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Aired at 11:00 PM on Thursday, Mar 31, 2011 (3/31/2011)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:04" don't open the vintage cabernet.
00:00:10Let's go to andy levy for a pre game report.
00:00:14What's coming up on the top show?
00:00:17>> It is the new front line in the war on people being perpetrated by our government.
00:00:23And should people be cleaning the subway or is this the likes of what we have not seen since they ran over the constitution?
00:00:31And finally, why is the white house using wooden eggs for this year's easter egg roll?
00:00:40>> Thank you, andy.
00:00:41>> Happy national hot dog day, greg.
00:00:43>> I had a frank myself right before the show.
00:00:46>> Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
00:00:49>> If you want to read more about hot dogs, I will send you a link.
00:00:54>> I apologize for nothing.
00:00:56>> Your face stinks of death.
00:00:58Let's welcome our guest.
00:00:59She is a pistol whose name is crystal.
00:01:02It is a first time guest.
00:01:03And she is a democratic strategist and an all-around great person.
00:01:07And she is so hot that arsonists take credit for starting her.
00:01:12And the centers for disease control list him as a symptom.
00:01:16My repulsive sidekick, bill shultz.
00:01:19And he is funnier than a bucket of clown feet.
00:01:22Sitting next to me, the great jim norton.
00:01:24His comedy cd is called despicable.
00:01:28If you don't own it, are you a filthy loser.
00:01:31And he is a low life fink and good to see you, pinch.
00:01:36>> Today's columnist talks about why he is joining the hunger strike with congressional budget cuts for the poor and hungry.
00:01:45To repeat, my weight loss is directly related to this movement and has nothing to do with a drop in advertising and/or circulation.
00:01:54>> I thought it was a medication.
00:01:55>> We are not paying you to think, are we?
00:01:58>> No.
00:01:58>> That's my job.
00:01:59♪♪ All the news that's fit to print ♪♪
00:02:03>> too bad they didn't catch that.
00:02:05>> They blew a gasket over their stolen basket.
00:02:13They have become international heroes after a video shows the delaware department of transportation taking away their basketball hoop.
00:02:23The hoop was at the end of a cul-de-sac and violated delaware's free zone law because it was too close to the street.
00:02:29They received a leter and were working with their state rep to fix the matter.
00:02:34And then they saw tow trucks taking down other hoops and knew what she had to do, climb up the poll.
00:02:44Will there she s.
00:02:45>> Is that a hood?
00:02:46>> The truck left and hours later they returned along with state police lieutenant who had an odd conversation with the man.
00:02:56>> Aim still going to be allowed to keep my pulse?
00:02:59>> I am not taking your pulse.
00:03:05>> I would like my pole.
00:03:09>> That's not what I saw.
00:03:10My neighbors didn't tell me that.
00:03:12>> The law is you are supposed to take it, but they offered you the courtesey of keeping it.
00:03:17>> You may stand here.
00:03:22>> I'm sure you will.
00:03:24March madness.
00:04:22>> Those are great neighbors.
00:04:24The police say they are conducting an internal investigation into this mess which I assume includes why the officer lied about telling him he could keep his hoop.
00:04:32For more on this we go to my great uncle lars who is rocking out to lead zep.
00:04:38-- Lead zep.
00:04:53>> When I mean great uncle i don't mean great.
00:04:56He is my grandfather's brother.
00:04:59This story touched a nerve in america.
00:05:02It has turned the world upside down.
00:05:04>> It really has.
00:05:05I haven't been able to sleep for a week.
00:05:07It is obviously irritating.
00:05:11You don't have to burn yourself alive.
00:05:14>> To me it reminded me of the protestor with the daisy going up to the -- >> it is terrible.
00:05:21It was kent state all over again.
00:05:25>> Crystal, what did you make of it?
00:05:28Was it an outrageous outrage that made you outraged?
00:05:32>> I am continually outraged by this absolute abuse of government of power.
00:05:36And this is exactly the reason why I want the federal government to do everything.
00:05:40Keep the local government off my street on my yard et cetera.
00:05:44The federal government should regulate everything.
00:05:46245 Would take care of the problem.
00:05:48>> That's an interest interesting point of view.
00:05:50>> I think the founding fathers when they were establishing everything, they said, this is what we want the local governments to do, to rip up basketball poles.
00:05:59>> It is in the constitution, right?
00:06:01>> I don't think it is until the turn of the 19th century.
00:06:05>> It was invented by benjamin franklin.
00:06:10>> He was out there trying to find electricity and he was shooting some hoops waiting for the lightning.
00:06:16>> Why is he on point and you are not?
00:06:20>> They used the head of benedict arnold.
00:06:24>> A lot of people don't know that.
00:06:27>> What they say is if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.
00:06:32First there is a basketball court and then what?
00:06:34Bad mitt ton?
00:06:35>> Volleyball?
00:06:37>> People were menaces.
00:06:39>> You were often removed by government workers.
00:06:42You can sympathize with the hoop.
00:06:43>> I never know what I am.
00:06:45I am asleep when they do it.
00:06:47I like how the wife and the girl organizing it, they had a lot they disagreed with, but they could agree on over sized gray sweatshirt.
00:06:55Just really big, something you can curl up on the couch with, but also fight the local government with.
00:07:02>> That's something that can bring people together on both sides of the aisle.
00:07:05>> Yes.
00:07:08Comfortable, casual gray sweatshirt.
00:07:10>> Here are two real truths here.
00:07:13People complained about the noise.
00:07:15Isn't that what it is really about?
00:07:17And this is not about the government, but about lawyers.
00:07:21Let's say if somebody did hit the basketball thing, whatever, the pole and somebody got hurt, the city would be sued.
00:07:27That's why they have to do it, right?
00:07:29>> Watching the whole thing, the real issue is I was caught between hating this female detective and really wanted to sleep with her.
00:07:37It was an odd -- that's like every argument I had with a woman.
00:07:41They said one thing and then they said, didn't say that.
00:07:44>> That's the injustice.
00:07:45They told them they could keep it and then took it away.
00:07:52>> It is about the noise.
00:07:53Everybody loves kids, but nobody wants a pack of t playing outside, loud, bouncing a ball.
00:07:58They don't go for it.
00:07:59>> And kids are a danger.
00:08:02>> Anything tohem back to playing video games.
00:08:07I don't want them outside sweating off calories.
00:08:11It keeps them fat and immobile and away from me.
00:08:13>> Isn't basketball by your house taunting those who are vertically challenges like myself.
00:08:20>> The beauty of a basketball hoop is one you can dunk.
00:08:24You can lower it and move it up.
00:08:26You can make the hoop make you feel like you are 6 foot 8 if you want t >> and instill confidence.
00:08:34Maybe that was the issue.
00:08:35They said it was there for 60 years.
00:08:37Maybe they needed to put in a model that wouldn't disadvantage.
00:08:41>> They have portable ones.
00:08:43>> A new invention, politically correct basketball hoop and it can accommodate everybody's needs.
00:08:51>> Nobody can miss.
00:08:52You have to hate the father too.
00:08:54How many cliches can you say?
00:08:57Give me liberty or give me death.
00:09:01>> This is america.
00:09:01>> I do love it when he said you hate kids.
00:09:06I am for them.
00:09:07I am for them.
00:09:08They should keep that, and it is crazy, but I also realize if something happens the city will get sued.
00:09:14It is the lawyers at fault.
00:09:17>> Let's blame them.
00:09:19>>> From free throws to free work.
00:09:22Should they work underground until a job is found?
00:09:24I speak of unemployed new yorkers who could be scrubing and cleaning subways if the metropolitan authority has its way.
00:09:31The cash-strapped agency wants to revive its participation in the city's work experience program which makes the job list toil for their checks.
00:09:41Said the spokesman, quote, this is a program that has a proven track record of providing low cost cleaning help to the subway, providing job training to those who need it and leading directly to full time employment.
00:09:53So to keep their benefits, the jobless must spend three days a week working and two days searching for jobs.
00:09:59The program has been around for nine years and was slashed when bureocrats claim it was cheaper.
00:10:05They nexted the free work because it was too costly.
00:10:08Citizens, this is government at its most awesome.
00:10:16>> Today I will show you one of the craziest sling shots i have ever made.
00:10:23The idea was to take this machete.
00:10:27You can see it carved into the notch with the tip.
00:10:31>> This time you won't see me shooting in a t-shirt.
00:10:38>> He is a very scary man.
00:10:43I don't want him working in the subway i.
00:10:46>> I would not take away his basketball hoop.
00:10:49>> No, I wouldn't either.
00:10:51Should they be looking for jobs five days a week?
00:10:54>> I don't think it is a bad idea.
00:10:55They are all looking for jobs part of the time.
00:11:00It allows them to have something resume worthy.
00:11:03If they have been out of work it keeps them in a probing -- a productivity mind set.
00:11:09They call it simulated work which is weird.
00:11:14>> I like the idea of skills though.
00:11:19Here I am.
00:11:22>> You did it for nine years too.
00:11:26>> It is a great way to end welfare.
00:11:34>> Crystal.
00:11:35Should benefits be tied to work?
00:11:37>> Absolutely.
00:11:38I don't see any problem with this.
00:11:40It makes sense.
00:11:41Keep them in the habit of going to work every day and still requiring team -- time spent looking for a job.
00:11:47There is something for everyone and it is great.
00:11:49>> They don't have to enjoy it.
00:11:51As I often say, it is called employment and not enjoyment.
00:11:55>> You do say that.
00:12:01>> If you were jobless and this was to maintain your benefits, would you do it?
00:12:05Would you be inclined to look for a job?
00:12:07It is a way to look out the door.
00:12:09>> I would probably try to find a way to prostitute myself or sell nude photos on craigslist.
00:12:21>> Bill, only the government could make free work more expensive than pay.
00:12:26Did you understand that?
00:12:27>> I didn't get any of it, but I president do like the idea of working to get your unemployment check.
00:12:32I remember in america where you would just kind of claim you slept walked through a couple of job interviews and stay in line, usually half stoned, and get your stupid check.
00:12:43Now they are making you work for it?
00:12:44I didn't sign up for this america.
00:12:47I am going to narnia.
00:12:48This is not the america i know.
00:12:51>> We need to take our country back.
00:12:54>> You obviously hate children.
00:12:56>> I absolutely do.
00:12:57>> Do you think they should do this all across america?
00:13:01>> I think it is not a bad idea.
00:13:03You have to instill the mind set that if you want -- you need to be productive and if you want output you need input.
00:13:10I don't have a problem with this.
00:13:12>> Jim says it on dates.
00:13:14>> What?
00:13:15>> If you want output you need input.
00:13:20>> She knows I am kidding.
00:13:22>>> To the greg-alogue, it is a scallion of sense in a salad of stupidity.
00:13:31Last saturday earth hour took place.
00:13:33It is the event where cities around the world pledge to turn off the power and go dark for an hour.
00:13:38It began in australia in 2007 and has since spread like a pimply rash to more than 130 countries.
00:13:44If you missed it, it is not your fault.
00:13:47I totally drank my way through it, and the only thing I had off are my pants.
00:13:51And now after five years, some commentators are pronouncing that they were all uncaring jerks.
00:13:59That's where I am going with this.
00:14:02If you took a bunch of caring people and a bunch of people like me and compared our environmental behaviors, would you really see a difference?
00:14:11To steel a quote, neither will live his life in con grew tee with all or most of the preceps he believes himself to endorse.
00:14:21Meaning, the girl lecturing me is still lecturing me at the bar which is pow erred by oil -- powered by oil and electricity.
00:14:29We are drinking the same beer trucked in by gas guzzling semis.
00:14:33We are both the same, except i made her up.
00:14:36It is no wonder the earth is in trouble.
00:14:38No one will sit in the dark for long when there is fun stuff involving electricity and batteries.
00:14:49People willen engage in this activity, but only with their feelings.
00:14:58For that moment it feels like they are doing something good even if the chiuaua was trucked in from guam.
00:15:04If you disagree with me, you are a racist hoe ma fob.
00:15:14>> How did you spend your earth hour?
00:15:16>> I didn't even know earth hour existed to be honest.
00:15:20I support anything that gives me an opportunity to spend time thinking about all of the reasons I am better than anyone else.
00:15:29I don't know how you can object to it.
00:15:31>> You are right.
00:15:32>> Did you do anything for your earth hour?
00:15:39>> It is sad, and something i will ignore like condoms and exercise.
00:15:44>> It is like condoms and exercise.
00:15:46It is constraining and sweaty.
00:15:48>> And how was your earth hour?
00:15:51>> I totally forgot about it.
00:15:52What we should have done is gone over to al gore's house.
00:15:55You know that place was hit up like a christmas tree.
00:16:03Your life is like an earth hour.
00:16:05>> Thanks to an on going dispute, I have been celebrating earth hour for the past few weeks as well as with my heat.
00:16:15The only thing lit was me.
00:16:17For a malt liquor, you don't need a battery for that.
00:16:20I >>- I remember you called to have your utilities canceled.
00:16:22>> I can seld my gas because i don't cook.
00:16:25America, you should consider doing it.
00:16:28I save about $5 a month.
00:16:31>> That's like me can selling show time.
00:16:34>> I use my microwave only, thank you, hot pockets, and i never use my oven.
00:16:39It is a money saver.
00:16:41>> I think earth hour is important now that I have resorted.
00:16:45>> You are well -- well come.
00:16:48Turning the lights off helps especially since the earth has been going around a star for 5 billion years lighting it.
00:16:55The extra light bulbs are killing us.
00:16:59We really are dumb.
00:17:00>> It reminds me of when something bad happens people on twitter will tweet something and what happens is people retweet -- somebody put out a tweet saying to send money to red cross, do this.
00:17:14People retweet that, and that to them is the charity.
00:17:18They don't actually give.
00:17:20They hillary tweet it.
00:17:21That's the same feeling you get when you do something like this.
00:17:28Thinking about it, you are not really doing anything.
00:17:30>> I spread the message and i did my part.
00:17:33>> Retweet.
00:17:34We must move on.
00:17:38>>> Coming up, jake gyllenhaal is dead, tired of being compared to his sister, maggie.
00:17:46And it is the biggest story of the year, or the next few minutes.
00:17:49Put on your outrage bib because we are spooning