Drake & Josh   View more episodes

Aired at 04:00 PM on Thursday, Dec 17, 2009 (12/17/2009)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:04♪♪ Ooh ♪♪
00:00:16>> ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
00:00:18>> Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
00:00:21>> What is that noise?
00:00:22I can hear it all the way-- are those clackers?
00:00:26>> You've heard of them?
00:00:27>> Yeah, I read online they're the hottest toys in the netherlands.
00:00:30>> Yeah, it's true.
00:00:31>> Could I play with them for a while?
00:00:33>> Sure, clack it up.
00:00:34>> Thanks.
00:00:40Hey, megan, wanna watch me clack?
00:00:41>> No, walter.
00:00:44Okay, stand here.
00:00:47You here.
00:00:51>> I hope that's not elastic >> I'm measuring.
00:00:55>> What are you--meg-- hey, what are you doing?
00:01:00>> What are you guys doing on saturday night?
00:01:02>> Going to a concert at the mega-dome.
00:01:04>> Why?
00:01:04>> Because we bought tickets.
00:01:08>> Not you.
00:01:09Why do you wanna know what we're doing saturday night?
00:01:11>> I don't care what you're doing.
00:01:13>> But you just asked us.
00:01:14>> Or maybe you just asked yourself.
00:01:18Yeah, think about that.
00:01:26>> Okay, I wanna know what her deal is.
00:01:27>> Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:01:28She's up to something.
00:01:29>> Yeah, first she hangs up the phone, pretends to not be talking to anybody.
00:01:32>> Yeah, and she measures our necks and asks of our social plans.
00:01:35>> Wait.
00:01:35She said we asked ourselves about that.
00:01:37>> Really, you're not a smart boy.
00:01:41>> Whatever, all right?
00:01:42All I know is when megan sneaks around badness is a-comin'.
00:01:45>> A-comin'?
00:01:46>> We need to find out what's goin' on with her.
00:01:48>> Yeah, well, we're gonna find out.
00:01:54>> Oh, I hurt myself in the face.
00:02:00[Music] [bell ringing] >> which locker do you think is megan's?
00:02:17>> Gee, I don't know.
00:02:18Maybe it's the one she's standin' in front of and putting books into.
00:02:23>> You know, sometimes your sarcasm hurts.
00:02:35>> Okay.
00:02:36Okay, let's see if we can get close enough to hear what she's talkin' about with her friend.
00:02:40>> Excuse me.
00:02:42>> Shh.
00:02:43>> Yeah, go away.
00:02:44>> Yo, jerks, see this?
00:02:47I'm the hall monitor.
00:02:48Now, show me your visitors' passes.
00:02:50>> We don't need any visitors' passes.
00:02:52>> Yeah.
00:02:53We happen to go to this school.
00:02:54>> You go to the upper school.
00:02:56This is the lower school.
00:02:59May I please see your visitors' passes?
00:03:01>> We don't have any.
00:03:02>> Then get out of my hall.
00:03:05[Laughter] >> oh, oh, oh, oh, he's gettin' all mad.
00:03:09>> Oh, who's an angry little hall monitor?
00:03:11This guy.
00:03:13>> Yeah.
00:03:14>> You two just made the biggest mistake of your lives.
00:03:23>> Oh.
00:03:24>> All right, come on.
00:03:25Let's see what megan's up to.
00:03:26>> Roger that.
00:03:28>> No way.
00:03:30>> I swear.
00:03:31>> When?
00:03:31>> Saturday night.
00:03:32>> And you're sure nobody knows?
00:03:34>> Well, drake and josh almost heard me when I was talkin' to him on my cell, but they're way too stupid to figure it out.
00:03:43>> So where you gonna meet him?
00:03:45>> The premiere.
00:03:46>> And he's gonna bring you the stuff?
00:03:47>> Oh, yeah.
00:03:48[Bell ringing] >> come on.
00:03:50We'd better get to algebra.
00:03:51>> Hey, I heard that thing on mr. barker's nose grew back.
00:03:54>> Awesome.
00:03:59>> Go get to class.
00:04:01Learn, learn.
00:04:05>> Man, who do you think she's meeting at the premiere saturday night?
00:04:08>> I don't know.
00:04:08And she said he's bringin' the stuff.
00:04:11>> What do you think the stuff is?
00:04:12>> Who knows?
00:04:14>> Explosives?
00:04:15>> Explosive poison?
00:04:18>> Man, I cannot stand not knowin'.
00:04:20>> Man, how we gonna find out?
00:04:21>> Okay, look.
00:04:22We're gonna blow off the concert saturday night and follow megan to the premiere.
00:04:25>> She'll see us.
00:04:26>> Hey, not if we're wearing disguises.
00:04:28>> Interesting.
00:04:29>> Yeah.
00:04:31>> That's them.
00:04:34>> He brought backup.
00:04:36He's just a little boy.
00:04:39>> All right, boys, we're just about to leave.
00:04:41No need to-- >> rubber bands.
00:04:43>> Ow.
00:04:44>> Ow.
00:04:45>> Hey-- ow.
00:04:46>> Oh. whoa, dude.
00:04:48[Music] >> okay.
00:05:02All I'm sayin' is the next time we need disguises, I'm gettin' them.
00:05:07>> I told you, the costume shop was closed.
00:05:09The temple was open.
00:05:12And these are good disguises.
00:05:14>> I don't even know what accent to talk with.
00:05:16>> Doesn't matter.
00:05:17Just sound foreign.
00:05:19>> Can I help you gentlemen find somethin'?
00:05:22>> Top o' the mornin' to ya, lass.
00:05:23How are ya?
00:05:23>> Just here to see a picture show, you know?
00:05:25>> Potato?
00:05:28>> Come along, pontiac.
00:05:29>> Yes, let's go observe the mulberry bush.
00:05:31>> Oh, pip, pip, da doodley do.
00:05:36>> Pip pip da doodley do.
00:05:38I'm gonna start sayin' that.
00:05:41>> Hey.
00:05:42I just saw megan go into the movie theater.
00:05:44>> Let's go.
00:05:49>> Tickets please.
00:05:49>> Oh, we don't have tickets.
00:05:50>> Oh, we must be catchin' our movie.
00:05:52Love the previews.
00:05:54>> Oh, doodley-do.
00:06:01>> See megan anywhere?
00:06:03>> No.
00:06:04Oh, wait.
00:06:06There she is.
00:06:06>> Oh, yeah.
00:06:08>> That guy doesn't look like he sells explosives.
00:06:12>> Oh, megan's on a date?
00:06:17>> A date?
00:06:18Megan's on a date?
00:06:20Holy shalalee.
00:06:24>> Come on, come on, come on.
00:06:24Let's sit down.
00:06:27>> Oh, hey.
00:06:27Did you bring the stuff?
00:06:29>> Yeah, here's the candy all the way from japan.
00:06:37>> Oh my god.
00:06:37It's so good.
00:06:38How'd you get this?
00:06:40>> I know a guy.
00:06:43>> Listen, I got you something, too.
00:06:50>> Oh, hey.
00:06:52Cool necklace.
00:06:55>> I hope I got you the right size.
00:06:57I measured my brothers' necks and then subtracted two inches.
00:07:03>> Perfect.
00:07:03>> Cool.
00:07:05Hey, I'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick before the movie starts.
00:07:08>> Yeah.
00:07:09I'll keep your seat warm.
00:07:20>> I can't believe megan has her first boyfriend.
00:07:24>> Yeah, I don't know how I feel about this.
00:07:26>> Oh, come on.
00:07:26Come on, they're 13.
00:07:27They're just having-- what is he doing?
00:07:32>> Breath spray?
00:07:34>> Lip balm.
00:07:37>> He's gonna try to kiss megan.
00:07:39>> Shhh.
00:07:41>> Pip pip your doodley-do.
00:07:48Man, I cannot believe that little punk is gonna try to put the moves on megan.
00:07:51>> She is too young for kissing.
00:07:53>> Come on.
00:07:55Pardon me there.
00:07:56>> Oh, excuse.
00:07:56>> Oh, yes.
00:07:57>> Oh, yes.
00:07:58Does that cover the medium?
00:08:11>> What are you gawking at?
00:08:12>> Mind your peepers.
00:08:21>> Hey, I miss anything?
00:08:23>> Nah, the movie is just starting.
00:08:27How was the bathroom?
00:08:28>> Nice, clean.
00:08:29>> Just like you.
00:08:31>> Oh, corey.
00:08:33[Grumbling] >> oh, might I be having a bite of your popcorn there?
00:08:51>> Aye, give us your corn, lad.
00:08:52It's low in carbs.
00:08:55>> Hey, man, get your own popcorn.
00:08:56>> Oh, do you mind if I sit closer to the screen there, laddy?
00:08:59>> Let me help you out with that.
00:09:00>> Oh, real.
00:09:00That's comfortable there.
00:09:05>> That's them, those two men from ireland.
00:09:07>> Stop the film.
00:09:08Horatio, stop the film.
00:09:09>> What is the problem?
00:09:12>> These two freaks just tried to steal my popcorn and then sat on my girlfriend.
00:09:16>> Well, she's too young to be having a boyfriend.
00:09:18>> She's just a wee lass.
00:09:20>> Wee.
00:09:22>> Wait a minute.
00:09:29>> What are you boobs doing here?
00:09:31>> Who are they?
00:09:32>> My idiot brothers.
00:09:34>> Well, it's a good thing your idiot brothers were here.
00:09:36>> Yeah, this hooligan was about to kiss you right on the mouth and I don't have to be talking in this accent anymore, do i?
00:09:43>> Wait.
00:09:43So drake and josh just made up pip pip da doodley do?
00:09:47>> You have every right to be disappointed.
00:09:51>> Of course, he was trying to kiss me.
00:09:52That's the point.
00:09:53He's my boyfriend.
00:09:55We've been dating for seven weeks; exclusively.
00:09:58>> Maybe seven weeks is enough.
00:09:59>> Huh?
00:10:00>> Look, I'm sorry but I don't think I want a girlfriend who comes from some kind of freakish family.
00:10:05>> My family's not freakish, just my brothers and my dad a little bit.
00:10:11>> Look, whatever.
00:10:12I'm outta here.
00:10:19>> Pip, pip.
00:10:22>> Doodley do.
00:10:25[Music] >> okay, congratulations.
00:12:34Megan won't come out of her room.
00:12:37>> What's wrong with your ear?
00:12:39>> Well, I knocked on her door.
00:12:41She opened it and then she screamed go away at me through a very loud bullhorn.
00:12:47>> She's taking this break up thing pretty hard.
00:12:49>> I feel really bad.
00:12:50>> And you should.
00:12:51You ruined your little sister's first relationship.
00:12:54>> We were protecting her.
00:12:55>> Yeah.
00:12:56Creepy corey was moving in for a kiss.
00:13:00>> Look, guys, I'm her father.
00:13:02I'm not in love with the idea of megan dating some boy.
00:13:05But she's not a little kid anymore.
00:13:08She's becoming a young woman.
00:13:09>> Okay, all right.
00:13:10Okay, enough.
00:13:10We get it.
00:13:11>> Thank you.
00:13:11Come on.
00:13:12All right.
00:13:14>> Anyway, you guys are gonna have to fix this.
00:13:21>> Well.
00:13:22>> Maybe if we talk to this corey kid, we can get him to take megan back.
00:13:26>> Good.
00:13:27Now, will you please give me your ice pop?
00:13:36That's the stuff.
00:13:39[Music] [car horn honks] >> ooh, corey's here.
00:13:54>> Told you, he'd come.
00:13:56>> Hey, dad.
00:13:57Corey is here.
00:13:57Bring him up, okay?
00:13:58>> Yeah.
00:13:59>> Okay.
00:14:01Let's do this quick.
00:14:01Megan comes back from oboe practice in a half hour.
00:14:04>> Right.
00:14:05>> Fellas.
00:14:06Corey is here.
00:14:07>> Hey.
00:14:08>> What's up, corey?
00:14:09>> I'll leave you guys to talk.
00:14:13>> So, corey, thanks for coming by.
00:14:15>> Okay.
00:14:16Look, you got five minutes.
00:14:17My mom's waiting down in the car, and she cannot be late for therapy.
00:14:20So talk.
00:14:25>> We're really sorry we embarrassed you and megan the other day.
00:14:27>> Extremely sorry.
00:14:29>> It's just that we're her older brothers, so sometimes we can be a little overprotective.
00:14:34>> And a little stupid.
00:14:36>> A lot stupid.
00:14:38>> Yeah, thank you.
00:14:41>> So if you'll accept our apology, we'd like you to give megan another chance.
00:14:49>> Okay.
00:14:50I'll get back with your sister.
00:14:52>> Great.
00:14:52>> Awesome.
00:14:54>> But I want that clock.
00:14:56>> What?
00:14:58>> You want me to get back with megan or not?
00:15:00>> Give him the clock.
00:15:03>> I'll give him a clock.
00:15:08>> Fine.
00:15:08Take the clock.
00:15:11>> And that guitar.
00:15:14>> No.
00:15:17>> Then forget it.
00:15:18>> Oh, come on.
00:15:19It's old one.
00:15:20You don't even play it anymore.
00:15:25>> Fine.
00:15:26Take the guitar.
00:15:31>> Give me your pants.
00:15:34>> Our pants?
00:15:36>> Both of you: pants.
00:15:38>> They're not even gonna fit you.
00:15:40>> I'll grow into 'em.
00:15:43>> I'll grow into 'em.
00:15:44Guess we're giving him our pants.
00:15:49>> I can't believe this.
00:15:51We're pants-less.
00:15:57>> Sweet.
00:15:58I'll call megan tonight.
00:16:02>> I can't believe he took our pants.
00:16:05>> I don't know about that kid.
00:16:07[Music] hey, helen.
00:16:15I just came to pick up my paycheck.
00:16:17>> Hmm, okay, here.
00:16:18>> Thanks.
00:16:21Uh, helen.
00:16:23I worked five days last week.
00:16:25>> So?
00:16:26>> You only paid me for three.
00:16:27>> I know.
00:16:28This way I save money.
00:16:32>> Oh, hey.
00:16:32Check it out.
00:16:34I got you a little something.
00:16:36>> No way.
00:16:37I thought you could only get this candy in japan.
00:16:39>> Well, I know a guy.
00:16:42>> You are the sweetest thing.
00:16:44>> Just consider it our one-month anniversary presents.
00:16:48>> Oh.
00:16:52You are the best boyfriend ever.
00:16:55>> Thanks, babe.
00:17:04>> Drake, drake.
00:17:05Wait until you hear this.
00:17:09You are not gonna believe this.
00:17:10Whoa, man, you are not gonna believe this.
00:17:13>> Mrs. hafer died?
00:17:14>> No.
00:17:16Corey has a girlfriend.
00:17:18>> Yeah, I know.
00:17:18He's with megan.
00:17:18That's why we gave him our pants.
00:17:21>> Another girlfriend.
00:17:23>> What?
00:17:24>> You heard my words.
00:17:26That corey's a little two-timing-girl-kissing- japanese-candy-giving jerk.
00:17:30>> Okay.
00:17:31What is so special about japanese candy?
00:17:32>> Oh, it's a big deal.
00:17:35Now what are we gonna do about this?
00:17:37>> We're gonna tell megan.
00:17:37That's what we're gonna do.
00:17:38>> No.
00:17:39>> Yes.
00:17:40>> Oh, we can't go to megan with this.
00:17:42>> We could if you'd let go of my shirt.
00:17:45>> Look, if we tell megan, she's gonna think we're making it up.
00:17:48She's gonna think we're lying just to keep her from dating corey.
00:17:52>> Man.
00:17:52You're probably right.
00:17:56So what are we gonna do?
00:17:58[Music] >> megan.
00:18:18>> Oh, man, every time.
00:18:20>> Hey, what happened to the movie?
00:18:22>> Excuse us.
00:18:24Sorry, people.
00:18:25>> Yeah, we just got a little business to take care of.
00:18:27>> I am going to do such illegal things to them.
00:18:32>> Hey, turn the movie back on.
00:18:33>> Just relax.
00:18:35What's up with this guy?
00:18:42I'll give you my watch if you don't kill me.
00:18:46>> Come on, chuck.
00:18:47Let's get out of here.
00:18:50>> Pleasure.
00:18:51How are you, chuck?
00:18:55>> I thought you clowns were gonna leave us alone.
00:18:57>> Oh, yeah, we were, corey, until we found out you were stepping out on our sister.
00:19:01>> Wow.
00:19:02Stepping out?
00:19:02>> I know terms.
00:19:05>> I can't believe you guys did this to me again.
00:19:08>> Why are so obnoxious?
00:19:09>> Megan, your little boyfriend here is dating another girl.
00:19:12>> He is not.
00:19:13>> I am not.
00:19:14>> And you guys have about five seconds to get out of here or else you're both gonna wake up tomorrow morning under water.
00:19:21>> Okay.
00:19:22Okay, if you don't believe us-- >> maybe you'll believe girlfriend number two.
00:19:29>> Hey, boyfriend.
00:19:31>> Monica.
00:19:32>> Who's monica?
00:19:34>> I don't know.
00:19:35I've never even seen her before.
00:19:37>> You just called her monica.
00:19:38Who is she?
00:19:39>> I used to be his girlfriend.
00:19:46>> Come on, megs.
00:19:47>> We're done.
00:19:51Will you guys please drive me home?
00:19:53>> Of course we will.
00:19:54>> As soon as we teach corey here a little lesson.
00:19:57>> Yeah, the hard way.
00:20:01[Music] >> you could have told us he knew kung fu.
00:20:20>> Yeah, he knew kung fu real good.
00:20:24>> I'm sorry.
00:20:29And listen, I really appreciate what you guys did for me.
00:20:32It means a lot.
00:20:35>> No.
00:20:36We're just sorry that guy wasn't nice to you.
00:20:39>> Or to our faces.
00:20:53>> I love you guys.
00:20:59>> Megan said she loves us.
00:21:03>> I know.
00:21:07>> Dude, you're crying.
00:21:12>> He kicked me on the throat.
00:21:14[MUSIC]@(HhJXzp2,8zúbHhJPhnp2XPH8zú8(2HXP(2Hp 0o8Wp@?p Xpp Xpp Xpp X(@p p @(@0( p @(@0( p @(@0( p @(@0( p @(@0( p @(@0(p @(@0(p @(@0(p @(@0(p @(@0(p @(@0(p @(@0(p @(@@xHúp @(@ p @(@ p @(@ p @(@ p @(@ p @(@ p @@(@0xp 8pu(bp9h8$8pu(bp9h8$8pu(bp9h8$8pu(bp9[ music ] >> I'll tell you what?
00:25:45[Laughter] >> hey, how are you doing?
00:25:47[Laughter] >> drake just thinks he's such hot stuff.
00:25:51[Laughter] >> josh is a silly brother.
00:25:53[Laughter] >> but he always thinks he can beat me at everything.
00:25:57>> So, guess what we bet today?
00:25:58>> He bet me that he could paint a picture of abraham lincoln in a bikini before I could stack 150 cans of tuna fish into a pyramid.
00:26:06[Laughter] >> that he could stack 150 cans of tuna fish into a pyramid before I could paint a picture of abraham lincoln wearing a bikini.
00:26:13>> Four cans to go.
00:26:15[Laughter] >> oh, man.
00:26:18Josh is probably almost finished.
00:26:20>> Five seconds to pyramid.
00:26:22[Laughter] >> whoops.
00:26:30[Laughter] >> my tuna.
00:26:35[Laughter] >> ta-da.
00:26:37[Laughter] [ music ] >> hey, josh.
00:26:50[Laughter] >> what's up, gavin?
00:26:52>> Some hippie's washing his feet in theater seven.
00:26:55Helen wants him out.
00:26:56>> So go get the hippie.
00:26:57>> Can't.
00:26:58Got to call my barber.
00:26:59>> Why?
00:27:01>> It's about my hair.
00:27:02[Laughter] >> so I go home thinking everything's fine.
00:27:15>> Drake, drake, drake, drake, drake.
00:27:17>> Hang on a second.
00:27:18So, my foot's totally stuck in there, right?
00:27:19I'm freaking out.
00:27:20The dog's having a seizure.
00:27:21I still got half a pie left.
00:27:22>> Come here.
00:27:23[Laughter] >> dude, I'm in a middle of a story.
00:27:26>> There's your story.
00:27:28>> Whoa.
00:27:28That's a healthy girl.
00:27:30[Laughter] >> how hot is she?
00:27:32>> I'll let you know.
00:27:33>> Wa-wa-wait.
00:27:34[Laughter] what are you doing?
00:27:35>> I'm going to go ask her out.
00:27:37>> Well, maybe I want to ask her out.
00:27:39>> Come on man, look at her.
00:27:40She's ridiculously hot.
00:27:42Don't you think she's a little more my speed?
00:27:43[Laughter] >> she could be my speed.
00:27:47>> All right.
00:27:48You know, you saw her first, so I guess it's only fair that-- [laughter] >> how are you doing?
00:27:54My name's drake.
00:27:55I was just wondering if maybe you guys-- >> ahh, ooh.
00:27:58[Laughter] >> hey, what's the haps?
00:28:01I'm josh.
00:28:02Just saying if maybe you wanted to hang out sometime-- >> stop it.
00:28:11[Laughter] >> I got the hippie.
00:28:18[Laughter] [ music ] ♪♪ I never thought that ♪♪
00:28:22♪♪ it'd be so simple ♪♪
00:28:24♪♪ but I found a way ♪♪
00:28:26♪♪ I found a way ♪♪
00:28:28♪♪ if you open up your mind ♪♪
00:28:35♪♪ (see what's inside) ♪♪
00:28:37♪♪ so it's going to take ♪♪
00:28:38♪♪ some time to realign ♪♪
00:28:43♪♪ but if you look inside ♪♪
00:28:46♪♪ I'm sure you'll find ♪♪
00:28:51♪♪ over your shoulder ♪♪
00:28:52♪♪ you know that I told you ♪♪
00:28:54♪♪ I'll always be ♪♪
00:28:55♪♪ picking you up ♪♪
00:28:57♪♪ when you're down ♪♪
00:29:00♪♪ so just turn around ♪♪
00:29:12c ] >> I can't believe you.
00:29:19>> Dude, let it go.
00:29:21>> You don't think I can get girls?
00:29:22>> You want a soda?
00:29:23>> I'm not the same little goofy kid that moved in with you three years ago.
00:29:26>> I know.
00:29:26>> Good.
00:29:27>> You're taller.