The King of Queens - Bun Dummy   View more episodes

Aired at 05:00 PM on Saturday, Jul 03, 2010 (7/3/2010)      View all transcripts from this day


00:00:00I saw that.
00:00:03♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
00:00:06♪ my back is gettin' tight ♪
00:00:09♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪
00:00:10♪ on the queensborough bridge tonight ♪
00:00:13♪ but I don't care'cause all I want to do ♪
00:00:19♪ is cash my check ♪
00:00:20♪ and driveright home to you ♪
00:00:24♪ 'cause, baby,all my life ♪
00:00:26♪ I will bedriving home to you ♪
00:00:29captioning made possible bysony pictures television ] [ Female Announcer ] THIS IS NOT A BURGER.
00:00:38It's better.
00:00:38Because with 57% less fatthan regular ground beef, it's better for you.
00:00:43YOU SEE, THIS IS A MorningstarFarms® Meatless Griller.
00:00:47That's right, meatless.
00:00:48And it tastes as good as it looks.
00:00:51So you can still enjoy ..
00:00:54And everythingthat comes with it.
00:00:55Morningstar Farms®Grillers® Original.
00:00:59[ indistinct conversations ] Now that's more like it.
00:01:02[ ding! ] mark twain was morethan a mere nom de plume.
00:01:39He was a full-bodiedalter ego who allowed clemensto speak with a voice that was inelegant,at times profane, ..
00:01:51Hey, spence, do me a favor.
00:01:53Stuff that oily ragin my mouth and light me on fire.
00:01:57This isa great documentary.
00:01:58Give it a chance.
00:01:59 twaindoesn't take her top off soon, we're going back tocops.
00:02:06Oh, hey, you know,that's light beer.
00:02:10I know.
00:02:10Well, just,you told me to warn you in case you evergrabbed one by mistake.
00:02:13No, no.
00:02:14I know. it's ok.
00:02:15I'm trying to get back downto my football weight for the reunion.
00:02:21You know what?
00:02:22Light beer does suck,and I am who I am.
00:02:28[Grunts] so do you want meto pick you up?
00:02:30We'll go together?
00:02:30Um, I don't think I'mgonna go to the reunion.
00:02:33Why not? 'cause youwork in the subway?
00:02:35Look, I bet there areguys from our class who live in the subway.
00:02:38That's not why.
00:02:41[Turns tv off] [sighs]the truth is, I had a very intenserelationship with someonefrom high school, and it would bequite awkward for us to see each other again.
00:02:49Who was it, sallyyour-right-hand?
00:02:53If you must know,it was a teacher.
00:02:55Miss berman, the weirdhome ec teacher with the limp?
00:02:59No, no, wasn't miss berman.
00:03:00It was miss mancini,the spanish teacher.
00:03:05you had a thing with the hottest teacherin school?
00:03:07Yes. yes.
00:03:08It was the summerafter we graduated, and we raninto each other at the jersey shore.
00:03:13I won hera stuffed frog playing skee-ball, and that night,she made me a man.
00:03:20I--i promisedto call her back.
00:03:22I never did. I'm sureshe's very upset.
00:03:24if you want anybody to believeany part of this story, I would have gone with limpyfrom home ec.
00:03:30Hey, hon. hey, spence.
00:03:31I'm gonna go to the gym now.
00:03:33 hey, look,remember how I was gonna lose 20 poundsfor my reunion?
00:03:36Well, that'snot gonna happen, so I'm gonna need youto get your body just that much tighter, you know,to make up for me.
00:03:42I will do my best.ok.
00:03:44Ok. bye-bye.
00:03:45Hey, what you got goingon your head there?
00:03:46 oh, I justput my hair up in a bun for spinning class.
00:03:50Hey, knobby!
00:03:52This thing get f.m. stations?
00:03:53Ok, hon. all right, I'm going.
00:03:54 [laughs] Doug: Hey, honey, instead of the movie, you want to go to the new sculpture garden at the brooklyn museum?
00:04:03Oh, I'd love to see that.
00:04:05[Imitates fart] who do you think I am?
00:04:07All right. you ready?
00:04:10Hey, you going with the bun again?
00:04:13 [chuckles] you know, we're going to the movies.
00:04:15We're not going to the library.
00:04:17[Mimics laugh] I like it, ok?
00:04:19And amy, the spinning teacher at the gym, said it looked really cute.
00:04:23Come on, give me one of these: Shh. people are trying to study.
00:04:27Like you know what goes on in a library.
00:04:29Come on, honey, let's go.
00:04:33[Dramatic music playing] hey, babe, what's up?
00:05:23 just getting some chips for the boys.
00:05:31Hey, you guys want to hit cooper's for the mets game on friday night?
00:05:34Ooh. can't.
00:05:35Me, doug, and spence got a reunion that night.
00:05:37Actually, I don't think I'm gonna go.
00:05:39¿Por que? ¿señorita mancini?
00:05:43Doug told you about that?
00:05:44Si, senor.
00:05:45Ok. well, hey, it's true, ok?
00:05:47We had a very intense thing together.
00:05:49 that probably happened while I was busy smoking crack with mrs.
00:05:56I mean, you believe it happened, right, deac?
00:05:58I believe you believe it.
00:06:00Spence: All right. you know what?
00:06:01Fine. I'll go, all right?
00:06:03But just be ready for a very big, ugly scene.
00:06:07Spence: Oh, hey, doug.
00:06:07Thanks for turning my personal memory into a cheap laugh. hope you had fun.
00:06:11You got it.
00:06:13Let me ask you guys a question.
00:06:14What do you think about women wearing their hair up in buns?
00:06:18Ooh. fugly.
00:06:20Am I crazy? I mean, is that a good look?
00:06:22Yeah, if you're the old lady who owns tweety bird.
00:06:25 carrie started wearing her hair in a bun like a week ago, and I thought it was just gonna be like a one-time thing, but it's--it's hanging on like a bad cold.
00:06:34That's a tough break, man.
00:06:35I just don't get it.
00:06:36I mean, tying your hair up?
00:06:37I mean, why not tape your breasts down while you're at it, am I right?
00:06:41You're so right.
00:06:42And the only reason she's doing it is because some stupid girl at the gym told her she liked it that way.
00:06:46 I mean, we're here.
00:06:49We know what we want.
00:06:50We're ready to answer their questions.
00:06:51It's easy. halter top? yes.
00:06:53Driving miss daisyhair? no, thank you.
00:06:59Oh, god.
00:07:00What if carrie wears the bun to my reunion?
00:07:02She--she wouldn't do that, would she?
00:07:05 she sounds pretty messed up.
00:07:10[Sighs] I might have to say something to her.
00:07:11You're gonna tell carrie she doesn't look good?
00:07:14[Laughs] I admire your acorns.
00:07:17Holly: Arthur, I'm here!
00:07:20Holly, arthur went down to atlantic city with his friend mickey.
00:07:24He--he didn't call you?
00:07:25 I was pretty hung over.
00:07:29Anyway, see ya next time.
00:07:31H-hold up a second.
00:07:35Ok, look, here's the thing: Carrie started wearing her hair in a bun.
00:07:46Well, the problem is, I can't tell her I don't like it because I think I wrote something in my wedding vows about loving her no matter what.
00:07:54But-- but if it was to come from someone else-- say, like, another woman-- me? oh, no, no, no. I could never do that.
00:08:01Plus, carrie wouldn't care what I thought, anyway.
00:08:05That's not true.
00:08:06I mean, she has mentioned to me how much she admires your sense of style.
00:08:10 just the other day, she was wondering where you got this very outfit.
00:08:14Dress barn. dress barn. thank you.
00:08:15I will tell her. yeah. yeah.
00:08:17Thank you.
00:08:17Look, you'd really be helping me out, and you'd be helping carrie out, too.
00:08:21It's like when you do an intervention with a drug addict, except in this case, the monkey, it's on the back of her head.
00:08:32[Exhales] I don't-- I don't know.
00:08:34All right, I'll tell you what.
00:08:3520 Bucks right there.
00:08:35No, I couldn't take money for this.
00:08:38Although I am a little low on cash.
00:08:40Going a little crazy with the lotto tickets.
00:08:43Here. thanks.
00:08:47Oh, hey, hol.
00:08:48Um, my dad's in atlantic city.
00:08:51Yeah, I know. that's ok.
00:08:56Well, see ya later.
00:09:02Like your shoes. heh heh.
00:09:04Well, thank you.
00:09:05Yes, but that bun-- not working for you, girlfriend.
00:09:17You know, just maybe there's a better look, you know, for you.
00:09:22Well, holly, my hairstyle is really my business, now, isn't it?
00:09:26Yes. yes, it is.
00:09:29I got this at dress barn.
00:09:34Good to know.
00:09:49And then, out of nowhere, holly starts talking about my hair and where she bought this horrible dress she was wearing. it was creepy.
00:09:56Yeah, I hear she drinks a lot.
00:10:02What you-- what you doing?
00:10:04Well, I'm in the mood for a little lovin', ..
00:10:19I love you.
00:10:20Oh, honey, you're sweet.
00:10:23I love you, too. come here.
00:10:27Mmm. mmm. mmm.
00:10:38Oh, I love you so much.
00:10:39.. oh, god, I love you. I just love you.
00:10:40 what--what are you doing?
00:10:42Get off! get it out!
00:10:46What are you talking about?
00:10:51Your bun.
00:10:53My bun?
00:10:55You don't like my bun?
00:10:56[WHISPERING] I can't stand it.
00:10:58Oh, my god.
00:11:00So that stupid thing with holly, that was you?
00:11:03You asked her to do that?
00:11:05Actually, I paid her to.
00:11:08You paid her?
00:11:09Well, I thank god that money's not going to our mortgage, 'cause we got a bun crisis on our hands!
00:11:15It's just that you got so many great hair looks, like down, over here, you know, bangs.
00:11:22I just don't think the bun is the pick of the litter.
00:11:24Well, what don't you like about it, doug?
00:11:25Tell me.
00:11:26I mean, obviously, out of the two of us, i mean-- [gasps] t-shirt over stained sweats-- how is that not in every magazine?
00:11:37It's not just me, ok?
00:11:38Buns are bad. everybody thinks so.
00:11:39 that's funny, because everybody at work who sees me like this says they think it looks really good.
00:11:44They're just kissing up to you.
00:11:45Why is that, because I'm a secretary and I know where the sweet'n low is?
00:11:49No, doug, buns are very chic, ok?
00:11:51They happen to be the preferred look in spain.
00:11:54Well, then, why don't you wear a sombrero, too?
00:11:57That's mexico, you friggin' idiot.
00:12:00The thing is, I'm not making this up.
00:12:02Like in the movie, there's always the mousy receptionist with the bun.
00:12:06And no one will look at her twice until finally she lets her hair down.
00:12:10And then, everybody's, like, "why, miss fryhoffer, " and what movie is that, doug?
00:12:18I don't know, but it's a movie.
00:12:19Mmm. must have missed that.
00:12:20Sorry, I don't watch 112 hours of tv a .
00:12:24 you want to talk about my tv problem, that's valid, but not until this bun thing is over.
00:12:28Well, I'll tell you, I don't think this bun thing is gonna be over, because the more you talk, the more I'm liking this.
00:12:34It's just a stupid little problem!
00:12:35Why are you giving me so much crap about it?
00:12:37Because when I came in here to make love to my husband, his idea of foreplay was to pull my hair out of my head and tell me I repulse him.
00:12:44I never said that!
00:12:45It's not about you or me, it's about the bun.
00:12:47 maybe you would like my bun better if it had powdered sugar on it.
00:12:52Oh. ok.
00:12:54It took some time, but I knew you'd go there-- " how predictable.
00:13:01I'll tell you one thing, you're not wearing that little hair burger to my reunion.
00:13:04Oh, ok, so you're scared my bun is gonna humiliate you in front of your high-school friends?
00:13:11Not just my friends.
00:13:12People I don't even know, too.
00:13:14Well, you know what, doug?
00:13:16I could take the bun out for your reunion-- easily done-- or, and I am leaning this way, I could leave it in and just not go.
00:13:26Let's do that.
00:13:31Good night to you.
00:13:32Good night.
00:13:37Yeah, look at it, look at it!
00:15:01Oh no, no!
00:15:02I just parked here a second ago!
00:15:04Give me a break, will you?
00:15:06(announcer) DR. SCHOLL'S MASSAGING GEL INSOLES With two different gels for softness and ..
00:15:10...Are outrageously comfortable.
00:15:12...On second thought, I think I'll walk...
00:15:14(announcer) ARE YOU GELLIN'? DR. SCHOLL'S Morning. morning.
00:17:05Ahh. that feels good.
00:17:09By the way, I'll be going to my reunion directly from work.
00:17:13I'm probably gonna be late, too.
00:17:14Great. gives me a little alone time.
00:17:16 hey, maybe you can kick back in your rocker and knit something.
00:17:22Sorry I won't be there to help you impress your little buddies.
00:17:26Oh, you'll be there.
00:17:28What's that?
00:17:28Just a little picture of you from our trip to barbados.
00:17:33Beautiful, long hair flowing in the breeze, and, yeah, a little younger.
00:17:39Give me that.
00:17:41Ohhh, no. ow!
00:17:42 you retard, give it-- get your own, bun head! ow!
00:17:47Yeah. ok.
00:17:48Oh, you know what? I make shakes in there!
00:17:52[Knock on door] hi.
00:17:55Hey, guys. ooh, coffee.
00:17:57Come on, man. let's get out of here.
00:17:59Carrie, you mind if i-- no. go ahead, hon.
00:18:07Can I ask you a question?
00:18:09What do you think of my hair like this?
00:18:14You--you mean the bun?
00:18:15Yeah, come on, the truth.
00:18:17Well, you know, in general, I think it's, um-- just tell me. it's ass ugly, girl.
00:18:32[Culture club's karma chameleonplaying] then, after medical school, I designed this implantable insulin pump for diabetics.
00:18:42I do pretty well from the patent on that, but I'm still working over at mount sinai with the kids.
00:18:48Oh, excellent.
00:18:49So what do you do?
00:18:50I'm married to her.
00:18:53Cute. very cute.
00:18:54What happened to the picture?
00:18:55I had to tape it together.
00:18:56My wife stuck it in a blender, but, uh, everything's good. we're very happy.
00:19:00Well, great. itisgreat.
00:19:03Hey, spence, why aren't you mingling?
00:19:06What happened, you run into miss mancini?
00:19:09Was it awkward?
00:19:10No, but do you know what is awkward?
00:19:12Your obsession with my sex life.
00:19:14Ooh, you got me.
00:19:15Yeah, I should take a good, hard look at ..
00:19:17Mm-hmm. yeah.
00:19:18But first, guess who just walked in the door.
00:19:21She taught you spanish, then you tossed her paella.
00:19:27 I mean, it couldn't be going better, you know?
00:19:30Basically, I get paid to wear shorts.
00:19:33That sounds great.
00:19:41Hey, sweetie.
00:19:42Your hair's down. what did you do?
00:19:44Yeah, well, I just realized, you know, who cares who's right about the bun?
00:19:49The point is, you didn't like it, so it came down.
00:19:53You know, this is your night, and I want to look good for my dougie.
00:19:54 come on, let's trot you around the ring.
00:19:57All right, first off, I want to introduce you to this little pinhead who invented an insulin pump.
00:20:04Hey, check it out.
00:20:04Now mancini's talking to miss berman, that home ec teacher.
00:20:08I think she's trying to make her way over to you.
00:20:10Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna go.
00:20:11Oh, oh, too late. here she comes. miss mancini!
00:20:13Stop it. come here.
00:20:16Remember me?
00:20:18Level 2 spanish, repeated it.
00:20:21Danny heffernan, right?
00:20:22 that is some memory you have there, yeah.
00:20:25Well, if you remember me, I get the feeling you might remember this young gentleman.
00:20:33I want to say mark shine?
00:20:38Spence olchin.
00:20:39Right. right.
00:20:41Well, it's wonderful to see you guys.
00:20:44Hasta luego.
00:20:46Oh, sorry, guy. you had a good run.
00:20:52[Clears throat] oh, miss berman.
00:20:54You said you'd call me, you bastard!
00:20:57Well, i-- [spandau ballet's trueplaying] I'm just gonna move you a couple steps to the left.
00:21:14Stu gibbs is checking out your ass, and i want him to get the whole picture.
00:21:19All right, honey, can I be off the clock now?
00:21:21 I'm sorry, you've been a champ.
00:21:23Look, now that you've, uh, come around to my side about the bun, maybe we could talk about retiring that orange dress you always wear.
00:21:30 you don't like my orange dress?
00:21:32Not unless you're wearing it as a hunting vest.
00:21:35You're a moron. that's a versace knockoff.
00:21:38, the only reason I took the bun down is because deacon said he didn't like it.
00:21:43But thanks for weighing in, mr. blackwell.
00:21:49You asked deacon about this?
00:21:50Yeah. I asked him if he liked my bun.
00:21:52" " [laughs] so let me get this straight.
00:21:57I, your husband, who you theoretically love, beg you for 2 days to go "bwoop" and nothing.
00:22:02But then deacon comes along and "bwoop," there it is?
00:22:05That was the sequence of events, yes.
00:22:07So where do I fall on this list of people you do listen to?
00:22:09Because apparently, deacon's first.
00:22:11We know that. but then who?
00:22:13I mean, guys in prison, you know, our insurance agent?
00:22:15 I'm not gonna listen to you or anyone else.
00:22:19I think the bun looks great, so the hair is going back up.
00:22:23Jimmy: if I could just get everybody's attention for a sec.
00:22:25 gregory's has lost a beloved member of its family recently, mrs. palsgraf, our school librarian.
00:22:33She's passed away after 22 years on the job.
00:22:36So, why don't we all just take a brief moment and remember mrs. p.
00:22:58What's up, palsgraf?
00:23:37Ies put me in a fog.
00:23:39Now I'm claritin clear.
00:23:40Claritin works hard torelieve my worst symptoms ..
00:23:44...So I stay as alert and focused as someone without allergies.
00:23:46For me, claritin is theperfect allergy medicine.
00:23:49I only live claritin clear legendarycovergirl lashblast?
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