The Cosby Show - Cliff Babysits   View more episodes

Aired at 09:30 AM on Friday, Mar 26, 2010 (3/26/2010)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:03Captioning made possible by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT Of education Elvin:Hey, guys.
00:03:05Hey, look over here.
00:03:07Look at Daddy.
00:03:09Look at Daddy.
00:03:09(laughing) Muffin, come here.
00:03:13Pick up Winnie and Nelson.
00:03:14Honey, stop it.
00:03:16Let me change first.
00:03:17You said you'd cut this part out.
00:03:20I couldn't resist.
00:03:21Just show the babies and don't show me.
00:03:24I promise.
00:03:28Say gitchee-gitchee-goo.
00:03:30I'm not going to say that.
00:03:37You said you weren't going to show me.
00:03:40It's not on.
00:03:45Yeah, it's not running.
00:03:47Great fake-out, elvin.
00:03:49I'm good at getting people to act natural.
00:03:52That's because you lie.
00:03:53I'm glad they didn't have video cameras when your father became a father.
00:03:59Watch the video.
00:04:00Don't look at the camera.
00:04:02Put that thing down!
00:04:03It's the first video I've gotten of people watching my videos.
00:04:08It's a whole new dimension.
00:04:10Just look natural, please.
00:04:12Okay, kenny, let's act natural.
00:04:15Clair: Let's all act natural.
00:04:17♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪
00:04:21♪ ya no quiere caminar ♪
00:04:24♪ porque no tiene a las piernas ♪
00:04:28♪ es dificil ♪
00:04:30♪ ha, ha, ha ♪
00:04:30Elvin: Honey, I've never seen that face on you.
00:04:34Thank you for not looking into the camera, kenny.
00:04:40Mr. natural himself coming up here.
00:04:46Thank you.
00:04:49Elvin: Granddad!
00:04:52Hi, grandpa.
00:04:53Hi, clair.
00:04:55I want a video of you watching the family watching my video.
00:04:59Elvin, that's enough.
00:05:01I see everybody except my great-grandchildren.
00:05:04They're upstairs taking a nap.
00:05:06They're on video.
00:05:07Everybody doesn't mind watching this again.
00:05:11I'll show that to you later.
00:05:13Would you stay for dinner?
00:05:15I'm on my way home from madison square garden.
00:05:19I visited a friend whose grandson is playing in a band there tonight.
00:05:22Tonight's the night of the michael jackson concert.
00:05:25Is he in the band?
00:05:28I believe he said the young fellow who sings is named michael jackson.
00:05:32You know somebody in michael jackson's band?
00:05:35He offered me eight tickets.
00:05:36I didn't know anyone who wanted them so I turned him down.
00:05:40(frantic yelling) Why is everybody so upset?
00:05:46It's just a music concert.
00:05:47Michael jackson is the hottest thing in music today.
00:05:51Is that a fact?
00:05:53That concert's been sold out for months.
00:05:56You've got to call him and demand those tickets.
00:05:59I'm afraid it's too late for that.
00:06:02I'm going to get a soda.
00:06:07What's wrong with my memory?
00:06:09Look what I have here.
00:06:11I did get those tickets.
00:06:13(yelling and screaming) Great fake-out.
00:06:18Scream again.
00:06:19Take the tickets out.
00:06:22Are there enough tickets for everybody?
00:06:26There's anna and me.
00:06:27You two don't want to see a michael jackson concert.
00:06:31We love michael.
00:06:33He's bad!
00:06:34That's two and then there's me.
00:06:37I'm definitely getting a ticket.
00:06:40Me, too.
00:06:41Me, too.
00:06:42With mom and dad, that's seven.
00:06:44Sondra and elvin will flip for the last ticket.
00:06:47They can have those tickets.
00:06:49Cliff and I can baby-sit.
00:06:52Sondra: Oh, mom, no.
00:06:53We'd love to stay home with the babies.
00:06:57Okay. thanks.
00:06:59That still leaves one extra ticket.
00:07:01Who gets that?
00:07:06Kenny, are you sick?
00:07:07That ticket should go to a close friend of the family.
00:07:12Good idea.
00:07:14I wish I could think of somebody.
00:07:16We could look in the phone book.
00:07:19You get the extra ticket.
00:07:23All right!
00:07:24It's about time you gave it to me.
00:07:27I'm calling kara.
00:07:29I'm so excited!
00:07:30This is going to be so great.
00:07:32I'll pick out what I'll wear.
00:07:35I'll help you to make sure you look good.
00:07:44Michael jackson!
00:07:45I can't believe it.
00:07:46We haven't been out since the babies were born.
00:07:51I feel bad about your parents I think they should have the tickets.
00:07:57I said you could have them.
00:07:59I mean it.
00:08:02People are saying it's michael's last tour.
00:08:03It's a shame because he's dancing better than ever.
00:08:07I'm really not much of a michael jackson fan.
00:08:12What do you mean?
00:08:13You have all of his albums.
00:08:15You bought his book.
00:08:16You even learned to moonwalk.
00:08:20Madison square garden is so big.
00:08:22We'll probably sit in the back.
00:08:24We'll need a telescope to see him.
00:08:27Not with these.
00:08:28Eighth row center.
00:08:30You'll probably sit next to latoya and jermaine.
00:08:35It's a chance of a lifetime.
00:08:37What is your problem?
00:08:39I can't be hanging out at rock concerts all night.
00:08:42I've got responsibilities.
00:08:44I'm a father now.
00:08:45Is this about the twins?
00:08:47Are you afraid to let someone else watch them?
00:08:51Ha ha.
00:08:53I laugh at that suggestion.
00:08:57It's starting to make sense.
00:08:58Every time I've wanted to go out elvin's had a different excuse.
00:09:02Last time I wanted to go to the movies you said you couldn't go because they didn't sell frozen bonbons.
00:09:10I once offered to drive over and baby-sit.
00:09:14Elvin said a steamship collided with the george washington bridge.
00:09:17No cars could get across.
00:09:20It did.
00:09:20I heard it at the supermarket.
00:09:23It was terrible.
00:09:24There were people in the water.
00:09:28This is your first time away from your children.
00:09:32It's only natural you'd be apprehensive.
00:09:34I'm not apprehensive.
00:09:37I'm not afraid.
00:09:39You mean that?
00:09:42You really do?
00:09:45How can we leave them?
00:09:48Muffin, they're our babies.
00:09:49Those little tiny faces.
00:09:51They're in their formative years.
00:09:52How can we abandon them even for one night?
00:09:56I'm not going.
00:09:58Elvin, stop it.
00:10:00Everything will be all right.
00:10:02We'll take care of winnie and nelson.
00:10:05Do you know how?
00:10:08Son, chill out.
00:10:13Raising children is like riding a bicycle.
00:10:15Once you've done it, you never forget how.
00:10:18They're my babies, too.
00:10:20I love them.
00:10:21But I need a break.
00:10:25We're going to the concert and we appreciate your offer.
00:10:28.. I suppose.
00:10:30Will you promise me one thing?
00:10:34Videotape them.
00:10:35I don't want to miss a minute of their growing up.
00:10:40You know where the camera is?
00:10:42Elvin, drink your tea.
00:10:47I like this one.
00:10:48I like this one, too.
00:10:50What do you think?
00:10:51You've been through everything in your closet.
00:10:54Just pick one.
00:10:57This is important.
00:10:59I have to pick the right dress.
00:11:00Michael might see me.
00:11:02Get real.
00:11:05He might.
00:11:06Might even pick me to dance with him.
00:11:09That won't happen.
00:11:10What's the big deal about dancing with michael jackson?
00:11:14He's a superstar.
00:11:16He's just another guy.
00:11:17You've danced with guys before.
00:11:19You've danced with me.
00:11:20You're no michael jackson.
00:11:23Only reason you like michael jackson is his money.
00:11:26Sounds like someone in this room is jealous.
00:11:30He's a prisoner of his own fame.
00:11:33I would never want to be michael jackson.
00:11:36You have nothing to worry about.
00:11:40You know what your problem is?
00:11:42You've got the real thing and don't know it.
00:11:50Someday you'll turn around and I won't be there.
00:11:54Then you'll feel sorry.
00:11:57I won't feel sorry because I'll be on my honeymoon with michael.
00:12:01I'll be on my honeymoon with whitney houston.
00:12:05You never told me you liked whitney houston.
00:12:09Now you know.
00:12:10Deal with that.
00:12:22We're here.
00:12:23My great-grandchildren.
00:12:25Winnie and nelson.
00:12:27Hi, babies.
00:12:29This is auntie rudy.
00:12:31Yes, it is.
00:12:33I remember when people said hi to me.
00:12:38Can I hold one?
00:12:39Who would you like to hold?
00:12:43You have to guess which one she is.
00:12:48This one?
00:12:49Very good.
00:12:50You know your niece.
00:12:52Be careful.
00:12:59Hi there.
00:13:00Pretty soon I'll be baby-sitting you.
00:13:02I'll let you stay up all night and watch television.
00:13:10Rudy, she's got your eyes.
00:13:14They're big and pretty.
00:13:15I'm going to take them upstairs and put them to bed.
00:13:20When I get back from the michael jackson concert I'll tell you all about it.
00:13:25Yes, I will.
00:13:27Come on, auntie rudy.
00:13:33He's that sick, margie?
00:13:36It's just a terrible time to come to the office.
00:13:40I'm baby-sitting my grandchildren.
00:13:44No, he won't mind.
00:13:46He'd like nothing better than to spend the entire evening with them.
00:13:50I'll be there as soon as I can.
00:13:56Hey, look at you.
00:14:00That's what I like about twins-- one for each of us.
00:14:06What's happening, homey?
00:14:10What's wrong with this one?
00:14:12She's sad.
00:14:15(sniffing) Smells all right to me.
00:14:19Isn't this going to be fun?
00:14:21I've got to go to the office.
00:14:24Ted hanley's not feeling well.
00:14:26I've got to prepare his brief.
00:14:29Look at this.
00:14:31Laughing at grandpa.
00:14:32Go ahead.
00:14:34Give grandpa a laugh.
00:14:37You go ahead.
00:14:39Leave me here with these two juvenile delinquents.
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00:17:40There's even adiscussion guide to use when you talk toyour doctor.
00:17:44Are you calling now?
00:17:461-800-713-3938 for your free kit call1-800-713-3938 this is granddad, you understand?
00:18:02There will be no crying around here for no reason.
00:18:06Now, let me tell you why.
00:18:08(baby fusses) No, no.
00:18:12See this?
00:18:14See, you know exactly what that is.
00:18:17.. now wait a minute.
00:18:19Let me tell you.
00:18:20Let me tell you what this is.
00:18:22This is an aspirator.
00:18:24You put this up the baby's nose.
00:18:27(sucking noise) And it sucks out all of everything.
00:18:30Little children hate that and they remember it always.
00:18:34(kissing noises) Well, now, how are you two?
00:18:42Winnie and nelson.
00:18:44♪ Sitting in the pelson ♪
00:18:47♪ one want to go ♪
00:18:48♪ and the other want to stay ♪
00:18:50hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:18:52I got another one for you.
00:18:55♪ Fee-diddly-dee ♪
00:18:57♪ fee-diddly-die ♪
00:19:02♪ watch me, toodle-oo ♪
00:19:04♪ watch to the right ♪
00:19:06♪ watch to the one ♪
00:19:07♪ you love the best ♪
00:19:09♪ hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
00:19:11.. ♪
00:19:15thought I was gone, didn't you?
00:19:18Uh, say, you're having a little hair trouble there, aren't you?
00:19:27Your sister's stuff is going all east, south, west
00:19:32Are you having woman trouble already?
00:19:46Now, I am your grandfather.
00:19:50This is the first time ..
00:20:15Help me out.
00:20:18What are we looking at?
00:20:21.. I am...
00:20:30Look at this.
00:20:34Look at this one.
00:20:36That's how big they get.
00:20:39This is how big, see?
00:20:41See what you have?
00:20:45Wait a minute, I'll go get something.
00:20:48You should tell people when you're going to do that.
00:20:52Of course, you don't know much about me, do you?
00:20:57Do you?
00:20:58You don't know that I had a brother.
00:21:01Do you know that?
00:21:02I had a brother.
00:21:04Yeah, he died.
00:21:05When he was seven.
00:21:06I was eight.
00:21:08Yeah, his name was james.
00:21:10James theodore huxtable.
00:21:12Yeah, and he died of rheumatic fever.
00:21:15Yeah, in those days, just sulfa drugs, you know?
00:21:20Wasn't much going on.
00:21:21So they couldn't save him.
00:21:24But he was something, though.
00:21:26Had that huxtable thing inside of him.
00:21:29Because, you know, his breathing?
00:21:36And he was always in the hospital.
00:21:38So your great-grandmother and great-grandfather they would say "james is coming home, so you have to sit " we'd sit outside in the sun and he'd breathe like this.
00:21:52And one day I was sitting there looking at him and this dude came up-- he must have been seven years old-- and he looked at my brother and he said " and man, "bow" james jumped up and hit the guy in the eye.
00:22:12And I turned around and looked at my little sickly brother and he was sitting down like this.
00:22:21" but he died and I was very sad.
00:22:28But he's still with me.
00:22:30Still with me here.
00:22:31And he will be with you because I'm going to tell you some stories about him.
00:22:37He was something.
00:22:38Well, never mind.
00:22:40I want to know from the two of you how has it been so far?
00:22:48Now, when I heard I was going to be a grandfather I thought, "i don't really feel like an old " you know what I mean?
00:22:58Because old people they walk like this.
00:23:02Now watch me carefully.
00:23:08You see what I mean?
00:23:10Look at how I walk.
00:23:15Almost like sidney poitier.
00:23:21You see what I mean?
00:23:22There is a problem, though.
00:23:24I hurt my foot the other day.
00:23:26So when I got up, I put the foot down and it hurt.
00:23:30.. you know?
00:23:32I had to walk like this.
00:23:34So I was walking like that and I noticed that I was walking like an old person.
00:23:41So I was walking like this.
00:23:44So then I figured if people are looking at me, maybe if I walk hip, see?
00:23:53And there I was walking like a hip old person.
00:24:07See this?
00:24:08That's when you threw up.
00:24:15Are they coming again?
00:24:19See this?
00:24:19This is the size it's going to get.
00:24:22Touch it.
00:24:25Don't be afraid, go ahead.
00:24:27Watch, look at it.
00:24:29Look at it.
00:24:30Oh, lord, I think one of them is not going to be too bright.
00:24:43♪ Rock-a-bye ♪
00:24:46♪ and don't you even try ♪
00:24:51♪ because I've got this one ♪
00:24:54♪ and darn I hope your grandmother ♪
00:24:58♪ comes home soon ♪
00:25:00♪ because I don't like being a grandfather anymore ♪
00:25:10I just put cliff to bed, poor thing.
00:25:13It's been a long time since he did anything like this.
00:25:18We had a wonderful time.
00:25:20I needed it.
00:25:21I'm glad you got to go.
00:25:22And we brought you a present.
00:25:27A michael jackson t-shirt.
00:25:30And this is for dad.
00:25:31And, winnie, this is for you.
00:25:35Can you hold that?
00:25:37And, nelson, this is for you.
00:25:41And we also got you michael jackson poster and michael jackson book.
00:25:52We got you something that money cannot buy.
00:25:57Watch me.
00:25:58Watch daddy.
00:25:59Watch, watch.
00:26:01Nelson, winnie, ready?
00:26:04One, two, three, four.
00:28:27Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation " >> this is a big tree.
00:29:37That had to be scary.
00:29:39Judge when your neighbor's tree falls should you pay >> I want the money.