Martha Speaks - Here's Martha!; Dog Fight   View more episodes

Aired at 07:00 AM on Sunday, Jul 04, 2010 (7/4/2010)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:01is a fun way to help keep them active and fit.
00:00:05PBS Kids, where a kidcan be a kid.
00:00:08And by contributions to your PBS station from: artha was an average dog ♪♪
00:00:16♪♪ She went... and... and... ♪♪ (barking, growls) ♪♪ When she ate some alphabet soup ♪♪
00:00:20♪♪ Then what happened was bizarre... ♪♪
00:00:22On the way to Maromach, the letters lost their way.
00:00:26They traveled to her brain and now...
00:00:29♪♪ She's got a lot to say ♪♪
00:00:31♪♪ Now she speaks... ♪♪
00:00:32How now, brown cow?
00:00:33♪♪ Martha speaks, yeah, she speaks and speaks ♪♪
00:00:36♪♪ And speaks and speaks and speaks... ♪♪
00:00:38What's a caboose?
00:00:39When are we eating again?
00:00:40♪♪ Martha speaks... ♪♪
00:00:41Hey, Joe, what do you know?
00:00:43My name's not Joe.
00:00:43♪♪ She's not always right, but still that Martha speaks. ♪♪
00:00:47Hi, there!
00:00:48♪♪ She's got a voice, she's ready to shout ♪♪
00:00:50♪♪ Martha will tell you what it's all about ♪♪
00:00:53♪♪ Sometimes wrong but seldom in doubt ♪♪
00:00:55♪♪ Martha will tell you what it's all about ♪♪
00:00:57♪♪ That dog's unique... ♪♪
00:00:59Testing, one, two!
00:01:00♪♪ Hear her speak ♪♪
00:01:01♪♪ Martha speaks and speaks ♪♪
00:01:02♪♪ And speaks and speaks and... ♪♪
00:01:04♪♪ Communicates, enumerates ♪♪
00:01:05♪♪ Elucidates, exaggerates ♪♪
00:01:06♪♪ Indicates and explicates ♪♪
00:01:07♪♪ Bloviates and overstates and... ♪♪
00:01:08(panting) ♪♪ ...hyperventilates! ♪♪
00:01:11♪♪ Martha, to reiterate ♪♪
00:01:12Martha speaks! ♪♪ Martha speaks. ♪♪
00:01:14(mimics electric guitar) Welcome to our talk show, where we interview different guests.
00:01:21Our first guest today is Martha.
00:01:23So, Martha, I understand you have a new show.
00:01:26I thoughtIwas going to do the interviewing.
00:01:30That was not my understanding at all.
00:01:32In today's show, you'll hear all kinds of talking words: words like "conversation" and "comprehend," "quarrel" and "negotiate." Ah! Enjoy the show!
00:01:54(barks) Daniel, Skits is doing it again!
00:01:58Did he start when you entered the room?
00:02:01Sí.Why is he doing that?
00:02:03Itchy back.
00:02:04Only when we enter the room?
00:02:05Showing off his new worm imitation.
00:02:09(barks) Helen, can you interpret this?
00:02:12Interpret? You mean you want me to try to explain what he's doing?
00:02:16I can't tell what he wants, but whatever it is, it's pretty cute in a Skitsy way.
00:02:22I'll call the vet.
00:02:23Maybe she can understand Skits.
00:02:24You know, Martha could just ask him.
00:02:27Of course!
00:02:27That's even better, and it's free.
00:02:30Martha? No problem.
00:02:32Interpreter dog on the case.
00:02:35The people can't comprehend why you're doing the, you know, the doofy rolling.
00:02:40(barks) Comprehend?
00:02:41Oh, comprehend is when you understand something.
00:02:44It makes sense to you.
00:02:46They don't understand what you're doing.
00:02:47Uh-huh. Yeah, I see. Okay, I understand.
00:02:53Is it worms?
00:02:54Do we have to deworm him? Ay!
00:02:56No. He says he used to have a rubber plum that he played with upside down.
00:03:02Oh, yeah, Plummy!
00:03:03He thought if you saw him doing this, you would interpret it to mean he wants a new one.
00:03:08You want a new Plummy, Skits?
00:03:10(barks "Yes!") Wow. Once it's translated from dog language to human language, it seems so obvious.
00:03:19(barks) Want to carry it home, Skits?
00:03:25(barks excitedly) You're welcome, Skits.
00:03:31Helen, your dog's tongue is all swollen, and it's squeaking.
00:03:36That's a rubber plum, Alice.
00:03:39Dog toys are weird.
00:03:40(squawks): Weird!
00:03:41Well, I'm here to buy something non-weird.
00:03:44Polly wants a seed stick.
00:03:46Seed stick!
00:03:48Uh-uh, no, he doesn't.
00:03:50Allow me to translate from parrot into English: (squawking, whistling) "Me want a mirror." Eesh. Awful grammar.
00:04:00ALICE: He said "seed stick." He was parroting you, and then he squawked, "Me wants a mirror." You know, Martha can translate animal talk, Alice.
00:04:08She told us what Skits wanted, and look how happy he is.
00:04:12(barks) There is such a thing astoohappy.
00:04:22Uh, young lady and Talking Dog?
00:04:24Oh, he probably means us.
00:04:26Hello. I'm Laslo Huckey and this is my dog Slappy.
00:04:29Is it true your dog translates what animals say?
00:04:32Martha understands most animals.
00:04:34Could she tell me what's bothering Slappy?
00:04:37She seems even less happy than usual.
00:04:39Slappy, let's have a conversation.
00:04:42(weary growl) A conversation is a talk between you and me.
00:04:46What's the matter?
00:04:48(low growl) Slappy's unhappy because her ears dip in the water when she drinks.
00:04:52She needs water at tongue level so she won't have to hang her head.
00:04:56(barks) Ah, I get it! That makes sense!
00:05:00I'm a producer at All Fours TV Network.
00:05:03You should be on TV helping people to understand their animals better.
00:05:08TV? Me?
00:05:09If Martha's interested, come to this address with her parents or legal guardian.
00:05:14What do you think?
00:05:16People have trouble understanding animals.
00:05:19I could really help.
00:05:21Are you sure this is it?
00:05:23"Alby's Shoe Repair, Alden's Barbershop, All Fours TV Network." There it is: Suite b-2.
00:05:33So glad you came.
00:05:34Martha's obviously a very special dog.
00:05:37The All Fours Network shows only animal programs, right?
00:05:40Down here on All Fours, we focus on four-legged animals.
00:05:43Therefore, we enforce a strict no-monkey policy.
00:05:47I like it so far.
00:05:48What's my show?
00:05:49You chat with people's problem pets, then tell people their pets' thoughts.
00:05:53I chat with pets, and then help people understand what's on their pets' minds.
00:05:59(barks) Huh? No, "understand." If you understand someone, you know what he or she means.
00:06:06She thought I was going to stand on her.
00:06:08Well, you certainly helped me understand Slappy's drinking problem.
00:06:11I'd like to help people understand animals' thoughts.
00:06:15So, does that mean you'll do it?
00:06:17You bet.
00:06:18Good dog!
00:06:22Having trouble comprehending your pet?
00:06:25I'm Martha and I can help.
00:06:27♪♪ Conversing with a camel or comprehending cats ♪♪
00:06:30♪♪ Translating things for turtles or having chats with rats ♪♪
00:06:33♪♪ Conversation Dog! Conversation Dog! ♪♪
00:06:36♪♪ Con-ver-sa-tion Dog...! ♪♪
00:06:40That's Me!
00:06:42(barks) Hmm, here's how I'd translate Caesar's thoughts: You snore like a foghorn factory, and he can't sleep.
00:06:51(barks) Let's chat, Cleo.
00:06:54What's on your mind?
00:06:56(meows) Hmm, try to comprehend this: Cleo doesn't want to be an indoor cat.
00:07:02She'd like to run free, get fleas, eat from trash cans.
00:07:06Cats and trash belong together, am I right?
00:07:11(audience laughs) (whinnies) Okay, relax. I'll translate.
00:07:17Tom, here are Tony's thoughts: He doesn't like you making him work.
00:07:21He's only two years old.
00:07:22But everyone races two-year-old horses.
00:07:25(chattering) I'm very sorry.
00:07:30Four-legged animals only.
00:07:31(sighs) (bleating) Murray, I don't think camels are more popular than llamas.
00:07:41Do we love llamas, people?
00:07:43(cheering) That's all the time we have for today.
00:07:47I'm Martha the Conversation Dog saying good-bye and keep wagging your tail!
00:07:52What did you think, Mom?
00:07:54I can't say I've ever seen a llama interviewed before.
00:07:57He had a lot on his mind.
00:07:58Can I be on your show?
00:08:00You don't have a pet.
00:08:02Can I bring a parent?
00:08:04Sorry about that, TD.
00:08:04Aw, what is the use of knowing somebody famous if you don't get anything out of it?
00:08:11Truman, why are you staring?
00:08:14You know Martha.
00:08:15But now she's Famous Martha!
00:08:18On-TV famous!
00:08:19Can I have your "pawtograph," Martha TV dog?
00:08:24Now I know how Santa Claus at the mall must feel.
00:08:33Helen, is everything going to change now?
00:08:36What do you mean?
00:08:38I mean, with me becoming famous and the rest of you, you know, not.
00:08:42I don't know.
00:08:43People may treat you differently.
00:08:45It's hard to know what people think.
00:08:46But nothing will change with you and me, right?
00:08:49No, Martha.
00:08:50We'll always be us, no matter what.
00:08:53I only want good things to come out of this.
00:08:55Good night, Helen.
00:08:56Good night, Martha.
00:09:00I'm going to ask Mr. Huckey if I can bend the rules and chat with that ostrich.
00:09:05Hey, where is everybody?
00:09:07Good morning.
00:09:07I have news about the first week's shows.
00:09:09Mr. Huckey, where are the cameras, the problem pets, and that woman who combs me so well?
00:09:14I didn't say I had good news.
00:09:17I just got our first week's ratings.
00:09:19You know what ratings are?
00:09:20Isn't that how they count the number of people watching a show?
00:09:23Yes. Here on All Fours TV, we even know how many animals watch, broken down by breed and weight.
00:09:30So we know exactly how many animals I'm helping.
00:09:33Yes, we know exactly how many. Overall...
00:09:36How many collies watched?
00:09:37I like collies.
00:09:38Collies? Uh, zero.
00:09:40Look, overall...
00:09:41What about Labs? They're smart!
00:09:43You had zero Labs.
00:09:44You didn't look at the ratings.
00:09:46I, uh, don't have to. According to the ratings, only you and your friends watch your show.
00:09:53No animals?
00:09:54Well, a gerbil in our control room would've been the only animal, but he turned his back and ate paper.
00:10:00So that's it?
00:10:01It's over?
00:10:03I have changes here that will save your show.
00:10:06We're ready to go!
00:10:08It's time for Martha's show.
00:10:09Change the channel.
00:10:10HELEN: This is Martha's show, Mom.
00:10:13They made some changes.
00:10:14(rock music playing) I don't know how to interpret these clues.
00:10:22Mind if I chat with the witness?
00:10:25Can we have a little chat about what happened here?
00:10:27(teeth chattering) (baaing) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:10:31(baaing) I understand.
00:10:34She says someone sly sheared the sleeping sheep.
00:10:36If we don't catch them, sheep everywhere will feel...
00:10:40shear terror.
00:10:42(Martha howling over TV) MOM: Crime Scene Doggie?
00:10:45¿¿Qué es esto?
00:10:47Turn it off.
00:10:48Someone shy sleared the sheeping shleepsh.
00:10:52Hmm. Not easy to say.
00:10:54(toy squeaking) (panting) (Martha groans) Why can't I be happy like that?
00:11:00He's happy because of you.
00:11:02That's why you're doing the show, so more people will understand animals.
00:11:06But now it's just a show about driving fast, and they wouldn't even let me stick my head out the window.
00:11:10Maybe you should chat with Mr. Huckey about it.
00:11:14Tomorrow, I'll tell him I either interpret what people's pets are saying, or I quit!
00:11:20MARTHA: We need to talk, Mr. Huckey.
00:11:22(cell phone ringing) Oh, just a sec.
00:11:24TheCrime Scene Doggie ratings are in.
00:11:27Oh, my.
00:11:28What are they?
00:11:29The same: Zero.
00:11:30Research shows people don't want to watch any show with a talking dog.
00:11:34I find that impossible to believe.
00:11:36CSDis canceled.
00:11:38They canceled my other shows, too: CSC, CSOandCSSW.
00:11:43What are those?
00:11:44Crime Scene Clam, Crime Scene Ostrich, Crime Scene Sperm Whale.
00:11:49So is my TV career over?
00:11:52That's how I'd interpret this.
00:11:54All right!
00:11:55Let's go home, Helen!
00:11:57(Skits barking) (toy squeaking) So Martha's not special anymore?
00:12:04I'm back to being just your friendly, neighborhood talking dog.
00:12:08Crime Scene Clam?!
00:12:09Whowouldn'twant to see a clam solve crimes?!
00:12:12Uh, people who own televisions, apparently.
00:12:15If the network got 30 million e-mails, they'd bring it back?
00:12:19I guess they'd have to.
00:12:20I'll see you two weeks from Wednesday.
00:12:23Hey, where are you going?
00:12:25I've got 30 million e-mails to write.
00:12:28Let's see what show they put on instead of you.
00:12:33ANNOUNCER: And now, three more hours ofTwine Kitten.
00:12:38(gasps) Twine Kitten?
00:12:41Who would watch that?
00:12:42Let's go out and play catch.
00:12:49(soft whining) (kitten meowing on TV) Ahh...
00:12:55(purring) Wow! So this is where television comes from.
00:13:03So do you want to interview me?
00:13:05Sure. You start.
00:13:06Do you know what interview means? No.
00:13:07An interview is when one person asks a lot of questions and the other person answers them.
00:13:16Like on Martha's talk show.
00:13:17Or how I'm asking questions and you're answering.
00:13:19Hey, doesn't that make me TV interviewer guy?
00:13:24You just answered another question.
00:13:26This interview is over!
00:13:28I'm a good interviewer.
00:13:30Except who do I interview now?
00:13:34Who's more interesting than me?
00:13:37Good question.
00:13:39I can't think of anyone.
00:13:40Can you tell me your thoughts about how ants communicate?
00:13:49HELEN & ALICE: Strawberry shortcake, huckleberry pie, How many letters till your luck runs dry?
00:13:56F-G... How does she do it?
00:13:58H-I-J... What, jump rope so long without tripping?
00:14:00K-L-M-N... No. Jump rope so long without getting hungry.
00:14:03O-P... Shortcake? Pie?
00:14:05Q-R... Let's eat!
00:14:07Whoa That was great. Who wants a snack?
00:14:11TD: Hey, guys!
00:14:12Look what I got Martha and Skits.
00:14:14Isn't it cool?
00:14:15Oh... yeah... cool.
00:14:19Trust me. Wait till you see this in action.
00:14:24It's a flying squirrel toy.
00:14:26I got it at the air show.
00:14:28(sniffing) I can't stand squirrels.
00:14:31You're going to love this one.
00:14:34You put your fingers in here, pull, and...
00:14:37off he goes! (chittering) (gasps) Holy hot dogs!
00:14:43(excited barking) I think it's a hit.
00:14:48(chittering) (laughing and barking) Skits, give it!
00:14:58My turn! My turn!
00:15:00Helen! Skits is hogging the toy!
00:15:03(growling) My turn!
00:15:05You guys, you have to share.
00:15:08Hear that?
00:15:09You're supposed to share.
00:15:10(grunting) Ouch!
00:15:12TD bought that toy for both of us, Skits.