:32:54Drop! drop! drop! drop!
00:32:55And sweet georgia brown, let go of that zip line.
00:32:58(laughter) Drop. I got you.
00:33:01Now, drop. drop.
00:33:01(whining) (voices overlapping) (laughter) (bell dings) ..
00:33:20The dogs are over water and under pressure, but they still come out swinging.
00:33:26But the balls come back with force.
00:33:30(laughter) Ow!
00:33:32(man) You're a moron.
00:33:34These paddling pooches pack a powerful punch.
00:33:41And get set for this ballroom blitz.
00:33:46(laughter) (man) SHE'S SWIMMING Over the water.
00:33:48Even over a paper cup, these dogs won't stop swimming.
00:33:53He looks happy.
00:33:54Poor dog.
00:33:56But the balls are still trying to dig out a victory.
00:34:01(laughter) You can take the dog out of the lake, but you can't take the lake out of the dog.
00:34:09(woman) Get her done.
00:34:10Finally, this missus just misses.
00:34:13(laughter) ..
00:34:16(bell dings) Dogs that think they're swimming.
00:34:23(laughter) Next week, the dogs take on kids who don't know ..
00:34:29(man) OH, WHAT ARE YOU Doin', jess?
00:34:32Pointing at his uvula.
00:34:34What's that?
00:34:35His uvula?
00:34:36Uh, honey, that's not his uvula.
00:34:37(laughter) " (cheers and applause) There are three sentences every parent dreads hearing-- "i quit school," "do you want to see " " (laughter) Here's a 6 year old whose noisy habit turned out to be music to his parents' ears.
00:35:01Hello, world, this is my son, ceddy evans, jr.
00:35:04You know what I'm sayin'?
00:35:056 Years old-- he's takin' the world by storm.
00:35:08He's gonna put all y'all cats in retirement.
00:35:10Show 'em what I'm talkin' about.
00:35:14(playing rhythmically) (playing faster) (playing very fast) (laughter) (cheering) Did you know the simple act of kissing uses 34 muscles in your face, and that is 68 muscles being used if you're lucky enough to have a partner.
00:36:35Pucker up for this montage, 'cause there's plenty of lip-lockin' goin' on.
00:36:39(Léo Delibes' "The Flower Duet" from "Lakmé" playing) (laughter) (laughter) (laughter) (laughter) (laughter) (laughter) (laughter) (laughter, applause) (cheering) ♪
00:38:11upload your funny video TO
00:38:47] #6.
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00:39:59...This weekend at OlllldAAAVY!
00:40:01Road trip allergies put scott in a fog.
00:40:05So I got him claritin.
00:40:07Now I'm claritin clear.
00:40:08(woman) CLARITIN'S OUR CHOICE BECAUSE IT Works hard to relieve his worst symptoms for a full 24 hours.
00:40:16...Runny nose, or sneezing.
00:40:17And claritin won'tmake me drowsy.
00:40:20Only claritin is proven tomake me as alert and focused as someone withoutallergies.
00:40:26For us it's the perfectallergy medicine.
00:40:29I only live claritin clear.
00:40:32Mom: family.
00:40:33And olive garden's one of the few places we can take them where everyone's happy.
00:40:37Try our new crespelle dishes.
00:40:38Italian crepes stuffed with five-cheeses with chicken in garlic cream sauce.
00:40:42Or with grilled italian sausage.
00:40:4495 at olive garden.
00:41:16B ♪♪♪
00:41:32We love getting ourOutback dirty.
00:41:35Because it seemslike the dirtier it gets, the more it shines.
00:41:40The Subaru Outback® d'sUtility of the Year®.
00:42:02] mayo, an invitation to come over to the other side.
00:42:06What else is gonna take your sandwich up a notch?
00:42:10The lettuce?
00:42:11Are you up for some sandwich-kicking flavor?
00:42:14Are you miracle whip?
00:42:32xxxxxxxxxxxñññññ$$iiiCçCç/ ♪
00:42:55remember those bodybuilding ads?
00:42:57I used to see 'em in the back of, uh, comic books, where a bully would kick sand in the face of a 98-pound weakling every time he went to the beach.
00:43:05Why didn't those weaklings do something like stop going to the beach?
00:43:09Of course, ..
00:43:10(laughter) Is getting buff.
00:43:16(boy) ..
00:43:18This thing closes at 8:00.
00:43:195, 6, 7, eight.
00:43:22(audience) OH!
00:43:33Here's what happens when you play "twister" by yourself.
00:43:39(laughter) (laughter) He's wearing stripes, but he's about to see stars.
00:43:52I'm going to get on my back. ready?
00:43:53(boy) YEP.
00:43:56(laughter) You know what's going to be twice as big as his arms?
00:44:03His foot.
00:44:04Once you put the effort in, then you can-- (metal clangs) Ow!
00:44:09(audience) OH!
00:44:12(breathing heavily) (boy speaking indistinctly) Call me a skeptic, but I think he's cheating.
00:44:23(laughter) (barking) Guess who just kicked the crap out of a chihuahua down the street?
00:44:34(laughter) (barks) With the money he saved on a trainer, he can hire a physical therapist.
00:44:51(audience) OH!
00:44:53(laughter) (cheering) The, um, the sultan of brunei recently paid a barber $30,000 to fly from london to asia just to give him a haircut.
00:45:07And that sounds like a lot until you realize the poor guy had to carry that big blue jar full of combs on his lap for the entire 16-hour flight.
00:45:13(laughter) That can stain.
00:45:18We might not show too many haircuts around here, but our specialty is close shaves.
00:45:24Russell hill is about to attempt what has never been attempted before.
00:45:28Everybody always sees these bikes hanging up in the thing, and they always want to ride it, but he's actually gonna do it now.
00:45:32(man) UPSIDE DOWN, Here we go.
00:45:34And I'm gonna spot him.
00:45:35Hanging from that hook right there.
00:45:38Got it, dude?
00:45:42OH! (laughing) You see the dog jump around.
00:45:49Jack was walkin' across there.
00:45:52An old tire is fine.
00:45:53You might want to spring for a new rope.
00:45:58(woman) OH! OH, NO! OH!
00:46:00(laughter) It's a 2-kid pileup at the doggy door.
00:46:06(laughter) (woman) OH.
00:46:08(crying) Do you need help getting out?
00:46:12Are you stuck in the doggy door?
00:46:15(crying) (cries) (woman laughs) Ooh!
00:46:22(laughter) Oh, he slipped.
00:46:25Yeah, dad makes him feel better with a little pat on the head.
00:46:29But I still don't think he forgives him.
00:46:32Give it to him.
00:46:37(laughs) You know you need golf lessons when your club goes farther than your ball.
00:46:47(laughter) Was that mine?
00:46:52Oh, my god.
00:46:54Was that mine?
00:46:57(woman laughing) Ooh, I guess there are some times you don't want to catch your own rebound.
00:47:08And this clip goes one cat too far.
00:47:16(screeches) (laughter) Oh, I recognize that look.
00:47:29That dog is hungry enough to eat a horse.
00:47:33(laughter) And since there don't seem to be any horses around, the contents of that freezer should do just fine.
00:47:42(glass clinks) (laughter) Wow,it's so cluttered in there, why don't you just take the whole tray?
00:47:58(laughter) (laughs) Yeah, that's better.
00:48:06(laughter) (laughter) (laughter) You know, it doesn't look like your owners have cleaned that freezer in a while.
00:48:35I'll bet when they see what you've done, they'll thank you.
00:48:38(audience) OH!
00:48:41(laughter) (glass shatters) There's nothing good about getting a bath, .. this!
00:48:50Come on, phil.
00:48:50(grunts) NOT AGAIN.
00:48:52Come on!
00:48:54Not this time.
00:48:54(grunts) Aah!
00:48:55No, you don't grab a tiger by the tail.
00:48:59(crash) (grunts) Marmaduke!
00:49:01Someone call !
00:49:03We got a crazy dog on the loose!
00:49:06(grunts) Freedom!
00:49:08(grunts) OH.
00:49:28You've never held itin your hand, then unleashed itwith a fingertip.
00:49:32Never watched pixels whip byat 1 Ghz and had your neuronsstruggle to keep up.
00:49:39You've never seen fast.
00:49:41Because you've neverseen this.
00:49:43The Droid Incredible by HTC.
00:49:46With a 1GHz Snapdragonprocessor, it's nothingshort of its name.
00:51:09♪ ♪
00:51:11[ sniffs ] Morning.
00:51:13You got in pretty late last night.
00:51:14Dad, I'm not sixteen anymore.
00:51:18Still, it was late.
00:51:20You're not gonna have to worry about that anymore.
00:51:23Yeah, why's that?
00:51:24♪ ♪
00:51:27todd's a lucky man.
00:51:28♪ The best part .. ♪
00:51:31that's what I told him when we talked last week.
00:51:34..Is folgers in your cup ♪
00:52:09rundgren's ] ..what's going on with dad?
00:52:13He seems different.
00:52:17he's not talking about work.
00:52:18♪ I don't want to work ♪
00:52:20he's not tucking in his shirt.
00:52:24he's not checking messages every 9 seconds.
00:52:27And now this?
00:52:30♪ I don't want to play ♪
00:52:31♪ I just want to bang on the drum all day ♪
00:52:36[ ship horn blows ] Mom: family.
00:52:40And olive garden's one of the few places we can take them where everyone's happy.
00:52:44Try our new crespelle dishes.
00:52:45Italian crepes stuffed with five-cheeses with chicken in garlic cream sauce.
00:52:49Or with grilled italian sausage.
00:52:5195 at olive garden.
00:53:59(laughter) Come on!
00:54:00NOT THIS TIME. (gru Aah! no, you don't grab a tiger by the tail.
00:54:03(cheering) It will soon be time to give away tonight's prizes-- $10,000 for first place, $3,000 for second, $2,000 for third.
00:54:12But now let's meet our nominees.
00:54:14In this corner, it's "let go fido" sent in by amanda o'riordan from laconia, new hampshire.
00:54:22(cheers and applause) Not everyone's happy mom went back to work.
00:54:29(laughter) (man) BYE, BABE. BYE, BABE.
00:54:37LOVE YOU. (cheers and applause) The next video in tonight's contest-- "u don't know uvulas" sent in by daniel gelfand FROM WELLINGTON, FLORIDA. (cheers and applause) (man) LOOK AT THAT BIG MOOSE.
00:54:53Oh, what are you doin', jess?
00:54:56Pointing at his uvula.
00:54:58What's that? uvula.
00:55:00His uvula?
00:55:01UH, HONEY, THAT'S NOT HIS UVULA. (laughter) (cheers and applause) And rounding out the nominees for tonight's competition-- "little drummer boy," sent in by marc edwards from alexandria, virginia.
00:55:15(cheers and applause) (playing very fast) (laughter) (cheers and applause) All righty, our audience has seen the three nominees.
00:55:40Time to vote now.
00:55:41(beeping) AND WHILE THEY DO, Enjoy tonight's honorable mentions.
00:55:46(rocket engine firing) (crash) (rubber bouncing) (spring bouncing) (metal clanging) (drum beating) (crash) (smack) (animal bellowing) (cheers and applause) (water rushing) (cheers and applause) Okay, now the results of our voting.
00:56:24"Let go fido" sent in by amanda o'riordan from laconia, new hampshire.
00:56:31(cheering) (drumroll) AND THE WINNER OF THE $10,000 ..
00:56:39"U don't know uvulas" sent in by daniel gelfand FROM WELLINGTON, FLORIDA. (cheering) (laughs) CONGRATULATIONS.
00:56:48Daniel, how are you? jasmine, how are you?
00:56:51I love that smile that you're working on OVER THERE. (laughter) I have to tell you first of all, I was impressed that you knew the term "uvulas," ..
00:57:00(laughter) How did you know that word?
00:57:05My dad taught me. really?
00:57:07 well, I work ..
00:57:12I'm not sure if she's gonna be a urologist .. yeah, well, ..
00:57:21You know, she's at the stage where she's ..
00:57:22 so, you know, we talk about the mouth and things like that.
00:57:25 did you, uh, let her know where the uvula is?
00:57:29As a matter of fact, I did. yeah.
00:57:32And do you know the word ..
00:57:34I just want to see how nervous they get in THE BOOTH. (laughter) Guess what?
00:57:39You've won $10,000 for that misdiagnosis.
00:57:44HOW ABOUT THAT? (Daniel) THAT'S GOOD.
00:57:45And you'll be back at our $100,000 show later this season. thank you.
00:57:49CONGRATULATIONS. (cheering) (Tom laughing) (cheering) (chuckles) We're all out of time. we'll be back soon.
00:58:01 get famous.
00:58:05Good night, everybody.thanks, guys.
00:58:08(cheering) ♪
00:58:11Captioned byClosed Captioning Services, Inc.
00:59:01Getting on the bus and volunteering.
00:59:03Later this week, we have an award-winning actor