King of the Hill - Hank's Bully   View more episodes

Aired at 09:00 PM on Monday, Nov 29, 2010 (11/29/2010)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:03No, Caleb, you need to dab.
00:00:05You're smearing.
00:00:06You've got to lift the towel...
00:00:11Uh, you know what, Caleb?
00:00:13Just forget it, I-I'm going to tackle this mess by myself, okay?
00:00:19Okay then.
00:00:34Uh, hello, Caleb.
00:00:36What are you doing?
00:00:38I'm watering the lawn.
00:00:39Caleb, no, you don't ride on a lawn-- especially when it's wet.
00:00:45I like nicknames.
00:00:46Call me "C-Unit." Uh, okay, C-Unit.
00:00:50(laughing) Yeah!
00:00:53Now you need a nickname.
00:00:55I got it-- "Dusty old bones!" (laughing): Yeah! Yeah!
00:00:59Uh. Yeah, I think "Mr. Hill" is probably the best way to go.
00:01:03(sing-song like): Dusty old bones, full of green dust!
00:01:06Dusty old bones, full of green dust!
00:01:10"Green dust?" "Dusty old bones, full of green dust"?
00:01:17What kind of nickname is that?
00:01:18Sounds like a pretty crappy one to me, considering how much he's got to work with.
00:01:23CALEB: Hey, old man!
00:01:25Dusty old bones, full of green dust!
00:01:27Does that seem funny to any of you?
00:01:30No, but it is rather catchy.
00:01:31I don't get it, why did he pick on me?
00:01:34I mean, Dale has a dead possum on his shoulder, and Caleb completely ignored it.
00:01:39Got it! What in the...
00:01:40Caleb, get back here!
00:01:42(laughing) My God, you just openedthat beer!
00:01:47You going to cry, dusty old bones?
00:01:51Wait, I recognize this.
00:01:53They pick on you, they mess with your stuff-- he's a bully!
00:01:57He'syourbully, Hank!
00:02:00CALEB: White shirt! White shirt!
00:02:01How'd you get your shirt so white, white shirt?
00:02:05And a weird bully at that.
00:02:39Hi. chili's tonight?
00:02:41Do I know you?
00:02:42 your mother's brother went to summer camp with my uncle's friend's accountant.
00:02:46We're practically family.
00:02:49My mom's brother's accountant.
00:02:51 that guy is a maniac.
00:02:56I love jason.
00:02:57Isn't he a riot?
00:02:58Chili's $20 dinner for two.
00:02:59All you need is somebody to go with.
00:03:01Share one appetizer, choose two entrees.
00:03:04Now with crispy fried shrimp.
00:03:05Just $20 for two at chili's.
00:03:14[ Male Announcer ] IT'S LIKE A BLAST OF HYDRATION.
00:03:17The new schick hydro.
00:03:18Water-activated gelhydrates your skin as you shave and skin guardsreduce irritation.
00:03:23It's the best shave for your skin.
00:03:25Schick hydro.
00:03:26Free your skin.
00:04:41So, this is your bully stain.
00:04:44I do not have a bully.
00:04:47I am an adult.
00:04:48Adults can't be bullied by ten-year-old kids.
00:04:50Yeah, you sure talk a big game when Caleb's not around.
00:04:54(both laugh) Man, you gonna take that from him, man?
00:04:56Just grab a rag and shut up, both of you.
00:05:00Fair enough.
00:05:03DALE: It's beautiful.
00:05:06Absolutely beautiful.
00:05:08Peggy, you're the Hemingway of the taxidermy diorama.
00:05:12Oh, thanks.
00:05:12And you, Dale, are the Mozart of that suction thingy that removes all the guts.
00:05:19Do you really think it's good?
00:05:21I think it'sthisgood.
00:05:30Excuse me.
00:05:31Is this where we sign up for the taxidermy competition?
00:05:35Yes it is, ma'am.
00:05:37Is, uh, that your entry?
00:05:39You sir, are looking at first place.
00:05:41(men laugh) So, that's gonna be first place, huh?
00:05:48Before you sign up, why don't you two take a look at last year's winner.
00:05:56Man, there's more than pipe cleaners holding that sucker together.
00:05:59We don't stand a chance.
00:06:02Oh, yes we do.
00:06:03Dale, you've got to find me bigger game.
00:06:06(gulps) You've got to be kidding me.
00:06:09Who's gonna lick a stamp that has Bill Clinton on it?
00:06:13I'm only telling you what I've heard.
00:06:19Uh, Caleb, this is not proper behavior when two adults are trying to speak.
00:06:23Why don't you play with that somewhere else?
00:06:27So, anyway, yeah, why don't they put Dale Earnhardt on a stamp?
00:06:32I mean, he won seven Winston Cup...
00:06:35Alright, Caleb, I'm gonna count to three.
00:06:41One, two...
00:06:44Uh, three.
00:06:48Ah, Hank, I better be getting on my way.
00:06:51I... See you later.
00:07:03Hey, Hank.
00:07:04We're really looking forward to your barbecue.
00:07:06So, uh, I want to talk to you about, uh, Caleb.
00:07:11He's been, kind of, uh...
00:07:13teasing me.
00:07:14Oh, teasing's just his way of showing how much he likes you.
00:07:17Yeah, uh, actually, it's more than just teasing.
00:07:21It's more like harassing.
00:07:23That's just his way of testing you.
00:07:25You know how kids are.
00:07:27He's just so smart.
00:07:27The best thing to do when he gets that way is to ignore him.
00:07:30Uh, well, he's kind of hard to ignore when he's whacking a little red ball right next to your head.
00:07:37(chuckling) BOTH: Caleb.
00:07:47DALE: Hey, Peggy.
00:07:48Oh, good, you're back.
00:07:50What have you got?
00:07:51Um, so you know how there's never anything big and dead around when you need it?
00:08:00Three groundhogs and...
00:08:02What the hell is that?
00:08:03Half a groundhog.
00:08:13Hey, Dad, can I flip my burger?
00:08:16Uh, are you sure?
00:08:17You remember what happened to that pancake.
00:08:20Oh, yeah.
00:08:22Uh, uh, uh, Caleb.
00:08:25You, uh, you want a burger?
00:08:28Where are your parents anyway?
00:08:30(grunting) Give me that hat, old man.
00:08:33What are you...
00:08:34Caleb, please stop grabbing at my hat.
00:08:36It's the property of Strickland Propane.
00:08:39HANK: Lila! Jim!
00:08:42Got it!
00:08:43(laughs) Dang it, Caleb.
00:08:44Give me back my hat!
00:08:51Too slow, dusty old bones.
00:08:54I'm not playing, Caleb.
00:08:55Give me my hat back.
00:09:04Can you believe that kid?
00:09:08What the hell are you doing, Bill?
00:09:10Sorry, Hank, I just got all caught up.
00:09:12CALEB: ♪♪ Dusty old bones, full of green dust ♪♪
00:09:15Oh look, Lila, Caleb wrote another one of his songs.
00:09:18♪♪ Dusty old bones, full of green dust ♪♪
00:09:21He is so creative.
00:09:41(popping) (laughing) Dance, old man! Dance!
00:09:44(popping) I made noise!
00:09:49I'm a superhero!
00:09:50I'm Pop-Pop Man!
00:09:52(laughing) You are way out of line, young man!
00:10:05You need to learn some manners!
00:10:10Caleb, get off the bike.
00:10:17Now, when you learn a little respect you'll get this back.
00:10:28Well, I took care of the Caleb situation.
00:10:32I admit, I almost lost it, but then I realized he was just a kid and just needed a little firm guidance.
00:10:39Well, at least something's going right.
00:10:41How'd you do it?
00:10:41I just took his bike and locked it in the garage.
00:10:46Yep, Caleb's gonna learn a big lesson when he has to come back here and ask for that bike back.
00:10:51And he's gonna have to do it with respect.
00:10:53Hopefully, his parents will come along so they can learn a thing or two about raising a kid.
00:10:58(doorbell rings) Oh, good, that's probably them now.
00:11:04I want my bike back.
00:11:05Well, you're gonna have to ask nicer than that, Caleb.
00:11:09Oh, yeah?
00:11:17HANK: There it is, officers, not a scratch on it.
00:11:20All I was trying to do was make a point.
00:11:22By stealing a ten-year-old's bike?
00:11:24What, are you a tough guy, huh?
00:11:25You want to try and take something away from me, big boy?
00:11:28No. You've got it all wrong.
00:11:30I'm the victim here.
00:11:31That kid is out of control, and his parents won't do anything about it.
00:11:34Officers, could we please have our son's bike back?
00:11:37We'd really just like to get this behind us.
00:11:39Yes, sir.
00:11:40Give the boy back his bike.
00:11:42(sighs) Here you go, Caleb.
00:11:54And he liked you so much.
00:12:08(doorbell rings) Hank, you can't hide in here forever.
00:12:15Come out and have a beer with us.
00:12:17(sighs): I'm not hiding, Bill.
00:12:19Hank, that's a lie, and we both know it.
00:12:22Now come on, if Caleb comes at you, we'll all run away together.
00:12:26I'm not worried about Caleb.
00:12:27I'm just... I'm re-tacking the sofa.
00:12:30(sighs): Sure, Hank.
00:12:31When you decide you're done re-tacking, you give a holler.
00:12:50Wet old man.
00:12:55You know, it's a felony to use a mail slot for anything other than mail?
00:13:13Uh, hey, uh, how would you guys like to make five bucks?
00:13:19All you have to do is put a little scare into a pesky ten-year-old.
00:13:23Yeah, we'll do that, sure.
00:13:24If you can give us a ride to the gas station, we'll take care of the rest.
00:13:28Just make sure his alarm system at his house is turned off.
00:13:41Is that a deer?!
00:13:43No, Dale, that is the picture on the sign... again.
00:13:47I can't believe this.
00:13:48Three deaf kids have already crossed here, and not a single deer.
00:13:52I'm sorry, Peggy.
00:13:55I blew it again.
00:13:56I'm not worthy to work beside your genius.
00:13:59I'd say stuff me, but that would get us Honorable Mention at best.
00:14:03Oh, now, Dale.
00:14:05I'm sorry, Peggy.
00:14:06I failed you.
00:14:07I'm used to letting Hank down, but not you.
00:14:11Dale, this is not your fault.
00:14:12I put you in a no-win situation.
00:14:16We've been looking in all the wrong places.
00:14:18We shouldn't have been looking out there.
00:14:21We should have been looking in here.
00:14:24Come on, Dale.
00:14:25We got a contest to enter.