The Munsters - A Visit From Johann   View more episodes

Aired at 04:26 PM on Sunday, Oct 31, 2010 (10/31/2010)      View all transcripts from this day


00:02:45>> Lily: Then I said to e travel agent, "Make sure "you get us reservations "in a very nice place, because "if there's anything we can't stand, it's weird people." And so he suggested Happy Valley Lodge, and I told him that we wanted everything just right, because we were considering, well, we were considering this weekend as sort of a second honeymoon, and then - Herman, what's the matter?
00:03:02(grunts) Stop mumbling, for heaven sakes, and say something.
00:03:07>> Johann: Run, run, run.
00:03:09Look, look, look.
00:03:12>> Lily: Oh, all right, dear.
00:03:13If your throat's that sore, forget it.
00:03:31>> Herman: Hi, everybody.
00:03:32I'm home. Anybody here?
00:03:48>> Grandpa:..
00:03:50>> Herman: Hmm?
00:03:51>> Grandpa: What do you think you're doing?
00:03:53>> Herman: Huh?
00:03:55>> Grandpa: Don't grump at me, you miserable creep.
00:04:00Down in the dungeon. Yaah!
00:04:02Burn, burn!
00:04:04>> Herman:..
00:04:06>> Grandpa: Burn!
00:04:06>> Herman: Grandpa!
00:04:08What's the matter with ya?
00:04:10That's no way for a self-respecting Republican to act.
00:04:13>> Grandpa: Herman, it's you.
00:04:15>> Herman: Of course it's me.
00:04:16>> Grandpa: Humph, so it is.
00:04:20I kind of thought you came a long way from run, run, run.
00:04:24>> Herman: Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:04:26I get it.
00:04:28You thought I was Johann.
00:04:30(chuckles) By the way, where is Johann?
00:04:34>> Grandpa: herman, I've got something to tell ya, and I think you better sit down.
00:04:38>> Herman: I don't wanna.
00:04:39Where is Johann?
00:04:40>> Grandpa: Johann has gone off for the weekend with your wife.
00:04:44>> Herman: That's no reason to sit down, just because Johann has gone off for the weekend with my - with-with-with my - You mean - That dumb old Dr. Frankenstein!
00:04:55I'll kill him, I'll kill him, I'll kill him, I'll kill him, I'll kill him, I'll kill him, I'll kill him, I'll kill him...
00:05:02Hello, operator?
00:05:04Operator, emergency, emergency.
00:05:06What? Oh, just a minute.
00:05:10Where are we calling?
00:05:12>> Grandpa: Happy valley lodge.
00:05:13>> Herman: The emergency's about to happen at the Happy Valley Lodge.
00:05:17Do I know the area code?
00:05:18I don't even know my own name, and you're asking me for details. What?
00:05:23>> Grandpa: What's the matter?
00:05:26>> Herman: The operator told me to put my daddy on.
00:05:28>> Grandpa: Oh, boy. hello?
00:05:30Listen, we want to call the Happy Valley Lodge, area code 416, person to person, Mrs. Lily Munster.
00:05:38>> Herman: That rotten johann running off with my wife.
00:05:40On top of everything else, he took my new fishing pole with him.
00:05:45>> Grandpa: What? what is it?
00:05:47Herman, hold it down, please!
00:05:49I'm sorry, operator, could you please speak a little louder?
00:05:52Please, Herman! Speak louder.
00:05:54My stupid son-in-law is banging his head on the wall.
00:05:58(thunder rumbles) >> Lily: Oh, doesn't everything look wonderful?
00:06:04A romantic dinner for two.
00:06:07Herman, you light the candles.
00:06:11(groans) That's right, dear.
00:06:15Save your voice, but light the candles.
00:06:20>> Johann: Aah! aah! aah!
00:06:25>> Lily: Herman! herman.
00:06:28Aw, come on, Hermy.
00:06:30Come out of there so we can have a romantic evening.
00:06:33>> Grandpa: They're ringing it.
00:06:34>> Herman: Gimme the phone.
00:06:35>> Grandpa: All right.
00:06:40>> Lily: Aren't they yummy?
00:06:41>> Johann: Yummy. yummy.
00:06:44Run, run, run.
00:06:47(laughs) >> Lily: Herman, I've never seen you act this coy before.
00:06:51(phone ringing) Silly.
00:07:06>> Herman: Hello, lily?
00:07:07This is Herman.
00:07:08>> Lily: Herman?
00:07:09It can't be you on the phone because you're in the closet.
00:07:13>> Herman: She says I'm in the closet.
00:07:15>> Grandpa: In the closet?
00:07:16Gimme that phone, ya big boob.
00:07:18Hello. Lily Munster?
00:07:20This is your father.
00:07:21Now hear this - >> Lily: Grandpa, is this some kind of joke?
00:07:24>> Grandpa: A joke?
00:07:26>> Lily: Yes, calling up here and imitating Herman.
00:07:28>> Grandpa: No, that was Herman's voice.
00:07:30He's right here!
00:07:32>> Lily: Ha-ha, very funny, but Herman is right here with me, and I don't want you bothering me anymore with your silly jokes.
00:07:47Poopsie, you can come out now.
00:07:52(grunts) >> Johann: Run, run, run.
00:07:56Play, play, play.
00:07:58(Lily giggles) >> Dr. Frankenstein: Oh, just fancy that.
00:08:04You mean to say that Johann is rendezvousing at Happy Valley Lodge with your wife?
00:08:08>> Herman: That's right, and I don't think it's what you English guys call cricket.
00:08:12>> Grandpa: We agreed to smooth out the rough edges, but this is ridiculous.
00:08:16>> Dr. Frankenstein: Perhaps I could resort to a long-distance hypnotism.
00:08:19I've had some success with Johann in the past.
00:08:23Johann... Johann?
00:08:26I am calling you.
00:08:28I am calling you.
00:08:31>>> Herman: The area code's 416.
00:08:32>> Dr. Frankenstein: Thank you very much. Johann?
00:08:37>> Lily: These will help your laryngitis, dear.
00:08:43Herman? W-What's the matter?
00:08:49What's come over you?
00:08:50I thought you liked grapes.
00:09:00>> Dr. Frankenstein: Johann, I'm calling you.
00:09:02Johann, come to me.
00:09:06Come to me!
00:09:07>> Herman: Do you think you're getting through to him?
00:09:10>> Dr. Frankenstein: I'm sorry.
00:09:11I seem to have botched it.
00:09:12I'm afraid I don't have the flair for this sort of thing like my great-grandpapa had.
00:09:22Jolly good effort, Johann.
00:09:23You returned.
00:09:24>> Herman: Ask about my pole.
00:09:26>> Lily: Herman munster, you come back here.
00:09:29How dare you run out on me?
00:09:30>> Dr. Frankenst Madam, I'll thank you to take your hands off my creature.
00:09:33>> Lily: Your creature nothing.
00:09:35This is my husband.
00:09:36>> Herman: No, no, lily.
00:09:37This creature is your husband.
00:09:43>> Lily: I-i-i know what I see here is not true, and I'm not gonna get excited.
00:09:49I'm just gonna simply keep calm and cool, and I...
00:09:54I...Ay, ay, ay!
00:09:58(screams) >> Herman: Lily! lily! lily!
00:10:05You come out of there.
00:10:07>> Grandpa: Lily, open up.
00:10:08>> Dr. Frankenstein: Do come out, madam.
00:10:11This is Johann's closet.
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00:13:28@ @ >> Dr. Frankenstein: Although Johann is the exact duplicate of your husband, he is extremely uncouth and uncivilized.
00:14:28>> Grandpa: That's right, lily, and Herman and I were trying to teach him some manners and how to read.
00:14:33>> Herman: That's what we were doing down in the basement.
00:14:36>> Lily: Oh, I thought you were acting unusually stupid last night.
00:14:40>> Herman: My wife's perceptive.
00:14:41>> Dr. Frankenstein: The way things have worked out, I think it best if I take Johann back to Germany to be tutored in private, but I do want to thank you all for your help.
00:14:48Come, Johann.
00:14:52Say goodbye to the nice people.
00:14:55>> Johann: Run, run, run.
00:15:04>> Dr. Frankenstein: I think we better be going. Come along.
00:15:07(Johann groans) >> Lily: Goodbye, doctor.
00:15:11>> Grandpa: Bye-bye.
00:15:12Nice having you.
00:15:14>> Lily: Bye, johann.
00:15:19>> Grandpa: Herman, what are you doing with that first-grade reader?
00:15:23>> Herman: Shucks, I just wanted to see how it comes out.
00:15:26"See John and Jane "with the ball.
00:15:30"See John and Jane "play with the ball.
00:15:33Play, play, play." (Herman guffaws) "Play, play, play.
00:15:41Look at John and Jane play..." >> Lily: Grandpa, I just had a terrible thought.
00:15:47Do you think Dr. Frankenstein could've gotten mixed up?
00:15:50Taken Herman and left me Johann?
00:15:53>> Grandpa: Of course not.
00:15:56Anyhow, if you ask me, there's not enough difference to worry about it.
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00:17:23I had no idea cousin bleak was such a difficult subject.
00:17:26You're painting him from memory, and it's a malikeness.
00:17:32Thank you, darling.
00:17:33There's something about the eyes.
00:17:35I just can't seem to get them.
00:17:37That lid droops just a bit too much.
00:17:40The right eye or the left?
00:17:41The middle one.
00:17:47'S the look that used to get the girls.
00:17:50[ Growls ] ..
00:17:53The children are going to be late for their birthday party.
00:17:56Would you ring for lurch?
00:18:00[ Gong clangs ] you rang?
00:18:04Yes, lurch.
00:18:05Would you gete children, please?
00:18:08[ Smooching ] we're coming! we're coming!
00:18:14Oh, what's that, darling?
00:18:16Harold's birthday present -- a tarantula.
00:18:20Oh, dear pugsley -- he's so generous.
00:18:21That old addams tradition -- a heart of gold.
00:18:24Have it gift wrapped.
00:18:27Birthday present, festive occasion.
00:18:30I think black would be appropriate.
00:18:33Black it is, my dear.
00:18:35Here, darling, let me do that.
00:18:38You're all thumbs.
00:18:39Wouldn't that be interesting?
00:18:43Lurch, please take the children to the car.
00:18:46Lurch: Yes, madam.
00:18:47Where are they going?
00:18:51The pomeroy boy's birthday party.
00:18:53You mean those people with the white picket fence and the pink geraniums?
00:18:57How could you?
00:18:58There's something to what he says, morticia.
00:19:00They are peculiar.
00:19:02I'll bet they've got daisies in their backyard.
00:19:05Please, don't make me ill.
00:19:07Now, now, now.
00:19:07We must be tolerant of our neighbors.
00:19:10Tsk, oh!
00:19:12Oh, thank you, thing.
00:19:20There you are, pugsley.
00:19:22Your mother is still the world's best tarantula wrapper.
00:19:25Now, remember, children, not every family is as fortunate as we are.
00:19:28Not everyone has a beautiful old house like ours and a car with all the right sounds and smells.
00:19:35You must be modest about our advantages.
00:19:38We'll be good.
00:19:39I know you will, darling.
00:19:40I'm sure harold will love his present.
00:19:50[ Horn honks ] [ explosion ] I swear, these fish seem to know when you're going to feed them.
00:20:00They're a lot more aware than people give them credit for being.
00:20:04That's breeding.
00:20:14There's no waste with piranha.
00:20:20Why are you home from the party so early?
00:20:22What happened? was there trouble?
00:20:25A small altercation.
00:20:28Harold pomeroy said his family was better than our family.
00:20:32Hewe were a bunch of kooks.
00:20:37[ Groans ] oh, he couldn't have meant it.
00:20:40How could a child fail to recognize character when he sees it?
00:20:44I told you the pomeroys were no good!
00:20:46Their neat little petunia patches.
00:20:48 they're nothing but riffraff!
00:20:51Lurch, you better take the children to their rooms.
00:20:55Lurch: Yes, madam.
00:20:55I always did suspect those white plaster ducks out on the lawn.
00:20:59Darling, some people have a twisted sense of beauty.
00:21:03Rude behavior like that begins with the parents.
00:21:06What are you gonna do about it, just stand there and take it?
00:21:09Certainly not.
00:21:10I'm going to send pomeroy an insulting letter.
00:21:15Darling, I don't think we should lend our name to such a thing.
00:21:19" " that would be novel.
00:21:25I think we should turn the other cheek.
00:21:27 when people insulted me, I always turned the other cheek.
00:21:31Well? I ran out of cheeks.
00:21:33No, there's only one way to settle this!
00:21:36Uncle fester!
00:21:38Uncle fester, please, not that.
00:21:42But, morticia, the family honor!
00:21:43He's right, morticia. the family honor!
00:21:46You'll have to challenge pomeroy to a duel.
00:21:48No, I'd rather shoot him in the back.
00:21:50Uncle fester, that is not the honorable way.
00:21:53I know, but it's the safe way.
00:21:55Uncle fester, I'm ashamed of you.
00:21:57An addams doesn't know the meaning of the word fear.
00:22:00I do. I'll shoot him in the back.
00:22:02Uncle fester, remember the addams name.
00:22:05It'll have to be a duel.
00:22:07With swords?
00:22:09With victory going to the swiftest, the cunningest, the deadliest.
00:22:13I'll shoot him in the back.
00:22:15Wait, how about pistols?
00:22:17Well, that's different.
00:22:19Does he get one, too?
00:22:24You get one bullet apiece.
00:22:26In the back!
00:22:28[ Brakes squeak ] we have visitors.
00:22:31It's mr. pomeroy.
00:22:32Little harold is with him.
00:22:33See? they've come to make peace.
00:22:36I hope not!
00:22:40I'll handle this.
00:22:40Remember, you took care of the gas inspector.
00:22:43Darling, why don't we handle this together?
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00:25:29[ Clank ] a pomeroy does not slam gates.
00:25:32I didn't slam it, dad.
00:25:33A pomeroy does not lie, either.
00:25:36.. come along.
00:25:41I'm cecil b. pomeroy.
00:25:42Perhaps you've heard of me.
00:25:44I'm in oil.
00:25:45Oh, boiling?
00:25:49I wouldn't make light of this.
00:25:51Look at my son, harold.
00:25:53Fine-looking boy.
00:25:55Nice eyes.
00:25:56Well, one of them, anyway.
00:25:57That's what your hoodlum offspring did with his fists.
00:26:01Our son used his fists?
00:26:03All those karate lessons -- wasted.
00:26:06I'll thank you both to stop joking.
00:26:08My son has been sorely wounded, and I demand an apology.
00:26:11 if it'll make you happy.
00:26:14I apologize.
00:26:15Not from you.
00:26:16From that pugnacious child of yours.
00:26:22I understand, pugsley, that you and harold engaged in a little tiff this afternoon.
00:26:26All I did was tear his jacket a little.
00:26:28You tore my family crest!
00:26:29Well, you wouldn't have got a sock in the eye if you hadn't said your family was better than our family.
00:26:35Our familyisbetter.
00:26:36It is not.
00:26:37Children, children.
00:26:38I think you ought to apologize to harold.
00:26:41I'm sorry I punched you in the eye, harold.