It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Who Got Dee Pregnant?   View more episodes

Aired at 12:00 AM on Friday, Oct 29, 2010 (10/29/2010)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:00>> Did you make out with me?
00:00:01>> I sure did.
00:00:02And it worked like a charm.
00:00:03I had Frank all to myself for a month straight after that.
00:00:06>> All right, let's get back to Halloween.
00:00:08Anything else that happened that night?
00:00:10Like Deandra getting pregnant?
00:00:11>> Oh, well, that makes sense.
00:00:13Mac slept with her at the party.
00:00:16>> What?
00:00:17>> What are you talking about?
00:00:18>> I'm talking about the sounds of hot, passionate lovemaking that was coming from the bathroomd with my own two ear balls.
00:00:25After the fight and the kiss, Mac had blood all over his knuckles and went to the bathroom to wash it off.
00:00:31Dee was incensed that her costume was covered in milk, so she went to the bathroom to clean herself up.
00:00:37But the line for the ladies' room was too long, so she went to the men's room.
00:00:41Frank started to apologize to me, and after a few minutes, we decided to have makeup sex in the men's room.
00:00:47But the door was locked and I heard the passionate, unmistakable sounds of lovemaking coming from inside.
00:00:52Mac was making love to Sweet Dee in the bathroom, so Frank and I had to sneak outside to my station wagon, where we gave each other hand jobs.
00:01:01>> Well, there you have it.
00:01:02Mac's the dad.
00:01:04Mac's the dad!
00:01:06Do it with me.
00:01:07Mac's the dad!
00:01:08>> No, I'm not the... I'm not the dad, okay, Charlie?
00:01:10Just trust me on that.
00:01:12>> Hey, all the evidence is pointing towards you, pal.
00:01:14>> Yes, there were passionate sounds of lovemaking coming from the bathroom, but it wasn't me and Dee.
00:01:20Damn it.
00:01:21I was hoping I wouldn't have to admit this, but I guess I have to tell you.
00:01:25(sighs) Okay, here it goes.
00:01:27I was in the back of the bar when the commotion began, and I heard Charlie cry out for help.
00:01:32He was about to get his ass kicked by that giant dude.
00:01:34>> Mac, help me, please!
00:01:35I need you!
00:01:36>> There was no time for an ocular pat-down.
00:01:39Not in my bar, bro.
00:01:40I secured the area, and I retained order.
00:01:44Like I always do.
00:01:45Everybody chill.
00:01:47It's cool now.
00:01:48(cheering) I had a tremendous amount of douche bag blood all over my knuckles, so I went to the bathroom to clean it off.
00:01:57That's when Dee came in.
00:01:58Oh, hey, Dee.
00:01:59(prolonged squawking) Look, I do not give a shit about your problems, Dee, okay?
00:02:04I'm still pumped up from that ass-whupping I just handed out.
00:02:06Did you see that?
00:02:07(squawking continues) I don't give a shit, Dee, okay?
00:02:10I don't know how you're going to get all that milk off of you.
00:02:12(squawks) What is that supposed to mean?
00:02:14(squawking) Okay, you know what?
00:02:16Shoo. Shoo.
00:02:17Get out of here.
00:02:18Shoo. Shoo!
00:02:19Get out of here.
00:02:20Shoo. Shoo. Shoo.
00:02:21Come on. Get out.
00:02:22Get out.
00:02:23Oh, so annoying.
00:02:25Margaret, what are you doing here?
00:02:28God, that is so gross.
00:02:30You're always doing that.
00:02:31Are you e trying to tell me something?
00:02:34Is that, like, a sexual thing?
00:02:38All right, let's do this.
00:02:40(moaning) >> Hold on a second.
00:02:43So, are you telling us that you had sex with Margaret McPoyle that night?
00:02:47>> Yes.
00:02:48(others groan) Yeah.
00:02:50>> Well, you know, we got to go confront the McPoyles about this now.
00:02:53>> Yeah, we goe to confirm this whole story.
00:02:55>> The only consistent part about every single one of these stories is that the McPoyles were there and they were drinking milk, which means they were stone-cold sober that night.
00:03:02They could probably confirm the truth.
00:03:04>> Ah, shit.
00:03:05(dog barking, baby crying) (Hawaiian music playing) >> Last Halloween.
00:03:13>> Hmm?
00:03:15>> And Dee's pregnant, huh?
00:03:16>> Hmm.
00:03:17>> I remember that night well.
00:03:19>> As do I. Quite well.
00:03:21>> You were all very, very, very drunk.
00:03:24>> Quite drunk.
00:03:25>> You should feel shame.
00:03:26>> Okay, don't give us your judgments, all right?
00:03:28Can you please just tell us what you remember?
00:03:29>> Tell us what happened.
00:03:30>> Well, we just finished accepting Charles's terrible, terrible truce.
00:03:34>> That's like the whole truce.
00:03:35You know, that's all there is to it.
00:03:37And if you guys are cool with it, then I'll be perfectly cool with it.
00:03:40>> Whatever.
00:03:41>> Just get out of our face.
00:03:42Your breath is awful.
00:03:43>> Really?
00:03:43>> Yeah.
00:03:44>> All right, well, bump it?
00:03:45What about this one?
00:03:46Do you bump?
00:03:48That's cool.
00:03:49Cool guys.
00:03:51Good truce, good truce, good truce, good truce.
00:03:53Ah, hey, Dee.
00:03:55>> Shut up.
00:03:56>> Yep, yep.
00:03:58Uh, hello, hello, hello, hello.
00:04:00I see you received my invitation.
00:04:04>> Sorry, do I know you?
00:04:05>> Who's this jerk?
00:04:06>> Uh, this is my boyfriend.
00:04:08>> What the hell?!
00:04:09>> Whoa. Time out, buddy.
00:04:10What's going on here?
00:04:11>> The l Tady's taken, buddy.
00:04:12>> Who are you?
00:04:14>> You want to get your ass kicked?
00:04:16>> Leave us alone!
00:04:17>> I have to defend your honor!
00:04:19Mac, get my back!
00:04:22>> (gasps) Goddamnit! I got milk all over me!
00:04:28>> Viggio Mogirgenstein!
00:04:31>> Hey.
00:04:33I'm insanely high on mescaline.
00:04:36>> Are you telling me that wasn't even the waitress?
00:04:39>> Not at all.
00:04:41>> After the fight, Mac went to the bathroom to wash that poor girl's blood off his hands.
00:04:45And Dee followed.
00:04:47They were only in there a short moment together before Dee came back out.
00:04:52Mac kicked her out of the bathroom so he could make sweet love to Margaret in private.
00:04:57>> I heard you gave quite a performance, Macwell.
00:05:04>> (squealing) >> Mm... mmm...
00:05:10>> Okay, that's enough, all right?
00:05:12God, that's your sister.
00:05:13>> Yeah.
00:05:15>> You know what, just move pastit.
00:05:16Tell the story, please.
00:05:17>> She's still expecting a call.
00:05:18>> That's not going to happen.
00:05:20So just move past it, all right?
00:05:21>> You will call her!
00:05:23>> Jesus, man, I'm sorry.
00:05:26Fine, I'll call her.
00:05:28>> As I was saying, Dee came out of the bathroom in quite a rage.
00:05:31>> Stupid costume.
00:05:34Everybody calling me a bird.
00:05:36>> She accosted the girl you were all ogling that evening.
00:05:38>> Hey, you, everybody thinks you're so hot, huh?
00:05:41You big hot bird.
00:05:42Well, I tell you what-- you take it off and switch with me.
00:05:45>> What are you talking about?
00:05:47>> Me, mine-- this is mine now.
00:05:48Switch it.
00:05:49>> Uh, I don't think so.
00:05:50>> "Oh, I don't think so." the rest of the night.
00:06:00That's good, right?
00:06:01And then the second great thing for you is I'm not going to beat the shit out of you, so let's go.
00:06:05>> Dee came out of the bathroom in her new costume feeling quite saucy.
00:06:09>> Call me a bird all night.
00:06:10Making fun, saying names.
00:06:12Well, let's see who's sexy now, dickwads.
00:06:15'Cause I look good.
00:06:17>> Dee was cleasarly on a warpath to prove to one of you that she was indeed sexy.
00:06:22>> And the best way to do that was to trick one of you two into making love to her.
00:06:27>> Knowing that Charlie was the weakest and by the far the most vulnerable, she assumed he would be the easiest to take advantage of.
00:06:33>> And so she took Charlie into the back office and had her way with him.
00:06:40>> You should see the look on your face.
00:06:42>> It's good enough to eat.
00:06:44>> No. Hold on a second.
00:06:46That wasn't me.
00:06:47>> What?
00:06:48>> That wasn't me.
00:06:49I switched costumes with Dennis.
00:06:49That was Dennis.
00:06:51>> So Dennis thought Deandra was the peacock chick?
00:06:55>> And Dee thought that Dennis was Charlie?
00:07:06>> So Dee thinks that I'm the dad, but, Dennis, you're the dad.
00:07:12>> Delightful.
00:07:15>> Oh, shit, I'm gonna be sick.
00:07:17>> Go, do it.
00:07:18Feel it. Let it out.
00:07:21>> Let's just get-- let's jut'st get out of here.
00:07:23(retching) >> Don't flush.@&1 ?
00:07:43] here.
00:07:45[ sighs ] [ Man ] I GOT IT.
00:07:49Check that one out.
00:07:50[ Woman ] CHECK IT OUT. WHAT'S HE DOING?
00:07:54[ engine rumbling ] [ ice crackling ] ♪♪ ♪♪
00:08:03♪♪ ♪♪
00:08:05[ Male Announcer ]AT THE END OF A LONG, HOT Day, catch the silver bullet.
00:08:09Frost brewed coors light.
00:08:10The world's most refreshing beer.
00:10:35>> Dee!
00:10:36>> Deandra!
00:10:37>> Dee! Dee!
00:10:38>> Deandra!
00:10:39>> Yeah!
00:10:40>> This is bad.
00:10:40This is real bad.
00:10:41>> You thought you had sex with Charlie, but it was Dennis that you went into the back room with.
00:10:47>> I had sex with you.
00:10:48It was sex with me, it was sex with me.
00:10:50>> He threw up the whole way over here, Dee.
00:10:52Dennis is the father of that baby.
00:10:54>> We got to get you a ynd that monster that's in your gut down to Mexico ASAP.
00:10:59>> Are you kidding me?
00:11:00I did not have sex with Dennis.
00:11:02>> Yes, you did.
00:11:03ght, look, look, you went into the back office with him, not me.
00:11:07You thought it was me because you wanted sex from me.
00:11:09But you got sex from Dennis.
00:11:11>> Okay, you're saying that because I went into the back office alone with Dennis, that I must have had sex with him?
00:11:17No, that did not happen.
00:11:19And you guys have been obsessing about this all night long?
00:11:22>> Yes.
00:11:23>> Yeah?
00:11:24>> Of course.
00:11:24We were running around trying to figure out who the father is.
00:11:26If it's not Dennis, who it is?
00:11:28>> It's none of you.
00:11:29>> Huh?
00:11:30>> No, none of you are the father.
00:11:32I just told you that because you were making fun of me for eating the sandwich, and I thought it would upset you and get you going and it did, it worked.
00:11:37You guys have been obsessing about this all night.
00:11:39>> So, wait, are you absolutely sure that you and I did not have sex, and that that's not my...?
00:11:46>> Uh, yeah.
00:11:48(laughing) >> Oh!
00:11:52>> Whew!
00:11:54>> Yeah, but I'll tell you what, I'm not going to tell you who the father is.
00:11:59>> Who gives a shit.
00:12:00>> You all give a shit, you just said so.
00:12:02You were up all night.
00:12:03You were-- you were thinking about it all night long.
00:12:05>> Yeah, but that was before when you said it was one of us.
00:12:07Now that it's not one of us, I mean...
00:12:08W >> Who cares?
00:12:09>> Who cares, right?
00:12:10>> It's no big deal.
00:12:11>> Yeah, we don't care.
00:12:12>> Oh, my God, I got like a...
00:12:13Oh, Jesus.
00:12:14>> Oh, baby.
00:12:17>>his close, baby.
00:12:19>> That is a weight off my shoulders, man.
00:12:21I really dodged a bullet on that one.
00:12:22>> Well, we all did, we all did.
00:12:24>> Hey, what about the museum?
00:12:25>> Yes.
00:12:26>> Boom.
00:12:27>> Yes, there's still time.
00:12:28Okay, Dee, we're out of here.
00:12:29You look like a turkey.
00:12:30>> Yeah. Also I would say, I would say you look like an-an ostrich.
00:12:34>> Yes!
00:12:34>> Right >> You know, I was-- I want to call her an emu, but I want to save it for, you know...
00:12:39>> You are big, fat, flightless bird.
00:12:43(laughing) >> Those are all...
00:12:45Those are all...
00:12:45>> Just sort of a general...
00:12:47>> Whatever.
00:12:48Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH (trio chanting backwards) >> KEVIN: Babe, what kind of candy were you thinking for Halloween?
00:13:55Because I do not want to be that toothbrush, apple family.
00:13:57>> JENNY: I was thinking about doing raisins.
00:13:59>> Fruit?! No!
00:14:00We need Butterfingers up in this bitch, give me a variety pack.
00:14:03>> What do you think of this?
00:14:04>> Oh, I like that.
00:14:05>> Yeah?
00:14:06>> Yeah. Super sexy with a pair of fishnets and-and some Mary Janes...
00:14:09>> I just want to rip that thing right off you.
00:14:11Does it rip off easy?
00:14:12I wantra to ravage you.
00:14:13>> This is Ellie's Brownie uniform.
00:14:15I was just sewing the friendship patch on...
00:14:17>> Oh, God! Oh, my God!
00:14:20I'm the creepy guy now.
00:14:21>> I could wear something like this for Halloween, sweetie.
00:14:23I could...
00:14:24>> It's ruined, it's over.
00:14:25>> Really?
00:14:25>> How am I going to delete this from my yank bank?
00:14:27>> What?
00:14:32>> Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't sexy Brownie one of the staples in college.
00:14:37Along with sexy nurse and sexy postal worker?
00:14:40>> ANDRE: And sexy museum curator?
00:14:42>> RUXIN: Aw, that's terrible.
00:14:43>> Ellie, do me a favor-- don't put that in your mouth, sweetheart.
00:14:47>> TACO: It looks like a meatball.
00:14:48>> They're not meatballs, Taco.
00:14:49Halloween used to be my favorite holiday.
00:14:51'Cause not only was promiscuity and crimes tolerated, they were actually encouraged.
00:14:55>> Yeah.
00:14:56>> PETE: Adult Halloween is still here.
00:14:58You just can't enjoy it when you have kids.
00:15:00>> I just wish that we could combine Halloweens.
00:15:03>> Amen.
00:15:03>> You guys are already trying to do that with Jenny and Ellie sharing the same costume.
00:15:07Oh, I'm so glad that I don't have a girl.
00:15:09>> You are so lucky.
00:15:10You have a son, and you only have to worry about one dick.
00:15:12>> Yeah.
00:15:13>> When you have a daughter, you have to worry about everybody's dick.
00:15:15There's so many dicks around here.
00:15:17>> Can we stop talking about your children's genitalia for a second?
00:15:21Because I think we have more important matters at hand.
00:15:22How you feeling about your match-up this week with Uncle Pete?
00:15:25>> Oh, Uncle Pete is going to get destroyed this week.
00:15:27>> Oh, hardly.
00:15:29In fact, I've got an idea for you.
00:15:31What if you set my lineup this week?
00:15:32>> You're going to let me pick your lineup?
00:15:34>> Mm-hmm, you can't do any add/drops, but you can put anyone from my bmych into the starting lineup, and I am confident I will still crush you.
00:15:41>> Holy shit.
00:15:42>> You just made a huge mistake, my friend.
00:15:45>> Wait a minute, are you really going to put your fate in his hands?
00:15:47>> No, I'm going to put his fate in his hands.
00:15:49>> Geez, I like it.
00:15:51I got to get out of here.
00:15:52I'm gonna get me some pumpkins.
00:15:53>> I'm gonna get the car.
00:15:54>> Come on, Ellie, time to go, baby.
00:15:56>> Come on, Taco, it's time to go, buddy.
00:15:57>> Aw, we're not done playing with the monkey.
00:15:59>> We have to go home now.
00:16:00>> All right, fine, we're coming.
00:16:02>> Enjoy your pumpkin.
00:16:04>> Hi.
00:16:05>> Hi.
00:16:06>> You're never going to believe this, but I want to buy a pumpkin.
00:16:09By the way, you are a very authentic witch.
00:16:12>> Thank you.
00:16:13>> I like your necklace, too.
00:16:14>> Oh, it's actually a talisman to ward off evil thoughthos.
00:16:21>> Nope, not working. Sorry.
00:16:23>> Did you think that one was going to work?
00:16:25>> I think it did.
00:16:26>> Ah.
00:16:27>> Saw you talking to a girl at the petting zoo.
00:16:30>> Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:16:31Got her digits, man.
00:16:31She's a cute witch.
00:16:32>> All right, Pete. Whoo.
00:16:34>> Ride her broomstick, right?
00:16:36>> That's just stupid.
00:16:37As well as this music.
00:16:38What is this?
00:16:39>> Guys, it's Pandora.
00:16:40It picked itself.
00:16:41>> Yeah, but Pandora's actually cool.
00:16:43What could you possibly have put into it that made that come out of it?
00:16:46>> Kesha.
00:16:47>> Hey, guys, check it out.
00:16:49>> Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
00:16:50>> Whoa! Monkey!
00:16:51>> Monkey!
00:16:53>> What is that? It's a monkey!
00:16:54>> I stole it from the petting zoo.
00:16:55>> That's highly illegal, but very fun.
00:16:57>> Monkeys do not like me.
00:16:58>> That's Andre. Monkey, Andre.
00:16:59>> You want to come over here?
00:17:00>> Andre... and this is Pete.
00:17:01>> Come on over, man.
00:17:02All right, he's getting a little skittish.
00:17:03We might want to just...
00:17:04>> Yeah, I think he doesn't like the music.
00:17:06>> The music is fine.
00:17:07>> No, the music... Change it!
00:17:08>> Stop yelling at the driver!
00:17:10>> He's on my shoulder!
00:17:11He's freaking out!
00:17:12>> Whoa.
00:17:12>> Guys, he's freaking out.
00:17:13Guys, it's the music.
00:17:14He's rebelling against the music.
00:17:16Is that Goo Goo Dolls?
00:17:17>> No Savage Garden.
00:17:18>> Oh, much worse, much worse.
00:17:20>> He's attacking me.
00:17:21>> No, no, no!
00:17:22>> He's freaking out.
00:17:24>> Just grab him, just grab him.
00:17:26He's trying to kill us all.
00:17:27>> He just bared his teeth at me.
00:17:29(shrieking) >> The monkey-- no!
00:17:32>> Oops.
00:17:33>> Oh, my God, I think we just killed him.
00:17:34>> We didn't kill it, okay?
00:17:35Monkeys land on their feet.
00:17:36They're like masturbating cats.
00:17:37>> No, no, no, we killed it.
00:17:39And it's going to haunt us forever.
00:17:41>> You know what?
00:17:42Just calm down and groove out.
00:17:44(groaning) >> What? You guys don't like Reggaeton?
00:17:53idea for?
00:17:54You can do whatever you want.
00:17:56My team is going to come busting through that door.
00:18:00[ door opens ] ♪♪ ♪♪
00:18:04here we go.
00:18:05Right now!
00:18:06[ Guys ] GO! GO! GO! GO!
00:18:08Johnson, cure the piz puffs in the kitchen.
00:18:09 I want a recon team on that brunette in the corner.
00:18:12AND I'LL COMMANDEER THE Bud Light.
00:18:13[ Male Announcer ] IT'STHE SURE SIGN OF A Good time.
00:18:18Here we go.
00:18:19Hey,you guys got any ice?
00:19:07Card, WE GET Double MilesON EVERY PURCHASE.
00:19:09ECHO! SO WE EARNED A TRIP TO THE Grand Canyon Twice as fast.
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00:19:16I'll take these.
00:19:17No matter what we're buying.
00:19:19Plus the damages.
00:19:20AND SINCE Double Miles ADD UP QUICK, We can bring the whole gang.
00:19:23IT'S HARD TO BEAT Double Miles.
00:19:27[ Male Announcer ] GET THEVenture Card FROM Capital One AND EARN Double MilesON EVERY PURCHASE, EVERY Day.
00:19:31GO TO
00:19:33What's in your wallet?
00:19:34Oh, that's the spot!
00:20:08>> Oh, Pete, I'm going to tear into your lineup.
00:20:12I feel like Jessica Tandy in Fried Green Tomatoes,except without the old lesbian stuff.
00:20:16Oh, Chris Johnson, I think you'll be spending the week on the bench.
00:20:20And what about you, Pierre Thomas?
00:20:22Playing against the Pittsburgh D.
00:20:24You will be staying in the ga...
00:20:26Wait, but what if he vultures a couple touchdowns?
00:20:29He could have a big week.
00:20:30I should take him out.
00:20:31No, that's what Pete wants me to do.
00:20:33Pete wants me to take him out.
00:20:35Oh, just... just trust your instincts, Ruxin.
00:20:39Keep it as is.
00:20:40Don't rock the boat.
00:20:46The answer's in here.
00:20:48And I'm going to sniff it out.
00:20:50The hound dog's on the prowl.
00:20:54(imitates hound barking) >> I don't really feel like doing the kid thing with all of Ellie's friends over here...
00:21:04>> No, no.
00:21:05>> ...and there's candy stuck everywhere.
00:21:07>> Here's the best part.
00:21:08I'm not talking about a kid party.
00:21:10I'm talking about an adult Halloween party.
00:21:12>> Seriously?
00:21:13>> Yes. We marry the two worlds.
00:21:15You know what I'll do?
00:21:16I'll get a little booze cart.
00:21:17>> Yeah.
00:21:17>> So we go trick-or-treating around the neighborhood-- we got Tootsie Rolls and tonic.
00:21:20>> I think this sounds awesome.
00:21:21>> Yeah.
00:21:22>> And I'm thinking costume wise, I'm gonna whore it up.
00:21:26>> Show what Mama gave you.
00:21:27>> Right?
00:21:28>> Can I make a suggestion?
00:21:29Filthy Vietnamese prostitute.
00:21:31Now I'm not talking about one you get on the pier.
00:21:33I'm talking about one you got to go down an alley and negotiate with some guy with no teeth.
00:21:36>> I think that's too far.
00:21:37>> It's too much?
00:21:38>> It's too much.
00:21:39>> All right, I'm just spitballing.
00:21:40>> Yeah, we'll come up with something great.
00:21:41And you're going to have to have me.
00:21:43>> I want you right now, based on the fact that...
00:21:45Hi, little lady.
00:21:46>> Look at you.
00:21:47>> ELLIE: I'm going to be a princess.
00:21:48>> Yes, you are.
00:21:49The prettiest princess.
00:21:50>> And Mommy's going to be a frog.
00:21:52>> Well, you know, I was actually thinking maybe we would switch it up and maybe I could be something a little...
00:22:00>> You said you were going to be a frog.
00:22:02>> You could be a princess and I could be your sexy little handmaid. >> No, you promised you'd be a frog.
00:22:08A big, puffy, fat old frog.
00:22:10>> (laughing) >> What do you think Daddy shoulde?
00:22:14>> I don't care what Daddy wears.
00:22:16>> That's my little girl.
00:22:17That's why I love you.
00:22:18>> I love you, too.
00:22:19>> Great. You get to be whatever you want, and I'm going to be dressed like a frog.
00:22:23>> A fat, old frog.
00:22:24>> Thanks.
00:22:26>> Come out to the burbs, man.
00:22:28It's going to be great.
00:22:29I've got a bar cart this year.
00:22:30>> Children's Halloween and adult Halloween do not mix, okay?
00:22:35>> Yes, they do.
00:22:36Because we can do everything we did as kids.
00:22:37We can T.P. houses, shit in bags and light them on fire and put them on people's doorsteps.
00:22:41And when they're stamping them out, we can stand there laughing with a martini in our hand.
00:22:45>> All right, if we do this, you got to promise me you're not going to embarrass me.
00:22:48'Cause I'm actually bringing a date this year.
00:22:50>> Bring her.
00:22:50>> I'll bring a date, too.
00:22:51>> Sure you will.
00:22:52>> October's my month.
00:22:53I'm like the Reggie Jackson of hookups in October.
00:22:55>> You're Mrs. October?
00:22:56>> All I'm saying is numbers don't lie.
00:22:58October-- boom, I'm spiking.
00:22:59>> You keep stats on specific hookups for a different month?
00:23:03That's one of the creepiest things I've ever heard in my life.
00:23:06>> It's not creepy. It's an app.
00:23:08Costs a buck.
00:23:08You know, this move gets this much percentage, this move gets this much percentage.
00:23:12>> Move?
00:23:12>> Move?
00:23:13>> Oh, I got moves.
00:23:14>> You're not talking abt poor girl?
00:23:15>> The poor girl.
00:23:16>> Oh, God.
00:23:17>> Wait, you're still doing that? Oh, no.
00:23:19>> One of the favorites in the arsenal.
00:23:20>> Oh, God!
00:23:21>> What?
00:23:21>> Andre, no.
00:23:22>> The fake sympathy.
00:23:23"Oh, oh, you lost your phone.
00:23:25Poor girl, oh." >> It works. It worked.
00:23:27>> It's just like a slow, creepy Rophenol coming around your shoulder.
00:23:31>> That's my ace in the hole.
00:23:32I have a six percent success rate with that.
00:23:34>> Six percent?
00:23:34>> That's really low.
00:23:35That's very low.
00:23:36>> It's not very low.
00:23:37>> Hey, buddy.
00:23:38How you doing, uh, setting my lineup for me?
00:23:41>> The only thing that's keeping me up at night is the amount of options I have to put together such a crappy team.
00:23:46>> Wait, wait, I'm sorry.
00:23:47You're still figuring it out?
00:23:48>> There are a couple variables that I'm still weighing just 'cause it's like...
00:23:51>> He's in your head.
00:23:52>> He's not.
00:23:53>> You're rattled.
00:23:54>> I'm not rattled at all.
00:23:55>> He's not rattled.
00:23:55It's a very clear choice.
00:23:57>> Mm-hmm.
00:23:57>> We got Rodgers going up against the Jets' defense.
00:23:59>> Uh-huh.
00:24:00>> And we got Favre going up against the Pats.
00:24:01>> Right.
00:24:02>> I mean, we all know the right one to pick, obviously.
00:24:04>> Yeah.
00:24:06>> Like, what-- like, which one would you play?
00:24:09>> Wait...
00:24:09>> Are you fishing?
00:24:10>> I'm not fishing, buddy, I'm taunting.
00:24:12>> In the form of a question?
00:24:14>> Yeah, like, how badly am I gonn a beat you this week?
00:24:16>> That is the most insecure and rattled trash talk I've ever seen in my life.
00:24:20>> This is such an epic week.
00:24:22Ruxin loses to Ruxin.
00:24:24>> Or Ruxin beats Ruxin.
00:24:26>> You poor girl.
00:24:27>> Aw, poor girl.
00:24:28>> Poor girl.
00:24:29>> Guys, I been looking up and down that highway; not one sign of the monkey.
00:24:32>> Oh, my God.
00:24:33>> It is dead.
00:24:34We killed it I and it's gonna come back to haunt us.
00:24:36>> We didn't kill the monkey.
00:24:37It's like a cat, it landed on its feet.
00:24:39>> Guys, you don't know what we're dealing with, okay?
00:24:41It's like that movieI Know What You Did Last Summer,except instead of a guy with a hook, we have a young monkey with a shared hatred for Andre's taste in music.
00:24:48>> It's not my fault.
00:24:49My music is good.
00:24:50>> You told me your favorite singer was Will Smith, so yes, it is your fault.
00:24:54>> That monkey was crazy.
00:24:56>> Guys, the monkey is in your neighborhood.
00:24:59Be afraid.
00:25:00Be very afraid.
00:25:02>> Ah!
00:25:03Oh, my gosh.
00:25:04That guy just spilled my drink.
00:25:05What a jerk.
00:25:06>> Oh, Reggie Jackson is at bat.
00:25:10>> Oh, my God, look at this.
00:25:11>> Did you just see that?
00:25:12>> Yeah, he hit you like a linebacker.
00:25:14You poor, poor girl. Yes.
00:25:16>> Oh, that poor girl.
00:25:17>> Let's get you a drink.
00:25:18(Pete groans) >> You're so sweet.
00:25:20>> Oh, you poor girl.
00:25:22Don't worry about me.
00:25:23>> That girl is making a bigger mistake than playing Percy Harvin.
00:25:28>> Oh, my...
00:25:30>> Yo.
00:25:31Come get it.
00:25:34(whistles quietly) >> Hey.
00:25:36>> Hey.
00:25:37>> That's a lot of animals.
00:25:38They yours?
00:25:39>> Yep.
00:25:39>> So you got ducks and chickens and...
00:25:42>> Sheep.
00:25:43>> Uh, any other?
00:25:44Like, uh, I don't know-- giraffes, monkeys.
00:25:48>> We used to have a monkey, but he vanished just the other day.
00:25:51>> Really?
00:25:52That's super weird.
00:25:53So you think a monkey like that could survive in the city?
00:25:58>> No way.
00:25:59Most likely, that monkey has gone to meet his monkey maker.
00:26:03>> Ghost monkey.
00:26:05Did you know the-the monkey's personality at all?
00:26:08Is he a happy monkey?
00:26:10Do you think he had the capacity to forgive?
00:26:12>> Forgive?gi I stepped on that monkey's tail one time, by accident, and he did this!
00:26:18(Taco screaming) Yeah!
00:26:20(laughs maniacally) (Kevin screams) >> What'd you think it was, the monkey?
00:26:44>> What are you doing out here, Ruxin?
00:26:45>> Who do I play?
00:26:46>> You want help with your lineup?
00:26:48>> No, not for my lineup, for Pete's lineup.
00:26:49Where's the answers?
00:26:50Is it here?
00:26:51>> I don't know.
00:26:52>> Is it in the trash?
00:26:52>> He's driving you crazy.
00:26:53>> Do you know the answers?
00:26:54>> I don't have the answers.
00:26:55>> Where are the answers?
00:26:56>> This is what he wants, Ruxin.
00:26:57>> What does he want?
00:26:58>> He wants you to overthink this thing and go crazy.
00:27:00>> It's not happening.
00:27:01>> No.
00:27:01>> No.
00:27:02>> No.
00:27:02>> What?
00:27:03>> Okay, Ruxin, we're about one step away from fantasySaw, okay?
00:27:08You're gonna cut your own leg off soon, and nobody wants that.
00:27:10>> That's what Pete wants.
00:27:11Pete wants me to cut my leg off and play Pierre Thomas.
00:27:14I'm not gonna play Pierre Thomas.
00:27:15I might cut my leg off, but I'm not gonna play Pierre Thomas.
00:27:18>> You're overthinking this thing.
00:27:19Just put it out of your head.
00:27:20(Ruxin exhales sharply) It's out of my head now.
00:27:24Is that Pete?
00:27:25Is that Percy Harvin?
00:27:27Or is it Cadillac Williams?
00:27:29>> Let's get out of here.
00:27:30>> Look, I think this is gonna be really fun.
00:27:32It is in the suburbs, but it's, like, an adult Halloween thing, so...
00:27:35>> I actually don't celebrate Halloween.
00:27:36>> Really?
00:27:37You have, like, the perfect costume.
00:27:39What are you talking about?
00:27:39>> Oh, it's not a costume.
00:27:40I'm a witch.
00:27:41>> I'm sorry?
00:27:42>> Uh, I'm Wiccan.
00:27:43>> Like, you're wicking, like, sweat...
00:27:45>> No, I'm Wicca.
00:27:47>> Oh!
00:27:49Oh, oh, okay.
00:27:50So you're a real witch?
00:27:53>> Yep.
00:27:53>> I literally didn't know that there were real witches.
00:27:56>> Are you okay with that or...?
00:27:57>> Uh, you drink blood?
00:27:59>> No.
00:28:00>> Drink alcohol?
00:28:01>> Yes.