King of the Hill - Phish and Wildlife   View more episodes

Aired at 09:30 PM on Tuesday, Nov 02, 2010 (11/2/2010)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:01Yeah, looks like it.
00:00:02How are you, Ranger Bradley?
00:00:04Working so hard, I couldn't tell you.
00:00:06What'll it be-- the usual?
00:00:07Yep, ol' lot number 6347.
00:00:10We watched that possum family grow up right before our eyes.
00:00:19So how does it feel to be setting up your own camp for the first time?
00:00:23I brushed my teeth with bug cream and I'm still kinda woozy.
00:00:28Can we go home?
00:00:29No, we've got work to do.
00:00:31We gotta pick up dinner.
00:00:35Come here, fish.
00:00:37I'm not gonna hurt you.
00:00:42That's three for Dale, and since it's an "eat only what you catch trip," tonight, you will be dining on...
00:00:55filet of zero.
00:00:58(sighs) Shut up, Dale.
00:01:01Maybe he's right.
00:01:03I can't do this.
00:01:05Sure you can, Bobby.
00:01:06Just remember, to catch a fish, you have to think like a fish.
00:01:10Hmm, I'm wet, and I don't even know it.
00:01:15(sighs) No, where would you be feeding?
00:01:19Probably in that algae-covered area over there.
00:01:22That algae does look pretty good.
00:01:25PEGGY: Nancy, in one day I have accomplished everything I set out to do.
00:01:30Do you think it would bgilding the lily to refinance the house while Hank's away?
00:01:34Uh-oh, someone's beeping in.
00:01:36Hello, Peggy. This is Dora Shelwyn from Tom Landry.
00:01:39I teach...
00:01:40Are you retiring?
00:01:41Uh, no, actually, I just needed the number of your veterinarian.
00:01:44I have a quick question.
00:01:45Go ahead.
00:01:46I meant for the vet.
00:01:47You see, I bought this myna bird, and it just won't talk and I...
00:01:52Put the bird on the line.
00:01:53What? Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
00:01:57Okay, bird-- Awk! I love Dora Shelwyn!
00:02:01Who's a good bird?
00:02:02I love Dora Shelwyn!
00:02:03(Peggy squawks) Come on, bird. I got all day.
00:02:09(birdlike): Awk! I love Dora Shelwyn!
00:02:22Hey, bro.
00:02:24Oh, hi.
00:02:26If you catch anything, we should use this as a plate.
00:02:29I haven't even seen a fish all day and I'm starving.
00:02:32I've got a hamburger bun top.
00:02:34Still has most of its sesame seeds.
00:02:39Don't take that.
00:02:40It's okay-- we can split it threezies.
00:02:43Thank you for the, uh, bun, but we are only eating what we catch this weekend.
00:02:48I'm trying to teach my son self-reliance.
00:02:51No,I'mtrying to teach him self-reliance.
00:02:56Yeah. The thing about self-reliance is... it's like, bad.
00:03:01Hugs for smokes.
00:03:03Look, I...
00:03:04Oh, God.
00:03:07Another one?
00:03:09Okay, I don't know what's going on, but you're gonna have to tell your friends to get out of here.
00:03:14All of them?
00:03:22What are they, Dad?
00:03:24(sighs) They're hippies, son.
00:03:29I love you!
00:07:46BOOMHAUER: Hey, man, I thought that dang ol' Reagan got rid of all them in the 'ol '80s, man, talkin' 'bout them yippy to yuppy, man.
00:07:54This land is our land!
00:07:56Welcome home, friend!
00:07:58(shrieks) Bobby, back in the tent!
00:08:00Go away!
00:08:01And put on some clothes!
00:08:03Hey, this isn't Kinko's, man.
00:08:05It's the Gathering!
00:08:07The what?
00:08:07The Gathering, bro.
00:08:09Everyone's here.
00:08:11Crunchies, and hempies, Earth Mothers, vegans, hyper-vegans...
00:08:15We're all here.
00:08:16Thousands of us.
00:08:20This may be the saddest day of my career.
00:08:24Ranger, how could you have given all these people park permits?
00:08:28What were you thinking?
00:08:29Sorry, Hank, we were blind-sided.
00:08:31They got a bunch of ACLU lawyers to sue, saying the First Amendment allows them to peaceably assemble without a permit.
00:08:41(groans) Don't tell me that's covered by the First Amendment.
00:08:44Public defecation is protected as long as they say it's a political or artistic statement.
00:08:51And they do.
00:08:52(bongos and maracas playing) Nothing again.
00:09:02We'll never catch anything.
00:09:04Fish hate loud hippie drums and so do I.
00:09:08Hey, yo!
00:09:09♪♪ Beautiful, drifting Gypsy man ♪♪
00:09:13♪♪ Collecting empty soda cans ♪♪
00:09:16♪♪ He whispered, "Atlantis is not far away ♪♪
00:09:20♪♪ Just travel on a manta ray." ♪♪
00:09:25That music-- it's beautiful.
00:09:28Dang it, if I have to pull one more hook out of Bill...
00:09:31(Bill grunts) Excuse me, sir, but I could not help noticing you're making your salad wrong.
00:09:39Where are the beets?
00:09:40Where are the red beans?
00:09:41I don't know.
00:09:42You know what, yeah, we're just going to have to start all over.
00:09:45I made a salad last night that people are still talking about.
00:09:48I mean look at us, we're talking about it.
00:09:55Fire wood.
00:10:02I'm starving, Dad!
00:10:03Can't you teach me self-reliance at a restaurant?
00:10:06I'll order off the adult menu.
00:10:09Now, calm down.
00:10:10I found some perfectly good thorn-apples and sour berries in the forest.
00:10:14You go find us some sticks and we can roast them like s'mores.
00:10:17And do not talk to any hippies.
00:10:35My name's Fudgie, and that's Topaz.
00:10:38We met on a turnip farm.
00:10:41Whatcha got in the kettle?
00:10:43Jumbo Gumbo.
00:10:44How much does it cost for a bowl?
00:10:46Everything here is free, little guy.
00:10:48This ain't the Ronald McMoney scene.
00:10:51People here share with one another.
00:10:54You give what you can and you get what you need.
00:10:58I don't know if I should.
00:11:00My dad said I can only eat what I catch.
00:11:04Then catch.
00:11:09So you're sure this is okay?
00:11:11My dad wants me to be self-reliant.
00:11:13In a hundred years, who's going to care if you were self-reliant or not?
00:11:24You make a good point, Fudgie.
00:11:29No thank you.
00:11:30I'll probably catch a deer tomorrow and I want to make sure I'm hungry.
00:11:35Good for you, Bobby.
00:11:37You're really hanging in there.
00:11:39You know what?
00:11:39If you can wait, I can wait.
00:11:41DALE: Good-bye, gentlemen, and good riddance.
00:11:43I'm one chorus of "Truckin'" away from snapping.
00:11:46Yeah, man, like that dang ol' mandolin, man ain't never sounded so bad.
00:11:49Like a dang ol' Bill Monroe spinning his dang ol' grave, man.
00:11:52What? You guys can't get up and leave now.
00:11:55What kind of lesson is that for Bobby?
00:11:58A good one.
00:11:58He can learn from our bad example.
00:12:00Well, I guess self-reliance isn't for everyone, Dad.
00:12:09Stellar gumbo, Fudgie, just stellar.
00:12:11This time, don't skimp on the potatoes.
00:12:15Dig deep.
00:12:16Sorry, but the gumbo's gone-bo.
00:12:18Oh. That's okay.
00:12:20I should probably be getting back to my campsite anyway.
00:12:24Hold on, little guy.
00:12:26The pot's empty.
00:12:27It's time for you to share up.
00:12:29Uh, I don't have anything.
00:12:31But in a hundred years, who's going to care, right?
00:12:35Fudgie's hungry now.
00:12:39FUDGIE: ...and then I'm going to share your cooler.
00:12:41You think your dad's got any money we could share?
00:12:47Hey, I can trade these for a burrito.
00:12:52Those are my dad's fishing poles.
00:12:54You can't take those.
00:12:55We only want to share, guy.
00:12:57You didn't mind sharing our gumbo, did you?
00:13:02So we're sharing back.
00:13:03It's the law of Karma.
00:13:05Promise that you'll bring them back before my dad gets here.
00:13:11So we're agreed, right?
00:13:12You'll bring them back?
00:13:37I-I'm sure whoever took them will bring them right back.
00:13:42Thieves don't return stolen items.
00:13:45It's just a thing, Dad.
00:13:46They didn't steal something important, like a smile, right?
00:13:51Bobby, that's just hippie talk, and all the hippie talk in the world isn't going to get our stuff back.
00:13:56We have to actually do something about it.
00:14:08Excuse me, I'm looking for a couple of fishing rods.
00:14:12Dual paddle crank handles, 12-pound lines.
00:14:15Never mind.
00:14:17I'm really sorry to hear about your fishing poles, man.
00:14:22Uh... okay.
00:14:23If anyone can help you, it's the Council Circle.
00:14:26There's some real wise bastards there.
00:14:29Uh... thanks.
00:14:32Hey, can you give me some money?
00:14:37It's only with teamwork that we can find Apple-Seed's missing teeth.
00:14:42HANK: Uh, pardon me.
00:14:43Hank Hill, assistant manager, Strickland Propane.
00:14:46Shut up!
00:14:48What gives you the right?
00:14:49BILL: The rules say you can't speak unless you got the feather.
00:14:54Aw, Bill.
00:14:56Hey, Hank...
00:14:57my new name is Energy Turtle.
00:15:01I've found myself.
00:15:02Bill, fun's over.
00:15:03Wash that mud off now, and help me find my fishing rods.
00:15:07Oh, Hank.
00:15:08I bet you searched for them everywhere...
00:15:11except your heart.
00:15:13Get out of the Circle!
00:15:14He's serious.
00:15:15No Being may speak without the feather.
00:15:17Okay! Where are my fishing rods?
00:15:19Hey, why'd you come to a Gathering if you didn't want to share?!
00:15:22I didn't come to the Gathering! The Gathering came to me!
00:15:26Oh, yeah? Well, I'll come to you and gather... your... your face!
00:15:30All right. Negative vibes!
00:15:32Negative vibes!
00:15:33This Circle will resume discussion after a round of jumping jacks.
00:15:38Oh, God!
00:15:39Don't ruin jumping jacks.
00:15:41(grunting) Looks like we're going to have to drive into town to get new poles.
00:15:52Bobby, my truck is gone!
00:15:54What happened?!
00:15:55MAN: Hey, a talking bear!
00:15:59Ugh! My sleeping bag!
00:16:01Your nudity!
00:16:02Calm down. You can join us.
00:16:05Yeah, you can hold the Yanni.
00:16:07Bobby, what is going on here?
00:16:14I ate hippie gumbo!
00:16:16What? No!
00:16:18I know I was supposed to be self-reliant, but I was hungry.
00:16:21And I didn't think I'd ever catch anything, and they said since they shared with me, I had to share our stuff with them.
00:16:27And then they shared our stuff all over the place, and I'm sorry.
00:16:38My name's Fudgie.
00:16:43Oh, divine Sun!
00:16:45ALL: Oh, divine Sun!
00:16:47We observe your holy wisdom!
00:16:50We observe your holy wisdom!
00:16:53So... the sun is God?
00:16:59RANGER BRADLEY: The security camera shows that your truck hasn't left the park.
00:17:03We'll monitor the exit at all times to make sure it doesn't.
00:17:06(sighing): What's your advice here?
00:17:08Just sit tight. This park covers 1,000 square miles.
00:17:12And it's mushroom season.
00:17:14Your truck could be anywhere.
00:17:17Dad, I'm sorry I ruined the trip.
00:17:20It was all my fault.
00:17:22Yes. Yes, it was.
00:17:23But, uh, you just took responsibility and admitted it.
00:17:27That's the first step towards self-reliance.
00:17:32What are you doing?
00:17:33I'm calling your mom to come pick us up.
00:17:36I guess I'll have to come back later and pack out my truck.
00:17:40You mean, we're just giving up?
00:17:42The hippies have us surrounded, Bobby.
00:17:44There's nothing we can do.
00:17:46But, Dad, if we just give up, the hippies might keep coming back forever.
00:17:50They are like locusts, but I don't know what the heck we can do about it.
00:17:55I guess we'll just camp somewhere else next year.
00:17:58Well, maybe it's like what you said: If you want to catch a fish, you have to think like a fish.
00:18:04We just have to think like hippies!
00:18:06That is impossible.
00:18:08Come on, Dad. Just try.
00:18:10Okay, I'm a hippie...
00:18:12I'm naked, because I smoked all my clothes.
00:18:16Uh, yeah.
00:18:18And I don't like to work.
00:18:20I like everything handed to me.
00:18:23I'm just like a kid!
00:18:25Right! An overgrown kid who can't take care of himself.
00:18:34Figures this is the one place they're not burning incense.
00:18:38Stay in school, son.
00:18:39You know, Ranger Bradley, the First Amendment guarantees the hippies the right to be here.
00:18:44But as Bobby was pointing out, does it guarantee them the right to these park services?
00:18:49Yeah, the ranger station shouldn't have to deal with this.
00:18:53You're telling me.
00:18:54Did you know that hippies are the number-one source of airborne and riverborne pollution?
00:18:59Right in front of Dow Chemical and Mexican trucks.
00:19:03Uh, I'm not sure about that, but, uh, these hippies have got to go.
00:19:08What would you say to Bobby and me taking care of them ourselves?
00:19:12How many fire hoses do you need?
00:19:14I've got some pepper spray that could take down a bear.
00:19:17Uh... uh-huh.
00:19:18Or maybe we could just cut off some of the park's services.
00:19:21Well, that doesn't sound quite as interesting, but you're on your own.
00:19:36Okay, what do we got?
00:19:38But I'm on a roll!
00:19:39I want to give strokes and warm fuzzies to Bubbleman for creating limitless bartering periods...
00:19:46Bobby, grab the feather for me.
00:19:48But I wasn't finished with my heartsong!
00:19:51Attention, people!
00:19:52Minutes ago, I spoke with the Ranger, and due to unforeseen circumstances, all services in the park will be cut off, effective immediately.
00:20:01Oh, no! Oh, no!
00:20:02This means the port-a-potties are no longer available.
00:20:06We have a right to those potties!
00:20:08Yes, we do. Yeah! I have the runs!
00:20:09Clean water will no longer be provided to you, and as of this moment, the park's snack bar is closed.
00:20:16(wailing): No snacks?! What?!
00:20:18Hey, uh, is it just me, or am I picking up some negative vibes out there?
00:20:24Well here's a positive vibe for you-- you don't need the park to provide services for you, because we're gonna show you how, with a little hard work, you can take care of yourselves.
00:20:36Grab the feather!
00:20:37Yeah, this'll be great!
00:20:38We'll teach you how to dig your own latrines, maintain your own roads, purify your own water, and catch your own fish.
00:20:46So, what do you say? Who here is ready to work?
00:20:59So long now.
00:21:01Hank, Bobby...
00:21:03I came to say good-bye, and wish you much love.
00:21:07Where are you going?
00:21:08Dallas. The Phish is playing a musical concert there.
00:21:11We're all gonna live in the parking lot.
00:21:14See ya.
00:21:15Will we ever see Mr. Dauterive again?
00:21:18Around the 15th.
00:21:18That's when he has to report back to work, or he's AWOL.
00:21:23Go to hell!
00:21:26Good riddance!
00:21:27Hug this!
00:21:32Okay, you drive, I'll push.
00:21:34On three, punch the gas.
00:21:36I'm on it!
00:21:39(grunts) One...
00:21:42two... three.
00:21:43(engine turns) Hit it!
00:21:50Okay, what do you say there, son?
00:21:52Ready to go home?
00:21:53Not yet, Dad.
00:21:54We still gotta pick up dinner.
00:22:06Captioned byMedia Access Group at WGBH HANK (sighing):They're hippies, son.
00:23:37[Chatter, laughter] check it out, we about to go get twisted.
00:23:39You all coming or what?
00:23:39Nah, man, I gotta hit the books, man.
00:23:41.. take care.
00:23:43See you, guys.
00:23:45Um, can I get a check?
00:23:46Nah, we straight.
00:27:18ll you see ♪
00:27:20♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
00:27:24♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
00:27:27♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
00:27:30♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
00:27:34♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
00:27:37♪ All the things that make us ♪
00:27:39♪ Laugh and cry ♪
00:27:40♪ He's... a...
00:27:41Fam... ily... Guy! ♪