King of the Hill - Boxing Luanne   View more episodes

Aired at 09:00 PM on Friday, Oct 15, 2010 (10/15/2010)      View all transcripts from this day

Transcript

00:00:01Call it "Beauty and the Beast." Which one am I?
00:00:04Because if it's okay with you, I'd like to be the beast.
00:00:08(growling) Did I scare you?
00:00:13Okay, guess who I ran into at the gym?
00:00:17Buck Strickland.
00:00:19He watched me do Tae Bo and he thinks that I'd make a great boxer.
00:00:22Look, Luanne, I fought at the "Y." Trust me, you are no boxer.
00:00:26Y'uh-huh.
00:00:27Friday at midnight in the back room at Sugarfoot's.
00:00:31And I am going to stand up and fight and be respected just like you said.
00:00:36Luanne, the kind of women that box don't have 50 stuffed animals on their bed.
00:00:41ou spend Friday night watching one of those movies you like where the people fall in love, and then one of them dies?
00:00:51Oh, Luanne, you have to understand your uncle only wants the best for you.
00:00:55That said, everything he just told you: complete jackassery.
00:01:05Dear Lord, one of your creatures may be hurt tonight.
00:01:09Please let it be the other creature.
00:01:12Amen.
00:01:19Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, Luanne, looking good.
00:01:23Yeah, now, just remember, the key to boxing is to jump up and down.
00:01:28Yeah, keep bouncing.
00:01:29Bounce and weave.
00:01:31Okay, folks you paid your moneys.
00:01:36Here come the honeys.
00:01:37The Beauty and the Beast.
00:01:55Whoa-whoa-whoa.
00:01:56Watch the kicks, or I'll disqualify you and you'll lose your free rib dinner.
00:02:04Tell Joseph and Dale if he's listening good night and get to bed.
00:02:08I got a live feed with the hostess at Sugarfoot's.
00:02:11She's got Luanne's fight on the speakerphone.
00:02:14Oh, God, she went through with it?
00:02:27Luanne, no!
00:02:35One, two, three, four...
00:02:38She's out.
00:02:39Whoa.
00:02:41I did it!
00:02:42I won, I won, I won!
00:02:43You tagged her good.
00:02:45What a left hook.
00:02:46Oh, yeah.
00:02:48You didn't think I could do it but I did it.
00:02:49Great job, Luanne.
00:02:50You want to fight some more for us?
00:02:52I got a contract right here.
00:02:54It's very fair.
00:02:55(sighing) Oh, my gosh.
00:02:58Did you hear that, Uncle Hank?
00:03:00They want me to be a professional fighter.
00:03:03Ooh! I'm a professional fighter!
00:03:05(squealing) (laughing) honks ] ♪♪ ♪♪
00:03:45♪♪ ♪♪
00:03:50♪♪ ♪♪
00:04:06sweet n' sourfilled twizzlers.
00:04:08The twist you can't resist.
00:05:42Mmm, women boxing, huh?
00:05:43If they wear gloves how do they scratch each other?
00:05:46No, Bill, they punch pretty hard.
00:05:49And Luanne was really something.
00:05:50I tell you what.
00:05:51Dale fights more like a girl than she did last night.
00:05:55So I bit a cashier.
00:05:56I'm a street fighter.
00:05:57(sighing) Luanne, I always hoped to give my old boxing gloves from the "Y" to Bobby but, uh, well you know.
00:06:05Anyway, I'd be honored if you'd wear these in your next match.
00:06:10Oh Uncle Hank.
00:06:12Every time I punch someone in the face I'll think of you.
00:06:20To Luanne!
00:06:22Getting rich off a pretty lady's even better than sleeping with one.
00:06:26Well, neck and neck.
00:06:28Well, lookee here.
00:06:30Now, I know it must have killed you to throw that fight, Biggun but it was one hell of a convincing dive.
00:06:36If you had any looks you could be a Hollywood actress.
00:06:39(deep voice): Thank you.
00:06:40Here's your flop fee.
00:06:42Don't touch anything on the way out, huh?
00:06:44Times have changed.
00:06:45Trained boxers willing to take a dive are too gotdang expensive.
00:06:49Hey, Bora, you'd take a punch for $100, wouldn't you?
00:06:54No, sir.
00:06:55Two hundred?
00:06:57Yes, sir, I would.
00:07:00Okay, Luanne Buck says this Bora the Slammin' Slavic is nine and four and she used to pull a dogsled back in her native Croatia.
00:07:10When my fans are out there respecting me I feel like a strong, powerful, ooh, independent woman.
00:07:18Luanne I brought you some tassels.
00:07:21Tassels?
00:07:22Yeah, it's a fight game, boy scout.
00:07:23We need a little show for the people.
00:07:26Oh, I get it.
00:07:27A little flash.
00:07:28Like Hector "Macho" Camacho.
00:07:36Light on your feet, Luanne.
00:07:38She's one of them Russian brawlers.
00:07:41(cheering) STRICKLAND: Yeah, yeah, good, Luanne, good.
00:07:48Now, hop like a bunny, hop like a bunny!
00:07:52Oh, uh, well, you know, like, uh, Muhammed Ali says, "Hop like a bunny, sting like a bee." Uh, that was "Float like a butterfly," sir.
00:08:02Okay, now, Luanne-- southpaw, southpaw!
00:08:06(groaning) ♪♪ 'Cause I'm just a girl ♪♪
00:08:15♪♪ Little old me ♪♪
00:08:16♪♪ Well, don't let me out of your sight ♪♪
00:08:21♪♪ Oh, I'm just a girl ♪♪
00:08:23♪♪ All pretty and petite ♪♪
00:08:25♪♪ So, don't let me have any rights ♪♪
00:08:30♪♪ Oh, I've had it up to here... ♪♪
00:08:38Now, Luanne you beat some tough fighters and I think you're ready for a step up in competition.
00:08:43Yeah! You know, I was reading in theGuinness Book of World Records about a woman who is 7'7".
00:08:50You think she'll fight me?
00:08:52Uh, maybe, but I was thinking about the best female fighter in Texas-- George Foreman's daughter, Freeda Foreman.
00:08:59Seems she's managed by her father and four brothers named George.
00:09:03Uh, uh, I already called the Foreman camp.
00:09:06They told me they want nothing to do with Luanne.
00:09:11Yup, they are ducking us.
00:09:12But don't worry.
00:09:13We'll line up another topnotch opponent.
00:09:15Has the pretzel lady gotten back to us yet?
00:09:23I'm sorry I'm late.
00:09:24I couldn't get used to the heels.
00:09:26What is that?
00:09:27It's my outfit for my next match.
00:09:28Mr. Strickland says that if I ever want to fight Freeda Foreman I need an image.
00:09:35So... ♪♪ ta-da! ♪♪
00:09:36I'm a fighting French maid.
00:09:39(giggles) (sighing) Dang it, I thought I made myself clear when I told him no boxing thong.
00:09:44I'm going to go talk to Buck.
00:09:46You need to practice so, get out of that stupid outfit.
00:09:49And for God's sake, don't leave it where Bobby can find it.
00:09:52Luanne, if you want to be punched by Freeda Foreman then Peggy Hill is the one that can make it happen.
00:09:58Come on, let's go pick a fight.
00:10:00It's just that Luanne and I are trying to build a legitimate boxing career.
00:10:05BORA: Oh, Mr. Buck.
00:10:06Uh, yeah, I got you, Hank.
00:10:07No skimpy costumes, no dressing her like a rabbit.
00:10:10Thanks for coming by.
00:10:11Sir, Mr. Randy is throwing up again.
00:10:13Uh-huh, uh-huh.
00:10:14Thanks, uh, Penelope.
00:10:15Wait a minute.
00:10:16You're supposed to be The Slamming Slavic.
00:10:18But you're just Buck's maid.
00:10:20Buck's maid?
00:10:21All right, all right, you caught me with my pants down.
00:10:25I threw patsies in there to protect your pretty little niece.
00:10:28Oh, God, you mean every fight has been a fraud?
00:10:32What about Helga the Hammer?
00:10:33Librarian. Never been in the ring.
00:10:47Okay, Luanne, now you have to trash-talk and embarrass her.
00:10:50It's the only way she'll accept a fight with you.
00:10:54You ready?
00:10:55Uh-huh.
00:10:56Hey, Freeda Foreman!
00:10:57Everybody knows you're nothing but a fraidy cat.
00:11:01Wow, you have pretty eyes.
00:11:03Who the heckre you?
00:11:05Luanne Platter.
00:11:07It's nice to meet you.
00:11:08Yeah, whatever.
00:11:08Hey! Yeah, you, you big can of beans!
00:11:11You give Luanne here a match!
00:11:13Unless you're scared, huh?
00:11:16Are you scared?
00:11:17Yeah, you're not a champ.
00:11:18You're a chump!
00:11:19Chump, chump, chumpity-chump!
00:11:22Shut up, Grandma-hair.
00:11:26Freeda! Oh, Freeda!
00:11:29♪♪ Free-hee-hee-da! ♪♪
00:11:30All right, you want to fight?
00:11:32You got a fight.
00:11:33And when I get done whippin' up on her I'm going to come looking foryou.
00:11:37What'd I do?
00:11:45(sighs) Uncle Hank! Uncle Hank!
00:11:49You'll never believe it!
00:11:51We got a fight with Freeda Foreman!
00:11:54What? No.
00:11:55I know, it's amazing, isn't it?
00:11:57Now, we better train.
00:11:59She's much bigger than me.
00:12:00I think she's even bigger than you.
00:12:08Well, we cannot tell her that her fights are fixed.