Everybody Loves Raymond - Raybert   View more episodes

Aired at 08:00 PM on Monday, Aug 02, 2010 (8/2/2010)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:00Until she says, "gee, ray, I wish you were more like your brother," and then, ta-da!
00:00:07- Ta-da? you're a psychotic liar!
00:00:13Just tell her the truth.
00:00:14- I'm gonna. - tonight.
00:00:16- But there's ground work.
00:00:17- Psychotic! - all right!
00:00:24I'll tell her tonight.
00:00:26- All right.
00:00:31She is pretty, though.
00:00:34- What'd I tell ya?
00:00:35- Way out of my league.
00:00:39- Mine, too.
00:00:40- Yeah.
00:00:41You know, it's like neither one of us ..
00:00:49- But melded together, ..entity.
00:00:54Like asuperhero.
00:00:57We were better than justray.
00:00:59- Better than justrobert.
00:01:32TtRWIU.V7f:?1Ncb+ehE)]EW 5PtBNeF9Em[ñ2e<úKpi%3bZ TtRWIU.V7f:?1Ncb+ehE)]EW 5Ptá6ML6sGDáápa;@gZV,i TtRWIU.V7f:?1Ncb+ehE)]EW 5Pt!TEq9Em[ñ2e<úKpi%3bZ TtRWIU.V7f:?1Ncb+ehE)]EW 5PtaReF9Em[ñ2e<úKpi%3bZ TtRWIU.V7f:?1Ncb+ehE)]EW 5Pt!RE19Em[ñ2e<úKpi%3bZ TtRWIU.V7f:?1Ncb+ehE)]EW 5Pt"'ML6sGDáápa;@gZV,i TtRWIU.V7f:?1Ncb+ehE)]EW 5PtJ$ML6sGDáápa;@gZV,i [ do well.
00:02:02And eating well means getting enough whole grain and calcium.
00:02:04General mills big g is the only leading line of kid cereals with at least 8 grams tof whole grain and a good source of calcium.
00:02:10Help your kids get more of what they need, with general mills kid cereals.
00:03:03energystar elite is all set up.
00:03:06How can they afford anew washer and dryer right now?
00:03:08.. something's going on.
00:03:11Smart shopping iswhat's going on.
00:03:13Anyone can buy newappliances through the sears layaway plan.
00:03:15You just lock down themodel you want now and pay over 8 weeks.
00:03:21I want her life.
00:03:22I want her new washer.
00:03:24Appliance layaway.
00:03:25Choose now, pay over time.
00:03:26Get up to 20% offall appliances.
00:03:28Sears. life. well spent.
00:03:31h((vl8Nt(pNpNpC%C%R?ttC%B.8'yqyqC'Q++ Bn$ZM"pViPú,!"EdHhQzQz (BHaBaB$WzUW55?s3q#P8#DBb!b!@X<A#0TCE!""B$xD(r (aTaT!!+fú<2H8 j%fR3EHQDaaSTD"11AxM/)b+b+R!22@,ú@ú00XHF2F2d0çé##;ú[÷k7V[+Pç (=m!dqQhR(R(($8Z11110ú@P@Pú("á50F0F were anyway.
00:04:33You can't help your brother with his laundry down the stairs?
00:04:37- Yeah,raybert.
00:04:39What the hell you got in here anyway?
00:04:40- Just some socks and unmentionables.
00:04:42" - hey.
00:04:52- Hey.
00:04:56- You know her?
00:04:58- Yeah, right.
00:05:02- Hey, let me help you sort some of this stuff out, ray.
00:05:11- Excuse me.
00:05:12Do either of you have change for a dollar?
00:05:14- Uh, no. no, I don't.
00:05:15 my brother, ray barone, probably does.
00:05:18[pounds machine twice] Yeah. yeah.
00:05:23Yeah. you probably do, right?
00:05:24He's a top sports writer over atnewsday.
00:05:26So what do you say?
00:05:27Can you help her out, ray barone?
00:05:29- I think I might have change.
00:05:32- Oh, yes.
00:05:33Top writer atnewsday is gonna have plenty o' change.
00:05:39- Thanks.
00:05:40So this guy must be the president of your fan club.
00:05:44- Ha ha! no, no.
00:05:46 that's all.
00:05:48You know, but I am proud of his accomplishments.
00:05:51Yeah. you bet I am.
00:05:51You two go back to what you were doing.
00:05:53 yeah, go ahead.
00:05:56- So you're ray barone.
00:05:57- Uh, yes. yes, I am.
00:05:59- My father loves your column.
00:06:02- Well, thank you.
00:06:03- So does my father.
00:06:04.. 'cause we're brothers.
00:06:06Yeah--all right. let's do laundry!
00:06:12- Hey, it works. raybertworks!
00:06:15- All right. but I like natasha.
00:06:17Oh, you can't tie raybert down like that.
00:06:21- Raybert may be two guys, but he's a one-woman man.
00:06:25- Come on. I just want to see what happens.
00:06:28- Thanks for the change.
00:06:29- You're welcome. - you're welcome.
00:06:33So you--you're using number seven.
00:06:36There's a great agitator in there!
00:06:39- Okay.
00:06:41- L-listen, tell your dad if he ever wants to talk sports, I'd be happy to.
00:06:46- That's so nice.
00:06:49I'm wendy.
00:06:51- I'm still ray.
00:06:53[laughing] - I'll see you around the building.
00:06:59- Okey-dokey. - bye.
00:07:00- Bye. - bye.
00:07:08- Ha ha!
00:07:10Aah! aah!
00:07:11Oh, god!
00:07:15I gotta tell ya, that was wild watching that!
00:07:17It's like I invented a world where ladieswantray!
00:07:22- Bert!raybert!
00:07:24- Yeah, yeah. raybert, raybert.
00:07:25Listen, with your availability and mymystique,we-- we're unstoppable!
00:07:31 but you have to understand we may have unleashed an awesome power here.
00:07:35But with that power comes responsibility.
00:07:39- Yeah. yeah, yeah.
00:07:42You got to start working on my wardrobe.
00:11:52[doorbell rings] - Hi. - hi.
00:11:56- I'm natasha. is robert here?
00:11:59..not at the moment.
00:12:01- I met him this morning-- - you met robbie?
00:12:07- Yes.
00:12:07- Did ya like him?
00:12:09- He seems very nice. - he is very nice.
00:12:12I'm his mother. - marie!
00:12:14- What? I'm interested in my son's friends.
00:12:16What's your last name, natasha?
00:12:20- Leonetti.
00:12:21- [gasps] ITALIAN!
00:12:23- Well, on my father's side.
00:12:24- Good enough! come on in, dear.
00:12:26I just wanted to drop off some things for the police clothing drive.
00:12:30- Okay.
00:12:31You're more than welcome to leave them here, but you might do better taking them to his place.
00:12:35- Oh, I'm sorry. this isn't robert's house.
00:12:37I saw "r. barone" in the phone book.
00:12:39I just assumed-- - it's okay.
00:12:41We'll make sure he gets them.
00:12:42- Thank you. it was nice meeting you.
00:12:45- You, too.
00:12:46- Well, hello.
00:12:50- Hello.
00:12:53Frank, this is robbie's new friend, natasha.
00:12:57- Natasha.
00:12:58Well, any gorgeous friend of robert's is a gorgeous friend of mine.
00:13:05Where is ray?
00:13:06I want to see his dead toenail.
00:13:07I think I got the same thing.
00:13:11- Ray's here?
00:13:12 he's upstairs putting the kids to bed.
00:13:17- Kids? what kids?
00:13:19- How do you-- how do you know ray?
00:13:24- We met at a bar.
00:13:29- What do you mean? through robert?
00:13:31- No, I met robert through ray 'cause ray and I are kind of dating.
00:13:35- [gasps] - Holy crap!
00:13:48- Wait a minute. what?
00:13:52- Is there a problem?
00:13:53- Um, no, there's no problem.
00:13:56I'm just surprised that my husband has time to date.
00:14:01- What? you're his wife?
00:14:03Ray said you were dead!
00:14:19- Holy crap!
00:14:23- ♪♪ Beach baby, beach baby ♪♪
00:14:25♪♪ there on the sand-- ♪♪
00:14:30- shame on you, young man!
00:14:32- Wait a minute! wait a minute!
00:14:34- Didn't I teach you anything?
00:14:35You got a problem with your woman, you don't go out and get another woman!
00:14:38Now all you got is two problems!
00:14:43- Wait a minute!
00:14:46- Okay, just back it up, everybody.
00:14:49- Robert, what is going on?
00:14:51- That's not robert. that's raymond.
00:14:53- You're not robert?
00:14:54- If you just let me talk, I can explain everything.
00:15:09- Wow! that is one bad alibi!
00:15:34- [changes voice] I COME TO FIX SPRINKLER.
00:15:48- What's your name?
00:15:55- Let me show you where that water valve is.
00:15:57Debra: Ray!
00:16:01- Sorry, man.
00:16:02- It's all right. forget it.
00:16:08[clears throat] I am robert barone, lieutenant, nypd.
00:16:15Raymond, sports writer,newsday.
00:16:18- How could you do this to me?
00:16:22- When you first mistook me for raymond, I didn't want to let you down.
00:16:27- So you lied to me?
00:16:29I have to get out of here.
00:16:34I was gonna tell you so many times.
00:16:36It's just that I really like you, and I didn't want you-- you see, people seem to respond differently to raymond.
00:16:44He's always been "the funny one, the smart one, " - we've never shown any favoritism.
00:17:01- See, you got to understand I've always wondered what it would be like to be raymond.
00:17:05And it was even better than I thought it ..
00:17:10Because I met you.
00:17:12- I can't believe this.
00:17:14- You didn't have to do that.
00:17:20I likedyou.
00:17:21- Really?
00:17:26- But not anymore.
00:17:28This is so humiliating.
00:17:31- I hear ya.
00:17:33- And what did you think, I was some ray barone "groupie"?
00:17:35You know what? good-bye, whoever you are!
00:17:49[Frank laughing] It's--it's not you, " - all right, dad.
00:18:00- That's got to be a pretty small group.
00:18:03All you got left is her.
00:18:07I'll say this, robert.
00:18:08You're scaring off a better class of broad.
00:18:12- Always there for me, dad.
00:18:14- He's right.
00:18:15Why won't you let me help you, robbie?
00:18:18- He should be able to help himself.
00:18:20What the hell is wrong with you?
00:18:23You have to pretend to be somebody else?
00:18:25I mean, please, how old are you?
00:18:27You have got to have a little more self-esteem!
00:18:34- You're right. I'm an idiot.
00:18:36- Yes--no! that's--no!
00:18:38That's what I'm talking about!
00:18:40When are you gonna see what other people see in you, robert?
00:18:48- I know, I know.
00:18:49It started as a mix-up, and then raymond and i just started having so much fun with it.
00:18:56- Wait a minute. rayand you?
00:19:01By "ray," he means him because of that thing he did.
00:19:10- No, no. I'm not blaming you, ray.
00:19:12It's my fault.
00:19:14I enjoyed beingraybert,too.
00:19:17- Yeah.
00:19:18That's what we called us. it was fun.
00:19:21And it worked.
00:19:23There was natasha, and then the girl in the laundry room.
00:19:26- Girl in the laundry room?
00:19:39- I go fix sprinkler now.
00:19:43Captioning byCaptionMaxwww.captionmax.com - Ally, why don't you goto the park with grandpa?
00:19:58- No, thanks.
00:20:02- Raymond,why don't you take him to one of your sports games?
00:20:05- I'm not taking him to anyof mysports games,okay?
00:20:09Besides,the only football around is hofstra and northeastern.
00:20:11They're both 0-7.
00:20:12It's like watchin' the kidshave a tickle fight.
00:20:15- Well, your father alreadyhas his outside pants on, so I'm sending him over.
00:20:20- No! come on, ma.
00:20:21- Hey, hey.what's shakin', everybody?
00:20:24- Hey.hey, robert.
00:20:25Who do you likein the big game today?
00:20:28- What big game?
00:20:28- Hofstra and northeastern--where ya been?
00:20:37- WHAT'S WITH THAT?[chuckles] - I really haven't beenfollowing hofstra.
00:20:45this is their year.
00:20:47And northeastern?
00:20:48It's likeclash of the titans today.
00:20:51- Yeah?
00:20:52- You want to goor not?
00:20:54- Really?
00:20:57- He doesn't want to go.
00:20:58 I want to go.
00:21:00- All right. good.
00:21:02- Okay, great.go get dad and go.
00:21:05- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.wait.
00:21:07Me and dad?
00:21:09- That's right, dear.
00:21:10There's gonna be a big tickle fight.
00:21:17- All right, you know what?
00:21:18If you want to beat the traffic, you better get goin'.
00:21:20- Well, what? you're not comin'?
00:21:21- I wish. I wish. I can't catch a break.
00:21:24I got to work on the frickin' bake sale all day.
00:21:28Witchy-poo has got me frosting up the cupcakes all day.
00:21:33- Ah, the perils of marriage, huh?
00:21:36That's too bad, raymond.
00:21:37Well, I'll be thinking about ya.
00:21:39- I'll be thinking about you.
00:21:49- Witchy-poo?
00:21:50- Yeah. that was great.
00:21:51The face that you made when I said it, it was perfect, yeah.
00:21:55Yeah, just like that, yeah.
00:21:58Okay, you can stop now.
00:22:15- Go with dad to the game.
00:22:19Why do you hate me?
00:22:21- What's on your shirt?
00:22:23- Nacho cheese.
00:22:26- My introduction, please.
00:22:29- You want to see what you did?
00:22:31- Just introduce me!
00:22:37- Lynn swann, jerry rice, and now frank barone.
00:22:46- What, you bought a football?
00:22:48- No bought-- caught.
00:22:51- Hey, look, I did your intro, dad.
00:22:53I'm done.
00:22:54- Hey, you were a witness to glory.
00:22:55History demands your testimony.
00:22:59- What happened?
00:23:00- Well, first of all, in spite of the hype, today's game was not a great matchup.
00:23:09- Come on, really?
00:23:10- But at the end, this kid from hofstra kicks an unbelievable field goal.
00:23:15- 68 Yards.
00:23:17- 68-Yard field goal?
00:23:17- Yep, the longest ever, college or pro.
00:23:20Come on, robert, tell it like you're not a gelding.
00:23:26- Well, we had seats behind the end zone, and dad got lucky.
00:23:30- Luck is the residue of design.
00:23:33- What?
00:23:33- Shut up. you should've seen it.
00:23:36It was a rocket.
00:23:37I got my hands ready for it.
00:23:39- By dumping his nachos somewhere.
00:23:43- It came towards me.
00:23:44Everyone was trying to get their mitts on it, but I put the moves on all of them.
00:23:48I jumped over a guy.
00:23:50- You pushed a kid out of the way.
00:23:54- I jumpedovera guy.
00:23:56It was coming in high.
00:23:58I had to stretch for it.
00:23:58I could get only one hand on it, but that was enough.
00:24:01I brought that little piggy right down into my chest.
00:24:05Hello, little piggy.
00:24:11- And then he went, "whee-whee-whee," all the way home.
00:24:16- It was the biggest moment ever in hofstra history, and I have it.
00:24:21You should have heard the crowd chanting for me.
00:24:24- Give it back, jerk!
00:24:26Give it back, jerk!
00:24:28- And booing.
00:24:31- Wait, dad, dad.
00:24:32Hofstra's got to want that ball back.
00:24:34- You bet your ass they do.
00:24:35I had to put the razzle-dazzle on a couple of mooks just to get out of the stands.
00:24:40- Frank, that's a record for the school.
00:24:43You know it's not right to keep that, don't you?