Gene Simmons Family Jewels - The Brutal Truth   View more episodes

Aired at 07:00 AM on Monday, Oct 04, 2010 (10/4/2010)      View all transcripts from this day

Transcript

00:00:00His is the gene simmons family jewels ♪
00:00:04♪ when god made me, he broke all the rules ♪
00:00:08♪ I rock all day ♪
00:00:09♪ I roll all night ♪
00:00:11♪ you wish you were me ♪
00:00:12♪ you know I'm right ♪
00:00:14♪ and that's shannon, my beauty queen ♪
00:00:17♪ the finest girl I have ever seen ♪
00:00:21♪ we ain't your next-door family ♪
00:00:26..
00:00:29Me.
00:00:31[grunts] What are you doing later?
00:00:37[crowd cheers] You needto tell the truth, and, you know,the truth needs to be really good.
00:00:46You do not want toget on my bad side.
00:00:48And I just want youto know that in a little while, depending on how things go, that daddy might be spending more time in the room across from yours.
00:00:59How's it going be-- like, every other weekend, I see you, or is that just-- how's it going to play out, do you think?
00:01:05That's very funny.
00:01:06The truth shall set you free.
00:01:09Or kill you.
00:01:10Set you free.
00:01:13Free.
00:01:14Are you taking the picture?
00:01:15Look over there, nicholas.
00:01:17Look, look. taking pictures.
00:01:31You want to take care of it?
00:01:32Man: It doesn't matter. up to you.
00:01:34[monitor beeping] Woman: OK.
00:01:37[beeping] [indistinct chatter] With the exercise,you went into this rhythm calledatrial fibrillation, ok?
00:01:49What that means is the top chamber of your heart, instead of beating normally, is just sort of quivering.
00:01:55It's beating very, very quickly.
00:01:57[door opens] Ok. he's in afib.
00:01:59Are you kidding? no, I'm not kidding.
00:02:04He's still in it.
00:02:06So, he's beenoff the test now for 27 minutes or so, and he's still remaining in this irregular rhythm.
00:02:12I was just curious--you're not on any medications, right?
00:02:15Right now, no,but 4 months ago, I had zocor, half baby aspirin.
00:02:21 anybody in your family with heart disease?
00:02:24No.
00:02:26You drink anything? alcohol?
00:02:28I've never been drunk or high in my life.
00:02:32Ok. oh, I'm sorry.
00:02:36What we can do is, we can try to get you into a normal rhythm.
00:02:39There are 2 ways of doing that, ok?
00:02:41One is to give you a special medication called anti-arrhythmic medication to get you back into a normal rhythm.
00:02:48The other one is to give you a shock, actually an electrical shock, to get you into a normal rhythm.
00:02:54[wheels squeak] EXCUSE ME, GUYS.
00:02:56I just have to get that over there.
00:02:57..
00:02:59We're waiting to see if you'll spontaneously revert to normal.
00:03:05[monitor beeping] If not, we'll give you a medication that we'll need to convert you back to normal.
00:03:09You'll be back to totally normal, 50 or 60.
00:03:12You're still about 125 right now, 120.
00:03:15And it's not just the heart rate. it's irregular.
00:03:17It's not beating regularly like a heart should.
00:03:20It's called atrial fibrillation, afib, and some people get brief episodes that they don't feel.
00:03:27Your friend with an svt probably saw what's called an electrophysiologist.
00:03:31Well, my partner had an episode.
00:03:33We were about to do a show in soboba, which is in the desert.
00:03:39110 Degrees outdoors.
00:03:42Oh, he was stressed from the heat.
00:03:44And his heart rate jumped up to 3 beats a second.
00:03:48So they took him to the hospital, gave him something.
00:03:51Next day, he was fine, but it had happened to him before.
00:03:54Paul's heart was going at 200 beats a minute.
00:03:58200. They had to inject him to stop his heart.
00:04:03And we were thinking of canceling the show 'cause there's no way-- there was no way for paul to do the show.
00:04:09" [cheering] Turn on the lights! let me see you!
00:04:16[cheering] This one's for paul stanley. tommy!
00:04:19Paul's health problems are kind of scary to me-- not only for paul's health, but dad's much older than paul.
00:04:26 paul's in amazing shape, so if paul can get-- you know, if that can happen to paul, what's-- like, what do we do?
00:04:35Do you have any insurance card or anything like that in here?
00:04:39Man: No, I don't think he does.
00:04:41Angus in new jersey has all that information.
00:04:43Has angus-- should I call shannon?
00:04:46No.
00:04:47You said don't call shannon?
00:04:49Never.
00:04:50She'll be on a flight.
00:04:52Would somebody please take my mom home?
00:04:54Just tell her I'm fine. don't make her worry.
00:04:57[indistinct chatter] Hi, mrs. klein? hi.
00:05:08Gene's test is taking a little bit longer than we expected, so we've arranged a car to take you home.
00:05:13I would like to know, how is my darling son doing?
00:05:16Oh, he's fine. he's fine.
00:05:18It's just taking a little bit longer.
00:05:20[indistinct chatter] [indistinct] I would like to put a real i.v. in.
00:05:26I gave you some medications that I think will convert this from atrial fibrillation, af, svt, back to normal, because it's been now 35 minutes, ..
00:05:43[telephone receiver clicks] This medication lowers your heart rate a little bit.
00:05:47[monitor beeping] LET ME KNOW. [exhales] [indistinct chatter] Do you think the stress of having to take the lie detector test is going to cost your dad his health?
00:06:03 he's way too h-- especially-- for a normal person, he's really healthy.
00:06:09Isn't he?
00:06:13You still haven't gone into normal rhythm.
00:06:15 what would happen if the rest of your life, you stay like that?
00:06:20There's a risk of chronically running a very high heart rate, which could weaken your heart muscle.
00:06:27And some people don't feel it, and it could silently do damage to the heart if the heart rate is rapid.
00:06:32You had a very high heart rate before, and you didn't even feel it.
00:06:41[beeping] Dad's never had any serious stuff like tha that I know of.
00:06:53..
00:06:56Demon's getting older.
00:07:00[indistinct chatter] [beeping] [telephone rings] goldner come in and speak to you-- cheung, ok-- about our options are now that you haven't gone in on your own.
00:07:21What did they tell you?
00:07:23What do you mean?
00:07:24[indistinct chatter] [machine screeches] Man: OH, SURE.
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00:09:00Insurance,let it.
00:09:02I've never had an accident.
00:09:03Is there anything you can do for me ?
00:09:05Yeah, I'm here with Liz.
00:09:06I need a brilliant idea right now.
00:09:10Guys ! I just gagged.
00:09:13Here it is.
00:09:14Deductible. Take $50 off.
00:09:16Wait.
00:09:17Take $100 off for every year she doesn't have an accident...
00:09:21... and call it Vanishing Deductible.
00:09:25Hook, line, sinker.
00:09:27Done.
00:09:30togetherwith sale!
00:09:31..
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00:11:34[Shannon talksindistinctly] [Nick shouts indistinctly] Oh, yeah, baby.
00:11:39Oh, I gotanother bonus present.
00:11:43Ok, mr. simmons.you know what happened.
00:11:45Basically, you had that irregular heartbeat, and what we had to do was basically shock you.
00:11:51The doctor here checked with my doctor-- clear heart, clear lungs, clear everything, blood is good-- everything's nice.
00:11:57Unfortunately, your heart went into this fibrillation, so it is what it is.
00:12:02 your chariot awaits.
00:12:05 you're not going to push me out on that thing again, please.
00:12:09We have to. why?
00:12:10Because! look!
00:12:13Has to be. oh, so embarrassing.
00:12:16They put me out, and then they shocked me.
00:12:24D shocked your heart?
00:12:26I guess. I was out.
00:12:29I think.
00:12:30And you thought-- you thought I would-- I thought you-- be ok not knowing that?
00:12:34Sure. it's not a big thing.
00:12:352 Hours later, I was back in the hotel.
00:12:37Dinner and everything's fine.
00:12:39 it's just-- ok?
00:12:43Take care and good luck to you.
00:12:45Doc. ok.
00:12:46You're a powerful and attractive man.
00:12:47[laughs] THANKS.AND YOU'RE IN NORMAL RHYTHM Now, and it looks likeyou're doing great.
00:12:51THANK YOU. [indistinct] You know, you should try a leather coat.
00:12:53That would be cooler. white leather.
00:12:55I'll speak to the administrators ..
00:12:57Hello, gentlemen.
00:12:58I swear, I'm feeling good. I'm strong.
00:13:00SHE'S FORCING ME TO SIT IN THIS [bleep] DAMN Chair.
00:13:04I LOOK GOOD? [laughter] Yeah.
00:13:10[indistinct chatter] The big questionis going to be, " if he doesn't fail, bad for his career.
00:13:18If he does fail, bad for his personal life.
00:13:21Now, I have to go and see my old boyfriend.
00:13:23Ok? yeah.
00:13:24Ilding as the time forkiss frontman gene simmons to takea lie detector test nears.
00:13:31I'm tim greenwoodat hollywood and highland.
00:13:33This week,a breakthrough.
00:13:35The questionwas asked, "has gene simmonsbeen cheating on shannon tweed, and is he willingto take a lie detector test?
00:13:42The age-old question is, you know,has there been any other women since we've been togetherand committed?
00:13:48I don't thinkhe should have to prove that he's faithful.
00:13:51You never takea lie detector test for a chick.
00:13:52Ever!
00:13:55Don't do it, gene! don't do it!
00:13:56I don't know, if he is cheating, hit us up.
00:14:00every single woman wants to know.
00:14:02" am I right?
00:14:05[audience laughs and cheers] Florence: Hello. gene: hi, mom.
00:14:12HI, CHAIM.[indistinct] I'm better than ever.
00:14:19I'll live to 100.
00:14:20I'm off to a casting party fordominatrix-- you know, my comic--yes. uh-huh.
00:14:29 i I've got to make money.
00:14:35I just wanted to make sure you got home ok and that you weren't worried. ok.
00:14:40I love you.
00:14:42I love you too. bye.
00:14:47[indistinct chatter] Hello. hi.
00:14:52I'm gene simmons.
00:14:53I'm kayden kross.
00:14:54Nice to see you. I'm here withadam & eve.
00:14:55And I will bechaperoning you this evening.
00:14:58Oh. terrific. oh! thank you.
00:14:59[indistinct shouting] AFTER YOU. LADIES FIRST.
00:15:02Thank you. yeah?
00:15:03Very much. how are you guys?
00:15:10You've quite a little crowd out there.
00:15:13So, did they let you know what's going on tonight?
00:15:17 I mean, I know we're going to a ..
00:15:21Ok. we're going to a club called home.
00:15:24Right.
00:15:24You were supposed to pick what do you mean by a safety word?
00:15:30Like, if something hurt too much, or if you couldn't take any more, you have a safety word so we know to stop.
00:15:38Uh, ice cream.
00:15:39Ice cream. all right. ice cream.
00:15:41Oh, my god. dominatrix party.
00:15:44Casting party.
00:15:44I'm just visualizing it.
00:15:46[groans] [grunts] It scares me a little bit.
00:15:50[chuckles] Scared they're going to paddle me or something.
00:15:53[laughs] Thank you for that pothole.
00:16:00I like this limo driver.
00:16:10Oh, how are you? wakey wakey.
00:16:13Nice to see you.
00:16:15HELLO. Kayden: Hi.
00:16:19How you feeling?
00:16:20I'LL BRIGHT BACK. [laughs] YOU ALL RIGHT? [crowd shouting] How are you guys?
00:16:28..
00:16:29 they got me hooked up ..
00:16:35Heart monitor.
00:16:36..
00:16:40..
00:16:41Hi, sweetheart.
00:16:42Hello to all your-- it just sort of means if my heart gets a little too excited, " if that beeps when you're going to get excited, maybe I shouldn't take you in, because when you see what's waiting for you in there, IT'S GOING TO GO-- [beeping] Really? oh! oh, yeah.
00:17:00Crowd: Gene! gene!gene! gene! gene!
00:17:03Gene! gene! gene!
00:17:05Man: Frontman of kiss and the creator ofdominatrixmagazine, ladies and gentlemen, gene simmons.
00:17:10[crowd cheering] [indistinct rap music playing] Gene, do you have a safety word?
00:17:27Ice cream. oh.
00:17:32HELLO. [cheering] Nice to seyou.
00:17:35So, here. let me tell you what I'm all about.
00:17:38Do you mind? no.
00:17:39I'm launching a comic book calleddominatrix, and I'm looking for more than one who are going to be convincing dominatrixes.
00:17:46..
00:17:49Cia meets t and a.
00:17:51[laughter] Ok. and who's going first?
00:17:55I'm--i'm at a loss for words.
00:17:57I'm going to tie you up.
00:17:59 of course you are.
00:18:02I have a feeling you might work out.
00:18:05Oh, you're killing me.
00:18:06What's that beeping noise? what's the thing?
00:18:09It's a little kind of a nintendo game.
00:18:12Oh, is that your game boy?
00:18:13Yeah, but-- can we play?
00:18:14Does it take cartridges?
00:18:15 I don't understand why your dad has to do the actual casting.
00:18:20Right.
00:18:20Doesn't the comic book company cast the dominatrixeses?
00:18:23Well, I guess since dad invented the dominatrix thing that it's his deal.
00:18:28Nah, I just think he wants to look at boobs.
00:18:31Yeah.
00:18:33Ohh.
00:18:36[laughter] WELL, THEN.
00:18:38I'm mistress gemini. how are you?
00:18:39I'M NOT SO GOOD NOW. [monitor beeping] [laughter] You like my boots?
00:18:43They kind of look like yours, didn't they?
00:18:45You're the real thing, aren't you?
00:18:47S, I am.
00:18:47Well, that's terrific.what do I call you?
00:18:49Mistress gemini.
00:18:51MISTRESS GEMINI. [laughter] Uh-oh. your pen won't work.
00:18:55My pen won't work. but the other one does.
00:18:57[chuckling] GO STAND UP THERE.
00:18:59STANDING? Woman: Uh-oh.
00:19:01All right. ok, then.
00:19:02I'd like you to take off your jacket, 'cause you have way too many clothes on.
00:19:05You're not going to feel my floggers with that jacket on.
00:19:07 you're not going to flog me?
00:19:09Yes, I am going to flog you.
00:19:10IT'S A [bleep] DAMN COMIC BOOK.
00:19:12It doesn't mean I want to get THE [bleep] BEATEN OUT OF ME. OH, NO.
00:19:14No, no, no. I guarantee you'll like it.
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00:23:10Oh, daddy'sreally done now.
00:23:15This isa dragon's breath.
00:23:18These are floggers.
00:23:19[laughter] [monitor beeping] What do you call that move?
00:23:26Florentine. florentine.
00:23:28[beeping continues] [laughter] YEAH. OW! [laughter] Ice cream. ice cream. ice cream!
00:23:34ICE CREAM! [cheering] ICE CREAM! OW! [rapid beeping] Enough--ow!
00:23:38How about on my ass, not my back?
00:23:41[bleep] DAMN IT. [laughter] Oh!
00:23:44Can I put my clothes back on?
00:23:45You can put your clothes back on.
00:23:47How you didn't-- after you kiss my boot.
00:23:49" [indistinct chatter] You wouldn't know what to do with it.
00:23:55[laughs] So, at a dominatrix party.
00:23:58Mm-hmm. what do you do?
00:24:01There's music, and then, i-- a healthy woman comes over and she beats you up.
00:24:08Why do you need to go to a party for that?
00:24:09..
00:24:11Upstairs. she's upstairs. yeah.
00:24:12You know, your mom's going to see this.
00:24:16I hope so.
00:24:16[indistinct chatter] Woman: I LOVE YOU!
00:24:18Nice to see you guys. love your show.
00:24:23[indistinct chatter] Get her in. she's freezing.
00:24:27So, how's the ticker?
00:24:29Just not surei should take this test.
00:24:33If I sound a little nervous, it's because I am a little nervous.
00:24:36All right, bro. that's what I'm worried about.
00:24:38Nerves can throw this thing way out of whack.
00:24:40The thing could go kablooey if you don't know what you're expecting.
00:24:45So, may I make a suggestion?
00:24:47What?
00:24:48We take a ride downtown and see some friends of mine who have been through this before, which would make you more comfortable and know what to expect, and then, you'll get the best possible reading.
00:25:01Is this guy a shrink?
00:25:02It's friends of mine downtown.
00:25:05It's going to be all good.
00:25:19Nice to see you.
00:25:21You're a sly guy.
00:25:22Yeah. I'll listen.
00:25:23.. nothing fixed.
00:25:26Where are these guys? here we go, right here.
00:25:28They're good guys? great guys.
00:25:30You'll love them and they'll love you.
00:25:32I don't have your back, who's got your back?
00:25:34[indistinct chatter] Hey, look who's here! hey!
00:25:36Gene: Hey. men: hey!
00:25:38In italian, a.o. means you're really welcome.
00:25:43[Laughter] guys--frankie, richie.
00:25:46Richie. how are you?
00:25:47Uncle vick. uncle vick.
00:25:48Nice pleasure to meet you.
00:25:50Neil. pleasure to meet you.
00:25:51And johnny boy. nice to meet you.
00:25:53All right.
00:25:54So, tell me about these guys anthony took you to.
00:25:58They were executes from a spaghetti-- mm-hmm.
00:26:02Macaroni corporation.
00:26:05Mm-hmm.
00:26:06A worldwide corporation.
00:26:08Our gene has decided that he's going to take a lie detector test.
00:26:13[all exclaim] Man: Brave man.
00:26:16Not that any of you guys know anything about lie detector tests.
00:26:20[indistinct chatter] Gene, why don't you tell them why you're taking a lie-- no tricks, no funny stuff.
00:26:25This girl I've been living with for 24 years wonders the same thing all girls wonder about their guys.
00:26:30Who were you with? that's right.
00:26:33Right? yeah.
00:26:33She's curious about whether or not I've been with-- or how many since we've been together.
00:26:39That's what she's asking for.
00:26:41She knows there have been thousands.
00:26:42In all seriousness, what are you worried about?
00:26:45How many women have you been with?
00:26:462,000? [chuckles] What could it be? more? less?
00:26:52It's a little more.
00:26:53[all exclaim] OVER 4,000?
00:26:56[laughter] I don't know 20 guys that have had that many.
00:26:59You don't know 1,000 guys that have had that.
00:27:01[laughter] You're in trouble. you're in trouble!
00:27:04The thing I'm concerned about is that I'll get too nervous just about the whole thing, and even when I'm telling the truth, it's going to go like you're telling a lie 'cause you're nervous.
00:27:13This is what you got to do, all right?
00:27:16You put a tack in your shoe, and as soon as the guy asks you a question, you lean down on the tack, and then you answer.
00:27:24The first reading right away.
00:27:26[laughter] This is mom asking dad in the most polite way possible questions on his lie detector test. ok.
00:27:37I know what's coming.
00:27:38Put the things on your nipples, the shock, please-- [laughs] PUT THOSE THERE, OK.
00:27:45First question.
00:27:47You liar! you liar!
00:27:50Liar!
00:27:52You lied, didn't you? liar!
00:27:54Ok, ok. lied, didn't you.
00:27:56What happened to the question?
00:27:58S the question. you're a liar!
00:27:59You look like frankenstein with all those [bleep] DAMN WIRES.
00:28:03You got a few-- [all exclaim] Listen, fellas, I just want you to know it's not a wire. it's a heart monitor.
00:28:09[laughter] Damn. you know what it is?
00:28:13Look at a picture of your wife. that's it.
00:28:16And that's the answer, then.
00:28:17 you look at her, and you stare at her, and you think of her.
00:28:20And you'll get through the whole thing.
00:28:21The night before, make sure you took care of her, too.
00:28:24BUT OTHER THAN THAT-- Man: Yeah, yeah.
00:28:25You think of her during the whole session.
00:28:27Hey, chuck. hey, chuck.
00:28:28Yes? every night, I'm home.
00:28:30..
00:28:31NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. [laughter] Here's to nothing but the truth, gene.
00:28:36Nothing but the truth. the best to you, gene.
00:28:49Wait there a second. mom?
00:28:52..
00:28:54I have something to tell you.
00:28:55..
00:28:59Bam! I got a bun in the oven.
00:29:01 [chuckles] YOU LIKE? YOU LIKE? [laughs] That is so funny!
00:29:07I know. it feels like a pillow.
00:29:09Why are you doing that?
00:29:10School. oh, my god.
00:29:12I almost had a heart attack.
00:29:14[laughs] ALTHOUGH THAT WOULD BE REALLY QUICK.
00:29:19Aww.
00:29:20THAT'S SO CUTE, KIND OF. [door opens] I feel fat.
00:29:23It's the next best thing to me having one.
00:29:25Oh, it's got your eyes, mom.
00:29:28AWW. [whistles] That's so cute, kind of. hey.
00:29:31[gasps] LOOK! YOU'RE GOING TO BE A GRANDPA!
00:29:33[monitor beeping] WHAT IS THAT NOISE?
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00:30:46[ growls ] SORRY.
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00:33:49Woman:HEY, TURTLE AND GENIE, Are you guys having fun?
00:33:51OH, YEAH! [all talk at once] I want to do thisfor a living!
00:33:57[gasps] LOOK!YOU'RE GOING TO BE A GRANDPA!
00:33:59[laughs] Isn't it such a happy occasion?
00:34:02The baby has a square head like you.
00:34:05Go like this. go like this.
00:34:07[monitor beeping] STOP IT! [laughs] That's really wrong.
00:34:12What is that noise?
00:34:13That was very funny. are you beeping?
00:34:14Are you holding-- do you have a bomb?
00:34:17This--this-- oh, good. you did it.
00:34:20It's just a-- it's a thing the doctors stuck on.
00:34:23It's not a big deal.
00:34:24You said you weren't going.
00:34:25Well, my mother made me go to the doctor, and he thought it would be a good idea to connect this thing AND SEE HOW-- [gasps] OHH.
00:34:30Everything's fine.
00:34:31So, it's to monitor stress?
00:34:33It's to monitor just how my heart is and how it's working, and it's working fine.
00:34:38But I'm supposed to be in a stress-free environment.
00:34:42Cody: [laughter] I would like to stay and chat, but I'm going to go to another room where it's stress-free.
00:34:49What are you going to do there?
00:34:50I'm going to be quiet in a room.
00:34:52How is that heart monitor working out for you?
00:34:56Pretty good. yeah?
00:34:57It's just listening.
00:34:58Right. it's not doing anything?
00:35:01Well, it's a little uncomfortable, but it's all right. not a big deal.
00:35:04It's ok when I say we should get married, [monitor beeping] OR...
00:35:08BUY ANOTHER CAR. [beeping speeds up] Have a grandchild or have another baby.
00:35:13[beeping speeds up] Tear this house down. we'll get a new home.
00:35:16[exhales] [beeping speeds up] Man: And you're listening to the adam carolla show.
00:35:20I offered a challenge to gene simmons.
00:35:22" I don't believe that he's been faithful.
00:35:26♪ Everybody's lyin' to my face ♪
00:35:30ready for your big day?
00:35:31Well, yeah. yeah.
00:35:33Your truth serum day?
00:35:34Not a big day. it's just another day.
00:35:36NOT A GAME TODAY. [scoffs] Not rock'n'roll talk. it's the real deal.
00:35:40Nick! soph! we're leaving.
00:35:42You don't have to hold me up, and my zipper's open.
00:35:45Come and say good-bye to your dad.
00:35:46It's a nice touch. my zipper's wide open.
00:35:48[laughs] Lie detector day?
00:35:50Yes. lie detector day.
00:35:52Big day for your pops.
00:35:53DAY OF TRUTH. [Sophie humming] I don't know why you guys are making such a big deal about it.
00:35:57You're wearing my shirt? that's cute.
00:35:58It's not a big deal. it's just a little machine.
00:36:00Then why do I hear that beeping?
00:36:02That's a different-- that's a different thing.
00:36:04Aww. poor daddy.
00:36:05Oh, that's good. that's good. that's good.
00:36:08Come on. let's go.
00:36:09Mom gets to make up the questions.
00:36:10Look at you. you got your heart monitor on.
00:36:12You're going to get a lie detector-- you're becoming a cyborg or something.
00:36:15You're all wired up. bye-bye. have fun.
00:36:17Well, let's hope I come back.
00:36:19If you knew he was going to tell you the absolute truth, what would you want to know?
00:36:23I think I would ask dad if he secretly wants to get married, you know.
00:36:28If it's just-- I don't think he even subconsciously would admit that to himself.
00:36:31Am I your favorite?
00:36:32Am I really your first son?
00:36:33Will sex really kill me? is santa claus real?
00:36:36Can you really not afford a pony?
00:36:37I'd like to ask him, does he actually think his hair is going to go anywhere if the wind hits it?
00:36:43Because it is made of metal.
00:36:44Am I the prettiest girl in the world?
00:36:47[chules] Shannon: It's a good thing the kids aren't coming.
00:36:50Gene: Why?
00:36:51Well, because I want to get to the pertinent questions, and I don't want to be bogged down with a lot of, you know, petty stuff.
00:36:57You know as well as I do this is silly.
00:36:59It's not silly.
00:37:00They probably have a rent-a-cop working this machine.
00:37:02You know, somebody has to operate the machines, and they're all accredited-- bonded-- I watched-- under oath.
00:37:10I watchedkojak.
00:37:11And on there, it said-- kojak?
00:37:14The machine-- do you want to say how old you are now?
00:37:16'Cause no one knows who kojak is.
00:37:18QUINCY. [laughs] Uh-uh. next.
00:37:21[chuckles] I see you have your defensive personality on today.
00:37:27Are you on crack?
00:37:28By doing what? I'm just driving.
00:37:30Tell me what it is, huh?
00:37:31[indistinct] LIKE THAT.
00:37:33[indistinct] WHAT I WAS DOING?
00:37:35[indistinct] I WAS DOING YOU!
00:37:37That's your nervousness. I know that.
00:37:38Oh, you know nothing. no, I do.
00:37:40Sometimes, it's not good to know everything.
00:37:44[helicopter blades whirring] OH, YEAH. [indistinct chatter] Man: He'll be here any minute.
00:37:50Don't start shaking when they attach those electrodes to you.
00:37:54[clears throat] 10:00.
00:37:56[indistinct chatter] Ooh. somebody waiting for you.
00:38:00Somebody waiting to see the truth man.
00:38:04Man: [indistinct chatter] Man: Gimme a smile.
00:38:12Gene: How are you guys?
00:38:13Are you nervous about this test, gene?
00:38:15Yeah. don't get nervous.
00:38:16[indistinct chatter] [shutters clicking] I LIKE YOUR SHIRT. [laughs] Gene: Oh, team tweed. very funny.
00:38:21That's right.
00:38:22Man: Hey, you look beautiful.
00:38:24I think she's nervous you've been cheating on her.
00:38:26[cheering] he's telling the truth that he's been foolingaround this whole time-- dead effing meat. dead meat.
00:38:35That's not what he said.
00:38:35How do you think the lie detector test is going to go?
00:38:39Well, uh-- yeah.
00:38:41There's-- 2 things are going to happen.
00:38:43Either-- if we're back next week, if the show is on next week, it went great. it went perfectly. fine.
00:38:50.. you know, this is our last show, and we thank you for watching.
00:38:57I am a huge gene simmons fan.
00:38:59 gene is not intothe ceremony of marriage, so we challenged himlast year to take a lie detector test.
00:39:06I keep telling you, it's inadmissible in court.
00:39:08You keep saying it's inadmissible in court.
00:39:09Who cares?
00:39:11We're not going to court.
00:39:13Well, let's see how special I am.
00:39:14This is what I think of your answer right there-- poppycock.
00:39:19Why do you even care?
00:39:20Men always want to have-- don't say "we." speak only for yourself.
00:39:23They've given me the right. no, they haven't.
00:39:25Ok. I always want-- no, they haven't.
00:39:28The option-- 'cause all those guys who got married obviously don't think like you.
00:39:31Could gene simmons beat this machine?
00:39:34I don't know.
00:39:35I don't know if he has that kind of genius, and I don't know enough about the technology to know that that would help.
00:39:41 I've been strapped to a lot of them, and for real things, and I've never beat one.
00:39:45I want the daily choice of staying with you, and you should have-- you should have it.
00:39:51And you-- I should have what I want.
00:39:52You can stay with me if you want to.
00:39:54If you don't, I understand.
00:39:55Right. yeah. you understand? that's good.
00:39:57I'll follow you. you understand!
00:40:00They ready yet?
00:40:01[indistinct chatter] You nervous? sure.
00:40:05You are?
00:40:06Who wants to be put on the spot?
00:40:07You admit you're nervous?
00:40:09Of course I am.
00:40:13He's worried. he's worried?
00:40:16Yeah. he's got to be worried.
00:40:17'Cause if he's-- if he's a good boy, then it's not good for his career.
00:40:21 and if he's a bad boy, it's not good for his personal life.
00:40:24I keep forgetting he's a rocker.
00:40:26I keep thinking of him as gene, the old man, in his room on the phone.
00:40:30[laughs] Let's bring in gene and shannon, and see if gene and shannon can beat this, or at least gene can beat it, and if he can't, then shannon will beat him.
00:40:40Danny: because-- now, on one hand, he agreed.
00:40:44Gene simmons, shannon tweed, have a seat.
00:40:46I can't believe you agreed to do this.
00:40:48Shannon: I can't believe it either.
00:40:50I thought it was really brave, and then, maybe I am-- I'm not going to say hero worship, but I'm a big, big, big fan of yours.
00:40:56Adam: Answer this question.
00:40:57Gene: I never touched her.
00:40:58You guys have been together for 24 years, or close to it.
00:41:02Now, if you'd gotten married the first 6 months you met shannon tweed, do you think you'd still be together?
00:41:08NO. Danny: And she'd be rich.
00:41:09Now, why wouldn't you? what would change?
00:41:12What would change?
00:41:13You know, it's like going to a zoo, and you see the big bengal-- what? what's like going to the zoo?
00:41:20Adam: I'll hear him out.
00:41:20Danny: Hear the man out for god's sake.
00:41:23He's got so many analogies.
00:41:24[tiger screeches] Well, you just asked me how it would change.
00:41:26Put a tiger in a cage, keep the door open, it's the king.
00:41:31It wants to have the choice.
00:41:33To be forced to stay in that cage-- Shannon: It only comes back for meat.
00:41:38He winds up being a pathetic, overweight, chip-dipping, sports-watching, fat slob.
00:41:43Sooner or later, he will mount his secretary in the office and go to the strip clubs.
00:41:47Danny: Now, I have tried to beat these on several occasions, and never one. why aren't they legal in court?
00:41:54They are legal in court.
00:41:55They are? when did that happen?
00:41:57if the judge agrees to it or both sidesagree to it, then it is admissible in court.
00:42:03Thank you.
00:42:04But why is it always referred to as inadmissible in court?
00:42:06Because they don't know.
00:42:08Adam: How accurate are they?
00:42:09They're 98 to 99% accurate.
00:42:10Shannon: Oh, god. I'm going to love this.
00:42:12Gene: I'm sweating now. does it say I'm lying?
00:42:15[laughter] Man, this is like an electric chair thing.
00:42:18You ever had one of these?
00:42:19 it's uncomfortable, " and you go, "adam," and then, you start sweating profusely.
00:42:26I don't like this contraption. what is this?
00:42:27 I mean, what are you looking for?
00:42:30I only want one question answered, and the rest is just for your enjoyment.
00:42:34[all talk at once] What is the main one?
00:42:36One's for public entertainment, and the last one is for me.
00:42:38And the last question that you're probably going to get to, 'cause you're going to make me squirm a long time-- right. yeah, it's the dead last one.
00:42:45Is I want to know-- I don't want to know how many women he's slept with.
00:42:48 and that's good, because experience is wonderful.
00:42:51But you want to know if the buck stopped with you.
00:42:55Does yesterday count?
00:42:57Now, the way-- the difference between men and women is, men care about how many partners the woman has been with.
00:43:05Women don't care once they've got to them.
00:43:07They care about how many partners after they've been with them.
00:43:10 I don't care how many were before me.
00:43:12 let's get on with this lie detector, IF WE WOULD. LISA-- Gene: Truth detector.
00:43:17 would you like to calibratet by asking a couple of questions, like is gene simmons his real name or that kind of thing?
00:43:23I would like to, but I'd like for him to sit perfectly still.
00:43:26Shannon, what happens if he fails?
00:43:28You leave with me?
00:43:29It's a no-win situation for gene.
00:43:31You'll come home with daddy?
00:43:32 you guys are-- you guys are grandfathered in, by the way.
00:43:36ANYONE I [bleep] TO WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL'S In.
00:43:40WE HAVE A DEAL. [laughter] Oh, in that case, gene, you and paul are in at my house.
00:43:44 that's just the way it goes.
00:43:47Ok. ok. all right.
00:43:49Lisa, why don't you begin?
00:43:50You're going to answer yes or no.
00:43:52Is your real name gene simmons?
00:43:56Yes.
00:43:58How'd that come out, lisa?
00:44:00It came out truthful.
00:44:01Gene simmons is not his real name.
00:44:03It's not!
00:44:04She did not use the word legal, I don't believe.
00:44:07And technically speaking, you go by the name gene simmons.
00:44:11In calibrating your nervousness, it's not-- she wasn't calibrating truth then.
00:44:15She was calibrating nervousness then.
00:44:17Mm-hmm.
00:44:18But you go by the name gene simms.
00:44:19Do you have a follow-up?
00:44:21Are you in california?
00:44:23[inhales] Answer quickly.
00:44:27YES. [laughs] [beeps] So far, he's answered very truthfully.
00:44:31Do you feel calibrated?
00:44:33I feel calibrated. all right.
00:44:33Well, then, let me start with my questions.
00:44:37Have you had your tongue surgically altered?
00:44:43No.
00:44:44Lisa?
00:44:46 no deception there.
00:44:49Danny: Do you like what your facelift has done for your appearance?
00:44:54YES. [beeps] No deception was indicated.
00:44:59Have you really slept with thousands of women?
00:45:02Not hundreds of women-- thousands of women.
00:45:06No.
00:45:07[beeps] NO DECEPTION WAS INDICATED.
00:45:11Mm-hmm.
00:45:12Have you really had sex with thousands of women?
00:45:21Yes.
00:45:25beeps] NO DECEPTION WAS INDICATED.
00:45:28Ooh.
00:45:28Danny: You gotta pay attention to bonaduce when it comes to lying.
00:45:32Smart.
00:45:33When you do as much lying as I do, you know the tricks.
00:45:36Well, thank you.
00:45:37And this is the one I was afraid to ask, 'cause you're a friend of mine, but I'm going to.
00:45:42Is your hair a wig?
00:45:45NO. [beeps] Lisa?
00:45:47No deception was indicated.
00:45:49Mm-hmm. mm-hmm.
00:45:51Do you want to get married?
00:45:53Yes.
00:45:55[beeps] That was a lie.
00:45:58Oh. sorry, sweetie-peetie.
00:45:59No problem. I knew that.
00:46:01I know.
00:46:02Full disclosure-- I say that day one.
00:46:04Stop talking.
00:46:05One question, really, left to ask-- have you ever made love to a woman other than shannon tweed since 1983?
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00:50:44Shannon:ANYTHING TO SAY?
00:50:45Tracy:ANY LAST WORDS-- [INDISTINCT] We're really sorry aboutthe joke we played on you new year's eve.
00:50:49Do you still hate us?
00:50:51[laughter] Adam: One question,really, left to ask-- and by the way,shannon tweed's over here ON PINS AND NEEDLES. [laughs] You don't really care about any of this other crap except for the last question.
00:51:07By the way, do you have a metal detector?
00:51:09Has anybody checked shannon?
00:51:11ANYBODY ELSE CARRYING ARMS? [Danny laughs] it could get very ugly in here.
00:51:15Uh, shall we get to the biggest and most important question?
00:51:21Oh, yeah. go for it.
00:51:22You ready?you got the .44 in your purse?
00:51:24You want to put it on your lap?
00:51:25Danny: I think the big questions are actually the last 2, since the last one's the big one, and it's the adam carolla show, I will certainly defer to you.
00:51:32So, can I ask the second-to-last question?
00:51:34SURE. [gun clicks] Is shannon tweedthe only woman you have ever beenin love with?
00:51:46Yes.
00:51:49[beeps] No deception was indicated.
00:51:52Danny: Ooh.
00:51:53All right, shannon. go wait in the car now.
00:51:55[Shannon laughs] The boys have to talk. oh, my god.
00:51:58You have to just do it right.
00:52:00They're not dependable.
00:52:02They're dependable enough for me.
00:52:03They don't tell you the truth.
00:52:05They tell me the truth.
00:52:07Have you ever made love to a woman other than shannon tweed since 1983?
00:52:17[computer beeping] No.
00:52:31No deception was indicated.
00:52:33WHEE! [laughter and applause] Yay!
00:52:37Don't touch me.
00:52:38[laughter] Here's why it's inadmissible.
00:52:40 [tchaikovsky's romeo and julietplaying] the very first question was what?
00:52:46" it's not.
00:52:50Let me just ask you this-- can you sign a legal document with the name gene simmons and have it still be legal?
00:52:57Do checks come to you under the namegene simmons and you are able to cash them?
00:53:02Yes.
00:53:02Then that would make that a legal name for you, correct?
00:53:07Yes. ok.
00:53:08Then I would have to say that the machine showing no deception would be correct.
00:53:11But so is the other name.
00:53:13Fine. she didn't ask you that.
00:53:14I wasn't born with that name.
00:53:17[laughs] Lisa: I didn't ask you that.
00:53:18Danny: Don't make her mad. she'll smack you.
00:53:21You know, when you answered that last question on the lie detector, that was almost like a wedding for me.
00:53:28Well-- it was so sweet.
00:53:30You're ruining everything I've built for 34 years.
00:53:34 I don't-- you didn't cheat on me. that's so nice.
00:53:37No, I didn't. I love you.
00:53:39I told you, it's inadmissible.
00:53:42Your honor.
00:53:46That's very nice.
00:53:47It is very unlikely, though, that a person who is guilty is going to submit to one of those.
00:53:53 and sometimes-- or somebody who is just so extremely self-confident-- [laughs] Or somebody scared. correct.
00:54:00You know what? wait a minute.
00:54:01Methinks she doth protest too much.
00:54:03Aha! why don't you put this thing on?
00:54:05Danny: Mm-hmm. I'll help you with it.
00:54:07YEAH! laughs] You--you are sneaky.
00:54:09You know, the guys that are always complaining about getting their stuff ripped off are the ones that are ripping everyone else off.
00:54:15Dude, are we really going to do this to ms.
00:54:16Tweed?
00:54:18[rips] OHH!
00:54:19[laughter] YOU'RE A [bleep].
00:54:21[laughter] Ohh! ohh!
00:54:24Well, the bad news is you have a patch where your hair used to be.
00:54:27THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU CAN SELL THAT ON eBAY.
00:54:30Look at that.
00:54:34Adam: You got to go.
00:54:36Lisa, are you ready? I'm ready.
00:54:37Do you want to calibrate her with some boring stuff before I get to the lesbian action?
00:54:42We can calibrate her.
00:54:43Ooh! you're in for some juicy stuff, adam.
00:54:45 well, ask her the straight calibration questions.
00:54:49Is your first name shannon?
00:54:51Yes.
00:54:53Adam: That's a lie.
00:54:55[snickers] Mm-hmm. ok.
00:54:58You ever been with a woman?
00:55:00YES. [computer beeps] No deception indicated.
00:55:05Nice. ha ha.
00:55:06Danny: [fanfare plays] [zipper unzips] THE TEST IS OVER. Danny: God, I love you.
00:55:12I just want to build an altar to you.
00:55:15Was it-- was it with another playmate?
00:55:18Yes.
00:55:20[beeps] NO DECEPTION INDICATED.
00:55:22Adam: Oh, I think I could work with this.
00:55:24Man: It's so damn hot.
00:55:26Was it with candy loving?
00:55:28NO. [beeps] No deception indicated.
00:55:31 you were this-- just before it.
00:55:35STOP TALKING! [indistinct] CHEATING.
00:55:37 simmons ask his questions that seem to be eating him alive?
00:55:41Did you ram your tongue down tom jones' throat?
00:55:51YES. [beeps] I thought she was going-- how's that going there?
00:55:55No deception indicated.
00:55:56NO DECEPTION. THAT'S A LIE. [snorts] Do y-- if--if given-- ok. shh. settle down.
00:56:04This is the most important question.
00:56:06If you were in turks and caicos, and I wasn't there, and you ran into george clooney, and he invited you into his bedroom, would you go?
00:56:24Yes.
00:56:26Danny: Oh, my god.
00:56:27No deception indicated.
00:56:29Ooh. george clooney at sandals? come on.
00:56:31Really? come on! how can you not?
00:56:33I would do him, too. oh, yeah.
00:56:34I would share every detail with you when I got home.
00:56:37Really?
00:56:38We would relive it together.
00:56:39How about if you were in van and nuys, and you ran into adam carolla, and he invited you back to his boudoir, would you return with him?
00:56:52Uh, no.
00:56:54Wait a minute. wait a minute. lisa?
00:56:56Now's your time to shine, lisa.
00:56:59No deception indicated.
00:57:00AWW. [all talk at once] One last question.
00:57:03Girls and their lies!
00:57:04Would you be-- would you be with gene simmons if he was not a huge rock and roll star?
00:57:15No.
00:57:18[bleep] [bleep] [chuckles] 'Cause he wouldn't be gene simmons if he wasn't a rock and roll star.
00:57:24No deception indicated.
00:57:25That's why we get along.
00:57:26For god's sake!
00:57:27But carolla, you know what's happened, don't you?
00:57:29You're going to go back to your wife, and she's going to turn to you and say, " [Shannon laughs] And I'm going to do what I always do with the nanny, with the kids, with the wife-- I use one of those t-shirt shooters they use at the forum where the lakers play, and I stuff twenties into it, and I just-- I walk in, I see my nanny at the end of the hall, boom.
00:57:53Then, I see the twins down in the den, then, my wife yells from upstairs.
00:57:57[laughter] Danny: Unfortunately, true.
00:58:03This may be the healthiest couple I know.
00:58:06 hearts and other parts belong to shannon.
00:58:10It was brave of both of you and remarkably held up.
00:58:13We'll take a break.
00:58:14We'll be right back.
00:58:16So, you're happy with how that lie detector test went, hmm?
00:58:22Yeah? I'm happy.
00:58:23You happy? yeah.
00:58:25CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW? [giggles] No matter whatthe test decided about you, I've decided thatit's good to be you.
00:58:34It's good to be me.
00:58:35Because we're togetherbecause we want to be.
00:58:38Yeah. not 'cause we have to be. right.
00:58:40♪ I was made for you ♪
00:58:44♪ and you were madefor me ♪
00:58:46I'm not giving upabout the wedding thing, though.
00:58:49[monitor beeping] ♪♪ Woke up this morning ♪♪
00:58:57♪♪ got yourself a gun ♪♪
00:58:59♪♪ your momma always said you'd be the ♪♪
00:59:03♪♪ chosen one ♪♪
00:59:04♪♪ she said, you're one in a million ♪♪
00:59:07♪♪ you got to learn to shine ♪♪
00:59:09♪♪ but you were born under a bad sign ♪♪
00:59:12♪♪ with a blue moon in your eye ♪♪
00:59:15♪♪ when you woke up this morning ♪♪
00:59:18♪♪ all that love had gone ♪♪
00:59:20♪♪ your papa never told you about ♪♪
00:59:24♪♪ right and wrong ♪♪
00:59:26♪♪ but you're lookin' good lately ♪♪
00:59:29♪♪ I believe you're feelin' fine ♪♪
00:00:00Genie!
00:00:02Like shannon tweed.
00:00:03[indistinct] [grunts] ♪ This is the gene simmons family jewels ♪
00:00:09♪ when god made me, he broke all the rules ♪
00:00:13♪ I rock all day ♪
00:00:14♪ I roll all night ♪
00:00:16♪ you wish you were me ♪
00:00:17♪ you know I'm right ♪
00:00:19♪ and that's shannon, my beauty queen ♪ the finest girl I have ever seen ♪
00:00:25♪ we ain't your next-door family ♪
00:00:31..
00:00:34Me.
00:00:36[grunts] What are you doing later?
00:00:42[crowd cheers] You needto tell the truth, and, you know,the truth needs to be really good.
00:00:51You do not want toget on my bad side.
00:00:53And I just want youto know that in a little while, depending on how things go, that daddy might be spending more time in the room across from yours.
00:01:03How's it going be-- like, every other weekend, I see you, or is that just-- how's it going to play out, do you think?
00:01:10That's very funny.
00:01:10The truth shall set you free.
00:01:14Or kill you.
00:01:15Set you free.
00:01:18Free.
00:01:18Are you taking thpicture?
00:01:20Look over there, nicholas.
00:01:22Look, look. taking pictures.
00:01:36You want to take care of it?
00:01:37Man: It doesn't matter. up to you.
00:01:39[monitor beeping] Woman: OK.
00:01:42[beeping] [indistinct chatter] With the exercise,you went into this rhythm calledatrial fibrillation, ok?
00:01:54What that means is the top chamber of your heart, instead of beating normally, is just sort of quivering.
00:02:00It's beating very, very quickly.
00:02:02[door opens] Ok. he's in afib.
00:02:04Are you kidding? no, I'm not kidding.
00:02:08He's still in it.
00:02:11So, he's beenoff the test now for 27 minutes or so, and he's still remaining in this irregular rhythm.
00:02:17I was just curious--you're not on any medications, right?
00:02:20Right now, no,but 4 months ago, I had zocor, half baby aspirin.
00:02:26 anybody in your family with heart disease?
00:02:29No.
00:02:31You drink anything? alcohol?
00:02:33I've never been drunk or high in my life.
00:02:37Ok. oh, I'm sorry.
00:02:41What we can do is, we can try to get you into a normal rhythm.
00:02:44There are 2 ways of doing that, ok?
00:02:46One is to give you a special medication called anti-arrhythmic medication to get you back into a normal rhythm.
00:02:52The other one is to give you a shock, actually an electrical shock, to get you into a normal rhythm.
00:02:59[wheels squeak] EXCUSE ME, GUYS.
00:03:00I just have to get that over there.
00:03:02..
00:03:04We're waiting to see if you'll spontaneously revert to normal.
00:03:10[monitor beeping] If not, we'll give you a medication that we'll need to convert you back to normal.
00:03:14You'll be back to totally normal, 50 60.
00:03:17You're still about 125 right now, 120.
00:03:20And it's not just the heart rate. it's irregular.
00:03:22It's not beating regularly like a heart should.
00:03:25It's called atrial fibrillation, afib, and some people get brief episodes that they don't feel.
00:03:32Your friend with an svt probably saw what's called an electrophysiologist.
00:03:36Well, my partner had an episode.
00:03:38We were about to do a show in soboba, which is in the desert.
00:03:44110 Degrees outdoors.
00:03:47Oh, he was stressed from the heat.
00:03:48And his heart rate jumped up to 3 beats a second.
00:03:53So they took him to the hospital, gave him something.
00:03:55Next day, he was fine, but it had happened to him before.
00:03:59Paul's heart was going at 200 beats a minute.
00:04:03200. They had to inject him to stop his heart.
00:04:08And we were thinking of canceling the show 'cause there's no way-- there was no way for paul to do the show.
00:04:14" [cheering] Turn on the lights! let me see you!
00:04:20[cheering] This one's for paul stanley. tommy!
00:04:24Paul's health problems are kind of scary to me-- not only for paul's health, but dad's much older than paul.
00:04:31 paul's in amazing shape, so if paul can get-- you know, if that can happen to paul, what's-- like, what do we do?
00:04:40Do you have any insurance card or anything like that in here?
00:04:44Man: No, I don't think he does.
00:04:45Angus in new jersey has all that information.
00:04:48Has angus-- should I call shannon?
00:04:51No.
00:04:52You said don't call shannon?
00:04:54Never.
00:04:55She'll be on a flight.
00:04:56Would somebody please take my mom home?
00:04:59Just tell her I'm fine. don't make her worry.
00:05:02[indistinct chatter] Hi, mrs. klein? hi.
00:05:12Gene's test is taking a little bit longer than we expected, so we've arranged a car to take you home.
00:05:17I would like to know, how is my darling son doing?
00:05:21Oh, he's fine. he's fine.
00:05:22It's just taking a little bit longer.
00:05:24[indistinct chatter] [indistinct] I would like to put a real i.v. in.
00:05:31I gave you some medications that I think will convert this from atrial fibrillation, af, svt, back to normal, because it's been now 35 minutes, ..
00:05:47[telephone receiver clicks] This medication lowers your heart rate a little bit.
00:05:52[monitor beeping] LET ME KNOW. [exhales] [indistinct chatter] Do you think the stress of having to take the lie detector test is going to cost your dad his health?
00:06:08 he's way too h-- especially-- for a normal person, he's really healthy.
00:06:13Isn't he?
00:06:18You still haven't gone into normal rhythm.
00:06:20 what would happen if the rest of your life, you stay like that?
00:06:24There's a risk of chronically running a very high heart rate, which could weaken your heart muscle.
00:06:31And some people don't feel it, and it could silently do damage to the heart if the heart rate isapid.
00:06:36You had a very high heart rate before, and you didn't even feel it.
00:06:46[beeping] Dad's never had any serious stuff like that that I know of.
00:06:58..
00:07:00Demon's getting older.
00:07:04[indistinct chatter] [beeping] [telephone rings] goldner come in and speak to you-- cheung, ok-- about our options are now that you haven't gone in on your own.
00:07:25What did they tell you?
00:07:27What do you mean?
00:07:29[indistinct chatter] [machine screeches] Man: OH, SURE.
00:07:50togetherwith sale!
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00:09:05Insurance,let it.
00:09:06I've never had an accident.
00:09:08Is there anything you can do for me ?
00:09:10Yeah, I'm here with Liz.
00:09:11I need a brilliant idea right now.
00:09:15Guys ! I just gagged.
00:09:18Here it is.
00:09:18Deductible. Take $50 off.
00:09:21Wait.
00:09:21Take $100 off for every year she doesn't have an accident...
00:09:25... and call it Vanishing Deductible.
00:09:30Hook, line, sinker.
00:09:32Done.
00:09:35togetherwith sale!
00:09:36..
00:09:38...Cannon bathtowels, $3.99 each!
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00:11:19[Shannon talksindistinctly] [Nick shouts indistinctly] Oh, yeah, baby.
00:11:24Oh, I gotanother bonus present.
00:11:28Ok, mr. simmons.you know what happened.
00:11:30Basically, you had that irregular heartbeat, and what we had to do was basically shock you.
00:11:36The doctor here checked with my doctor-- clear heart, clear lungs, clear everything, blood is good-- everything's nice.
00:11:42Unfortunately, your heart went into this fibrillation, so it is what it is.
00:11:46 your chariot awaits.
00:11:49 you're not going to push me out on that thing again, please.
00:11:53We have to. why?
00:11:55Because! look!
00:11:58Has to be. oh, so embarrassing.
00:12:01They put me out, and then they shocked me.
00:12:04What?
00:12:04 they put some kind of frankenstein thing on-- they put you out?
00:12:08Yeah.
00:12:09And shocked your heart?
00:12:11I guess. I was out.
00:12:14I think.
00:12:15And you thought-- you thought I would-- I thought you-- be ok not knowing that?
00:12:18Sure. it's not a big thing.
00:12:202 Hours later, I was back in the hotel.
00:12:22Dinner and everything's fine.
00:12:24 it's just-- ok?
00:12:28Take care and good luck to you.
00:12:30Doc. ok.
00:12:30You're a powerful and attractive man.
00:12:32[laughs] THANKS.AND YOU'RE IN NORMAL RHYTHM Now, and it looks likeyou're doing great.
00:12:36THANK YOU. [indistinct] You know, you should try a leather coat.
00:12:38That would be cooler. white leather.
00:12:40I'll speak to the administrators ..
00:12:42Hello, gentlemen.
00:12:43I swear, I'm feeling good. I'm strong.
00:12:45SHE'S FORCING ME TO SIT IN THIS [bleep] DAMN Chair.
00:12:49I LOOK GOOD? [laughter] Yeah.
00:12:54[indistinct chatter] The big questionis going to be, " if he doesn't fail, bad for his career.
00:13:03If he does fail, bad for his personal life.
00:13:06Now, I have to go and see my old boyfriend.
00:13:08Ok? yeah.
00:13:09Ilding as the time forkiss frontman gene simmons to takea lie detector test nears.
00:13:16I'm tim greenwoodat hollywood and highland.
00:13:18This week,a breakthrough.
00:13:19The questionwas asked, "has gene simmonsbeen cheating on shannon tweed, and is he willingto take a lie detector test?
00:13:26The age-old question is, you know,has there been any other women since we've been togetherand committed?
00:13:32I don't thinkhe should have to prove that he's faithful.
00:13:35You never takea lie detector test for a chick.
00:13:36Ever!
00:13:40Don't do it, gene! don't do it!
00:13:41I don't know, if he is cheating, hit us up.
00:13:44every single woman wants to know.
00:13:47" am I right?
00:13:50[audience laughs and cheers] Florence: Hello. gene: hi, mom.
00:13:57HI, CHAIM.[indistinct] I'm better than ever.
00:14:04I'll live to 100.
00:14:05I'm off to a casting party fordominatrix-- you know, my comic--yes. uh-huh.
00:14:14 I don't have time to rest.
00:14:19I've got to make money.
00:14:20I just wanted to make sure you got home ok and that you weren't worried. ok.
00:14:25I love you.
00:14:26I love you too. bye.
00:14:31[indistinct chatter] Hello. hi.
00:14:37I'm gene simmons.
00:14:38I'm kayden kross.
00:14:39Nice to see you. I'm here withadam & eve.
00:14:40And I will bechaperoning you this evening.
00:14:42Oh. terrific. oh! thank you.
00:14:44[indistinct shouting] AFTER YOU. LADIES FIRST.
00:14:46Thank you. yeah?
00:14:48Very much. how are you guys?
00:14:55You've quite a little crowd out there.
00:14:58So, did they let you know what's going on tonight?
00:15:01 I mean, I know we're going to a ..
00:15:05Ok. we're going to a club called home.
00:15:08Right.
00:15:09You were supposed to pick out a safety word.
00:15:12What do you mean by a safety word?
00:15:14Like, if something hurt too much, or if you couldn't take any more, you have a safety word so we know to stop.
00:15:22Uh, ice cream.
00:15:24Ice cream. all right. ice cream.
00:15:25Oh, my god. dominatrix party.
00:15:28Casting party.
00:15:29I'm just visualizing it.
00:15:31[groans] [grunts] It scares me a little bit.
00:15:35[chuckles] Scared they're going to paddle me or something.
00:15:38[laughs] Thank you for that pothole.
00:15:45I like this limo driver.
00:15:54Oh, how are you? wakey wakey.
00:15:58Nice to see you.
00:16:00HELLO. Kayden: Hi.
00:16:04How you feeling?
00:16:05I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. [laughs] YOU ALL RIGHT? [crowd shouting] How are you guys?
00:16:12..
00:16:14 they got me hooked up ..
00:16:19Heart monitor.
00:16:21..
00:16:24..
00:16:26Hi, sweetheart.
00:16:27Hello to all your-- it just sort of means if my heart gets a little too excited, " if that beeps when you're going to get excited, maybe I shouldn't take you in, because when you see what's waiting for you in there, IT'S GOING TO GO-- [beeping] Really? oh! oh, yeah.
00:16:45Crowd: Gene! gene!gene! gene! gene!
00:16:48Gene! gene! gene!
00:16:49Man: Frontman of kiss and the creator ofdominatrixmagazine, ladies and gentlemen, gene simmons.
00:16:55[crowd cheering] [indistinct rap music playing] Gene, do you have a safety word?
00:17:11Ice cream. oh.
00:17:17HELLO. [cheering] Nice to see you.
00:17:20So, here. let me tell you what I'm all about.
00:17:23Do you mind? no.
00:17:23I'm launching a comic book calleddominatrix, and I'm looking for more than one who are going to be convincing dominatrixes.
00:17:30..
00:17:33Cia meets t and a.
00:17:35[laughter] Ok. and who's going first?
00:17:40I'm--i'm at a loss for words.
00:17:42I'm going to tie you up.
00:17:43 of course you are.
00:17:47I have a feeling you might work out.
00:17:50Oh, you're killing me.
00:17:51What's that beeping noise? what's the thing?
00:17:54It's a little kind of a nintendo game.
00:17:57Oh, is that your game boy?
00:17:58Yeah, but-- can we play?
00:17:59Does it take cartridges?
00:18:00 I don't understand why your dad has to do the actual casting.
00:18:05Right.
00:18:05Doesn't the comic book company cast the dominatrixeses?
00:18:07Well, I guess since dad invented the dominatrix thing that it's his deal.
00:18:13Nah, I just think he wants to look at boobs.
00:18:16Yeah.
00:18:18Ohh.
00:18:21[laughter] WELL, THEN.
00:18:23I'm mistress gemini. how are you?
00:18:24I'M NOT SO GOOD NOW. [monitor beeping] [laughter] You like my boots?
00:18:28They kind of look like yours, didn't they?
00:18:30You're the real thing, aren't you?
00:18:32Yes, I am.
00:18:32Well, that's terrific.what do I call you?
00:18:34Mistress gemini.
00:18:35MISTRESS GEMINI. [laughter] Uh-oh. your pen won't work.
00:18:39My pen won't work. but the other one does.
00:18:42[chuckling] GO STAND UP THERE.
00:18:44STANDING? Woman: Uh-oh.
00:18:45All right. ok, then.
00:18:47I'd like you to take off your jacket, 'cause you have way too many clothes on.
00:18:50You're not going to feel my floggers with that jacket on.
00:18:52 you're not going to flog me?
00:18:54Yes, I am going to flog you.
00:18:55IT'S A [bleep] DAMN COMIC BOOK.
00:18:57It doesn't mean I want to get THE [bleep] BEATEN OUT OF ME. OH, NO.
00:18:59No, no, no. I guarantee you'll like it.
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00:23:15Oh, daddy'sreally done now.
00:23:20This isa dragon's breath.
00:23:22These are floggers.
00:23:24[laughter] [monitor beeping] What do you call that move?
00:23:31Florentine. florentine.
00:23:33[beeping continues] [laughter] YEAH. OW! [laughter] Ice cream. ice cream. ice cream!
00:23:39ICE CREAM! [cheering] ICE CREAM! OW! [rapid beeping] Enough--ow!
00:23:43How about on my ass, not my back?
00:23:45[bleep] DAMN IT. [laughter] Oh!
00:23:49Can I put my clothes back on?
00:23:50You can put your clothes back on.
00:23:52How you didn't-- after you kiss my boot.
00:23:54" [indistinct chatter] You wouldn't know what to do with it.
00:24:00[laughs] So, at a dominatrix party.
00:24:03Mm-hmm. what do you do?
00:24:05There's music, and then, i-- a healthy woman comes over and she beats you up.
00:24:13Why do you need to go to a party for that?
00:24:13..
00:24:16Upstairs. she's upstairs. yeah.
00:24:17You know, your mom's going to see this.
00:24:20I hope so.
00:24:21[indistinct chatter] Woman: I LOVE YOU!
00:24:23Nice to see you guys. love your show.
00:24:27[indistinct chatter] Get her in. she's freezing.
00:24:31So, how's the ticker?
00:24:34Just not surei should take this test.
00:24:38If I sound a little nervous, it's because I am a little nervous.
00:24:41All right, bro. that's what I'm worried about.
00:24:43Nerves can throw this thing way out of whack.
00:24:45The thing could go kablooey if you don't know what you're expecting.
00:24:49So, may I make a suggestion?
00:24:52What?
00:24:53We take a ride downtown and see some friends of mine who have been through this before, which would make you more comfortable and know what to expect, and then, you'll get the best possible reading.
00:25:06Is this guy a shrink?
00:25:07It's friends of mine downtown.
00:25:10It's going to be all good.
00:25:24Nice to see you.
00:25:26You're a sly guy.
00:25:27Yeah. I'll listen.
00:25:28.. nothing fixed.
00:25:31Where are these guys? here we go, right here.
00:25:33They're good guys? great guys.
00:25:34You'll love em and they'll love you.
00:25:36I dot have your back, who's got your back?
00:25:39[indistinct chatter] Hey, look who's here! hey!
00:25:41Gene: Hey. men: hey!
00:25:43In italian, a.o. means you're really welcome.
00:25:47[Laughter] guys--frankie, richie.
00:25:51Richie. how are you?
00:25:52Uncle vick. uncle vick.
00:25:53Nice pleasure to meet you.
00:25:54Neil. pleasure to meet you.
00:25:55And johnny boy. nice to meet you.
00:25:58All right.
00:25:59So, tell me about these guys anthony took you to.
00:26:02They were executives from a spaghetti-- mm-hmm.
00:26:06Macaroni corporation.
00:26:10Mm-hmm.
00:26:11A worldwide corporation.
00:26:12Our gene has decided that he's going to take a lie detector test.
00:26:18[all exclaim] Man: Brave man.
00:26:20Not that any of you guys know anything about lie detector tests.
00:26:25[indistinct chatter] Gene, why don't you tell them why you're taking a lie-- no tricks, no funny stuff.
00:26:29This girl I've been living with for 24 years wonders the same thing all girls wonder about their guys.
00:26:35Who were you with? that's right.
00:26:37Right? yeah.
00:26:38She's curious about whether or not I've been with-- or how many since we've been together.
00:26:43That's what she's asking for.
00:26:46She knows there have been thousands.
00:26:47In all seriousness, what are you worried about?
00:26:49How many women have you been with?
00:26:512,000? [chuckles] What could it be? more? less?
00:26:56It's a little more.
00:26:58[all exclaim] OVER 4,000?
00:27:00[laughter] I don't know 20 guys that have had that many.
00:27:03You don't know 1,000 guys that have had that.
00:27:06[laughter] You're in trouble. you're in trouble!
00:27:09The thing I'm concerned about is that I'll get too nervous just about the whole thing, and even when I'm telling the truth, it's going to go like you're telling a lie 'cause you're nervous.
00:27:18This is what you got to do, all right?
00:27:20You put a tack in your shoe, and as soon as the guy asks you a question, you lean down on the tack, and then you answer.
00:27:29The first reading right away.
00:27:30[laughter] This is mom asking dad in the most polite way possible questions on his lie detector test. ok.
00:27:42I know what's coming.
00:27:43Put the things on your nipples, the shock, please-- [laughs] PUT THOSE THERE, OK.
00:27:49First question.
00:27:52You liar! you liar!
00:27:55Liar!
00:27:56You lied, didn't you? liar!
00:27:59Ok, ok. lied, didn't you.
00:28:01What happened to the question?
00:28:02That is the question. you're a liar!
00:28:04You look like frankenstein with all those [bleep] DAMN WIRES.
00:28:07You got a few-- [all exclaim] Listen, fellas, I just want you to know it's not a wire. it's a heart monitor.
00:28:14[laughter] Damn. you know what it is?
00:28:18Look at a picture of your wife. that's it.
00:28:20And that's the answer, then.
00:28:21 you look at her, and you stare at her, and you think of her.
00:28:25And you'll get through the whole thing.
00:28:26The night before, make sure you took care of her, too.
00:28:28BUT OTHER THAN THAT-- Man: Yeah, yeah.
00:28:30You think of her during the whole session.
00:28:32Hey, chuck. hey, chuck.
00:28:33Yes? every night, I'm home.
00:28:35..
00:28:36NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. [laughter] Here's to nothing but the truth, gene.
00:28:40Nothing but the truth. the best to you, gene.
00:28:54Wait there a second. mom?
00:28:57..
00:28:59I have something to tell you.
00:29:00..
00:29:03Bam! I got a bun in the oven.
00:29:06 [chuckles] YOU LIKE? YOU LIKE? [laughs] That is so funny!
00:29:12I know. it feels like a pillow.
00:29:13Why are you doing that?
00:29:15School. oh, my god.
00:29:17I almost had a heart attack.
00:29:19[laughs] ALTHOUGH THAT WOULD BE REALLY QUICK.
00:29:24Aww.
00:29:25THAT'S SO CUTE, KIND OF. [door opens] I feel fat.
00:29:28It's the next best thing to me having one.
00:29:30Oh, it's got your eyes, mom.
00:29:32AWW. [whistles] That's so cute, kind of. hey.
00:29:36[gasps] LOOK! YOU'RE GOING TO BE A GRANDPA!
00:29:38[monitor beeping] WHAT IS THAT NOISE?
00:29:45drive.
00:29:45It'll cost a fortune to insure you.
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00:30:43right.
00:30:44It says you like soft rock.
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00:30:47I do like cool jams.
00:30:49It says you're not real.
00:30:51[ growls ] SORRY.
00:30:53It says mackenzie ellerdgot that exact same dress.
00:30:56[ screams ] It says it's the second switch.
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00:33:53Woman:HEY, TURTLE AND GENIE, Are you guys having fun?
00:33:56OH, YEAH! [all talk at once] I want to do thisfor a living!
00:34:01[gasps] LOOK!YOU'RE GOING TO BE A GRANDPA!
00:34:04[laughs] Isn't it such a happy occasion?
00:34:07The baby has a square head like you.
00:34:10Go like this. go like this.
00:34:12[monitor beeping] STOP IT! [laughs] That's really wrong.
00:34:16What is that noise?
00:34:17That was very funny. are you beeping?
00:34:19Are you holding-- do you have a bomb?
00:34:22This--this-- oh, good. you did it.
00:34:24It's just a-- it's a thing the doctors stuck on.
00:34:27It's not a big deal.
00:34:28You said you weren't going.
00:34:29Well, my mother made me go to the doctor, and he thought it would be a good idea to connect this thing AND SEE HOW-- [gasps] OHH.
00:34:35Everything's fine.
00:34:36So, it's to monitor stress?
00:34:38It's to monitor just how my heart is and how it's working, and it's working fine.
00:34:43But I'm supposed to be in a stress-free environment.
00:34:47Cody: [laughter] I would like to stay and chat, but I'm going to go to another room where it's stress-free.
00:34:54What are you going to do there?
00:34:55I'm going to be quiet in a room.
00:34:57How is that heart monitor working out for you?
00:35:00Pretty good. yeah?
00:35:02It's just listening.
00:35:03Right. it's not doing anything?
00:35:05Well, it's a little uncomfortable, but it's all right. not a big deal.
00:35:09It's ok when I say we should get married, [monitor beeping] OR...
00:35:13BUY ANOTHER CAR. [beeping speeds up] Have a grandchild or have another baby.
00:35:18[beeping speeds up] Tear this house down. we'll get a new home.
00:35:21[exhales] [beeping speeds up] Man: And you're listening to the adam carolla show.
00:35:25I offered a challenge to gene simmons.
00:35:27" I don't believe that he's been faithful.
00:35:31♪ Everybody's lyin' to my face ♪
00:35:35ready for your big day?
00:35:36Well, yeah. yeah.
00:35:38Your truth serum day?
00:35:39Not a big day. it's just another day.
00:35:41NOT A GAME TODAY. [scoffs] Not rock'n'roll talk. it's the real deal.
00:35:45Nick! soph! we're leaving.
00:35:47You don't have to hold me up, and my zipper's open.
00:35:49Come and say good-bye toour dad.
00:35:51It's a nice touch. my zipper's wide open.
00:35:53[laughs] Lie detector day?
00:35:55Yes. lie detector day.
00:35:56Big day for your pops.
00:35:58DAY OF TRUTH. [Sophie humming] I don't know why you guys are making such a big deal about it.
00:36:02You're wearing my shirt? that's cute.
00:36:03It's not a big deal. it's just a little machine.
00:36:05Then why do I hear that beeping?
00:36:06That's a different-- that's a different thing.
00:36:09Aww. poor daddy.
00:36:10Oh, that's good. that's good.hat's good.
00:36:13Come on. let's go.
00:36:13Mom gets to make up the questions.
00:36:15Look at you. you got your heart monitor on.
00:36:16You're going to get a lie detector-- you're becoming a cyborg or something.
00:36:20You're all wired up. bye-bye. have fun.
00:36:22Well, let's hope I come back.
00:36:24If you knew he was going to tell you the absolute truth, what would you want to know?
00:36:28I think I would ask dad if he secretly wants to get married, you know.
00:36:32If it's just-- I don't think he even subconsciously would admit that to himself.
00:36:36Am I your favorite?
00:36:37Am I really your first son?
00:36:38Will sex really kill me? is santa claus real?
00:36:40Can you really not afford a pony?
00:36:42I'd like to ask him, does he actually think his hair is going to go anywhere if the wind hits it?
00:36:47Because it is made of metal.
00:36:49Am I the prettiest girl in the world?
00:36:51[chuckles] Shannon: It's a good thing the kids aren't coming.
00:36:55Gene: Why?
00:36:55Well, because I want to get to the pertinent questions, and I don't want to be bogged down with a lot of, you know, petty stuff.
00:37:02You know as well as I do this is silly.
00:37:04It's not silly.
00:37:05They probably have a rent-a-cop working this machine.
00:37:07You know, somebody has to operate the machines, and they're all accredited-- bonded-- I watched-- under oath.
00:37:15I watchedkojak.
00:37:16And on there, it said-- kojak?
00:37:18The machine-- do you want to say how old you are now?
00:37:21'Cause no one knows who kojak is.
00:37:23QUINCY. [laughs] Uh-uh. next.
00:37:26[chuckles] I see you have your defensive personality on today.
00:37:32Are you on crack?
00:37:33By doing what? I'm just driving.
00:37:34Tell me what it is, huh?
00:37:36[indistinct] LIKE THAT.
00:37:38[indistinct] WHAT I WAS DOING?
00:37:40[indistinct] I WAS DOING YOU!
00:37:41That's your nervousness. I know that.
00:37:43Oh, you know nothing. no, I do.
00:37:45Sometimes, it's not good to know everything.
00:37:49[helicopter blades whirring] OH, YEAH. [indistinct chatter] Man: He'll be here any minute.
00:37:55Don't start shaking when they attach those electrodes to you.
00:37:59[clears throat] 10:00.
00:38:01[indistinct chatter] Ooh. somebody waiting for you.
00:38:05Somebody waiting to see the truth man.
00:38:08Man: [indistinct chatter] Man: Gimme a smile.
00:38:17Gene: How are you guys?
00:38:18Are you nervous about this test, gene?
00:38:20Yeah. don't get nervous.
00:38:21[indistinct chatter] [shutters clicking] I LIKE YOUR SHIRT. [laughs] Gene: Oh, team tweed. very funny.
00:38:26That's right.
00:38:27Man: Hey, you look beautiful.
00:38:28I think she's nervous you've been cheating on her.
00:38:31[cheering] he's telling the truth that he's been foolingaround this whole time-- dead effing meat. dead meat.
00:38:39That's not what he said.
00:38:40How do you think the lie detector test is going to go?
00:38:44Well, uh-- yeah.
00:38:46There's-- 2 things are going to happen.
00:38:47Either-- if we're back next week, if the show is on next week, it went great. it went perfectly. fine.
00:38:55.. you know, this is our last show, and we thank you for watching.
00:39:01I am a huge gene simmons fan.
00:39:04 gene is not intothe ceremony of marriage, so we challenged himlast year to take a lie detector test.
00:39:11I keep telling you, it's inadmissible in court.
00:39:13You keep saying it's inadmissible in court.
00:39:14Who cares?
00:39:16We're not going to court.
00:39:17Well, let's see how special I am.
00:39:19This is what I think of your answer right there-- poppycock.
00:39:24Why do you even care?
00:39:25Men always want to have-- don't say "we." speak only for yourself.
00:39:28They've given me the right. no, they haven't.
00:39:30Ok. I always want-- no, they haven't.
00:39:33The option-- 'cause all those guys who got married obviously don't think like you.
00:39:36Could gene simmons beat this machine?
00:39:39I don't know.
00:39:40I don't know if he has that kind of genius, and I don't know enough about the technology to know that that would help.
00:39:45 I've been strapped to a lot of them, and for real things, and I've never beat one.
00:39:49I want the daily choice of staying with you, and you should have-- you should have it.
00:39:55And you-- I should have what I want.
00:39:57You can stay with me if you want to.
00:39:59If you don't, I understand.
00:40:00Right. yeah. you understand? that's good.
00:40:02I'll follow you. you understand!
00:40:04They ready yet?
00:40:06[indistinct chatter] You nervous? sure.
00:40:10You are?
00:40:11Who wants to be put on the spot?
00:40:12You admit you're nervous?
00:40:13Of course I am.
00:40:18He's worried. he's worried?
00:40:20Yeah. he's got to be worried.
00:40:22'Cause if he's-- if he's a good boy, then it's not good for his career.
00:40:26 and if he's a bad boy, it's not good for his personal life.
00:40:29I keep forgetting he's a rocker.
00:40:31I keep thinking of him as gene, the old man, in his room on the phone.
00:40:35[laughs] Let's bring in gene and shannon, and see if gene and shannon can beat this, or at least gene can beat it, and if he can't, then shannon will beat him.
00:40:44Danny: because-- now, on one hand, he agreed.
00:40:49Gene simmons, shannon tweed, have a seat.
00:40:51I can't believe you agreed to do this.
00:40:53Shannon: I can't believe it either.
00:40:55I thought it was really brave, and then, maybe I am-- I'm not going to say hero worship, but I'm a big, big, big fan of yours.
00:41:00Adam: Answer this question.
00:41:02Gene: I never touched her.
00:41:03You guys have been together for 24 years, or close to it.
00:41:06Now, if you'd gotten married e first 6 months you met shannon tweed, do you think you'd still be together?
00:41:12NO. Danny: And she'd be rich.
00:41:14Now, why wouldn't you? what would change?
00:41:17What would change?
00:41:18You know, it's like going to a zoo, and you see the big bengal-- what? what's like going to the zoo?
00:41:24Adam: I'll hear him out.
00:41:25Danny: Hear the man out for god's sake.
00:41:27He's got so many analogies.
00:41:29[tiger screeches] Well, you just asked me how it would change.
00:41:31Put a tiger in a cage, keep the door open, it's the king.
00:41:36It wants to have the choice.
00:41:38To be forced to stay in that cage-- Shannon: It only comes back for meat.
00:41:43He winds up being a pathetic, overweight, chip-dipping, sports-watching, fat slob.
00:41:47Sooner or later, he will mount his secretary in the office and go to the strip clubs.
00:41:52Danny: Now, I have tried to beat these on several occasions, and never one. why aren't they legal in court?
00:41:59They are legal in court.
00:42:00They are? when did that happen?
00:42:02if the judge agrees to it or both sidesagree to it, then it is admissible in court.
00:42:08Thank you.
00:42:09But why is it always referred to as inadmissible in court?
00:42:11Because they don't know.
00:42:12Adam: How accurate are they?
00:42:14They're 98 to 99% accurate.
00:42:15Shannon: Oh, god. I'm going to love this.
00:42:17Gene: I'm sweating now. does it say I'm lying?
00:42:20[laughter] Man, this is like an electric chair thing.
00:42:22You ever had one of these?
00:42:23 it's uncomfortable, " and you go, "adam," and then, you start sweating profusely.
00:42:30I don't like this contraption. what is this?
00:42:32 I mean, what are you looking for?
00:42:35I only want one question answered, and the rest is just for your enjoyment.
00:42:38[all talk at once] What is the main one?
00:42:40One's for public entertainment, and the last one is for me.
00:42:43And the last question that you're probably going to get to, 'cause you're going to make me squirm a long time-- right. yeah, it's the dead last one.
00:42:50Is I want to know-- I don't want to know how many women he's slept with.
00:42:53 and that's good, because experience is wonderful.
00:42:56But you want to know if the buck stopped with you.
00:43:00Does yesterday count?
00:43:02Now, the way-- the difference between men and women is, men care about how many partners the woman has been with.
00:43:09Women don't care once they've got to them.
00:43:12They care about how many partners after they've been with them.
00:43:14 I don't care how many were before me.
00:43:16 let's get on with this lie detector, IF WE WOULD. LISA-- Gene: Truth detector.
00:43:21 would you like to calibrate it by asking a couple of questions, like is gene simmons his real name or that kind of thing?
00:43:28I would like to, but I'd like for him to sit perfectly still.
00:43:31Shannon, what happens if he fails?
00:43:33You leave with me?
00:43:34It's a no-win situation for gene.
00:43:35You'll come home with daddy?
00:43:37 you guys are-- you guys are grandfathered in, by the way.
00:43:41ANYONE I [bleep] TO WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL'S In.
00:43:45WE HAVE A DEAL. [laughter] Oh, in that case, gene, you and paul are in at my house.
00:43:48 that's just the way it goes.
00:43:51Ok. ok. all right.
00:43:54Lisa, why don't you begin?
00:43:55You're going to answer yes or no.
00:43:56Is your real name gene simmons?
00:44:00Yes.
00:44:02How'd that come out, lisa?
00:44:04It came out truthful.
00:44:06Gene simmons is not his real name.
00:44:08It's not!
00:44:09She did not use the word legal, I don't believe.
00:44:11And technically speaking, you go by the name gene simmons.
00:44:15In calibrating your nervousness, it's not-- she wasn't calibrating truth then.
00:44:19She was calibrating nervousness then.
00:44:22Mm-hmm.
00:44:22But you go by the name gene simmons.
00:44:24Do you have a follow-up?
00:44:26Are you in california?
00:44:28[inhales] Answer quickly.
00:44:31YES. [laughs] [beeps] So far, he's answered very truthfully.
00:44:36Do you feel calibrated?
00:44:37I feel calibrated. all right.
00:44:38Well, then, let me start with my questions.
00:44:41Have you had your tongue surgically altered?
00:44:48No.
00:44:49Lisa?
00:44:50 no deception there.
00:44:53Danny: Do you like what your facelift has done for your appearance?
00:44:59YES. [beeps] No deception was indicated.
00:45:03Have you really slept with thousands of women?
00:45:07Not hundreds of women-- thousands of women.
00:45:10No.
00:45:12[beeps] NO DECEPTION WAS INDICATED.
00:45:15Mm-hmm.
00:45:16Have you really had sex with thousands of women?
00:45:26Yes.
00:45:30beeps] NO DECEPTION WAS INDICATED.
00:45:32Ooh.
00:45:33Danny: You gotta pay attention to bonaduce when it comes to lying.
00:45:37Smart.
00:45:38When you do as much lying as I do, you know the tricks.
00:45:41Well, thank you.
00:45:42And this is the one I was afraid to ask, 'cause you're a friend of mine, but I'm going to.
00:45:46Is your hair a wig?
00:45:49NO. [beeps] Lisa?
00:45:52No deception was indicated.
00:45:54Mm-hmm. mm-hmm.
00:45:55Do you want to get married?
00:45:58Yes.
00:46:00[beeps] That was a lie.
00:46:03Oh. sorry, sweetie-peetie.
00:46:04No problem. I knew that.
00:46:06I know.
00:46:07Full disclosure-- I say that day one.
00:46:09Stop talking.
00:46:10One question, really, left to ask-- have you ever made love to a woman other than shannon tweed since 1983?
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00:49:585=Ñçmç Shannon:ANYTHING TO SAY?
00:50:49Tracy:ANY LAST WORDS-- [INDISTINCT] We're really sorry aboutthe joke we played on you new year's eve.
00:50:54Do you still hate us?
00:50:56[laughter] Adam: One question,really, left to ask-- and by the way,shannon tweed's over here ON PINS AND NEEDLES. [laughs] You don't really care about any of this other crap except for the last question.
00:51:12By the way, do you have a metal detector?
00:51:14Has anybody checked shannon?
00:51:15ANYBODY ELSE CARRYING ARMS? [Danny laughs] it could get very ugly in here.
00:51:20Uh, shall we get to the biggest and most important question?
00:51:26Oh, yeah. go for it.
00:51:27You ready?you got the .44 in your purse?
00:51:29You want to put it on your lap?
00:51:30Danny: I think the big questions are actually the last 2, since the last one's the big one, and it's the adam carolla show, I will certainly defer to you.
00:51:37So, can I ask the second-to-last question?
00:51:39SURE. [gun clicks] Is shannon tweedthe only woman you have ever beenin love with?
00:51:51Yes.
00:51:53[beeps] No deception was indicated.
00:51:56Danny: Ooh.
00:51:57All right, shannon. go wait in the car now.
00:52:00[Shannon laughs] The boys have to talk. oh, my god.
00:52:03You have to just do it right.
00:52:05They're not dependable.
00:52:06They're dependable enough for me.
00:52:08They don't tell you the truth.
00:52:10They tell me the truth.
00:52:11Have you ever made love to a woman other than shannon tweed since 1983?
00:52:21[computer beeping] No.
00:52:36No deception was indicated.
00:52:37WHEE! [laughter and applause] Yay!
00:52:42Don't touch me.
00:52:43[laughter] Here's why it's inadmissible.
00:52:45 [tchaikovsky's romeo and julietplaying] the very first question was what?
00:52:51" it's not.
00:52:54Let me just ask you this-- can you sign a legal document with the name gene simmons and have it still be legal?
00:53:01Do checks come to you under the name gene simmons and you are able to cash them?
00:53:07Yes.
00:53:07Then that would make that a legal name for you, correct?
00:53:11Yes. ok.
00:53:12Then I would have to say that the machine showing no deception would be correct.
00:53:16But so is the other name.
00:53:17Fine. she didn't ask you that.
00:53:19I wasn't born with that name.
00:53:21[laughs] Lisa: I didn't ask you that.
00:53:23Danny: Don't make her mad. she'll smack you.
00:53:26You know, when you answered that last question on the lie detector, that was almost like a wedding for me.
00:53:33Well-- it was so sweet.
00:53:35You're ruining everything I've built for 34 years.
00:53:38 I don't-- you didn't cheat on me. that's so nice.
00:53:42No, I didn't. I love you.
00:53:44I told you, it's inadmissible.
00:53:47Your honor.
00:53:51That's very nice.
00:53:52It is very unlikely, though, that a person who is guilty is going to submit to one of those.
00:53:58 and sometimes-- or somebody who is just so extremely self-confident-- [laughs] Or somebody scared. correct.
00:54:05You know what? wait a minute.
00:54:06Methinks she doth protest too much.
00:54:08Aha! why don't you put this thing on?
00:54:09Danny: Mm-hmm. I'll help you with it.
00:54:12YEAH! laughs] You--you are sneaky.
00:54:14You know, the guys that are always complaining about getting their stuff ripped off are the ones that are ripping everyone else off.
00:54:20Dude, are we really going to do this to ms.
00:54:20Tweed?
00:54:23[rips] OHH!
00:54:24[laughter] YOU'RE A [bleep].
00:54:26[laughter] Ohh! ohh!
00:54:29Well, the bad news is you have a patch where your hair used to be.
00:54:32THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU CAN SELL THAT ON eBAY.
00:54:34Look at that.
00:54:39Adam: You got to go.
00:54:41Lisa, are you ready? I'm ready.
00:54:42Do you want to calibrate her with some boring stuff before I get to the lesbian action?
00:54:46We can calibrate her.
00:54:48Ooh! you're in for some juicy stuff, adam.
00:54:50 well, ask her the straight calibration questions.
00:54:54Is your first name shannon?
00:54:56Yes.
00:54:58Adam: That's a lie.
00:55:00[snickers] Mm-hmm. ok.
00:55:03You ever been with a woman?
00:55:05YES. [computer beeps] No deception indicated.
00:55:09Nice. ha ha.
00:55:11Danny: [fanfare plays] [zipper unzips] THE TEST IS OVER. Danny: God, I love you.
00:55:17I just want to build an altar to you.
00:55:19Was it-- was it with another playmate?
00:55:23Yes.
00:55:25[beeps] NO DECEPTION INDICATED.
00:55:27Adam: Oh, I think I could work with this.
00:55:29Man: It's so damn hot.
00:55:31Was it with candy loving?
00:55:33NO. [beeps] No deception indicated.
00:55:36 you were this-- just before it.
00:55:40STOP TALKING! [indistinct] CHEATING.
00:55:42 simmons ask his questions that seem to be eating him alive?
00:55:46Did you ram your tongue down tom jones' throat?
00:55:56YES. [beeps] I thought she was going-- how's that going there?
00:56:00No deception indicated.
00:56:01NO DECEPTION. THAT'S A LIE. [snorts] Do you-- if--if given-- ok. shh. settle down.
00:56:09This is the most important question.
00:56:10If you were in turks and caicos, and I wasn't there, d you ran into george clooney, and he invited you into his bedroom, would you go?
00:56:29Yes.
00:56:31Danny: Oh, my god.
00:56:32No deception indicated.
00:56:33Ooh. george clooney at sandals? come on.
00:56:35Really? come on! how can you not?
00:56:38I would do him, too. oh, yeah.
00:56:39I would share every detail with you when I got home.
00:56:42Really?
00:56:43We would relive it together.
00:56:44How about if you were in van and nuys, and you ran into adam carolla, and he invited you back to his boudoir, would you return with him?
00:56:57Uh, no.
00:56:59Wait a minute. wait a minute. lisa?
00:57:01Now's your time to shine, lisa.
00:57:03No deception indicated.
00:57:05AWW. [all talk at once] One last question.
00:57:08Girls and their lies!
00:57:09Would you be-- would you be with gene simmons if he was not a huge rock and roll star?
00:57:20No.
00:57:22[bleep] [bleep] [chuckles] 'Cause he wouldn't be gene simmons if he wasn't a rock and roll star.
00:57:28No deception indicad.
00:57:30That's why we get ang.
00:57:31For god's sake!
00:57:32But carolla, you know what's happened, don't you?
00:57:34You're goi to go back to your wife, and she's going to turn to you and say, " [Shavvon laughs] And I'n ing to do what I always do with the nanny, with the kids, th the wife-- I use one of those t-shirt shooters they use at the fom wherthe lakers play, and I stuff enties into i and I just-- I walk in, I see my nanny at the end of hbll, boom.
00:57:57Then, I see the twin do in the den, then, my wife yells from utas.
00:58:02[laughter] POOF! I JUST FIRE IT Then I go into the rm, tock the door, and leep].
00:58:06Dann UNFORTUNATELY, TRUE.
00:58:08This may bethe healthst cple I know.
00:58:11 hearts and other parts belong to shannon.
00:58:14It was brave of both ofou and remarkably held up we'll take break.
00:58:19We'll be rjght back.
00:58:21, You're happy with how that lie detector test went, hmm?
00:58:27Yeah? I'm happy.
00:58:28You happy? yeah.
00:58:30CAV YOU SHUT UP NOW? [giggles] Matter atthe test deced abouyou, I've decided thatit's good to be you.
00:58:39It's od to bee.
00:58:39Because we're togetherbecause we want to be.
00:58:43Yeah. not 'cause we have to .right.
00:58:45♪ I was made for you ♪ and you were madefor me ♪
00:58:51I'm not giving upabout thwedding thing, tugh.
00:58:54[monit bping] ♪♪Oke up this morning ♪♪
00:59:01♪♪ got yourself a gun ♪♪
00:59:03♪♪ your momma always said you'd be the ♪
00:59:08♪ chosen one ♪♪
00:59:09♪♪ she said, you' one in a million ♪♪
00:59:12♪ you got to learv to shine ♪♪
00:59:14♪♪ but you were bo under a bad sign ♪♪
00:59:17♪♪ with a bl moon in your ey♪♪
00:59:19♪♪ when you wokep this morning ♪♪
00:59:23♪♪ all that love had gone ♪♪
00:59:25♪♪ your pa never told y about ♪♪
00:59:29♪ rig and wrong ♪♪
00:59:30♪ but ywu're lookin' good lately ♪♪
00:59:34♪♪ ielieve you're feelin' fine ♪♪

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